Friday, March 31, 2006

No one listens to me!

8:30 this morning they started in.

"Mom can we take the guinea pigs outside." they yelled.
"NO DO NOT TAKE THEM OUT!" I yell from my bed.

I lay there a few minutes thinking man why can't these children sleep in. Next I hear the front door open. I get out of bed, throw on some sweatpants, wonder in make my coffee, go pee, sit down and check my emails, go back in and get my cup of coffee. Then I open the window and see the boys are both under the car that is parked in the street.

"What are you boys doing?" I yell.
"Speedy is under the car and we can't get him."
"Jesus Fing christ! What the hell where you guys thinking? Did you not hear me tell you not to take them out?"
"Well did you hear me say that or not?"
"Well Cameron said..."
"I don't care who said what. I care that neither one of you listened to me!"

Speedy heard me and he started to emerge from his hiding spot. David quickly grabbed him up and brought him into the house. As he is heading up the stairs I hear Cam yell "Fireball is gone!"

He comes running in "Fireball jumpped out of the wagon and he is gone!"

So I spent the next four hours trying to find the damn guinea pig. I finally called off the search and with all the cats in this neighborhood I seriously doubt he will make it through the night unless he can find a really good hiding spot, but I am sure even if the cats don't get him he won't be coming back to this house. If I didn't find him after 4 hours I don't think there is any hope. I put out some boxes with food in them hopeing that will entice him and he will come back.

I have not been a happy mom today!

I was standing out talking to my neighbor about the new neighbors we just got. Apparently the man just got out of the pen and they are known crank heads! I may have a little on the side work for Jack!

Well anyway as I was standing there I notice her cat chasing something in the bushes. I yelled the guinea pig and both of us took off as fast as we could she snatched the little fur ball up and he is home safe and sound now!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Fancy talk

David had another IEP and I went for the meeting today. He still doesn't have any learning disabilities. The base scores are set at 90 and he scores above that on everything but fluency. I think the majority of D's problems are the same as mine. He just doesn't speak the same language as everyone else, but no one has discovered the language we do speak. It sounds the same as everyone else, and looks the same, but it is very different. Until someone can tell him in a way that will make it click in his brain he will have to learn it himself. I learned that early in my education. I had to teach myself in school, because I didn't have a clue what the teachers were trying to tell me half the time.

English was my worst subject, until 9th grade. In 9th grade I was lucky to have a teacher that knew how to teach. Mrs. McKenzie, she was a tiny little thing, maybe 5 feet tall on her tip toes. She always had a cup of tea on her desk. She would not stand for any crap in her classroom, and everyone knew it. She was very old school, even back then. I think most of the kids were intimidated by her, but I flourished in her class room. I actually learned things that I didn't think I was capable of learning when I went to English class. She would give me reasons why this was this way or that was that way. I loved turning my homework in to her, because it would come back with notes all over it. She would explain why something was wrong, and she would give me examples. For everything she found wrong she found something right, so I would have a page full of red ink with positive and negative feedback that I desperately needed. Up until that point I had just gone with what I did know, but she gave me the courage to try new things. She never made me feel like she was judging me, and that is the way I had felt through school. She was a very intuitive teacher. She understood how the learning process worked for me, and she used that to teach me. I was never lucky enough to have another teacher like her, one that could actually teach me in a way I could understand. I hope that one day D finds a teacher like her. One that makes things a lot clearer for him.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Dear Doc,

It has been a week since your passings, and I am still having trouble moving on. I miss you more than I have ever missed anything in my life. I cry at the drop of a hat, because something will remind me of you. I miss our snuggle ups in the afternoon. Dinner time is awful for me and your brothers, because it just doesn't feel right. I look at the little guinea pigs and think how you would have liked them. You like all small creatures, and thought you could befriend them all. I will never forget when you tried to adopt that kitten. My heart is just so broken and life is so unfair. You have always been a part of this life I have now, and I don't know how to go on without you here. I take the boys to school and you are not standing at the top of the stairs to greet me when I get back, and I get sad. The vet called and said your remains are ready to pick up and I just can't seem to get the courage to go and get you. I just can't go there yet. Cam wants you to come home, and they all three miss you so much. I miss kissing your head goodnight, and the way you would push your head against mine and hugged me and always had to make noise. I miss the little things I always took for granted like how you would alway help Jake find the dog dishes or you would take Buddy outside at night even if you didn't have to go. I miss you foot lickings, and your soft ears, and the way you listened to me like I was important. Mostly I miss your friendship big dog it was truly the kind you only find once in a life time. I know that time will help to heal my broken heart, but this isn't an easy road. I love you big dog and I hope you always knew that.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Can we all say Allgeries!

My eyes have itched since we got the fur creatures, but thankfully I have eye drops that helps keep that under control. My head is stuffy like it's springtime in an alfalfa field, but my allgery pills help for that. The problem seems to be the hay. Guinea Pigs and hay go together like milk and chocolate chip cookies. You really can't have one without the other. They eat it, they play in it, they walk in it and then they walk on me. I have developed a red bumpy rash every where their little feet have touched my skin, and their tiny furry bodies have rubbed against me. They all three like to get behind my hair against the back of my neck, and under my chin to snuggle in and get petted. I itch like a dog with fleas. So now what am I suppose to do? I can't really get rid of the little piggies. The boys would be crushed, so I guess I will just have to quit letting them crawl on me, which I don't know if I can really do, because they are so cute and snuggly. I think I am destine to go insane from itching!

Sunday, March 19, 2006

soft and fuzzy

The little critters below are guinea pigs. They are all just babies or so the pet store told us. They are suppose to be all boys, because they will mate and mate and mate... I am pretty sure they didn't mess up sexing them, because I threatened bodily harm if we ended up with a cage full of babies!

David was very sad with the passing of big dog, and he wanted to get a new puppy. I can't do a new puppy. My heart just isn't in to getting a new puppy. Right now I don't ever want to get another dog. You just grow to attached to them, and it hurts to badly to lose them. So we started looking up pets on the internet and found guinea pigs. They are not suppose to bite, they are very social, and they are easy to take care of. So we sat down and gathered information on these little guys. They are orginally from South America where they are grown as a food source in some areas. They can be litter box trianed, and they are much cleaner than hamsters. They really don't have any smell to them. You can brush them and bath them. They eat lots of leafy greens and other veggies and fruits along with hay and pellets. We had to build them a special cage, because the pet store ones are really just to small from them. They like to have a lot of space to run and play and chase each other, and they also like to be held and petted, at least 2 of the 3 do. Speedy likes to explore, but when he gets tired he goes and crawls into Coltons lap. I thought he would be timid of Colton because he is just a little kid, but they have developed a bond. However him and I have no bond what so ever. He likes to bite me. It doesn't really hurt that much when he chomps down, but I don't think he likes me very much and all I have done is be gentle with him. Colton on the other hand squeals when he runs up his shirt and gets a little rough with him, not overly rough where he will hurt him, but he chases him around with his hand and it is just funny to watch the 2 of them. Now the other two they see me and they come running to me to snuggle up against my neck and purr at me. The more I talk to them and the more I pet them the louder and longer they purr at me. The boys will set still and watch tv and the little fur balls will stretch out against them and take little naps. I didn't think that I would get very attached to them, because we had hamsters when I was a kid and they just didn't bond with you. These things they really develop a bond. Tank eats from your hand and everything.

They have in no way taken the place that Doc held in our hearts and home, but I think that they have been great at taking everyones mind off of everything. I still have certian times during the day that I break down and bawl, but I am getting better every day.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

In loving Memory

Doc was almost 2 when Steve and I started dating. I think he was probably the main reason I kept coming back over. We developed an instant bond, me and this four legged furry creature. He would whine at the top of the stairs when I had to leave for work. I would come over after work and Doc would leap from the top stair and I would have to catch him, which wasn't easy considering he was over 100 pounds. I often wonder how I managed to get pregnant with David in the first place, because Doc was always in the middle of Steve and I. I would get into bed and he would snuggle his back against me and we would drift off to sleep together. While I was pregnant with David I would prop my belly against him. I think Doc was the first one to feel David move. He stopped jumping off the stairs then too, and would just bound down them to great me. After David was born Doc got responsibility. I swear he thought we were horrible parents. D would go down for his nap and Big Dog would pace between the crib and me, or lay in the hall and moan and whine. He wasn't happy unless that baby was close to all of us. I would put David down in the bouncy chair and Doc would lay with his head on the baby. Sometimes he would just look at me and sigh, and I am pretty sure he was thinking "It's a damn good thing you have me around to raise this kid, because you just suck!" He grew more comfortable with my mothering skills with the next 2, but he was still protective of them.

Doc knew all my secrets, my fears, my hopes, and my dreams. I told him everything, because he was my best friend. He listened when I was sad, he hovered over me when I was sick. He was joyous when I was happy. Doc took a part of me with him today, a part of my heart that I freely gave him over the last 9 years. Thankfully he gave me a part of his heart to keep with me forever. I will miss you more than you know my big dog, and I will always love you.

Monday, March 13, 2006

It's been a long hard week

I am going to go get Doc tomorrow. I will be bringing him home to spend one last night with us. I can't stand the thought of his last night being spend away from everything he has ever known. They are leaning toward pancratic cancer, because he is just not doing any better. They have been through several different things and nothing is working for him. Well I shouldn't really say that he starts to get a little better and then just gets sick again. I need to step up and do what is best for my baby and it is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Saturday, March 11, 2006


I loaded Doc in the van, bawling all the way to the vets office knowing that he was not coming home with me. We get there and they help me get him back to the room. I sit crying hesterically on the floor with Doc's head on my leg. Our normal vet was off yesterday and we saw one of the others in the office. She was a very nice lady, who I really like. She didn't just treat Doc she treated me as well. I told her I didn't think it was a pinched nerve or nerve damage making him not walk I told her I thought it was something internal. She knew that I had come into that office with ever intention of doing what was best for my baby. The more I talked to her the more she listened and then she said "Let me get a blood draw on him." She took blood, went back to have it tested, and I sat and waited with Doc. About 15 minutes later she comes back and says "I think this big guy has pancreitis." Everything seemed to point to that. So she got a bed ready in the hospital ward, and they hooked him to the IV's and I left him in their care. She called this morning and by no means is he completely out of the woods but everything is looking a whole lot better today. I am fixing him some chicken bites and rice to take down so that when he can eat again they will have something there that he likes to eat. I am very hopeful that he is going to get to come home next week! Thank you all for keeping him in your thoughts and prays!

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Nine years

It isn't very much time when you think about it. Nine years goes by in the blink of an eye. I kept hoping that the pills they put Doc on would kick in and he would start getting better, but if anything he has gotten worse. I take him outside to pee and I have to hold him up so he doesn't fall down now. He doesn't even try to get up off the floor without my help now. I don't think there is much they can do for him honestly and I know that putting him down will be one of the only options I have when I take him back to the vet tomorrow. It's funny how a dog can become so important in our lives. Doc was 2 when I moved in with Steve, and it was love at first sight. That is how it is with Doc he just loves you with all he has. He is 11 which they say is pretty old for such a large dog. I know that this house is going to be very empty without him in it. I am looking for a mircle right now, in a place where no mircles exist.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Odds and ends

The hockey season is almost over, and I am overjoyed. With 2 of them playing this year seemed extra long. D man has one more game on tuesday and Cam has his awards night that same night. D will have his awards night on thursday and we are done for the year! Cam isn't ready for the season to be over and David is experiencing a little burn out. He said he isn't sure if he will play next year or not. I think part of that comes from his little brother playing and playing so well. David isn't the only star in the family anymore. I hope that he plays he has a passion for it, David plays with all his heart in the game most of the time. The only reason I would want him to quit playing is if he didn't love the game anymore.

Something is wrong with our oldest lab. He can hardly get up and walk. He is getting up there in age and I am worried that they won't be able to fix him. He has been getting stiffer and stiffer over the last year, but this isn't like stiffeness. It is almost like he has pinched a nerve in his back or something.

I have had a headache for about 3 weeks now, not one of those dull achey headaches this is a strange headache. I may go to the dr someday about it.

The boys start swimming lessons and soccer next month. I will have a whole 3 weeks between things going on. I think Colton is the only one playing soccer.

I am so ready for school to be out. The weather is slowly starting to get warmer and the days are getting longer and I would much rather be playing outside with them instead of making them go to school all day.

David is going through another round of IEP testing. He is doing a lot better this year, but he is still behind most of the kids in his class. The thing his teachers have noticed this year is that he trys harder than most of the kids in his class to get it. He puts a lot of stress on himself. I think that is part of his problem. I feel so sorry for him struggling with it.