Wednesday, August 31, 2005

These thoughts in my head are driving me mad.

I just have not been on with this blog stuff lately. I just don't seem to have anything to say. Well I have a lot to say I just can't find the right words to say it here it seems.

David really wants to go help the people who were effected by the hurricane. He also went to granny's to help after the tornado that hit them. I am thinking of organizing a food drive at the school with him. I think that would be a good lesson for him and he would feel like he really did help. Kids amaze me. They are not self centered like most adults are. I wish we didn't lose the innocence of childhood that really sucks. It would be such a nicer world if everyone thought like children do.

I don't understand the looters. I don't understand why anyone would take advantage of someone else misfortune. It makes me angry that there are people that do these kinds of things. I am at a lose for words over these people.

I have seen Scooby Doo 2 about ten thousand times in the last 5 days. Colton knows the script by heart, he is going to be sick tomorrow when I have sent it back to blockbuster!

The boys are suppose to ride the bus home today. Cameron wanted to, but David didn't so who knows if they will arrive home or not. I am sick to my stomach worrying about that. I will go to the school and watch them to make sure they get on the bus.

I was viewing my stat counter looking at the keywords and apparently there are a lot of people out there looking for naked pictures of Jenn, and there are a lot of naked Jenn's running around out there. I am not one of them, nor do I plan to be. I like keeping my nakedness off the web honestly because I am sure it would just plain frighten people!

Brittany does not answer my phone so stop calling her here please! I have gotten about 12 calls in the last 3 days for her, and I don't even know a Brittany. I would like to find out where she lives, because I am sure she is all of 16 or 17 from the sound of the teenage male voices asking for her between the hours of 10 and midnight. I would love to be able to pretend to be Brittany and entice these young hot blooded American males to show up at her house at 11 o'clock at night and invade her life like she is invading mine by giving out my phone number as her own!

and those are just a few of the thoughts running around in my head today.

Monday, August 29, 2005

I won't cry damn it I won't!

The long days of summer have dwindled down, and the nights are getting colder, prepares us for fall. Fall use to be my favorite time of the year, but anymore it is the saddest time of year. The boys woke up this morning extra early. They showered, and I feed them, dressed them, and they got their backpacks with all their supplies out. They were ready to go back to school, even if mom wasn't ready for them to go. We still had over an hour before school started so they watched a little TV, and then they sat in the van for half and hour waiting. They were so excited, and I want them to be excited, so I encouraged their excitement all the while thinking I just might throw up. It was finally time to go and we all got in the van and off we went. They kissed me and Steve and out of the van they jumped of off they went never looking back! I always get that empty pit in my stomach when they go off to school. I worry about them all day. Do they like their teachers this year. Were all the other kids nice to them. Did they eat their lunch. Was the teacher nice to them. Just hundreds of little questions run through my mind. I have a terrible head ache and I am on the verge of being sick from worrying and they have only been gone an hour! I have 5 and a half hours left until I can go and get them. You would think that these feeling would go away after a few days of school, but they last until that last day when they get out for summer. Colton doesn't have to leave me until next Tuesday, and that helped some. I will just go with him to school on his first day, and he has the same teacher that David and Cam has had for the last 3 years. I know he will be ok, because she love the kids in her class like they were her own children. I am going to run a few errands today and try to keep busy until I can go get my babies!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Well this is what my house is looking like now. See the lovely new windows. I put those in with dad, and our nice new front door, oh yeah and it isn't that ugly yellow house anymore! Woooohoooo for that! We still have to get the facia cover up and a few odds and ends, but it is so close to being done!

Remember thisfrom yesterdays post. Thank God I don't have to pull into the drive way and see this anymore! I am so happy I could dance, if I knew how to dance I would, oh hell I am dancing who am I trying to kid!

I am going to get some white shutters to put around the windows and mom and dad got us a really nifty thing that holds our house numbers, now as long as I can keep everyone who visits outside so they don't see the mess we have in here, and my ugly brown carpet, and the horrible linolem in the kitchen, and...

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

I have absolutely nothing...

Thankfully I don't have that ugly yellow house anymore.

Look I honestly did have a shiney house! You guys thought I was kidding huh!

Safety in motion... more like hell on wheels right there!

I couldn't get the pictures of the new gray house off the camera tonight. Damn dead batteries!

Monday, August 22, 2005

Mass murder.

The little bodies lined the highway, there must of been 500 mangled bloody masses in a mile stretch. I thought it must have been a cult much like that of Jim Jones, but instead of cyanide in the cool aid, these little creature choose running onto the highway as their form of suicide. The tires made an awful crunching sound as I drove over body after body, but I had no choice every inch was covered with blood, guts, and bones of the poor little bunny rabbits. I see dead animals along the road everytime I go somewhere, that is just how it is when more wildlife than people live in your state, but man I have never seen that many dead rabbits all at once in my life. They coated the whole road on both sides of the little two line for about a mile, and there were bodies on top of bodies, some smashed up flat others bloated and swelling. All you could see was blood and fur, no black top at all. It was almost like they were having a big gathering and choose to set up right in the middle of the road. It actually creeped me out having to drive over them and the sound it was making just added to my unease. I just keep thinking "please don't let me have a flat right here in the middle of all of this", because that is the kind of luck I have. I didn't thankfully!

It is getting colder at night and the animals go to the road to warm up, because the asphalt holds the heat. We saw 6 raccoons, 2 badgers, about 10 deer, and thousands of rabbits dead along the 90 miles stretch from my house to my moms. We saw a few live rabbits, lots of deer, and a live badger trucking down the road. If you have never tangled with a badger don't they will kick your ass. They are the meanest critters alive and they don't give up they will chase you for miles. One chased us down the middle of the highway I slowed way down so the boys could get a good look at him and Colton thought that he just wanted a ride. He really wanted to kill the van I am sure. He was still chasing us when I sped up and I could see him in the rear view mirror for quite sometime. I am sure his stupid ass is dead along the side of the road by now chasing cars will only lead to demise! We did manage to get to Wright in one piece and we made it to the fishing tourney.

We had a good day, I actually took a nap after we got done at the pond, and mom took the boys swimming. All the boys were sad because we had to leave granny. They all cried. I think they were scared to leave her there because of the tornado, they actually got to see all the damage. It looks like a bomb went off, you have to see it to understand it that is for sure. I know the boys were just scared if they left granny there another tornado would get her.

and now to quote Dr. Suess "Today was good, today was fun, tomorrow is another one." goodnight.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

I love this song!

Me: "Party on Garth"
Cameron: "Party on Wayne."

He now calls me Wayne to be funny. "Hey Wayne what's for dinner?" He will say and laugh and laugh. I love giving my kids something for the past that is a part of the way things were when I was growing up. We watched that movie the other night, and Cam really liked it a lot. All my boys love Queen so they were quite impressed.

Because we were talking about Rob Thomas, and how excellent he is. I thought I would post the lyrics to what is quickly becoming one of my favorite songs.

Now Comes the Night

When the hour is upon us
And our beauty surely gone
No you will not be forgotten
No you will not be alone

And when the day has all but ended
And our echo starts to fade
No you will not be alone then
And you will not be afraid
No you will not be afraid

When the fog has finally lifted
From my cold and tired brow
No I will not leave you crying
And I will not let you down
No I will not let you down
I will not let you down

Now comes the night
Feel it fading away
And the soul underneath
Is it all that remains
So jus slide over here
Leave your fear in the fray
Let us hold to each other
Till the end of our days

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Riddle me this.

I have questions that I am sure no one can answer for me... lots and lots of questions.

Why is my television plagued with infomercial? I pay good money for television and after midnight that is all they put on infomercial. I find the price of cable outrageous considering that they are getting paid by me to have it in my home, then companies actually pay to have their commercials viewed by millions during prime time, and now all freaking night with the infomercial that someone pays them to put on my TV. I should have free freaking cable if all that is the only crap I get to watch after midnight.

Is Rob Thomas awesome cool or what? Ok that isn't really a question that is more of a statement. He is, you can just take my word for it and go purchase his CD. I have liked Matchbox 20 for awhile. I mean really they sing my theme song, Unwell. I swear he wrote that one especially for me somedays, but his solo album is just way good.

Why are my children so selfish? D man abandoned me and went off with his grandparents. Oh no it isn't like mom isn't sitting here missing him or anything, he just goes off only thinking about his happiness... I was teasing him before he left and he looked at me and said "mom you should just be glad I have grandparents who love me enough to want to take me home with them." I really am glad, because mom and dad are important people in all 3 of the boys' lives. I am thankful they love them, because that is all the boys really want to be loved and spend time with those people that love them.

What makes naked swinging so great? Colton went out the other morning just before our short trip to Colorado, it was early morning. I could hear him outside and it woke me up. I crawled from the bed to the back door peered out and there he was naked as the day he was born swinging away. I was to tired to ask him what he was doing, so I made my coffee. He came in a short while later, stretched his arms above his head and said in a gruff voice, well as gruff as a 4 year old can get, "Oh yeah, just doin' a little naked swingin'." He was grinning from ear to ear like it was the best way to start the day. He is always happy, maybe I should try it out.

If my dog barks at the back door long enough is the deck going to magically rebuild itself? They have finally gotten to the back side of the house with the siding and we had to take the deck off the house. Doc stands at the door and barks and whines because he can't go out that way now. It is driving him insane, and he is playing with fire, because I am already over the edge. We may have Doc stew by the first of the week if he doesn't knock it off! Stupid spoiled dog anyway, if he didn't think he was in charge around here he might get it through his head that I can't put up a new deck until they get the siding done! I keep telling him and I know he understands me, he just wants it now now now... I would throw my shoe at him, but he ate them. I think he needs to go see a shrink and work out his issues, because if I don't have any shoes how does he expect me to build the deck?

Where do Cam and Colton expect me to sleep? They are taking up my whole bed. How can 2 little people require so much room in a bed anyway?

Just a few things I have pondered tonight, because I am a thinker. Yep always thinking I am... I think I will go to bed now, I might even sleep. I would go get in their bed, but they would just track me down.


Mom came to town Tuesday night and we went to the Alison Krauss and Union Station concert. If you have ever heard her sing you know that she has one of the most beautiful voices ever. I have been to a lot of concerts, well over 100 probably closer to 200, but who is counting. I have never been to a concert where the singer sounds more polished and beautiful in person than on an album. Ms. Krauss has an angelic voice and that comes across beautifully on her recording, but in person it is just mesmerizing. If you ever have a chance to see her live, and you appreciate music, you will not regret her performance, or that of Union Station. They are a fun group of musicians. They know how to make an audience feel like they are part of the experience instead of just spectators.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

My sister and my aunt make me laugh until my sides hurt!


Just a quick update this morning, the FEMA team is still here, they declared this a disaster area along with Barbara Cubin and Enzie then the declaration has to be signed off by the President. If he agrees, the people with insurance could get rent money and up to $5800, people without insurance could get rent money and up to $10800, the SBA will come in and people can apply for a low interest loan. They set up a fund at the Credit Union up here, guess people from all over the world are sending money!!! There was 91 total uninhabitable homes!! The state highway department is hauling debrie (mobile homes) out at no cost and Black Thunder Mine opened a pit to put the debrie in. The Red Cross, BLM, Fire Department, and EMTs are all still here too, people are finding other peoples personal property as far away as 5 miles!!! The town has set up a lost and found and I guess there are 5 tables full so far. Our damage feels small when you look at the others losses. Anyway we are doing ok and the town is pulling together. Of course there was one man at the town meeting last night that made a complete fool of himself!!! Screaming and cussing and wanting answers, like it was the fault of the officials that we has a tornado, always one in a crowd!!! The laws hauled him out about half way thru the meeting!!! Will check in later, love to all!!!!


Hey there,

Well, at least it sounds like they are trying to do something – sounds like people are really trying to help each other out. Are you meeting with your insurance guy today?
The jerk at the meeting probably had minimal damage – usually the way it goes!
I saw that Barry was quoted in the Casper paper on Saturday – probably the first person in history with all his teeth to be interviewed after a tornado. In Oklahoma, when we have tornadoes, it always hits people who don’t have any teeth….at least those are the ones they always interview!!!


That is what I told mom when she said that CNN and Good Morning America contacted her and she turned them down. You should have never turned them down because they will find some in- bred idiot with no teeth that does not speak proper English and that is how everyone will think people in Wyoming are half retarded. She would have at least combed her hair!!
Maybe it was for the best though because they would have asked her what did you do when you saw the tornado and she would have told them they just kept eating dinner that would have been worse than no teeth and curlers!!! People would then know they are half retarded.
Mom next time (hopefully there will not be one) takes shelter in the bathroom or an interior door. I know you thought better than that.

It's all good.

Mom and dad are doing well, and the rest of the town is holding it togethers. Fema came and assessed the damage and now all that needs done is for the President to sign it. There are 91 homes that are not livable, and in a town the size of Wright that is a lot of homes. The thing is there are not 91 other places for these people to live. Many of them will have to move out of town.

Mom and dad are coming tonight so mom and I can go see Alison Krauss tonight. Grandpa is going to watch the boys for me. I have great parents don't I! It always makes me happy to know that they love my kids so much!

This weekend we will go to Wright and celebrate Wright Day's. We go almost every year, this years it will be a little sad, but I am sure that everyone needs the break for all the worries.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

We're not in Kansas anymore Toto!

This is where my mom lives.

About 5:30 I received a panic phone call. "Jenn are you guys all right there?" "Mom? Yeah we are fine what is going on?" "We just had a tornado." "Mom are you guys ok?" "We are, but it was bad really bad."

In the little town of Wright, Wyoming, where everyone knows everyone else and you can still depend on your neighbors to lend a helping hand disaster hit and it hit with a vengeance. Over 40 families lost their homes, 2 people are confirmed dead, 1 is still missing, and over a dozen were injured. The homes that were not completely destroyed are severally damaged, windows broken out, siding blown away, roofs damaged, landscaping gone, and the list of damage gones on. The alert system went off seconds before the twister struck and there was no time for people to evacuate their home before they were picked up and throw to the winds. The tornado ripped through a trailer park picking and choosing homes to take with it. Many people were left with nothing, no family photo's left, no little hand prints of their childrens school days, none of those important papers that everyone keeps, everything they owned is gone. These people will pick up the pieces and they will carry on, that is what they have to do, but no one will forget the wrath mother nature delivered them on that tragic August day.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Holy shit, fuck and god damn it!

If you know me then you will inevitably hear these word often in my presents. I never really knew I said them all that often until I had children. The boys know when they can say these words and when they can't. Like when we went to Grand Junction I coached them on not using any fowl language, and then I did a lot of "please don't say it" when I knew something was coming. I was pretty lucky they all held their tongues for the most part. I am not so hopeful with Colton going to school however. How can I expect the boys not to talk like little sailors when both of their parents do? David trips over something and the first thing out of his mouth is god damn it, he learned that from me because I do the same thing. Cam's favorite words are "Oh shit" when he is doing something and it doesn't seem to be working out his way. I am guilty of the same thing. Colton uses them all, but his favorite is dumb ass, he has called each of us a dumb ass at one point or another, and trust me if you do something he finds utterly stupid you will be a dumb ass in his eyes. I say that one a lot especially when we are driving somewhere the world is full of dumb asses! I never thought that David or Cam were dumb asses until the first time I witnessed them piss Colton off and he let go of his vocabulary and made it clear in no uncertain terms that they were being dumb asses! I highly doubt that this will fly in school. I can just hear it now.

"Mrs. Schall can you please come to get Colton."
"Oh shit what did he do now?"
"Well he call little Sara a dumb ass, because she wasn't holding the crayon the right way..."
"OK I'll be right there."

Then in the office the conversation between me, him, and the principle will go something like this.
C "Mom I didn't do anything."
M "Well honey you made Sara sad."
C "Well it was her own dumb ass fault."
P "Colton you can't be mean to people and you can't say those words at school, maybe you should stay home the rest of the week to think about this."
M "He's fucking 4 you think kicking him out of school sets a good example? God damn it this school is just full of dumb asses!" as I grab my baby and storm out the door.

Yeah him going to school scare the holy shit out of me!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

The problem with that is...

I have been told that I am not the same person that I was 8 years ago. I will admit that I am not, in the last 8 years I have gone though so many changes that I can't even keep up myself. I came out of an abusive relationship and right into a brand new relationship, I was thrown into motherhood over night, not once but 3 times, I became a wife, I lost my independence, I have ups and downs with depression like I have never had in my life. I have changed a lot. I no longer have the option of being irresponsible and carefree. I lost my youth the minute I because a wife and a mother, and the boys are the only thing in life that I have. They are my only world and I am sorry that I am not fun anymore and I am sorry that I don't just take other peoples shit anymore, and I am sorry that I won't budge on my feelings toward people who have angered me. I am sorry that you feel like you have to share my attention with my boys and they get most of it. I am sorry that I am not what you expected me to be. I am sorry that we never really knew each other before we got married, and I am sorry that I let other people influence my decisions on what was right. I am sorry that we have nothing in common anymore. I am sorry for a lot of things that can't be changed now, but it is just as much your fault as it is mine, and if you don't know the person I have become maybe you should take a little time to get to know just who I am and figure out if you even like this one, because this is who I have really always been even if you never cared to take a close enough look before you married me.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Don't go off to College mom!!

To the men in my life;

I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, but under all of that I am a woman. I have desires and dreams and hopes. I want to fly off on grand adventures, and I want to live life and I want to breathe the ocean air, and I want to be loved for who I am not what I am. I want to be romanced and I need to feel special sometimes. There are things I want to accomplish in this life. I have so many things that I want to see and do before I am old and unable to see and do them. It gets a little tiring trying to be everything to everyone and nothing to myself.

I think sometimes you all overlook the fact that underneath this person you think I am, there is a woman. Each one of you thinks that I am simply your wife or your mom. I shouldn't want things and I shouldn't have dreams, after all if I were anything but a servant to your wishes and whims you might have to do things for yourselves. Perhaps you think that I may find some happiness outside of you and it would exclude you from a part of my life. Possibly you think that I will leave you behind, or maybe you think that I don't deserve a life outside of this world or that maybe I will stop loving you if I have a life beyond this one.

I will not stop loving you if I step outside these doors on my own, and I won't forget you, and I won't leave you behind. I do deserve to venture out on my own and live my own life, and I want you to be proud of the things I have done just like I am proud of each of you for every accomplishment you have made and will make. I am on this journey through life with you, and we might not share every adventure and we might not be there for every failure, but that is never going to change the fact that I will always be here for you when you need me. It doesn't mean that I won't drop everything I am doing at any given moment to hold your hand and get you over difficult times in your life; it doesn't mean that I am giving up on you or your dreams. I am your mom and that is what mom's do for their children. It just means that I can't live through you. You are all growing up and before long you will want to venture out and live your own lives and I just need to prepare myself for that time. I will always love you and you will always be the most important things in my life.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Educating the uneducatable

My baby will start school this year and I am so sad. I have decided that I to will go back to school. I have to go to the college next week and find out a bunch of stuff. I can take most of my classes online. I am going to get my teaching degree. This has been a very difficult decision for me to make. I tend to put things off and expect other people to take care of me, but I have made up my mind that I need something to do while my kids are in school, and I don't want to have a job that I can't spend my summers and holiday's with the boys that just won't work out for me. I am not really sure that teaching is something I want to do or will even like doing, but the hours work out just right for me. I need to be in a position to take care of me and my children without depending on Steve to do that all of the time. I hate being under his thumb, it drives me insane to not have my own money. I get so tired of him saying "it'll cost money" and well I am not even getting into all my complaints about it here. I just don't like anyone having that much control over me and I can't do it anymore.

Here it ends

Here it ends, just like it began.
Never knowing what could have been,
how I shined when you were around.

Here it ends, there is no middle ground.
You could never love me the way I loved you,
and I know that.

Here it ends, how it should.
my heart torn to pieces,
and skattered on the winds.

Here it end, there is no place for me.
there is no middle ground, this was as good as
it got for me.

Here it ends, and I will begin again.
without you.
Here it ends.

It's all relative

I had a nice trip. It was way to short, but I got to see a lot of my family. I wish that I lived closer to my grandparents. It would be nice to be able to see them everyday, but I couldn't live in Grand Junction everytime I am there it is just way to hot. I got to see my cousin and her baby. She is the cutest little thing, she wakes up smiling and falls asleep smiling. I wanted to just keep her, but her mom and dad wouldn't let me, and Colton wouldn't either. It was nice to just sit and visit with everyone, and it is always great to get to hug my granny and grandaddy. I miss them more now though.