There are positive and negative things about having a husband who works out of town a lot. The best thing about it is we tend to appreciate the time we do see each other more. We as in the entire family. The boys don't take Steve for granted nearly as much as they do me, but I understand that. I am the constant in their lives. That would be where the negative starts. I am feeling a great deal of pressure to be all things to these boys, and there is one of me and 3 of them. With Steve being gone so much I am like a single mother a lot of the time.
Today for instance David is very sick, we have a Dr. appt at 1:15, and I am pretty sure he has scarlet fever. For anyone who doesn't know that is just strep with a rash. When D man gets sick he runs a really high fever that is hard to break, so there was no way I could send him to school. Well today is the day Cam's class gets to go to old town, which is a putt putt golf video game kind of place. Their class won the trip for collecting the most box tops for education, and I told him a long time ago that I would go with him.
Well I don't get to go with my Cambot, because D man is sick. Cam was very understanding, but as I watched him walk across the school yard I could see how sad he was and it broke my heart. He turned and waved and gave me a big smile, but his steps were slow and he hung his head as he walked off. It breaks my heart that I can't be in more than one place, and I know that if Steve had a job that didn't require him to be gone he could have stayed home with David for part of the day so I could fulfill my promise to Cam.
I know that Cam won't hold it against me, but that doesn't help the guilt I feel. I would be feeling the same guilt however if Steve was home and I did go with Cam and left a sick baby at home. Tomorrow is track day, and I hope that the antibodies kick in and David is feeling good enough to go.
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