Friday, July 11, 2008

St. Louis

We have arrived safely home from my sisters. We had an awesome time in St. Louis. We were there for the 4th and we went to her property that she and her man are building a house on. They have almost 7 acres with a creek running through it. So the boys got to put on their own fireworks show, and then we watched as the night sky light up in all directions around us.

Our night was cut short when about 10:30ish the D man light off something that took off like a rocket after him and proceeded to fly right up his butt. He dove trying to get out of it's way and landed his knee on a sharp rock leaving a gash that was about 4 inches long across his knee. He could have had about 10 or 12 stitches had I taken him to the hospital, but the mention of hospital and stitches started him freaking out. I had a lovely view of his shin bone and really wanted someone else to sew him up, but the only way to stop him from trying to hitchhike home with his wounded knee was to promise I'd glue him shut. We got him home and I got him in the shower so that I could clean his knee really good and he informs me his butt hurts and sure enough he has a quarter size burn on his cheek. His knee is healing really nicely now, but I'm a very good dr. who needs a degree?

The nice thing about St. Louis is everything is free except parking and that doesn't cost very much anywhere you go. You have the option of parking on the street for free, but I didn't really want to walk 2 miles to get to the place and then spend the rest of the day walking around just to walk another 2 miles when I'm hot and tired to get to the car. I'll post some picture later. I have to start summer school on Monday that will be for 3 weeks, so that isn't so bad. I'm off to do laundry.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008


I have a compulsion to write, like someone with ocd has to turn the lights out 40 times before they can leave a room, I have to put words on paper to get them all out of my head. It's like a sickness really, especially since most of my words don't make much sense. Then there are the times the words don't come and I am left dazed trying to make some sort of normal out of my life. Sometimes I find myself writing the boys' names over and over and over just so that I can go through the motions. I prefer pen and paper. The way the ink glides over the smooth surface creating words is some what of a turn on for me. I've spent most of my writing time lately like that late at night laying in bed just me a notebook and a pencil, usually it's been a pencil because the boys have lots of them laying around, and I've thrown out most of the pens because they are harder to get off the walls. I think I write there because I can't say the things in those journals here. I can't write about the things that might upset other people here, because they don't understand. It's unfair, because this is where I like to put my thoughts and ideals and ranting and raving. I might start doing it again, or maybe I'll do it under an assumed name on a different blog.

I think there are those of us who write and those of us who don't. The people who don't will never understand those of us who do. Steve has never understood my need to write, he thinks it's crazy. I don't understand his need to be drunk, so I guess that makes us even. I need words on a page as much as I need the air that I breath it's what makes me whole.

In real news I am going to go see my baby sister the end of next week. It's going to be a long drive she lives in St. Louis and that is 1050 miles away from here. I might not make it back alive after 16 hours on the road with 3 children. It's long when we go the 6 hours to my grandparents house. I think my truly insane nature is shining out brightly and I may end up in my proper place a padded cell, before I make it home. Wish me luck I'm going to need it.

Oh and I've been taking pictures here's some

Thursday, June 05, 2008

CHUNKY doesn"t always mean overweight

We are out of school and it's to cold and rainy to play outside today. The boys are playing monopoly and actually getting along, could be the threat of locking them in the closet if they fought today, but it's a blessing however it happened.

We were at Walmart the other day and this rather large lady kept getting in front of me and stopping. Well the youngest, who's nickname is Chunky Monkey, walked around her and headed towards the video games. I wanted him to wait up so I yelled "Chunk!" he didn't and he stepped out in front of another person so I yelled "Chunky watch out!" Well the large woman who keeps stopping in front of me and won't let me around looks at me and says "Well" and moves out of my way. I am pretty sure she thought I was talking to her, but oh well she finally got the hell out of my way. I have to admit his nickname doesn't really fit him anymore he can't even keep his pants up he is so thin, but when he was a baby he was huge!

I didn't plant a garden this year and I'm going to miss having tomatoes again, but I have been to busy trying to get the basement cleaned out so I can build a room down there. I have thrown more crap out in the last 2 weeks. It's amazing how much junk you keep and don't ever need or use. If I have not seen it in the last 2 years I'm throwing it out. Last weekend I was tossing stuff and Steve was digging it out of the trash faster then I could put it in. I finally asked him why the hell he was saving that stuff and he says, "We might need it sometime." I giggled and said "If we have not needed it by now we will never need it!" Thankfully he is out of town working this week and I can toss lots of stuff.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

I must be sick... 2 posts in 2 days.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me lately. I can't seem to keep it together at all. If I don't write it down I forget it and half the time I write things down and still forget them... Oh well this too will soon pass I'm sure.

Colton turned 7 today, and that makes me want to cry. My baby is 7 and I don't know what the hell I'm going to do when they are all grown up and leave me. He had a good birthday, and got lots of gifts, money, and love. Everyone called him to wish him happy birthday and we spent half the night on the phone. Now he is all tucked up in bed. Tomorrow we are having a pizza party with his class for friday fun. They get the last hour of school to do something fun every friday and I told him I would bring the pizza.

I'm tired so I'm going to bed, but I doubt I'll sleep been having a lot of trouble with that lately as well could be most of my forgetfullness problem...

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Kicked that habit...

I finally read the Heroin Diaries... and wow it's about several of my ex boyfriends... oh wait no it's about Nikki Sixx and his downward spiral of self destruction. It was a very thought provoking book, that brought up a lot of my own past and the stupid shit I use to do. I thankfully was never a heroin addict, and luckily I never met the right people to pick up that habit, because in all honesty back in the day there wasn't much I wouldn't try and I spent a lot of time high on something or other. Fuck I'm still self destructive in so many ways. I've just traded in my methods of choice, hence the weight struggle and the 3 pack a day cough. Man I gotta give them up someday.
I think we all are struggling with some kind of demons and we are looking for ways to kill the pain. We want to go to that comfortably numb place where we don't have to feel anything, because feeling just sucks so bad. I often wish that I was born without emotions life would be a lot less stressful without the pain of them. Steve says I can turn mine on and off like a light. If that where only true I could bottle it and make a million, but I guess Nikki wrote that book already... How not to feel and we all see he had to die in the end, and even then he couldn't escape it. He just had to learn to live with it and not let it kill him again.

We are talking about the book here and not me though so lets get back to it. As I was reading these journal entries I could feel Nikki's despair and loneliness, and then I could see that he created most of it himself. He held on to his anger and let it tormented him, and at times in the book I really didn't like him at all. There were passages that made me think "what a freaking prick." Then there where times that made me just want to reach out and tell him he wasn't alone in the world. Ironically nothing in the book surprised me, there wasn't anything I didn't expect, because well that was the Nikki that I would have wanted to know back when I was younger. That was the life sex, drugs, and rock n roll baby, and it would have disappointed me to find out he was some religious nut pretending to be a rock star, because back then we all wanted to be rock stars. I would like to sit down with the Nikki today and have coffee and talk about the future of rock and roll, and kids, and life. I think he has some very positive things to get across to the world, and I think the only way he can do that is sober. I find him more appealing today than I did as a teenager, and back then I thought he was it. Nikki graced my walls and ceiling and his words blasted my stereo. Today he doesn't live in my house so much, there are no wall to wall pictures, but his words still pour out of my speakers, and I can honestly say that I wouldn't mind my kids having him for a roll model, not that fucked up kid sticking needles in his arm, but the man who followed his dreams, took a few detour and keeps on rocking. Oh and he's sexier today than he ever was before, but hey I'm older and wiser now too.

Read the book it's a sad, disgraceful tale right up until the end when you get to see the new Nikki pearing out with clear eyes and a hopeful future.

Oh and the soundtrack to the book is amazing. All 3 of my boys love it and that doesn't happen very often in our house.

you can read about the book, the music, and other stuff.Here at Nikki Sixx's website

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Whoo what happened?

I'd like to tell you that I was in a medical induced coma due to some rare condition, but that is not the case. I have just been lazy and uninspired to write anything here lately. Hockey is over so that will free up a major amount of my time, and what better way to spend free time than blogging now all I need is something to blog about.

We went to walmart last Sat. and on the way in Colton kept hitting Steve. Steve finally had enough and he asked; he didn't say knock it off before I knock you out or anything remotely like a statement he simply said "Colton will you quit." My sweet little baby looks at his dad and says "No mom thinks it's funny and it makes me happy too." I was laughing so hard I about got ran over in the parking lot. Colton 1 Dad 0 on that battle, but then I don't think Steve has ever won one when he is up against the youngest.

Honestly I'm out of topics now... life is just flying by and I am busy playing with the boys and working. I can't wait for summer when I can be lazy and stay in bed until 8:00!

Friday, January 04, 2008

Ahhh another year!

My boobs sag closer to my belly button and my ass lacks the firmness it once had and as if I needed farther reminders that another year has gone by I just finished filling 4 huge bags full of clothes that no longer fit my children. Time passes so quickly I can hardly keep up. I don't know why I try to keep up anymore I think that if I just sat back and watched the hours tick away I'd be less stressed and more at ease with life, but damn if I know how to sit still that long.

We had an awesome Christmas and the break has been fun we are off until the 9th so we still have a few more days. Tomorrow we are going snowboarding. I will not be strapping a board of death to my feet however. I am just not that brave and it's been almost 20 years since I have even skied. I think I can remember how to do that, and well if you don't ever hear from me again you will know it didn't go so well.

I actually read 4 books over the break and am working on a 5th, probably the reason this post is so incoherent huh! No not really that kind of 5th actually it would be book number 5. Cameron gave me His Dark Materials for Christmas and I read that, well it's actually 3 books in one so that really puts me at 7 working on the 8th. So between reading and playing rock band the break is going by to fast.

Rock Band is awesome, and I am a rock goddess, well unless I'm the drummer and then well I just freaking suck. I am the only one in the house who can read the words of the songs fast enough to sing them and more often than not I get stuck being the singer in our little house band, which as long as it's only the kids and Steve I don't mind, but no matter how awesome the game says I am I really don't see life as a rock star in my future.

David has a tourney next weekend and then we are on the road for Cam the weekend after that.

Well that's all the news here. Hope the New Year is fabulous for all 4 of you that still check up on me.