Friday, November 11, 2005

The Beetles

I can cohabitate with spiders, if they get in the house I usually pick them up and put them outside. I don't really mind snakes they are actually pretty neat. Rats, mice, and other rodents are furry and cute. Beetle cause me go quickly go into a panic attack.

Yesterday Cam found an ugly, horrid beetle thing. He came in to get the D man and of course David goes out to check it out. A few minutes later he comes running as fast as his legs will carry him and all I see is legs coming out of his hand. I know right away it's a beetle. I can see those ugly legs with their little grabby feet. I jumpped up and screamed, causing D to fling the stupid thing through the air right in my direction. It hit my foot as I was running in the other direction, and in the confussion it hid somewhere in my house! My fear of beetles runs deep, it is not really a fear so much as it is a phobia. When we coudln't find the stupid thing I was reduced to tears. My heart was beating out of my chest, the sweat was dripping off me, and I was in the middle of a full blow panic attack. I still can't put my feet under my desk. I didn't sleep well last night, and I really had to fight hard to stay in this house last night.

I think the hardest part of my irrational fear is the fact that I know how crazy it is. I know that normal people don't experience those kinds of emotions over a stupid little beetle. I mean a beetle can't hurt you, they don't carry nasty germs that cause horrible sickness and death, they can't sink their fangs into you and kill you with their venom, and they don't even bite. I don't want to be crazy and I don't want my boys to see that kind of fear from their mom.

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