Friday, April 29, 2005

Everything seems so minute

Well for those of you that have not heard by now Savannah is in the hospital again! She is going back on the donors list for another liver. I know Renee will really need everyone's support as she takes another long journey to pull her baby girl through this. There is an address at the site to send card, Miss Savannah likes to get mail it brights her day.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Request and dedications

Today I was listening to Music, as I so often do, and I heard a Motley Crue song "Kick Start My Heart" which made me think of Heather, no not in that way you crazy perverted people.

Anyway I got to thinking about songs that remind me of other bloggers, and for lack of anything better to post I thought I would share them with you, not all of them at once, and if I have not gotten to you and your on my link list don't worry I will, but the obivious first:

Jay is diffenently "I'm too sexy" by Right said Fred. Who could not think of Jay when this song is playing? Nope never gonna be able to listen to that song again without developing fits of giggling!

Then we have our future President Trashman. I don't think there would be a more fitting song than "Trashy Women" by Confederate Railroad. I don't know how many times I have left his site actually humming that song, but it has been many!

Tricia girl would have to be "Girls just wanna have fun" by Cyndi Luaper. Cause honestly I have had more fun with her than anyone!

Jack well one of the many I have here, is anything by Tim McGraw, because his love of Tim never fails to amaze me! Honestly "Nights I can't Remember, Friends I'll never Forget" by the man Toby Keith. Jack is one of the few people I know that has kept his friends close.

Celti girl is always "Changes" by tesla, everytime I hear that song I have to go and read her blog.

What songs remind you of the blogger you know? Go ahead don't be shy comment away.

this is my world! The white stuff is still coming down! Posted by Hello

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Seasons change and kids are funny

Colton is such a funny child. The other night we were standing in the kitchen and Steve kissed me and Colton gives his dad a push and tells him "Get away from my wife". It's funny because he is four, now if he still wants to "marry me up" when he is 10 or 11 I may start to worry a bit, but coming from a four year old it is the sweetest thing a mom can hear.

Anyone who has read for awhile knows how I feel about video games, but between Christmas and birthday's we have quite a few of those damn plug and play games, I guess everyone thinks they don't qualify as video games! Now there seems to be games plugged into my TV all the time, which annoys me to no end, but what can a mom do? Last night Steve and David were playing NHL 95, and David was kicking his dad's butt. I watched my 41 year old husband turn into a 7 year old! After about the 6th goal in less than 5 minutes of play David informed his dad "You kind of suck at this dad!" to which his dad said "Yeah why don't you just shut up David!" Then 2 or 3 more goals from David and the D man asks "you want me to get you some goals dad?" "NO!" stammered his father. Steve finally had enough and they ended the game. D tells his dad "You can all my goals dad, and then I can be the sore loser." The things you learn from your children!

Cameron has decided that he wants his birthday in the summer when there isn't any snow on the ground, his is in January. He is sad because he doesn't get any good outside stuff for his birthday "like water guns and that kind of stuff." I think I will have to buy some extra ones this summer and put them away for his birthday, because that just made me a little sad!

I am off to watch the snow fall, yes it is snowing here!

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

it's the bread and pasta thing!

I stole this from Jack.

Your Inner European is Italian!

Passionate and colorful.

You show the world what culture really is.

Monday, April 25, 2005


Look at all the changes! Isn't this neat! It's like I have a brand new home all special for me and the things I love! I am so lucky to have such a special friend. Martine put all this together for me, she worked it all up on her own, finding all the stuff she knows I love. Isn't she great!

A very big Thank You to you sweetie. I know you worked really hard on this and it was a pain in the butt! I love it and I love you Thanks with all my heart!

Saturday, April 23, 2005

The baby

The youngest child often craves the spotlight. They'll often work hard to be the center of attention or break the rules.

Send in the clowns:

Often, youngest children love to make people laugh or take center stage. Many actors and comedians are the youngest children in their families.

Here are some personality traits that are common in youngest children:

Persistent: When it comes to a goal, many youngests just won't give up!

A Great Storyteller: Whether it's true or not, youngest kids can spin a mighty good yarn.

Affectionate: Youngest children often have plenty of hugs and kisses to give out.

The baby in our family is spoiled rotten, he is all of the above and more. He is always trying to be the center of attention, he will dance in front of the whole crowd at hockey, he will yell funny things in the walmart to see how many people will laugh at him. He is always trying to prove he is just as big as his big brothers, unless he wants something then he will remind you that he is the baby. He is never to busy to stop and give you a hug or scream "Mom I love you." from his bedroom for no reason at all. He is my baby, my last baby, and he isn't much of a baby anymore, he turns four the 24th, and that breaks my heart. For as much as I want him to grow up and be big and accomplish all his goals, I also want him to stay little a little while longer.

Happy Birthday Colton. I love you so much baby, and even when your lots of old like me, you will still be my baby.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Random thoughts

Airports are one of the saddest places in the world. Lots and lots of goodbyes are said in airports. They are also one of the happiest places lots of loved ones reunite in airports.

One day I will start something and finish it.

Sometimes all it takes to make me love you is to tell me you love me and meant it.

I like my dogs better than I like a lot of people I know.

My boys are my greatest accomplishment, and I hope I don't screw them up.

I need more sleep.

There is nothing better than when one of my boys crawls up into my lap and snuggles up with me.

"Bark" is actually a good movie, strange but good.

I miss my sister, and wish she would move home.

Nursing homes are places you go to die.

I really want a Harley, I have wanted one since I was a small child.

People really do live in dumpsters, even in places as cold as Denver, Co.

Fall is my favorite time of the year.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Morning people suck

I am sure I have said this before, but I'll say it again because it ties into this post, I am not a morning person. I don't understand morning people, I do not share their joy of waking up at the butt crack of dawn, before the sun is even up, and I don't know how anyone can actually be cheerful before 10 o'clock in the morning. Can anyone tell I had to get up early this morning? I did and I am still not very happy about it. I had to go in for the rest of my physical and I had to be there at 7:30, which mean I have to get me and 3 kids ready to leave the house at 7, who the hell really wants to leave the comfort of their homes at that hour?

We get to the office and low and behold there is not on soul moving about in there! We were about 5 minutes early, but when they say 7:30 they don't mean 7:28 they mean 7:30, so someone shows up and lets us in and we wait and wait and wait until almost 8, and I am thinking man we could have slept another half hour. Finally they take us back and the Dr. comes in looks in my ears, nose, throat, and eyes, tells me that I probably have sleep apneia, because my tonsils are so large, I think he was wondering how I get any air past them while I am awake much less while I am sleeping, and that he will write up his report and send it to the company that set all this up and they will send me a report. That was it, nothing else. I am not doing that again. I can go to my regular Dr. and have everything they did done, and not have to get up before the sun! I am telling my dear husband to take my name off of that part of the insurance, we only pay like 2 bucks a month for it, but still it is just not worth all the hassle we went through. I am off to take a nap hope ya'll had a good night sleep!

Monday, April 18, 2005

I have nothing

Nothing at all so I borrowed some of Celti girls list, not her answers just the list, and I mixed it up a little.

do you/have you....
like the taste of blood = That was just a wicked rumor, who have you been talking to?

believe in love = Love is just a lie made to make you blue. Name that tune baby!

believe in soul mates = how do souls mate is that some kind of voodoo stuff?

believe in love at first sight = I did until I put my glasses back on, boy was I wrong!

believe in god = God is Dog spelled backward, coincidence I think not.

ever cried over a boy = yes once when I was little the neighbor kid pushed me down. I got up and punched him, knocking him to the ground in doing so I hurt my hand and as I stood over him I may have shed a few tears, oh no that was insane laughter, sorry guess not.

ever lied to someone = Oh come on who hasn't I could be lying right now for all you know!

ever been arrested = More rumors it was self defense honestly.

ever dated anyone who's in your friends list/links = Who started this rumor, it was on honest mistake really just because my earring was caught in his zipper doesn't mean anything it could happen to anyone.

kissed anyone on your friends list/links = I see how this works trying to get me to admit to something huh!

ever considered dating anyone else on your friends list/links = Is that an offer?

ever been in a fist fight = you think you could take me? Bring it on!

you have a crush on someone = I'll never tell it will just lead to more rumors.

are you scared of = that old woman on those "help I have fallen and I can't get up" commercials she is evil.

what are you like in relationships = On minute I will be dancing in the rain and laughing and as soon as I get you to join me I will tell you how stupid it is to be standing out in the rain and storm into the house, then when you follow me in I will ask you why you stopped dancing with me in the rain and accuse you of hating me. You hate me don't you?

you wish you could live somewhere else = heck no I live in my own little world. I know you wish you could visit to huh, but I don't let just anyone in you know.

others find you attractive = I doubt it, but maybe if I have all my teeth in I ain't so bad.

you smoke = way to much

you like roller coasters = My life is a roller coaster and some days I would really like to get off and ride the merry go round for awhile, but the latch on my safety seat is stuck.

you write in cursive or print = both sometimes even in the same sentence maybe even the same word.

for or against....
long distance relationships = I am all for them. The less I see of you the more I will like you when I do have to look at ya.

using someone =using them how? I mean I wouldn't use someone as a footrest or a chair that just isn't comfortable, but I think it is quite useful when the boys bring me the remote for the TV, or a Pepsi.

suicide = I think their are people who should give it a try. Oh my suicide diffanently against that

killing people = More rumors self defense I tell you!

doing drugs = I find myself taking more and more drugs the older I get, everytime I go to the Dr. for something he prescribes me something else for this ailment or that. As long as they work I am all for 'em. In fact I am rather annoyed they took my vioxx off the market stupid bastards!

premarital sex = I wouldn't buy a car without taking it for a test drive first, you can be sure I ain't gonna get hitched without testing that out!

I was talking to my mom this afternoon and she order something via the internet it was suppose to arrive on the 11th and still isn't here. She looked it up and asked me what POM meant, because it said shipped POM. I told her it must stand for Pissed Off Mailman or she would have gotten it by now.

Thursday, April 14, 2005


I have been on a blog journey today through the archives over at Paul's Place. He is an extremely talented poet, and he reminded me that I have missed poetry, writing it, reading it, just needing it. He now has a link on my sidebar and I will be visiting him often, well at least when I visit all my other favorite blogs. And although my talent as a poet fails in comparison to Paul I will leave you all with this:

Weak breathless exposed
Panting and hungry for more
You leave me wanting and needing
Barely breathing
Shivering and tingly
From head to toe
Complete and utter ecstasy
That is what you do to me
Exhausted inspired
My soul is on fire
Cool my desires
Please give me more
more and more words.

I am sitting here listening to Norah Jones I think she has an awesome voice, she reminds me a lot Billie Holiday. Then I thought everyone should go and buy her albums (CD's kids CD's). Her voice is haunting and filled with emotion, truly lovely. If you click on the link go and listen to her sing and tell me if you don't think she is everything I say she is, not that it will change my mind about her but we live in a free world, well mostly, your entitled to an opinion even if it's wrong!

"What Am I To You?"
Norah Jones
What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Fast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so

If my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you

Yeah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
Never wanna part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies

I will you love when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you
What am I to you
What am I to you

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

and I suck as usual

Well this was the latest thing I have written in the story contest, over there in my links fizzle and pop, please go and check it out. It is more of a blurb than an actual story, and the words were factoid, capricious, eclectic, extraneous,masturbate, wanderlust, and squishy.

Spring is in the air, spring the time of rebirth when the cold hibernating world becomes new once more. The birds sing, the flowers bloom, and the rain falls washing away the dust and dirt of a long winter. I love the rain, walking through the grass barefoot, coming to a puddle of mud, and jumping in. I love the way it is squishy between your toes, and the smell, like everything is clean again. I want to be clean again; I want my soul to be new and fresh, reborn, like the earth after a rainstorm in the spring. I look out the window longing to escape my prison, the prison I have created for myself, and all the extraneous sights blur my mind creating a fog around the world in which I live. I long to walk in the sun, see exotic places, taste forbidden fruits, and mostly just go anywhere but here. Wanderlust takes hold almost violently in the spring, not wanting to release me. I know I cannot be capricious and rise from my desk, grab my keys and just go where the world takes me that would be irresponsible of me. I don’t have the luxury of being irresponsible anymore, that time ended with the birth of my first child, but I still have the desires to be that way once again, and my dreams. My eclectic thoughts about how it would be to see Pairs or Italy, to make love to a stranger on the beach of some foreign land, to sit quietly on the rocky cliffs of Dover watching the wave’s crash against the rocks below. Like some people use their thoughts to masturbate I use mine to escape, to travel the world without ever leaving my boys. Spring is in the air again, oh how I hate spring.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Thoughts of the past

I seem to be spending a lot of time rummaging through my memories, mostly of my grandmother. She has been gone about 3 years now, and I regret that I didn't know her better. I mean I knew a lot of things about her, but I never sat down with her and really got to know her. Grandma and I had lost touch really, and that was my fault, when people leave me I tend to shut them out so they can never hurt me again, and that is what I did with my grandma. I shouldn't have, but I did, and nothing can change that now.
My grandma's mother and father came to Wyoming from Sweden, they homesteaded a Ranch on a beautiful piece of property. They had 3 daughters and were establishing a life as Americans, but by the time Grandma was 14 both of them had died, I don't even know how they died. There was an aunt and uncle in the picture and they sold off everything, handed all the girl about a hundred dollars and told them they didn't want to see them anymore. The girls moved to the closest town, got jobs, and did the best they could and grandma soon found herself knocked up, there are rumors that the baby's father paid my grandfather, John, to marry grandma because he was already married, but they are just rumors and I never asked grandma, my guess would be that there was some truth to them, ok a lot of truth. My grandma had the baby, my Aunt Sharon who we lost about a year after grandma. I never met John he died in the sunshine mine in Idaho when I was a tiny baby, and from the sounds of it I really didn't miss much by not knowing him. He was a drunk, a very mean abusive drunk. He beat my grandma up a lot, he seemed to be knocking her up or knocking her around most of the time. They had 6 kids all together, counting Sharon, 3 girls and 3 boys. When my dad got old enough John not only beat Grandma, but thought that it was ok to hit him to, I think mostly because he stood up for his mom and his sister, he thought it was better him getting beat than them even at a very young age. Daddy and the others pretty much had to raise themselves, because Grandma worked all the time to pay the bills and support 6 kids, herself, and when he came home a drunk husband, who took his disfunctions out on her and her kids. One day he just didn't come back, but they never got a divorce, even at the time of his death they were still married. Grandma worked as a cook and a baker at a truck stop, and in all the time she was going through all that abuse, and raising her kids she wasn't a drinker. When I can along we lived in the same town as her, and we lived with her for a little while. When we didn't live with her she was my babysitter, and I can still hear her telling me "You were such a good little girl, I would take my nap and you would sit on the bed and cut paper until I woke up, you would never leave the bed." Grandma had a bad heart, and she would get tired really easily. We were best friends, on the weekends she was the one I would have sleep overs with, sometimes at my house sometimes at hers. Then one day I must of been a 8 my uncle and my daddy were building on to grandma's house and getting it fixed up for her, when low and behold, the same man who we think paid John to marry grandma, shows up with this drunk bum who needs work and wants Daddy and my uncle to hire him to help, and they did. Next thing we know him and grandma have run off together, and my grandmother who was never a drunk became a hardcore alcoholic, living in gutters, begging for money, and who knows what else. In the years she spent with him she had a heart attack and open heart surgery, and we went to see her in the hospital. I thought she was going to die then, and I think she wanted to. When we got there no one could get her out of bed, they told her she had to get up and start walking, but she wouldn't. I took her hand and told her come on grandma lets just go for a walk so you can get better, and for me she got out of that bed and we walked the halls of the hospital in Denver, and I thought she would come home then, but she got out of the hospital and kept right on drinking and living her life like I didn't matter, but for a little while I did matter again, and I held on to that for a long time. Then when the drunk she ran off with finally died, daddy and I went to Nebraska and brought grandma home. We lived 2 hours from her house by then so there was no chance of ever picking up where we left off, by that time I was already a junior in high school, oh I went to visit her a time or two, and she came here a few times, but we had lost that connection we had had when I was a child and she was my best friend in the world. I never stopped loving her, and she got to met my boys before she left this world, and for that I am glad, but I do wish that I had decided to let her back into my life and really taken the time to get to know her. I want to know about her past and her family, and how she felt about it all not just some second hand story but from her heart, and why she ran off with Walt and why she started drinking, and mostly I want that chance to tell her I never stopped loving her, and I know in my heart she knew that. I am not a religious person, and I don't believe in ghosts, but she was at her own funeral and she spoke to me, my cousin and her family and me and mine were standing there and all of our kids were playing at our feet getting a little loud and the preacher was preaching and I looked down at the kids and said "Shhhhh" and she said to me "Honey, just leave those babies alone they are fine." I started giggling and everyone started looking at me and I told them "Grandma said to just let the kids play" and everyone said well that's the way she would have wanted it, so maybe I did know her better than I thought.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Come sail away

Yesterday I took the boys for a little bike ride down to the river, where we skipped some rocks, saw some ducks, and watched David's shoe drift down the current, I am pretty sure it is in Nebraska by now. The thing at school is to loosen your shoes and tie them so you can slip them on and off really easy. I think that age has addled my mind, because he didn't believe that I was truly smarter than a group of 6 and 7 year olds when I told him to tighten his laces. He'll think twice about my intelligence now I'm sure, well I hope anyway.

Ok we were at the river and David kicked a good sized rock into the water, the rock accomplished the big splash he was looking for, I think the extra push of the shoe following it into the air helped. The shoe flipped end over end, high into the sky and we all watched as gravity took hold and quickly diverted it to the middle of the river. He looks at me looks back at the shoe and says "GET IT MOM!" Well it was only about 60 degrees outside and that river water couldn't of been more than 25 degrees and we were about a mile from home on bikes, there ain't no way I was trudging ass deep into the swampy mud and cold water to save a damn shoe I don't care if the child had to ride home with only one, he should have tied them right in the first place and it would still be on his foot. That shoe rounded the bend and was gone within minutes, and David was traumatized. "Now I can't go anywhere I only have one shoe. I can't even go to school!" Nice try on his part mom took him to pay less today and he got him a new pair, one's that don't have laces nope these ones have that bungee stuff that keeps them tight all the time. We won't be losing anymore shoes to the great abyss, and David can continue his education in style!

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

The bonds of hockey

Ashley is now the hero of our house. For those of you that don't know her go and check out her blog, she is a very talented college girl, who happens to play hockey. David, my little hockey player, has found a common bond with her, and you would think that he knows her personally the way he talks about her. We were outside playing today and one of the little neighborhood boys said that girls couldn't play sports as good as boys, well my little man set to prove him wrong.
"Yes they can, my mom plays sports with us." he says.
"but she doesn't play real sports." the snotty little brat said.
"She plays football with us and lets us tackle her, and my college friend she's a girl and she lives in Canada and she just won a really huge trophy for playing hockey, because she is like the best player in the world Her name is Ashley and she could even take me in a hockey game and we have pictures on our computer to prove it! And I even have girls on my hockey team and we're like almost professionals. Do you know how to play hockey?" I don't think he took a breath, but he got his point across.
"No hockey is stupid." bad move on other boys part there.
"No it's not it's the best sport in the world, and it is harder than any sport you play. You have to know how to ice skate and everything. You have to be tough to play hockey you can't be some wimp, it is better than football and way harder" David snaps.
Then I chimed in "well what sports do you play honey" knowing full well that this chubby little boy had never participated in a team sport as long as he lived, but being a little bitter over the whole girl's can't play thing I guess I just wanted to egg it on a bit sometimes the girl in me pops out and leaves the mom behind.
"I don't play sports on a team it's stupid even my dad says it's stupid."
"Well see girls can play better than you then huh." David says.
Then I just felt sorry for him, because for whatever reason his parents have never given him the opportunity to actually understand what it is to play as a team. He will never understand team work, unity, or any of the thousands of other character building things a team sport does for children. The mother in me left the girl part behind and told him "well that's ok not everyone likes to play sports there is nothing wrong with that."
The look on David's face was of awe and wonder, he thinks everyone should play sports, football, baseball, basketball, and most of all hockey, but I understood that it wasn't this child's fault it was the fault of his parents, man don't they even know what they are missing watching their child score his first goal, or make his first basket or touchdown or homerun. Cheering him on, trying to make sure he hears your voice over all the other parents so he knows just how proud of him you are, bragging about his ability to anyone who will listen, those are just the things parents get out of it. I wish they knew the self esteem it builds in children when they play an organized team sport, and the way they learn to work together, there are just so many things this child is missing out on, and he knows he is missing out on it too, you could tell by the way he talked. He probably learned the whole girls can't play sports thing from his father too, boy did David sit him straight on that maybe he will take the lesson home to his dad and next year maybe just maybe they will let him play on a team.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Look at the big picture would ya?

Ok I wasn't going to blog about this, it's all been said and done and it should be over, but yet it goes on and on and on, and lets face it we will never see the end of it, but thanks to a certain extended family member, who shall remain nameless, basically because I don't want to admit I am actually related to him, even if it is only by marriage, has angered me you all get to read my views on the whole Terri Schirvo on goings.

I think that her parents are very selfish and can't see past losing their daughter, but they lost her 15 years ago, she was not the same person they knew before, and there was no hope of her ever being close to that person again. I think it was a waste of time and money to keep her living in the condition she was in for so long, not to mention they stripped her of any dignity she might have had if they would have just let her pass in peace. I hope that I am never faced with having to do that to one of my boys, but I can damn sure tell you that they would not want to live life confined to a bed in a hospice, they would want to live life. I would not want to live like that myself, who really would? All these people that were jumping on the band wagon to bring her food and water just didn't get it she couldn't swallow it she couldn't even put it in her mouth and chew it, she had to be feed through a tube inserted into her stomach, and not hamburgers and French fries, a liquid mix of vitamins and minerals to sustain her body. She didn't know if she was eating or not, and let me tell you if I don't know if I am eating then I sure wouldn't know anything else! Her parents were in such denial, and I pity them I really do, but mostly I feel sorry for Terri, because of what they did to her. We live in a society that cares enough about our pets to make sure that they don't have to suffer when the end comes, we let them leave this world with grace holding their heads high and saying our tearful goodbyes knowing that the pain for them will soon be over, but yet we make our own loved ones suffer unmercifully out of our desire to hold on to what we once had knowing full well that we will never have it again.

Then we move on to her husband, who seems to be getting attacked for loving his wife enough to know when to say "it's over". People seem to forget that he has given up 15 years of his life in this whole ordeal. He watched the woman he loved, the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with, slip away from him and become something else. Then for some 7 or 8 years he fought to find help for her, he never abandon her, he never divorced her, he held on hoping and wishing she would be the same person he vowed to love until death. He took her to the best doctors he could find, and when they all told him there was no hope he still stood by and when he finally said "the woman I married wouldn't want this" lets let her go, it became a fight. If this man didn't care about his wife, he would have signed all rights over to her parents would have gotten a lawyer and gotten out of any responsibility he once had to her a long time ago. He stuck around and he fought for what he knew his wife would have wanted, he never abandon her, and he was there when she finally did pass on.

I know everyone has their own opinions of this whole case. Some think the parents should have gotten their way some feel the same as I do, and some just don't care one way or another. What I find hardest about this whole case is the government involvement. I don't want someone I don't know or have never met deciding my fate, and I don't want to place my parents, husband, and children in the position of having to say "turn her off". I know that I am loved greatly and no one in my family would hold out for a miracle that long, but I know how hard it is to have to say those words that is why everyone should have a living will.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Don't forget to tell your friends

Greg is paying a special tribute to his wife today. Cheryl was only 31 when they found out she had breast cancer, and a year ago today they lost her. Greg however continues the fight against this life stealing disease and he is doing a commentathon and needs everyone's help. He needs to reach 1500 comments so please go over and help him out, because you never know when it might be you or someone you love faced with breast cancer. While your there take a few minutes to read their story, they are an amazing family with so much courage.