Monday, August 30, 2004
Friday I met my mom half way between her house and mine so she could take the boys home with her. We got there and they all loaded up and then the middle one, who usually has no qualms about going with his granny looked at me with panic in his eyes and said "I don't wanna go mama." I told him he didn't have to go if he didn't want to so he ended up coming home with me. Well he has never been alone, he doesn't know how to be alone, he has always had one of his brothers to play with. I discovered that the middle child requires a lot of attention! He did not get 2 feet away from me or Steve the entire weekend, and he needed to be entertained the whole time! So we spent Friday and Saturday playing with him, and didn't get much else done. Then Sunday I took him with me to mom and dad's to get the other 2, and I am so glad they are home to play with him! They had Wright days, which is a little town celebration at moms, so they had a parade and a lot of fun stuff for the people to do. The oldest won 2nd place in the fishing derby with a 9 and 1/2 inch rainbow trout, he won a tackle box and was very proud of himself! They have a little pond there that they stock for the kids to fish in. I got them home and today was the first day of school for the oldest, he is going to 1st grade this year. It isn't any easier leaving him at school this year than it was last year. I work up with a knot in the pit of my stomach and I am so sad, this feeling lasted everyday of the school year last year, and it is already starting again. I cried all the way home, and I am on the verge of tears just writing about it. I have to take both the oldest and the middle on Wednesday, and this feeling of depression and saddiness is only going to get worse. I hate the fact that they go off and leave me. I don't know what I am going to do next year when I have to leave all 3 of them. At least there is only 3 hours and 15 minutes until I can go pick him up. He was excited and when we got there he just jumped right out of the van and ran off to find his friends, and that broke my heart. I sent him lunch money for the week, I sure hope he remembered to give it to the teacher for his lunch tickets. I worry the whole day. I don't leave my house from 9am until 3:30 when they are in school. I am so frightened that they may need me and I won't be by a phone if I went anywhere! I don't know if this feeling ever ends, but you know that nervous first day jitters most people have when you start something new, that is how I feel every day that they have to go to school. I think I will have to get a job at the school when the baby starts 1st grade, just so I can be close to them. So that is what we have been doing. I am trying to get some house work done today, because I didn't get a thing done this weekend, because we were just to busy playing!