Last night was a night from hell. The last few weeks Cameron, the middle one, has decided that he does not have to listen to. He has told me several time that I am not his boss. Well normally I try not to let him bring me to his level. I try very hard to maintain my adult statis, and not argue with him like I am an almost 5 year old too. Last night this child managed to not only drag me down to acting like a 5 year old, he had me crying like I was 2!
The 3 of them were running through the house and being their normal boy selfs, when I asked them to pick up their toys out of the living room floor before the got broken with all the running around. David and Colton acted like they didn't hear me, which is normal. Cameron however looked me in the eye and said "NO" and then he spat at me. I spanked him and told him to go to his room. He told me "I don't have to. Your not my boss." to which I replied "Oh yes I am until you don't live in this house anymore I am." he kept smart mouthing, and I had to walk away from him. I have never been that close to smacking one of my kids in the mouth. I got my wits about me again and took him screaming and kicking to his room. He stayed there until bedtime, which was about half an hour. Then I got his brothers into bed, and he went and got into my bed, but could he keep his mouth shut? Nope, he started again with the " I don't have to do anything you say. I just hate you." Well I know he doesn't hate me, but it can still rip out my heart whenever one of my kids say it. So I did my best to ignore him and he kept at in. I was in the bathroom cleaning up so when Steve gets home everything will be ready to just put back together, and I dropped a large piece of sheet rock on the top of my foot. Still hurts today! Cameron is still going on and on about how much he hates me and I lost it. I told him "I don't even know if I like you anymore, so you better shut up and go to sleep, because I am seriously thinking about giving you away." Well that must of hurt his feeling as bad as he had hurt mine, because I didn't here another word out of him. Then I sat down in the living room and I cried, not because of the hurt foot, I cried because I had talked that way to one of my babies. I cried because I was stressed out and didn't control my anger at him, I cried because at the moment those words left my lips I had meant them. Afterwards I limped into my bedroom snuggled him up into my arms and said "I don't hate you Cam." he says "I know mom, I just make you so damn mad sometimes! I love you mom." "I love you baby with all my heart and soul." and he went to sleep in my arms.
I know that he was just feeling like he needed my attention, and missing his dad, and he has been stuck in the house all week, and I should not have let him get to me, but it happens they learn how to push those buttons and they are young and have lots of stamina. I am old and wore out it is like a wolf pack, they will always go after the sick or injured, kids are the same way they will always go after you at your weakest moments. I think they thrive on it.