Monday, September 18, 2006


The quiet surrounds me, a stillness I am not use to. It gives me an uneasy filling in the pit of my stomach. I turn on some music to drowned out the nothing, but it doesn't help much. I wonder what I am going to do when they are grown and leave the nest for good. I could go out and get away from my solitude, but that would require leaving the phone, and I don't really like to be away from the phone, even though I have a cell and they all know the number. They expect me to be here waiting for them to come home so I wait and pass the time cleaning house or some other mundane task made for killing time. The waiting drives me insane, waiting to hear the door open and little voices yell "MOM", and every time they leave me I am one step closer to crazy. It's like being stuck in a dark closet with no way out, you can hear the outside world, but you can't be a part of it because you are locked in. People tell me this isn't normal, and I say screw your normal they are my babies and my life. They are the very reason my world turns. They are the reason I wake up everyday and remember to breath. The simple things you take for granted wouldn't happen for me if they were not in my life. There would be no reason for me to exist without them. I miss my babies!

Winter is fast approaching here. We have not been over 60 degrees all weekend and the Mt. is covered in a layer of beautiful white. This morning Colton said to me "I'm a little chilly momma and it feel a lot better than being hot!" Yep he's definitely my kid.

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