I finally read the Heroin Diaries... and wow it's about several of my ex boyfriends... oh wait no it's about Nikki Sixx and his downward spiral of self destruction. It was a very thought provoking book, that brought up a lot of my own past and the stupid shit I use to do. I thankfully was never a heroin addict, and luckily I never met the right people to pick up that habit, because in all honesty back in the day there wasn't much I wouldn't try and I spent a lot of time high on something or other. Fuck I'm still self destructive in so many ways. I've just traded in my methods of choice, hence the weight struggle and the 3 pack a day cough. Man I gotta give them up someday.
I think we all are struggling with some kind of demons and we are looking for ways to kill the pain. We want to go to that comfortably numb place where we don't have to feel anything, because feeling just sucks so bad. I often wish that I was born without emotions life would be a lot less stressful without the pain of them. Steve says I can turn mine on and off like a light. If that where only true I could bottle it and make a million, but I guess Nikki wrote that book already... How not to feel and we all see he had to die in the end, and even then he couldn't escape it. He just had to learn to live with it and not let it kill him again.
We are talking about the book here and not me though so lets get back to it. As I was reading these journal entries I could feel Nikki's despair and loneliness, and then I could see that he created most of it himself. He held on to his anger and let it tormented him, and at times in the book I really didn't like him at all. There were passages that made me think "what a freaking prick." Then there where times that made me just want to reach out and tell him he wasn't alone in the world. Ironically nothing in the book surprised me, there wasn't anything I didn't expect, because well that was the Nikki that I would have wanted to know back when I was younger. That was the life sex, drugs, and rock n roll baby, and it would have disappointed me to find out he was some religious nut pretending to be a rock star, because back then we all wanted to be rock stars. I would like to sit down with the Nikki today and have coffee and talk about the future of rock and roll, and kids, and life. I think he has some very positive things to get across to the world, and I think the only way he can do that is sober. I find him more appealing today than I did as a teenager, and back then I thought he was it. Nikki graced my walls and ceiling and his words blasted my stereo. Today he doesn't live in my house so much, there are no wall to wall pictures, but his words still pour out of my speakers, and I can honestly say that I wouldn't mind my kids having him for a roll model, not that fucked up kid sticking needles in his arm, but the man who followed his dreams, took a few detour and keeps on rocking. Oh and he's sexier today than he ever was before, but hey I'm older and wiser now too.
Read the book it's a sad, disgraceful tale right up until the end when you get to see the new Nikki pearing out with clear eyes and a hopeful future.
Oh and the soundtrack to the book is amazing. All 3 of my boys love it and that doesn't happen very often in our house.
you can read about the book, the music, and other stuff.Here at Nikki Sixx's website