Wednesday, May 24, 2006

The Joy Never Ends

Steve and I had our anniversary on Monday. He was out of town working, and I was here with the boys. To me our anniversary is nothing special, it's just another day. I was amazed that we have been married for 8 years. I never thought I would get married, much less be married for this long, but that was about all I thought about it. We really don't celebrate the day we got married; there isn't really any sense in it. We got married because I was 7 months pregnant, and everyone thought we should get married. I would have been perfectly fine just living together, and I really don't know what made me go through with it. I didn't want my child to go through life without a family that had a lot to do with it. I really can't say love played a big part in my decision to get married. I mean we had been together for a year can you really love someone after that short of time, well maybe some people can, but I don't think so honestly.

My sister today told me she was kind of sad because I didn't even invite her or tell her I was getting married. I think she was a little shocked when I told here that I didn't invite anyone. I didn't, we had a justice of the peace wedding, and my parents didn't even get invited. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Steve on the other hand invited the freaking world and I was a little upset by that. We had agreed it would be simple and quiet and the next thing I know his mom was planning a reception for us and half the town was showing up for our vows. I would have been perfectly fine going to the court house saying I do and coming home without anyone knowing about it until after the fact. I know that we wouldn't have gotten married if I hadn't been pregnant, or at least I wouldn't have. Steve says he got married because he loved me, and maybe that's true and maybe it's not. The whys and how of the situation really don't matter.

The things that matter are after the fact. We did get married, we did have 3 kids together, and we do have to try every day to make this marriage work, and marriage is a lot of work. I think too many people go into a marriage thinking that it will always be as easy as those first few years or months in some cases. You know, the sex is awesome; you get along great, you over look each other faults. Then one day you take a real look at the person you have vowed to spend the rest of your life with and you think "OH SHIT". It's a struggle to not kill Steve some days, and I am sure he feels the same way about me. I have learned that I have to choose the battles we have with care, because the little stuff is what will ruin our marriage. The way I look at it is we have to stay married, and we have to get along until these boys are grown and leave the nest. It is my responsibility to my children to provide them with the best home life possible, and that includes their father.

I am not saying that I am miserable living with Steve. Sure we have our differences anyone who tells you they get along all the time will tell you other lies as well, but for the most part we get along. I love him and he loves me, we tolerate each others faults now instead of over looking them. We have had to learn how to do that. We ignore the small things that piss us off now instead of fighting about them. We work out the big stuff that does matter, and mostly he lets me be in charge. I think if we have to start celebrating the fact that we made it another year is when we are doomed to fail. "Hey honey I actually didn't pack up my stuff and leave you this year..." So yeah our anniversary is just another day to me.

Things I've learned to make a marriage work:

  1. Nod your head and smile like your listening when he is talking, even if you don't have a clue what he just said.

  2. Tell him you love him a lot. Men like to feel loved.

  3. Walk away when you want to hit him in the head with a shoe. It won't make you feel as good as hitting him in the head with a shoe, but he won't get all pissed off.

  4. Don't say "I'll just take the kids and leave then." For some reason Steve still holds that one against me.

  5. Sex Toys. If I have to explain that one you have not been married long enough.

  6. Pretend he is right every once in awhile, but make sure you let the kids know later that you were just pretending.

  7. Go to bed mad, if you don't no one will get any sleep at all, and it's to damn hard to fight when your lacking sleep!

  8. Let him pout and don't worry about it, he'll either get over it or he won't and that is all on him.

  9. Use your children as a go between. "David, go in there and tell your father..." It will save you from telling him what you really are thinking about that stupid idea he had.

  10. Hold grudges. If you don't then you will have to spend a lot more time going to family functions. "Yeah you remember when you threw the Christmas tree down the stairs… We are not going anywhere this Christmas if anyone wants to see us they can come here."

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