I finally read the Heroin Diaries... and wow it's about several of my ex boyfriends... oh wait no it's about Nikki Sixx and his downward spiral of self destruction. It was a very thought provoking book, that brought up a lot of my own past and the stupid shit I use to do. I thankfully was never a heroin addict, and luckily I never met the right people to pick up that habit, because in all honesty back in the day there wasn't much I wouldn't try and I spent a lot of time high on something or other. Fuck I'm still self destructive in so many ways. I've just traded in my methods of choice, hence the weight struggle and the 3 pack a day cough. Man I gotta give them up someday.
I think we all are struggling with some kind of demons and we are looking for ways to kill the pain. We want to go to that comfortably numb place where we don't have to feel anything, because feeling just sucks so bad. I often wish that I was born without emotions life would be a lot less stressful without the pain of them. Steve says I can turn mine on and off like a light. If that where only true I could bottle it and make a million, but I guess Nikki wrote that book already... How not to feel and we all see he had to die in the end, and even then he couldn't escape it. He just had to learn to live with it and not let it kill him again.
We are talking about the book here and not me though so lets get back to it. As I was reading these journal entries I could feel Nikki's despair and loneliness, and then I could see that he created most of it himself. He held on to his anger and let it tormented him, and at times in the book I really didn't like him at all. There were passages that made me think "what a freaking prick." Then there where times that made me just want to reach out and tell him he wasn't alone in the world. Ironically nothing in the book surprised me, there wasn't anything I didn't expect, because well that was the Nikki that I would have wanted to know back when I was younger. That was the life sex, drugs, and rock n roll baby, and it would have disappointed me to find out he was some religious nut pretending to be a rock star, because back then we all wanted to be rock stars. I would like to sit down with the Nikki today and have coffee and talk about the future of rock and roll, and kids, and life. I think he has some very positive things to get across to the world, and I think the only way he can do that is sober. I find him more appealing today than I did as a teenager, and back then I thought he was it. Nikki graced my walls and ceiling and his words blasted my stereo. Today he doesn't live in my house so much, there are no wall to wall pictures, but his words still pour out of my speakers, and I can honestly say that I wouldn't mind my kids having him for a roll model, not that fucked up kid sticking needles in his arm, but the man who followed his dreams, took a few detour and keeps on rocking. Oh and he's sexier today than he ever was before, but hey I'm older and wiser now too.
Read the book it's a sad, disgraceful tale right up until the end when you get to see the new Nikki pearing out with clear eyes and a hopeful future.
Oh and the soundtrack to the book is amazing. All 3 of my boys love it and that doesn't happen very often in our house.
you can read about the book, the music, and other stuff.Here at Nikki Sixx's website
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Whoo what happened?
I'd like to tell you that I was in a medical induced coma due to some rare condition, but that is not the case. I have just been lazy and uninspired to write anything here lately. Hockey is over so that will free up a major amount of my time, and what better way to spend free time than blogging now all I need is something to blog about.
We went to walmart last Sat. and on the way in Colton kept hitting Steve. Steve finally had enough and he asked; he didn't say knock it off before I knock you out or anything remotely like a statement he simply said "Colton will you quit." My sweet little baby looks at his dad and says "No mom thinks it's funny and it makes me happy too." I was laughing so hard I about got ran over in the parking lot. Colton 1 Dad 0 on that battle, but then I don't think Steve has ever won one when he is up against the youngest.
Honestly I'm out of topics now... life is just flying by and I am busy playing with the boys and working. I can't wait for summer when I can be lazy and stay in bed until 8:00!
We went to walmart last Sat. and on the way in Colton kept hitting Steve. Steve finally had enough and he asked; he didn't say knock it off before I knock you out or anything remotely like a statement he simply said "Colton will you quit." My sweet little baby looks at his dad and says "No mom thinks it's funny and it makes me happy too." I was laughing so hard I about got ran over in the parking lot. Colton 1 Dad 0 on that battle, but then I don't think Steve has ever won one when he is up against the youngest.
Honestly I'm out of topics now... life is just flying by and I am busy playing with the boys and working. I can't wait for summer when I can be lazy and stay in bed until 8:00!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Friday, January 04, 2008
Ahhh another year!
My boobs sag closer to my belly button and my ass lacks the firmness it once had and as if I needed farther reminders that another year has gone by I just finished filling 4 huge bags full of clothes that no longer fit my children. Time passes so quickly I can hardly keep up. I don't know why I try to keep up anymore I think that if I just sat back and watched the hours tick away I'd be less stressed and more at ease with life, but damn if I know how to sit still that long.
We had an awesome Christmas and the break has been fun we are off until the 9th so we still have a few more days. Tomorrow we are going snowboarding. I will not be strapping a board of death to my feet however. I am just not that brave and it's been almost 20 years since I have even skied. I think I can remember how to do that, and well if you don't ever hear from me again you will know it didn't go so well.
I actually read 4 books over the break and am working on a 5th, probably the reason this post is so incoherent huh! No not really that kind of 5th actually it would be book number 5. Cameron gave me His Dark Materials for Christmas and I read that, well it's actually 3 books in one so that really puts me at 7 working on the 8th. So between reading and playing rock band the break is going by to fast.
Rock Band is awesome, and I am a rock goddess, well unless I'm the drummer and then well I just freaking suck. I am the only one in the house who can read the words of the songs fast enough to sing them and more often than not I get stuck being the singer in our little house band, which as long as it's only the kids and Steve I don't mind, but no matter how awesome the game says I am I really don't see life as a rock star in my future.
David has a tourney next weekend and then we are on the road for Cam the weekend after that.
Well that's all the news here. Hope the New Year is fabulous for all 4 of you that still check up on me.
We had an awesome Christmas and the break has been fun we are off until the 9th so we still have a few more days. Tomorrow we are going snowboarding. I will not be strapping a board of death to my feet however. I am just not that brave and it's been almost 20 years since I have even skied. I think I can remember how to do that, and well if you don't ever hear from me again you will know it didn't go so well.
I actually read 4 books over the break and am working on a 5th, probably the reason this post is so incoherent huh! No not really that kind of 5th actually it would be book number 5. Cameron gave me His Dark Materials for Christmas and I read that, well it's actually 3 books in one so that really puts me at 7 working on the 8th. So between reading and playing rock band the break is going by to fast.
Rock Band is awesome, and I am a rock goddess, well unless I'm the drummer and then well I just freaking suck. I am the only one in the house who can read the words of the songs fast enough to sing them and more often than not I get stuck being the singer in our little house band, which as long as it's only the kids and Steve I don't mind, but no matter how awesome the game says I am I really don't see life as a rock star in my future.
David has a tourney next weekend and then we are on the road for Cam the weekend after that.
Well that's all the news here. Hope the New Year is fabulous for all 4 of you that still check up on me.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
The Christmas Letter
I didn't even send Christmas cards this year! I've been a slacker. Today I'm going to brave the stores and finish my shopping. I normally procrastinate, but this year has been really bad. I just can't get into the spirit of Christmas. It's been awhile since I have had that Christmas joy. Really since Steve and I had a huge fight about 5 years ago my Christmas Spirit has been ruined, and I'll probably never get it back. That's just one of the joys of marriage, your spouse will eventually ruin something you hold dear, like Christmas. I figure if we can get along the other 11 months out of the year we're doing ok though.
The boys are still excited, and I try to enjoy their joy and happiness. We will be going to my mom's Christmas day for dinner, and we are going to try to be there by about 11:30, which is really going to be pushing it with the big guy in red making his appearance at our house. The boys will be busy checking out their goods. A lot of it will be a big disappoint for them until we get to my mom's. Santa is bringing several ps2 games, and their play station got broken. Aunt Jo got them a new one, but they are not going to know that until they get to granny's house. So it will be fun for me to say "Oh Santa must not have known yours was broken. I bet I can have him bring me the receipt and we can return this stuff when the stores open again." and then when they open the new one my sister got them I get to be excited and say "Aunt Jo must of talked to Santa!"
Thankfully David still believes in Santa, but it helps that even I still get stuff from the big guy, and working at the school I get to do a lot of damage control. We were at school the other day and some of the kids were saying that Santa wasn't real, and David brought a big group over to me on the play ground to prove that he is alive and well. They were all really surprised and impressed that I still believe in Santa and get stuff from him. I told some of them that is was sad they didn't believe, because once you stop believing that's when he stops showing up! Hopefully my boys believe for several more years!
Well that's it. You all have a Merry Christmas and the best New Year ever!
The boys are still excited, and I try to enjoy their joy and happiness. We will be going to my mom's Christmas day for dinner, and we are going to try to be there by about 11:30, which is really going to be pushing it with the big guy in red making his appearance at our house. The boys will be busy checking out their goods. A lot of it will be a big disappoint for them until we get to my mom's. Santa is bringing several ps2 games, and their play station got broken. Aunt Jo got them a new one, but they are not going to know that until they get to granny's house. So it will be fun for me to say "Oh Santa must not have known yours was broken. I bet I can have him bring me the receipt and we can return this stuff when the stores open again." and then when they open the new one my sister got them I get to be excited and say "Aunt Jo must of talked to Santa!"
Thankfully David still believes in Santa, but it helps that even I still get stuff from the big guy, and working at the school I get to do a lot of damage control. We were at school the other day and some of the kids were saying that Santa wasn't real, and David brought a big group over to me on the play ground to prove that he is alive and well. They were all really surprised and impressed that I still believe in Santa and get stuff from him. I told some of them that is was sad they didn't believe, because once you stop believing that's when he stops showing up! Hopefully my boys believe for several more years!
Well that's it. You all have a Merry Christmas and the best New Year ever!
Monday, December 03, 2007
A mutts a mutt!
Wow I am amazed at people, and wondering about the survival of the human race! I was in the mall and saw these adorable little puppies and then I read the sign "Pugapoo's $800.00". I asked the lady what the hell a pugapoo was and she smiles at me and says "It's a cross between a pug and a poodle" I then giggled and said "SO it's a mutt." People if it's a cross bread it's a mutt. I don't care if they slap a fancy name on it like Labradooble or pugapoo it's a freaking mutt and your getting rip off if you are paying more than the spay and neuter costs for it that the local shelter would charge. A word of advice for those of you stupid enough to pay over 50 bucks for a cross bread dog WAKE UP and quit bending over and taking it from behind... There is nothing wrong with mutts they are good dogs, but there is something wrong if your actually paying pure bread prices for one!
It's a long the same lines as a person born in the United States saying they are Mexican American or Afro American... Ok your not Mexican or African if you were born in American your American. I can trace my roots back to the Netherlands, Sweden, Ireland, and several other countries and I don't walk around saying I'm a Neswirland American... NO I was born right here I'm just American.
And while I'm on my ranting rage what the hell is up with Parents! I swear we are doomed in our old age. I was reading the news and My Space won't be charged with negligence in the case of a girl who committed suicide because someone was mean to her. I applauded the fact that My space wouldn't be held responsible for something her mother should have been monitoring a little better! I am responsible for my boys it's my job to make sure I know what it going on in their lives. I am the one that is held accountable and trying to pawn my responsibility off on someone else would make me a bad parent. Wake up and start raising your own children people, don't use the Internet for a babysitter you need to know who your kids are talking to online and exactly what they are doing on and off line. That isn't being nosy or invading their space it's called being a responsible parent. No one ever said you have to be friends with your kids. They are not looking for a friend they are looking for you to guide them to adulthood. I love my kids and they love me, but we are not always friends because I have to be their mother above all and sometimes they are not going to like me, sometimes they even hate me, but it goes with the job.
Stop trying to make the government take responsibility for your children and their behavior if you wanted someone else to raise them you shouldn't have had them! I think it's horrible that the little girl killed herself over some mean neighbors, but come on it's the internet and if you don't know what kinds of freaks inhabit this little world then you might want to spend a little more time googling before you turn your children loose here!
I could go on and on and on about all the crap that I find insane, but I have to go to hockey now!
It's a long the same lines as a person born in the United States saying they are Mexican American or Afro American... Ok your not Mexican or African if you were born in American your American. I can trace my roots back to the Netherlands, Sweden, Ireland, and several other countries and I don't walk around saying I'm a Neswirland American... NO I was born right here I'm just American.
And while I'm on my ranting rage what the hell is up with Parents! I swear we are doomed in our old age. I was reading the news and My Space won't be charged with negligence in the case of a girl who committed suicide because someone was mean to her. I applauded the fact that My space wouldn't be held responsible for something her mother should have been monitoring a little better! I am responsible for my boys it's my job to make sure I know what it going on in their lives. I am the one that is held accountable and trying to pawn my responsibility off on someone else would make me a bad parent. Wake up and start raising your own children people, don't use the Internet for a babysitter you need to know who your kids are talking to online and exactly what they are doing on and off line. That isn't being nosy or invading their space it's called being a responsible parent. No one ever said you have to be friends with your kids. They are not looking for a friend they are looking for you to guide them to adulthood. I love my kids and they love me, but we are not always friends because I have to be their mother above all and sometimes they are not going to like me, sometimes they even hate me, but it goes with the job.
Stop trying to make the government take responsibility for your children and their behavior if you wanted someone else to raise them you shouldn't have had them! I think it's horrible that the little girl killed herself over some mean neighbors, but come on it's the internet and if you don't know what kinds of freaks inhabit this little world then you might want to spend a little more time googling before you turn your children loose here!
I could go on and on and on about all the crap that I find insane, but I have to go to hockey now!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Time seems to be a problem.
Well I can't believe it's been so damn long since I blogged. I just don't seem to have the time to sit here and write anything. I just cleaned out my drafts and I had about 30 drafts all about a sentence long.
Let's see what has been going on? Hockey lots of hockey. Sick kids lots of sick kids, we have not been sick like this ever. We have spent a small fortune at the Dr. office this year already. Strep throat, ear infections, the crop, colds, and now D has missed the last 3 days of school with the sick stomach flu. I've never seen him lay around so much. He didn't even care he missed his last 2 hockey practices. Usually he pretends to be fine just so he doesn't miss hockey.
Now I'm just trying to get ready for Christmas, because it's coming way to fast and I have not gotten one gift, not even for my family that is out of town like my sister who's gifts have to be mailed before December 22 to make it on time. I was going to take a personal day so that I could go shopping without the kids, but that is out of the question now that I have missed 2 days of work staying home with David. Hopefully the other 2 don't get this crap! So far they have not shared any of their illnesses which is even weirder, and this is the first time D man has gotten sick. Colton didn't even give the strep to anyone else, so maybe I'll get lucky and this will be the end of the ickyness in our house. There are only 15 days until Christmas break, so maybe just maybe we can get back to school tomorrow and stay there until after the new year. Well I've got to go wash somemore blankets that got puked on.
Let's see what has been going on? Hockey lots of hockey. Sick kids lots of sick kids, we have not been sick like this ever. We have spent a small fortune at the Dr. office this year already. Strep throat, ear infections, the crop, colds, and now D has missed the last 3 days of school with the sick stomach flu. I've never seen him lay around so much. He didn't even care he missed his last 2 hockey practices. Usually he pretends to be fine just so he doesn't miss hockey.
Now I'm just trying to get ready for Christmas, because it's coming way to fast and I have not gotten one gift, not even for my family that is out of town like my sister who's gifts have to be mailed before December 22 to make it on time. I was going to take a personal day so that I could go shopping without the kids, but that is out of the question now that I have missed 2 days of work staying home with David. Hopefully the other 2 don't get this crap! So far they have not shared any of their illnesses which is even weirder, and this is the first time D man has gotten sick. Colton didn't even give the strep to anyone else, so maybe I'll get lucky and this will be the end of the ickyness in our house. There are only 15 days until Christmas break, so maybe just maybe we can get back to school tomorrow and stay there until after the new year. Well I've got to go wash somemore blankets that got puked on.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Alzheimer's Convention
We had try outs for the D man, and he did not make the team. He was a little sad about it, but not too bad. I am thinking that it would be a really good thing if Cam didn't play travel and I wouldn't have to get up at the ass crack of dawn every Friday morning, but Cam is playing on the travel teams so I am getting up before the sun and any normal human on this planet!
I had a birthday last Wednesday, and my dearest husband got me Elton John tickets. The concert was last night. Well of course I have cramps from hell, the whole flu, throwing up, sore throat, headache, someone is trying to shred my insides and pull them out via my belly button, kind of cramps... yeah they are so much fun I long for Chinese water torture and bamboo under the fingernails, but enough with being a female. So it's Sunday and I feel like shit, and Steve is cranky as all get out, which is pretty normal for him lately, but that is another story as well. My mom comes to spend the night with the boys so Steve and I can go to the concert. So off we went. Usually at concerts I dance and sing and have fun, but last night I sat in my chair and just enjoyed the music. Elton John is amazing. I have been to over 1000 concerts in my life, my dad says that is why I am half deaf, and I can honestly say that he sounds exactly the same in person as he does on any of his albums. I enjoyed every minute of my time spent in his presences, and was glad that I choose to go rather than sell the tickets. He played for almost 3 hours none stop, and I could have sat and listened to him another 3 hours easily. When he sings it is as if he is giving you a glimpse into his soul, as he pours all of his emotions into every song he belts out, and he has a beautiful and sometimes tormented soul. I would not miss it if he came to town again. The real fun however was after the show in the parking lot.
Now Elton John has been around a very long time, and he draws a very diverse crowd ranging in age from tots to teens all the way to middle aged and well older people. It's the latter that caused me so much enjoyment. Steve and I are walking to the van, and the couple in front of us suddenly stopped. I'd say they were in their mid to late 50's. She puts her hands on her hips and looks at him and says "You don't have any idea where you parked the car!" I giggle, and he says "I know..." looks around dumbfound "exactly were I parked!" He is scanning the parking lot hoping for a familiar landmark but it is an ocean of vehicles. I am not stifling my giggles anymore I am damn near rolling on the sidewalk I'm laughing so hard and so is Steve. He had no clue where he parked his car and we all knew it, well everyone but him. Then we walk past another lady and she states to us "I'm so lost" all I can do is laugh some more as I open the van door and get inside. It was a sold out show and getting out of the parking lot took awhile so we sat and watched an old man, I'd say 65ish wander back and forth from one side of the lot we were in to the other for about 20 minutes. I'm pretty sure that he was in the wrong lot. There were 2 ladies standing by the light pole and we watched as the man they were with kept coming back to tell them he had not found the car yet, and then the 2 ladies that chased down the wrong truck where also pretty funny. So despite the cramps and wishing for death I had a really good time and it was a wonderful birthday present.
This morning I did not want to get out of bed because it was after midnight when we got home, and I quickly realized that I had been with the right crowd last night as I am getting to old to stay out past 10!
I had a birthday last Wednesday, and my dearest husband got me Elton John tickets. The concert was last night. Well of course I have cramps from hell, the whole flu, throwing up, sore throat, headache, someone is trying to shred my insides and pull them out via my belly button, kind of cramps... yeah they are so much fun I long for Chinese water torture and bamboo under the fingernails, but enough with being a female. So it's Sunday and I feel like shit, and Steve is cranky as all get out, which is pretty normal for him lately, but that is another story as well. My mom comes to spend the night with the boys so Steve and I can go to the concert. So off we went. Usually at concerts I dance and sing and have fun, but last night I sat in my chair and just enjoyed the music. Elton John is amazing. I have been to over 1000 concerts in my life, my dad says that is why I am half deaf, and I can honestly say that he sounds exactly the same in person as he does on any of his albums. I enjoyed every minute of my time spent in his presences, and was glad that I choose to go rather than sell the tickets. He played for almost 3 hours none stop, and I could have sat and listened to him another 3 hours easily. When he sings it is as if he is giving you a glimpse into his soul, as he pours all of his emotions into every song he belts out, and he has a beautiful and sometimes tormented soul. I would not miss it if he came to town again. The real fun however was after the show in the parking lot.
Now Elton John has been around a very long time, and he draws a very diverse crowd ranging in age from tots to teens all the way to middle aged and well older people. It's the latter that caused me so much enjoyment. Steve and I are walking to the van, and the couple in front of us suddenly stopped. I'd say they were in their mid to late 50's. She puts her hands on her hips and looks at him and says "You don't have any idea where you parked the car!" I giggle, and he says "I know..." looks around dumbfound "exactly were I parked!" He is scanning the parking lot hoping for a familiar landmark but it is an ocean of vehicles. I am not stifling my giggles anymore I am damn near rolling on the sidewalk I'm laughing so hard and so is Steve. He had no clue where he parked his car and we all knew it, well everyone but him. Then we walk past another lady and she states to us "I'm so lost" all I can do is laugh some more as I open the van door and get inside. It was a sold out show and getting out of the parking lot took awhile so we sat and watched an old man, I'd say 65ish wander back and forth from one side of the lot we were in to the other for about 20 minutes. I'm pretty sure that he was in the wrong lot. There were 2 ladies standing by the light pole and we watched as the man they were with kept coming back to tell them he had not found the car yet, and then the 2 ladies that chased down the wrong truck where also pretty funny. So despite the cramps and wishing for death I had a really good time and it was a wonderful birthday present.
This morning I did not want to get out of bed because it was after midnight when we got home, and I quickly realized that I had been with the right crowd last night as I am getting to old to stay out past 10!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Waiting!
Wow what a week it's been already. David had travel team tryouts Sunday and Monday and I do not know how they are going to pick the kids this year. I'd say there are 2 or 3 that are diffidently not going to make it and 2 or 3 that diffidently are, and the rest of those kids are so evenly matched that it is almost impossible to pick one over the other. I'd just hate to have to be the guys put into that position, because it is going to be one tiny little thing that makes them pick this kid over that one. We will find out Friday weather D was one of the lucky ones or not. Friday is a long was away when you are 9 and waiting on a big decision like this! He has a really good attitude about it though, he says if he makes it great and if he doesn't then there is always next year! I'm proud of him for that attitude alone and he has nothing to be ashamed of if he doesn't make it, because he went out there and tried.
Well I am on my lunch break so I better get myself back to work or there will be wild kindergartners running lose with no adult!
Well I am on my lunch break so I better get myself back to work or there will be wild kindergartners running lose with no adult!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
What day is this?
Wow I can't believe that we have been in school almost a month already! I don't know what happened to the days, but they seemed to have gotten away from me. We are all back at school or in my case work. Hockey try outs for the D man are this coming weekend already, but there are so many kids trying out that we may not make the team this year, which isn't all that bad really. All that traveling gets old after awhile. Cam will be on the travel team so there goes my friday mornings it'll be up again and at the rink by 6:15! If D makes the travel team then it will be up and to the rink by 5:45 oh the joy of boys in sports!
Lets see nothing exciting has happened in our little part of the world at all which is honestly a good thing because when there is excitment that usually means something has gone wrong.
Colton is still trying to romance every woman from 6 to 60 within a 100 mile radius, and he still has smooth moves. I may have to beat the moves out of him if he keeps this up beyond 10! The boys are doing ok with school. David will never really enjoy it. I wish learning wasn't such a struggle for him. Cam tends to get it after awhile, but he is such a lazy learner hoping someone will just give him the answers and he doesn't have to figure them out on his own! Colton loves learning and soaks up new information like my dry skin soaks up lotion! Standing outside for 4 hours a day has really made my skin dry, and nothing seems to keep the moisture in!
Well that is about all I have left in me I have been drained every night this last month and 10 o'clock seems more like 2 in the morning!
Lets see nothing exciting has happened in our little part of the world at all which is honestly a good thing because when there is excitment that usually means something has gone wrong.
Colton is still trying to romance every woman from 6 to 60 within a 100 mile radius, and he still has smooth moves. I may have to beat the moves out of him if he keeps this up beyond 10! The boys are doing ok with school. David will never really enjoy it. I wish learning wasn't such a struggle for him. Cam tends to get it after awhile, but he is such a lazy learner hoping someone will just give him the answers and he doesn't have to figure them out on his own! Colton loves learning and soaks up new information like my dry skin soaks up lotion! Standing outside for 4 hours a day has really made my skin dry, and nothing seems to keep the moisture in!
Well that is about all I have left in me I have been drained every night this last month and 10 o'clock seems more like 2 in the morning!
Thursday, August 09, 2007
It ain't that I'm wiser, it's just that I've spent more time with my back to the wall
So I did something I said I would never every do. I'm not proud of myself and it brings me no joy to admit it here. It just shows how inscere I really am, how totally in control of every situtation I need to be. I should feel shame and guilt, but I don't I feel much better now. Oh you want to know what it is that I have done? I bought the D man a cell phone. For the last few years I have seen these kids with cell phones and said "NOt my kids they don't need a freaking cell phone." I changed my way of thinking when all summer long the kids asked if they could ride their bikes to the park, which is like 4 blocks from our house. My answer was always "Not right now I'm doing laundry" or whatever else I was doing at that time. Well the other day I decided I had to start letting them grow up a little, it isn't right for me to be so over protective of them, they need to learn and grow, so I said to D "Take my cell phone and call me when you get to the park and then you call me every 15 minutes to let me know you are ok." He agreed to my terms and off the three of them went, and he followed the rules. He said to me "Mom I need my own phone so I can do stuff." Most of his frineds live in the area, but they are half a mile from our house, so it's always been a no you can't go over unless I take you. Now he has a cell phone and I talk to him all the time, I don't see him nearly as much this week, but he calls me when he gets there and every hour until he leaves. Then we usually talk until he is safely in my sight again. It has given my 9 year old the freedom that I took for granted as a child. I need for him to have that freedom it's important for him to know that I trust him, but I need the security of knowing that he is safe. He can call me if anything happens, he call call 911 if a stranger tried to grab him, and I can call him just to say "I love you baby!"
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Roll me away
Can you tell I'm listen to a little Bob Seger tonight? I'm feeling a bit nostalgic for my youth, Night Moves seems to always take me back to my misspent teenage years. There are times when I think every mother longs for those days when she is only responsible for herself, and her every move doesn't reflect back on her children. I can't just get in the car and roll away now, and I don't know where I'd go if I could at this point in my life. I guess I'm older now, but still running against the wind and the time of working on my night moves has come and gone. God I love Bod Seger songs, it's all there wrapped up in his word, my life.
So I've been to Colorado to see my family. My baby sister got to come as well as my aunt, and my granny got sick, but I got to see them all and I love and miss them already.
There are only 19 days left of summer break for us, which sucks I wish that it were always summer break and the kids and I were always home together, but that's life they need an education, and I sure can't give them one!
Well I wanted a post and I can't think of anything to post so that's all for now!
So I've been to Colorado to see my family. My baby sister got to come as well as my aunt, and my granny got sick, but I got to see them all and I love and miss them already.
There are only 19 days left of summer break for us, which sucks I wish that it were always summer break and the kids and I were always home together, but that's life they need an education, and I sure can't give them one!
Well I wanted a post and I can't think of anything to post so that's all for now!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Time passes so quickly.
I don't know where the hours seem to go. I'm not overly busy doing anything of importance, but yet finding the time to sit down in front of this little box and actually write seems so bothersome. I have been enjoying the sunshine and the outside world far to much, sleeping in far to late and trying to avoid anything that tastes good. The latter seems to be my only downfall, it's really hard to avoid such summer treats as ice cream and cotton candy at the fair, but I have managed to lose a whole 6 pounds this month. I could have probably eaten a whole bag of cotten candy at the fair and it wouldn't have done me in.
We left the house at 6 pm and after the first ride the Dman said "I'm not leaving til they cut this wrist band off!" He was pretty much telling the truth he rode every ride at the carnival at least twice, some of them more, and it was long after midnight before we got home. They had an awesome time, but they wore me out I bet I walked 12 miles that night!
This friday I am taking them to mom's for Wright days a big celebration they have there every year. They boys have gone since they were tiny and I'll come home friday night and they will stay til sunday. Hopefully Steve will be home this weekend, but I doubt it, seems like every time we can have a kid free run naked through the house and have living room sex weekend he ends up working, not to meantion that I'm getting old and living room sex just isn't all that great!
The following friday we are leaving to Grand Junction to see my grandparents! I am so excited to be going! I miss them something awful and wish that they were closer so that I could go whenever I wanted to.
I've been walking about 2 miles a day or I should say a night. I hate walking when it's hot and there are lots of people out and about to see me waddling around. I can't wait until this weight all comes off. In the time I started blogging I had gained 70 pounds! That is horrid and I am so ashamed of myself. I'm just glad I got out of that depressed little sit in front of the computer and do nothing stage I seemed to be in. I still have a long way to go, but at least I'm getting there. I'm tried of feeling sad and depressed and worthless all the damn time, and I'm the only one who can change that, all the pills in the world won't fix it you just have to get up and do it or the darkness closes in on you and you feel like giving up.
Ok lets see the boys are getting way to freaking big for their own good. D is only about a foot shorter than me, and I'm not exactly short either I am 5'9". We measured him the other day and he is a little over 4'9", and out growning clothes like you would not believe. He is wearing a size 14 jeans the size 12 look like those short pants women wear hitting him at midcalf. I wish they made clothes that actually fit children. The waist is way to loose or the legs are to long! NOthing every fits him properly. He has this thing where he starts looking like he's putting on weight and Steve told him about a month ago "you need to get out and play more bud your getting fat." Now he has grown about 3 inches and has that flat stomach again. I told his dad he was just jealous that he coudln't put on 10 pounds and make things get bigger!
The other 2 are doing well also, but it's late and I'm tried so I will have to save them for another day!
We left the house at 6 pm and after the first ride the Dman said "I'm not leaving til they cut this wrist band off!" He was pretty much telling the truth he rode every ride at the carnival at least twice, some of them more, and it was long after midnight before we got home. They had an awesome time, but they wore me out I bet I walked 12 miles that night!
This friday I am taking them to mom's for Wright days a big celebration they have there every year. They boys have gone since they were tiny and I'll come home friday night and they will stay til sunday. Hopefully Steve will be home this weekend, but I doubt it, seems like every time we can have a kid free run naked through the house and have living room sex weekend he ends up working, not to meantion that I'm getting old and living room sex just isn't all that great!
The following friday we are leaving to Grand Junction to see my grandparents! I am so excited to be going! I miss them something awful and wish that they were closer so that I could go whenever I wanted to.
I've been walking about 2 miles a day or I should say a night. I hate walking when it's hot and there are lots of people out and about to see me waddling around. I can't wait until this weight all comes off. In the time I started blogging I had gained 70 pounds! That is horrid and I am so ashamed of myself. I'm just glad I got out of that depressed little sit in front of the computer and do nothing stage I seemed to be in. I still have a long way to go, but at least I'm getting there. I'm tried of feeling sad and depressed and worthless all the damn time, and I'm the only one who can change that, all the pills in the world won't fix it you just have to get up and do it or the darkness closes in on you and you feel like giving up.
Ok lets see the boys are getting way to freaking big for their own good. D is only about a foot shorter than me, and I'm not exactly short either I am 5'9". We measured him the other day and he is a little over 4'9", and out growning clothes like you would not believe. He is wearing a size 14 jeans the size 12 look like those short pants women wear hitting him at midcalf. I wish they made clothes that actually fit children. The waist is way to loose or the legs are to long! NOthing every fits him properly. He has this thing where he starts looking like he's putting on weight and Steve told him about a month ago "you need to get out and play more bud your getting fat." Now he has grown about 3 inches and has that flat stomach again. I told his dad he was just jealous that he coudln't put on 10 pounds and make things get bigger!
The other 2 are doing well also, but it's late and I'm tried so I will have to save them for another day!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Messed up world!
I can't believe how crazy the world has gotten. Men killing their wives and children, seem to be the big focus lately. I don't see how your life can be that messed up that you have to kill someone over it. I just don't get it. Oh sure there have been times I've thought "Good lord if my husband gets any stupider I may hit him over the head!", but it's a passing thought I am never really going to harm him physically in anyway no matter how mad he has made me. There have been times when I have threatened the boys. "If you don't straighten up I am going to beat you to death." I don't mean those words and they know it. They know that I am not going to beat them at all much less to death. They are just words used to put emphasis on the fact that I have had enough of whatever they are doing and they better stop. I just don't understand it I guess, but more importantly I don't think I am as affected by all these news stories as I once was.
It's so common anymore for someone to go off half cocked and drowned 5 children in the bathtub, or kill their girlfriend/wife and their unborn child that I think I have become more numb to this kind of news. Oh sure I still feel sad, but it isn't the same kind of sad that it once was. I am bothered by that, it disturbs me that these kinds of things are so common I can have a passing feeling of "Oh that is awful" and go on about my day without giving it another thought. I think most of America feels the same.
I was watching Critical hour or one of those trauma center shows and a group of 3rd graders, the same age as my oldest, were taking a tour of ER. I can't remember what city they were in, but when the lady guiding the tour asked these 8 and 9 year old children "What kinds of things will get you to the trauma center?" all the kids raised their hands. She called on one child and his answered floored me "Getting shot", and 3/4 of the hands went down. It's an everyday thing where they come from, and no one was horrified by it or concerned. Things like that just happen all the time so it's almost as if they expect it, they have become numb to the number of shooting in their city. If you asked my boys their answers would differ greatly, they would have said "cracking your head open, breaking your arm, or getting sick on the weekend when the dr. office isn't open." All kids should be able to have those kinds of answers for why you go to the ER.
We should all be horrified that some pro wrestler killed his wife and son and then himself, we should be terrified that some kid went on a shooting spree in Virginia, that a police officer killed his girlfriend and unborn daughter and then left a traumatized 2 year old home alone. We should feel great sadness that a man killed his wife and 3 children and then attempted to attend their funeral. These things should shock us, make us feel something other than a brief sadness, but it's happening so much that we almost expect to read about it. I wish I knew how to be shocked and terrified by this stuff, and I don't want to except that this is just the way things are. I wish I knew how to change it to make it not acceptable, but I don't and that is maybe more scary than what is happening the fact that we can so easily over look this stuff.
It's so common anymore for someone to go off half cocked and drowned 5 children in the bathtub, or kill their girlfriend/wife and their unborn child that I think I have become more numb to this kind of news. Oh sure I still feel sad, but it isn't the same kind of sad that it once was. I am bothered by that, it disturbs me that these kinds of things are so common I can have a passing feeling of "Oh that is awful" and go on about my day without giving it another thought. I think most of America feels the same.
I was watching Critical hour or one of those trauma center shows and a group of 3rd graders, the same age as my oldest, were taking a tour of ER. I can't remember what city they were in, but when the lady guiding the tour asked these 8 and 9 year old children "What kinds of things will get you to the trauma center?" all the kids raised their hands. She called on one child and his answered floored me "Getting shot", and 3/4 of the hands went down. It's an everyday thing where they come from, and no one was horrified by it or concerned. Things like that just happen all the time so it's almost as if they expect it, they have become numb to the number of shooting in their city. If you asked my boys their answers would differ greatly, they would have said "cracking your head open, breaking your arm, or getting sick on the weekend when the dr. office isn't open." All kids should be able to have those kinds of answers for why you go to the ER.
We should all be horrified that some pro wrestler killed his wife and son and then himself, we should be terrified that some kid went on a shooting spree in Virginia, that a police officer killed his girlfriend and unborn daughter and then left a traumatized 2 year old home alone. We should feel great sadness that a man killed his wife and 3 children and then attempted to attend their funeral. These things should shock us, make us feel something other than a brief sadness, but it's happening so much that we almost expect to read about it. I wish I knew how to be shocked and terrified by this stuff, and I don't want to except that this is just the way things are. I wish I knew how to change it to make it not acceptable, but I don't and that is maybe more scary than what is happening the fact that we can so easily over look this stuff.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Wow where does the time go?
I looked at the last post and it's been forever since I've written anything here. I just have not had anything to say I guess. I'm enjoying life outside this box to much to force myself to actually sit in front of it long enough to write a decent post. However today I have been thrown for a loop. The boys are at my mom's and Steve is out of town so it's just me all by my little ole self. I can't believe we are almost at the end of June already. This summer break is going to be short this year.
Really I have not been doing all that much, just spending time with my kids and Steve. He had surgery on his zamaroids, so Colton can now be in the same room with him and not have to worry about getting them! Well that really isn't the case. Once they got in there they found out something I have always known about my darling husband, he's a tight ass! No really the Dr. could only do minor work on him, because he has "a very narrow anal canal" and if they did to much surgery it would create to much scar tissure and he wouldn't function properly! So that has been the source of a lot of entertainment for me. My husband is water tight like a duck. HEEEHEEE! Ok it's only good natured teasing and he takes it very well, because he loves me.
What else? Lets see I wrecked his truck the last week of school, didn't really leave a mark on it, but I was turning and a little truck was pulling out behind a big jacked up truck and he didn't get into the lane of traffic he just stayed by the curb and I hit him, because well I didn't see him at all, and he didn't see me either. Who the hell drives in the gutter anyway? Stupid kid! I think it was more his fault than mine, but luckily there was little damage to either vehicle because we were both going so slow at the point of impact.
Other than that it's all be pretty unexciting around here. The diet is going crappy I've stalled at 61 lbs. I still have about 56 pounds to lose and I don't know if that is ever going to happen! Well I know it's not going to happen if I keep sitting here! I better get up and get busy!
Really I have not been doing all that much, just spending time with my kids and Steve. He had surgery on his zamaroids, so Colton can now be in the same room with him and not have to worry about getting them! Well that really isn't the case. Once they got in there they found out something I have always known about my darling husband, he's a tight ass! No really the Dr. could only do minor work on him, because he has "a very narrow anal canal" and if they did to much surgery it would create to much scar tissure and he wouldn't function properly! So that has been the source of a lot of entertainment for me. My husband is water tight like a duck. HEEEHEEE! Ok it's only good natured teasing and he takes it very well, because he loves me.
What else? Lets see I wrecked his truck the last week of school, didn't really leave a mark on it, but I was turning and a little truck was pulling out behind a big jacked up truck and he didn't get into the lane of traffic he just stayed by the curb and I hit him, because well I didn't see him at all, and he didn't see me either. Who the hell drives in the gutter anyway? Stupid kid! I think it was more his fault than mine, but luckily there was little damage to either vehicle because we were both going so slow at the point of impact.
Other than that it's all be pretty unexciting around here. The diet is going crappy I've stalled at 61 lbs. I still have about 56 pounds to lose and I don't know if that is ever going to happen! Well I know it's not going to happen if I keep sitting here! I better get up and get busy!
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
21 days and counting
There are 21 school days left in this year. I always get excited for the school year to end. The boys start getting restless about the same time the days start getting longer, makes me hate that stupid time change and this last month is always the hardest. I noticed that it isn't just mine there are 300 kids at my school that are the same way.
Today Colton told me that the ladies in his office are not nearly as pretty as the ladies in my office. He loves the girls in our office. Last night D said something that I didn't really like (can't remember what it was probably about tatooes or pircings or growing his hair down to his butt). I told him when he's 18 and moves out he can do whatever he wants to which Colton replied "When I'm 22 I'm gonna have a girlfriend and I'm still coming home!" He says the funniest things sometimes.
He told his dad yesterday "I don't know if I can be by you with those zamaroids falling out your butt all over the place." Yes Steve has to have the zamaroids removed next week.
Well I'm tired and going to go make dinner.
Today Colton told me that the ladies in his office are not nearly as pretty as the ladies in my office. He loves the girls in our office. Last night D said something that I didn't really like (can't remember what it was probably about tatooes or pircings or growing his hair down to his butt). I told him when he's 18 and moves out he can do whatever he wants to which Colton replied "When I'm 22 I'm gonna have a girlfriend and I'm still coming home!" He says the funniest things sometimes.
He told his dad yesterday "I don't know if I can be by you with those zamaroids falling out your butt all over the place." Yes Steve has to have the zamaroids removed next week.
Well I'm tired and going to go make dinner.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Wow there are only 4 days until Steve gets home. If you asked me at the beginning of this journey if I missed him I would have given you a response much different than the one right now. When he first left I was like well a little time apart won't be that hard. I'm use to him being gone anyway, because he's gone a more than he is home.
It is true he is gone more than he is home, but he comes home. He might be gone 4 days and home 2 and then gone 6 more, but at least I get to see him for those 2 days. Over the past 2 months I have not had those 2 days and I miss them. I miss the way I lay my head in his lap and he twrils my hair in his fingers as we watch TV. I miss the way his foot always finds mine while we are sleeping. I miss the way he plays with the boys. I miss the sex oh boy do I miss that, but that's another type of entry and I don't post about that on the internet. I just plain miss him, and I'm ready for him to come home so I can be content with him coming and going all the time, because at least he is home some then.
It is true he is gone more than he is home, but he comes home. He might be gone 4 days and home 2 and then gone 6 more, but at least I get to see him for those 2 days. Over the past 2 months I have not had those 2 days and I miss them. I miss the way I lay my head in his lap and he twrils my hair in his fingers as we watch TV. I miss the way his foot always finds mine while we are sleeping. I miss the way he plays with the boys. I miss the sex oh boy do I miss that, but that's another type of entry and I don't post about that on the internet. I just plain miss him, and I'm ready for him to come home so I can be content with him coming and going all the time, because at least he is home some then.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Colton is funny!
Me: "So how many girlfriends do you have this week?"
Colton: "936, because I'm smooth like butter on warm toast."
I don't know where he comes up with some of the stuff he does, but it's funny. He makes me laugh.
At the bus stop he had this converstation with one of my students who is in 6th grade.
Girl: "Where is my hug?"
He jumps into her arms and gives her a big hug then says: "I'd kiss you but I only kiss the really pretty girls and your pretty, but not that pretty!"
Tody in the truck.
Colton: "When I get married I'll have a lot of stuff to do."
Me: "Really like what?"
Colton: "Mow the lawn, water the flowers, and take care of all the babies."
Me: "How many babies are you going to have?"
Colton: "6 or 12, I have a lot of love to give my babies so I can have a lot of them."
Me: "You better have a good job!"
Colton: "I'm going to be rich so I can stay home and take care of them everyday."
I'm not sure how he is going to get rich, but I hope that works out for him.
Colton: "936, because I'm smooth like butter on warm toast."
I don't know where he comes up with some of the stuff he does, but it's funny. He makes me laugh.
At the bus stop he had this converstation with one of my students who is in 6th grade.
Girl: "Where is my hug?"
He jumps into her arms and gives her a big hug then says: "I'd kiss you but I only kiss the really pretty girls and your pretty, but not that pretty!"
Tody in the truck.
Colton: "When I get married I'll have a lot of stuff to do."
Me: "Really like what?"
Colton: "Mow the lawn, water the flowers, and take care of all the babies."
Me: "How many babies are you going to have?"
Colton: "6 or 12, I have a lot of love to give my babies so I can have a lot of them."
Me: "You better have a good job!"
Colton: "I'm going to be rich so I can stay home and take care of them everyday."
I'm not sure how he is going to get rich, but I hope that works out for him.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
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