Thursday, April 22, 2004

Failure is not an option.

Some days life really just drags a person down into a dark swirling hole, and it is hard to get back to the surface for air. My oldest is really struggling with reading and writing. He is only 5, and they expect them to know all the stuff I didn't have to know until 2 grade. I wrote my name backwards until 2nd grade, and I still can't spell and I have been to college. It is frustrating for a mother to watch her child struggle so much. I want to be able to just do it for him to make his life easier, but in the end that would only make the problems worse for him. I want to protect them from the world, I want to make all their dreams come true, but I can't, and that makes me crazy. I just don't know how to help him. We practice all the time, and he wants to get it, but in the end we both end up on the verge of tears. I fear he will end up hating school at a young age, and never go to college. I fear he will end up like his mother, wondering what could of been if I just would have done things differently. I have been to college 3 different times, and have yet to finishes, because I lack the ability to follow through on anything. I don't want that for my boys. I don't want them to do just enough to get by and never strive to be more. I think this is the hardest part of being a mom, dealing with the fact that they are not going to achieve all of their goals. We just want everything for our children, and there are always so many things getting in the way.

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