"I'm getting the belt"

I should just quit reading the newspaper, because it makes me aware of just how backwards society is. It was this article that got my blood fired up tonight.

I don't know the whole story, because god forbide they tell the whole story in our newpaper, but apparently he spanked his own child with a belt and left marks on his rear end. It doesn't say how old the child is or what the child did. Now if it was something stupid like yelling at his sister, well then dad was out of line, but I can think of a dictionary full of reason that do justify a good spanking. There is a really thick line between beating a child and whipping their little butts, and if I saw someone beating their child I would be the first one stepping up to show them what a beating feels like. I got the belt as a child, but not many time, because I wasn't a stupid kid. I learned the first time that there were consequences for my actions. All we are teaching the kids today is "your parents have no say in your life if you want to rob the 7-11 go ahead we'll still hold your mom and dad responsible, but there are not consequences to you."

I have 3 boys, and it is my job as their mother to make them into upstanding memebers of our society. It is my job to teach them right from wrong, and lets face it not every child is the same. I can give Colton a time out or take away the TV for an afternoon and he gets it, he knows he screwed up. David and Cam on the other hand I've grounded them, spanked them, threatened to send them to military school, given them lectures, washed their mouth out with soap, you name it and I've tried it with them. You know what works the very best, yep spanking, and all I have to do is say "knock it off or I'll spank your butt" because they are not stupid kids either. They know when mom threatens to spank them if they keep it up I will whip their butts. I have not had to use a belt on them yet, because my hand across a check stings pretty good.

They are telling kids in school that if your parents hit you to call 911. David told me that the last time I threatened to give him a spanking. I told him I'll dial the damn number if that's the route he wanted to take, because welfare will come and take him away so fast he won't even get to tell me goodbye. He was shocked that someone would take him away from me. His actual words were "but your a good mom, and I love you. would they really take me to foster care because you spanked me?" We had a long talk about abuse then. I told him he should never let anyone hurt him, not even me. I explained the difference between spanking and beatings and told him if he ever really felt I had abused him that he probably should call 911, but if I swatted him on the butt because he said the "f" word maybe he better think twice about calling the cops. He understands that he is the one that will suffer, because he has a pretty good home, with parents who are doing their very best to raise him. He understands that he has love, food, clothes, shelter, and most anything he wants, but he also understands that there are consequences for the bad things he does. All children need disaplain, and everyday the government is taking away parental rights and decisions. Then when these very same children are caught stealing the very same government blames the parents. I guess from now on everytime I need to spank my children I'll just call up the law makers, judges, social services, and all the people ruining this country and let them decide how to handle it, and then in 10 years when they are sending them to the pen for the 3rd time they will have no one to blame but themselves, but alas they don't want that kind of responsibilty so it is left up to me. I am accountable for how my children behave, and I demand that they are polite, respectful, well behaved children. I expect a lot from them, and they seldom fail me. I expect them to know right from wrong and no that if they choose to do wrong they will have to face the music. Granted they are just kids and they are going to screw up, and I do have to choose the battles I fight with them, but there are those things that warrent a butt beating.

So now I have ranted and raved enough about that. Everyone go over and read Wendy girl's news it is pretty exciting!

I've been tagged!

I have not done a meme in so long I almost forgot what they were, but Angi tagged me for this one.

Word association

1. Flip- this is something the boys have learned at school, and not by the teacher oh no they learned this one from there friends. Used in a sentences by D when a car pulled out in front of use the other day. "Mom should I 'flip' him off."

2. Sand-what the boys and dogs keep tracking in the house from the back yard.

3. Vacuum- what I have not done in 2 days and desperately need to because of all the sand.

4. Southern-
Angi

5. Testosterone- way to much of it exists in my house! I should get a girl dog!

Angi only used one with with each of her answers, but I have to much to say I guess to limit myself to just one word! I don't think I have ever thought of just one word for another.

So Colton went for his well child check today... He is all good, but he had to have shots and that just sucks. I took him back to school, not my choice, and he ran off to his class like I didn't exist. I am fixing to go get him from school, because land before time is on and I don't want to watch it by myself. I miss him so much for the last 3 years it has been him and I and now I don't have that time with him. It really messes up my day. I was on the phone with mom a few minutes ago and she said "are you watching cartoons?" cause she could here them in the background. Our TV seldom leaves the cartoon channels even when no one is watching it cartoons are still on in the background.

Well I am off to find something to keep me busy for the next 3 and a half hours!

School Sucks!

Well I didn't like school when I went and I diffenently don't like it now the boys go! I am so utterly alone all day it is driving me nuts. This morning I have already done 2 loads of laundry, cleaned the pig cage, gave the pigs a bath, they like to swim, and talked to my mom for an hour online! I still have 4 and a half hours before they get home.

Colton liked his first day of kindergarten, but he doesn't get to ask as many questions as he would like to and he doesn't get to tell as many stories either... That sucks for him, because he thinks he could teach the teacher a thing or two. He has an excellent teacher, Cam's teacher from last year and she knows him so she knows he will be much more difficult than his brother was, but he loves to learn and he is one of those kids who just gets it. He is not the shy quiet well behaved child my other 2 are. He isn't rude by any means he is just very open and has a lot to say, but he has manners.

Cam's first day being a 1st grader went well also. He really likes his teacher, and I like her too. She taught at science camp so Cam knew her, which I think helps if they know who they are going to be with all day. Cam is very quiet in class as well and she encourages him to be a part of everything. I like that about her, because Cam has a lot to contribute if you give him the chance.

David is another story. He likes his teacher, but school is just so much harder for him than it is for the other 2. He is already frustrated and just "wants to be like the normal kids." I told him he is a normal kid, but that doesn't help. He knows he struggles, and he wants to know why just as badly as I do. It breaks my heart sending him off to school, when I know he is going to come home so keyed up and anxious because he feel like he is less than the other kids. I wish I knew what to do for him. I have tried so many different things and nothing helps. He isn't dumb by any means, and he has more common sense than most grown ups I know. He just doesn't read fluently and with all the work they have done the last 2 years trying to improve that he has now gotten behind in other things. He is out of the classroom so much he misses the important stuff they do there, but he is still expected to know it.

I am thinking seriously about running for the school board next time around. I am also looking into better reading programs for the schools and I am going to start lobbying to get the improvements made in that area. I have looked into the reading recovery program they have, because I felt that it failed D miserably, and all the research I could find agrees with me that it is a temporary fix to the problems kids have with reading. I don't know what will come of any of it, but I'll at least keep trying.

There are 2 more weeks of 3 on 3 hockey, and then 2 weeks after that regular season starts. No one told me there would be so much running around when I had kids! It seems like we are always busy with something when school starts. Well I am going to go clean the bathroom this trying to stay busy while they are off at school is going to kill me!

Sadness and more sadness

Steve Irwin, the croc hunter, has been a part of our lives since David started watching TV. All 3 of the boys love him, and they want to be just like him when they grow up, especially Colton. He has had a great influence on Colton, who won't let you kill a spider when you could just take it outside and don't even meantion killing a snake. So today when we heard about his death we all kind of took it hard. It was like we had lost a family member or close person friend. I think a lot of people felt that way. Him and Terri were in our homes all the time. He took us on every journey with him, from the birth of his children to the lose of his dog and his mother, and everything in between. They openly shared their lives with us, and their passion to save animals. He taught us that snakes are not bad, and it's better to just move them out of the back yard and take them down to the river instead of killing them. He inspired awe in every kind of animal, and he could make you believe that crocs were "little beauties". He had such a love for all the creatures of this earth, and he was willing to share that with his viewers. As I sit here and watch the old reruns of croc hunter I think about Terri, Bindy Sue, and little Bob. I am sad for them. I am sad that Bindy won't have anymore adventures with her dad, you could tell by watching them together they were kindered spirts. I am sad for Bob because he doesn't get to know Steve, and I am sad for Terri. If there were 2 people in the public eye that truly loved each other it was Steve and Terri Irwin. I told my Steve tonight that I was glad she had such a great support system. My heart goes out to them.

We had our own tragic accident here on wednesday. I am still wondering how the heck it happened. I told the boys they had to clean the pig cage out, well I should have known something awful was going to happen, because they jump right up and started in. Well they put the piggies under the table, where they usually stay. So David is in the cage wiping it down and they are almost done, he has a few more spots to wipe up and then we can put everything back in. Well he jumpped out of the cage and at the very moment he jumpped down Fireball ran out, and before either one of them knew what happened Cam is screaming "He stepped on him, David stepped on him" David picked him up ran him over to me "He's bleeding mama he's bleeding" he says to me in tears. I took the little body and saw the blood on his hind leg. "Oh shit he broke off his foot!" was my first thought, but as I explored a little more there was just one little spot of blood. It was looking better until I turned him around and saw the blood pouring out of his nose and mouth. I knew there was nothing I could do. I hate that helpless feeling. I couldn't do anything for Fireball, and I couldn't do anything for David who I now notice is covered in blood all over his little arms and legs. David is freaking out and then I said "he's dead" and the tears started flowing. I sent David in to get cleaned up and placed Fireball in a shoebox. He was the most social guinea pig we have, and I think that is why he decided to come out, but the timing was just perfectly wrong. David got cleaned up, and we took him and buried him in the back yard. Then David hugged Cam and told him a million times how sorry he was, Fireball was Cam's pig, and they both cried. David wouldn't hurt anything for the world and this has been extreamly hard on him. You meantion the name Fireball and both the boys cry, thankfully Cam doesn't blame David he watched the whole thing happen and knew there was nothing that could be done. I wish that David didn't blame himself so much that is hard for me especially since I am the one that told them get those pigs off the couch! I blame myself!

Containment

 

I am happy to say that they have the fire contained now.  There were 10 cabins destroyed, but no one was hurt thankfully!  The smoke is still thick here, and my allgeries are going nuts! 

Other things going on:

 

I applied for a job at the school, but they never called me back so I doubt I got that which sucks, but oh well.

The boys started 3 on 3 hockey, and that is twice a week so we have been doing that the last 2 weeks.  They are having a great time, but I forgot what it is like trying to get 2 kids dressed in all that gear!

Steve's hand is not healing like it should.  I don't know what they are going to do they may end up pinning the bones together if it doesn't start healing soon.  I'm sure that it would heal a lot better if he would leave the little splints on his fingers, but he is a man and you can't tell them anything.

Really that is about all that has been going on.  School starts the 5th so I have been going through clothes trying to find out who fits in what and am learning that none of my kids seem to be fitting in anything!  If they don't quit growing I am going to put bricks on their heads!  D man has grown about 3 inches in the last month and gained 8 pounds.  He is 4'9" and weights 77 pounds now! 

I am off to the laundry room again!

Casper Mountain has

Casper Mountain has always been a place of fun and good times for me. Ever since I was a child we have picnicked there, skied there, biked and hiked, and camped there. The view from my back deck is one of the best in the world. I can see the green pines in the summer and the snow capped whiteness in the winter and she is always beautiful. The last time I was there the boys and I went up for a picnic at the falls. We were lucky enough to be the only ones enjoying her beauty that day. We ate lunch and the boys played in garden creek, the same way I use to when I was their size. Then we hiked up to the water fall itself. We sat down and watched a rock chuck playing around and listened to the wind in the trees and the birds singing to each other.

I have many stored memories of times I have been up there. The times when we would sneak in after dark as teenagers just to go sit by the falls and drink beer oh yeah we did that a few times. The time my sister, our friend and I went up in the winter and Jo fell through the snow and we had to dig her out, because she was up to her neck and we laughed all the way home. The picnics at Beartrap with my parents when dad would get board and say "lets go for a drive" we always went on the same drive up over the mountain, stop for a picnic at Beartrap, and down the back side over to coal mountain road and home. I loved the times we went up so my boyfriend at the time and my sister could ride their mountain bikes, and I would take a book and sit and read in the quiet that only a mountain can offer for hours while they explored. There was the time that my sister came home for a visit and we took the boys up to the falls for an afternoon, and all the trips to gravity hill and how fun we thought it was that the car can actually roll up hill, and the times I taken the boys there and how they are just as amazed at I was when I was their age.

I will never forget the time mom, me, and Jo went to look at the deer, they gather at the base of the mountain, and that 4 point buck came to the window looking for a hand out. I didn't have anything to feed them, but he could smell something so he stuck his head in the car. I leaned back as far as I could, knowing that if I pissed him off he could seriously hurt me, his tick infested head stretched out and he took a piece of candy that was in the console of mom's car. He pulled his head back out the window and stood there eating his candy, while the three of us laughed and laughed. Silly damn deer didn't have a clue that was bad for him, but not one of us was willing to tell him any different. I can't count how many times I have taken the boys up to watch the deer; there is something magical about garden creek deer, but only while they are at garden creek. They are almost tame there, but they move away from that spot and they are as wild as any other deer.

I could go on and on with my memories of the times I have spent enjoy my beautiful mountain, and now watching her burn and not being able to do anything about it rips my heart out. I know that Mother Nature is at work and she knows what she is doing, but that doesn't make my heart ache any less.

Mother Natures unleashed her furry!

I went out on the back deck and watched as smoke plumed above the mountain. It started off as a small cloud, and quickly progressed to several large clouds of smoke. I looked on hoping it would be contained to the back side of the mountain. Thinking surly they will get it under contol, but knowing there was no way to contain the beast. I would come in the house and do a few things and then go back out and check on my beautiful mountain. As night approached you could see the orange glow of flames creating an errie light across the night sky, but so far so good not one flame leaped to the front, until about one this morning. I was standing out of the deck and the flashing light caught my eye, and I knew the fire had creasted the top of the mountian. I looked throught the binoculars and saw the flames licking the bottoms of trees, and my heart sank. I went to bed, only to wake up to the thick smell of smoke and burning pines. I went again to my back deck and watched as fire poured down the side of the mountain like hot lava, stopping every once in away to dance in the tops of trees. A sadness filled my heart. My beautiful mountain that holds so many joyous memories, the mountain that we all take for granted for so many years, the mountain that I love is burning down. My first thought was for all the critter living up there, and then all the people who have chosen to make their homes there. They have evacuated much of the area and are asking people less than a mile away from me to leave their homes. I know mother nature really knows what she is doing, and the burn will create new growth, but it's sad to watch her go up.

Salad

The guinea pigs are out of veggies. They are a real pain in the butt and require as much or more attention as the dogs do. I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to let the boys have them. The boys have been pretty good about keeping up with their care though, so it's hard to complain about them to much.

Jake had a really sever hypo, low blood sugar, the other night. I was outside talking to my neighbor and Steve yelled from the window "Jakes having a heart attack." I knew what it was, and I ran as fast as a fat girl can run, grabbed the syurp and started dripping it onto his tongue. It took a couple minutes and he was sitting up shaking it off again. I was so glad we were home or we would have come home to a dead dog! I don't know why his sugar went so low. Him and I had been sitting on the couch together like we always do, and I got up to go see what the boys were doing. He was fine when I left him, he wasn't showing any signs of hypo at all. Usually he starts getting a little goofy and I know he is low and take care of it before it gets worse. This is the first time he has every gone so low it didn't even register on the blood meter. I had only been outside about 10 minutes. He is getting old now and it scares me, because I am not ready to lose another dog right now.

Today is the last day of science camp for the boys. They have had a really good time, even if they didn't like getting up early. I am starting to think that if school started at about 10 in the morning they would all do better. No one of them is what you would call a morning person, but then neither is their mother!

3 on 3 hockey starts the 15th and they are really looking forward to that, but I have to figure out how I am going to get them to hockey and Colton to soccer on the same nights at the same time. I have to help Cam get dressed and I have to tighten both their skates, but I can't just drop off a 5 year old and leave him at the soccer field. The boys alone on the ice wouldn't be so bad, because I know everyone at the ice rink and really there is no way for anyone to steal them off the ice, but the soccer fields are all open and anyone could come along and take chunk. The bad thing is soccer starts 15 minutes before hockey!

Candies dandy, but liquor's quicker!

I am sure that everyone has heard about Mel Gibson's drunken tirade by now. I laugh and shake my head, and thank the stars that my words don't mean anything to anyone other than me. I know that a lot of people would not like what I have to say if I were in the public eye, but that is beside the point. For those of you that don't pay attention Gibson got arrested on a DUI and started making anti jewish statements about the Jewish being responsible for all the wars in the world. He was drunk, and drunk people often say stupid things. To blame the Jews for all the wars in the world is just crazy and not a very well thought out statement, only an idiot or a drunk would make such a comment. I have seen Mel on several different talk shows promoting his movies and such and he has struck me as an intelligent person, a person that is smart enough to know that those kind of comments can ruin an acting career. I don't have an acting career, nor do I want one so I can say anything I want and it will not ruin me.

Let's turn his statement around just a little and say "Religion is responsible for most of the wars the world has seen." That would be a much truer statement in my view. I don't think one religion is anymore or less responsible for war, they have all had their fair share of starting wars in the name of their god or gods. Perhaps the wars didn't start as a religious war, but some smart person who knew people would fight for their religion turned it around to make them feel that is what they were fighting for. People like Hitler, who hated his father, a Jew, who abandoned him and his mother, turned that hatred around on all Jews. He was a master at making the people under his rule believe that the Jews were evil and making his followers believe that they were fighting more to preserve their own religious beliefs and ways of life. Bin Ladden works on the same principles he manipulates people into believing that they are killing the infidels in the name of religion. In both cases the people who are fighting and dyeing never really know the true reasons for their leaders hated of a certain race or country. They are blinded by their beliefs. People are like cows on a trail, one cow starts down the trail and other just seem to fall in behind them, not knowing where the leader is taking them or why and not smart enough on their own to question why they are walking away from the green grass towards a dirt field, and no matter how thirsty or hungry they get they still stay on the trail. So to say one specific religion is responsible for all the wars is ridicules, but who can really argue with the fact that religions have played a major part in many wars.

Now that I went off in a total different direction I shall get back to the topic at hand. The simple fact that we, as in the people of the world, put more stock in what some actor says than what our own children have to say to us is a sad truth. We have turned entertainers, actors, musicians, sports figures, into something they are not, they are worshiped like hero's. We follow their lives, and want to know everything about them, what they eat for breakfast, who they are sleeping with, what their kids look like. It is insane considering they are just people, they are no better or worse than any one of us average people, they just make more money. They were all born naked and will die one day just like the rest of us. The true hero's in our world are often overlooked, because we are to busy worrying about what Mel Gibson said or how much weight Oprah has lost or gained. I remember a few months ago when we were at the store and D man saw some of our national guardsmen, he says to me "Those guys are hero's mom!" I hope he always knows who the true hero's are and doesn't put to much faith in what some actor has to say. I guess that all ties into the religious views as well. I hope that they all grow up to use their own minds to know what is right and I hope they always question things, and choose to get off the trial if it is leading them in the wrong direction.

Nothing of importance

Over the past week we have been assulted by missionaries of every demonition trying to offer us a little salvation. I have politely told them I am not interested in what they have to say, and I'm not. If I want to talk religion there are several people I feel are more qualified on the subject than some stranger trying to convert me. Let's face it these people are not up for a debate on faith or my lack of it. They simply want to recute me into their folds, and honestly that is not going to happen. My own grandparents have not been able to make a believer out of me, so really some wacky people knocking at my door have little hope. Now I have nothing against religion. I think more people need the morals and values that religion teachs, but I don't think going door to door pedaling your views is the way to make it happen. I am a stong believer in my views are my own and yours are yours. I respect the fact that other people have different beliefs than I do, and I expect people to do the same.

I have been Colton's sole sorce of entertainment this past week. His brother's are at science camp. Colton was to young to go to the camp. Then after camp 3 on 3 hockey and Soccer for Colton starts. He was going to play hockey, but changed his mind, which is good really for me and cheaper too! I am not ready to start running here and there again and trying to be in more than one place at one time. I am not ready for summer to be over either and it is quickly winding to a close. I hate the boys having to be in school all day, and this year all 3 of them will be going all day long. I am going to find a part time job to keep myself busy or I will go insane.

The dog, the tooth, and other stuff

David turned 8 last Sat. It just doesn't seem like we have had him for 8 years already. Time just go by so fast the older I get. He had a great birthday, his granny came and took him to Red Lobster, his favorite place. Then he spend his birthday money that he got from Aunt Jo, Aunt P, and his great grandparents on a new pair of heely's shoes... he is like a little pro on them now. He got hockey gear that he needed and the star wars movies from us and granny got him new skates and hockey breezers. He finally lost his first tooth on tuesday.

It was lose and he kept nagging me to pull it, but he would chicken out the minute I got close enough to touch it. I was joking and I said well tie a string to it and Cam's bike and have Cam ride off really fast... they did and now he is minus one baby tooth.

Monday there was a dog wondering around the neighborhood. It was limping very badly and it got closer to D and I as we were standing in the yard. D all of a sudden says "What is that smell." and then it hit me. It was the smell of death, if you have ever been around something that is about to die or has just died you know that smell. It was awful and I knew he was in bad shape. He lives up the street and it was almost 5:30 so I am sure he was trying to make it home... I was very scared one of the kids was going to try to help it and end up getting bite. The nicest dogs in the world will often bite when they are scared and in a lot of pain, so I made all the kids in the neighborhood go to the back yard. When I went back out front to help him he was gone already. I hope he made it home and they took care of him.

Sunday we went to the air show it was part of D's birthday. We got to see the Thunderbirds, they put on an amazing show. D and Cam now want to join the air force and become pilots. I told them they better start getting the grades now! I wouldn't really mind if they went to the Air Force Academy it isn't that far away from me! Colton chated with everyone about everything. The Navy seals had a booth set up and they had their little dune buggy out.

Colton goes up to one of the kids and says "So how fast does it go?" "About 80 miles an hour." the kids replys. "Well how the hell does it fly?" Colton says. Which made perfect sense we were at an air show! Then we walked through the coast guards Hercules and Colton found the coast guard kids and says "So you know how to fly this baby?" "Yep I do" kid says. "Well let get her up in the air then" Colton says. There is never a dull moment when you take that one out in public!

Steve's fingers are doing much better, but if he doesn't get off light duty soon and start to do real work again he is going to drive me nuts. He isn't very good at doing nothing...

Wow an amazing thing!

I was clicking through my links this morning, and popped over to one I don't seem to get to as often I would like, This we will defend. Sgt. Hook is an awesome writer, and I was playing a little caught up on his posts, when I came across the link for 2996. This is an amazing effort that everyone should be promoting.

The idea is to get 2996 bloggers to post a tribute to a life lost on 911. So far he has 995, so there are still many names left. I am a little nervose about taking on such a great challenge. I don't know if I could do this project justice, but I am going to give it a shot. Please pass the word around even if you don't feel you can write a tribute at least pass the infor on to someone who might!

Take mine I'm not using them anymore!

If you have read for awhile then you know that I voted for Bush, and you also know why, but for anyone who just stumbled here accident's looking for naked jenn cam, which I seem to get a lot of hits from, I'll explain that decision. I would never vote for a traitor and I would not waste my vote so I was stuck voting for Bush. It was that simple really, but a lot more complex too.

I knew this 4 years would make me shake my head in disbelief, and make me wonder if maybe I should move to Canada. I knew that my life views were very different than the current administrations. For example I have no religious views. I think abortion is my choice not my governments or my neighbors choice in fact I don't even think it's anyone else's business.

So it's not really a big shocker that I support stem cell research. I think the possibilities could be great. I mean eventually they may figure out how to grow kidney's or hearts or liver and thousands of children on the transplant list facing death could go on to lead healthy, happy lives. Cures for cancer, MS, MD and millions of other things could be found. I wasn't really shocked that Bush vetoed the bill, but I was hopeful that he wouldn't. I would gladly donate my eggs for research, honestly I'm done with them. I don't really see it as a moral dilemma, maybe it's because I don't have any religious convictions, or perhaps I don't see embryo's in a Petri dish as babies, or maybe it's just the fact that I look at all the babies it could save and I think about my babies and if anything was wrong with them I would want every option under the sun explored in order to find a cure. I would give up my own life for theirs if that is what it took. I think it is my respect for life that really makes me in favor of stem cell research, and regret that as a nation we are stepping backwards.

Hotter than the core of the earth!

I am not one of those warm weather people. If I have the choice of fun in the sun or sitting under an air conditioner I will always choose the A/C. If I liked to be sweaty and sticky I'd excersize more, but I think it's pretty obivious that I don't enjoy being sweaty or sticky or excersizing for that matter. The last week has been miserable hot, the kind of hot that melts your brain just looking out the window. The downside to the hot is that this last week was fair and rodeo week. Well you know I love the rodeo, but I kept putting it off until last night, the last night. All week long it's been 100, 102 right in that range. Hopeful that it would cool off before long I waited and put it off, after promising the boys we would go. So there it was Sat. the final night and the tempture hovered around 112 degrees. I know that 12 degrees doesn't seem that much worse than 100, but it is. I have no other choice, I have promised these babies that I would take them. I try really hard never to break promises. Most of the time I tell them "we see" or "I'll do my best."

So we loaded them up and took them. Thankfully the fair buildings are all air conditioned. We wondered around in them until the rodeo started. Then we went over got some seats and proceeded to sweat until we all looked like we had been running through the sprinklers. I didn't see much of the rodeo between unsticking my clothes from my body, wiping my steamed up glasses off, and attempting to fan the air around me for some kind of cool breeze. I just kept thinking any time now this will be over! I made it though though and am alive today.

I am looking at moving somewhere cooler, like possibly sibera...

My heart stopped!

"Is this Steve's wife?"
"Yes it is."
"This is Bob from husbands company. Have you talked to Steve this afternoon?"
My heart stopped, "No, I have not."
"Well there was an accident at work... He's ok, but he is in the ER in Thermopolis. He injuried his hand."

Sometimes I forget that I really do love him. Sometimes I forget just how good he is to me. Sometimes I forget just how much he loves our boys. A lot of times I get mad because he drinks to much, and a lot of times I get mad because he does stupid man things. However, at that moment when the guy called to tell me there had been an accident I could hardly breath. My mind raced with thoughts of Steve laying there fighting for his life, and I was 230 miles away. I joke with Steve all the time that his life insurance is doubled if it happens at work, but in the real world I don't want anything to happen to him. I really do want to grow old with him. There are times that I need some space away from him, and there are times that I get so mad at him I could beat him to death, but if anything is going to happen to him I want it to be by my own hands damn it!

I was very relived when he told me it was only his hand. Steve got his hand smashed under a motor that runs the pumps. They weigh about 1500 lbs. I figured that he was going to come home minus a finger or two, but he got really freaking lucky. He only broke 2 fingers, and they had to sew one back on. It hurts like hell, but he is going to be right back to work in a week, more than likely on light duty cause I don't know how he is going to do a whole lot without the 2 middle fingers on his right hand. Why is it alway the hand you use most? He is all splinted up and the ER Doc said it won't come off for at least 2 weeks, maybe longer. For now I am trying my best to take care of him, but he is a crappy patient! If he would just shut up and do what I say we would do alright, but no he thinks he is a grow up or something! It's much easier taking care of injured children at least they do what I tell them to.

A glimpse of life without kids.

There is an awful silence in my house. A silence that won't go away no matter how much how loudly I turn the sound on the TV up or crank the music. I feel lost and alone without the boys. They are the reason I breath everyday, and since they have been gone it had been horrible. I have seen the future and it isn't to pretty either.

The kids are gone and Steve and I are alone, and yet I am feeling more empty then when he is off on a job. He mowed the yard and I cooked dinner. I ate dinner and he fixed the sprinkler head that was bad. I watched TV he sat outside on the back deck. He came in and ate dinner and watched Monk with me. He went to bed, and I am watching Psych. This is how it will be when our kids get older and move out on their own. We just seem to have less and less in common everyday. The boys are what binds us together and without them we are nothing, we have nothing. Maybe it is just because I miss the kids and I feel lost without them. I don't really know how to be without them. For the last 8 years that what I have done, cattier to my children. I don't do anything without them, and now I feel like just sitting in the house waiting for them to call me. Longing to here their little voices say they love me, now don't get me wrong I love the fact that they want to spend time with my mom and dad and vice versa. They all love each other a great deal, and I know they are being well taken care of. There isn't anyone in the world I would let them go with other than my mom and dad.

So anyway mom and dad are bringing the boys home Sunday and we are all going to go boating at the lake. Then David wants to go back to their house, but he may change his mind once I tell him we are going to the rodeo Tuesday night. Yes it is once again fair and rodeo season here. The boys all love going to watch the rodeo especially the bull riding. David is determined that in the winter he will be a pro hockey player and in the summer he will be a pro bull rider. I am determined that he will never get that close to a bull. I've been to enough rodeos in my day to know that it is way to dangerous for one of my boys. I don't care if it's calf roping or bull riding I really hope they outgrow their cowboy dreams.

Tomorrow is Steve's 43rd birthday, damn he is getting old. He will be 56 when Colton graduates from high school. I will only be 47, that is young enough to play with any grandbabies I might get. Steve will be to old to enjoy any grandkids!

Well that is my pathetic life in a nutshell.

Fireworks

Well last night we loaded up the family and went and listened to the bands at the event center and got a good spot to watch the fireworks. The only band we heard was not that good... perhaps it's just that I am not into the kind of music they were playing or maybe it was because every song the sang sounded like they ripped the music off from Jimi Hendrix songs and just changed the lyrics. Colton entertained the crowds with his awesome dance moves, he looked just like he was in the middle of the mosh pit doing his thing. He cracks me up that kid. We were sitting by some bushes and a tiny baby rabbit decided that we were pretty safe and he came out and nibbled some grass just inches away from us. It was all the boys could do to hold themselves back. Colton says "I just want to love it up."

After about 3 Hendrix songs with different lyrics we had had enough, so we start making our way back to the truck. It's getting dark and the parking lot was very busy so I said "give me your hand so I know where your at." more to Colton than the other 2. David looks and me and says "I'd rather step in horse shit than hold your hand!" It was on. I grabbed him up and started kissing his cheeks and telling him that I loved him. He ran all the back to the truck. A little while later he asked me if he hurt my feelings and of course I played it up and said yes. He jumped into my lap and said he was just kidding.

The boys are all off to spend some time with their grandparents tomorrow.

Kids are funny

The other day I was sitting in the living room flicking channels when Colton and his little girlfriend from up the street, who's also 5, came in. They stopped and talked to me for a minute, and as they were getting ready to leave she looked at the TV. I don't know what the show even was I stopped mid click when they came in to talk to them, but there was this teenage couple and he leaned in and kissed the girl.

"OH GROSS" little girl up the street says.

I am thinking she is grossed out because they are kissing and then...

"He has glasses! She kissed a boy with glasses."

I am not to sure I want Colton to be playing with her anymore!

I want to live!

That is the sickest I have ever been in my entire life! I went back to the dr. today and he said I need another round of antibodies, but I am on the mend. He had all the paperwork ready to admit me to the hospital today to take my tonsils out when I went in, but they are returning to there normal size now. My white cell count was still much higher than normal, but it has come down a lot. Thankfully I am not going to die, however last week I really didn't care if I lived or not. I just had a really bad strep infection that went into all the glands.

My granny is feeling much better, and they are getting her all fixed and better for the time being. It will be just a wait and see game, but she is getting up on her own now and walking. The confussion isn't happening as much now either. I am so thankful and hope that everything they are doing for her will fix her up.


The boys are already board and we are not even into summer break yet. I don't know what I will do with them all summer.

Steve goes back to work tomorrow, some vacation he had.

The dogs both still need a bath, they are filthy from camping.

Being sick really sucks!

I'm stable

I don't think I have ever been as sick as I have this week in my entire life. I am able to sit here now without falling out of the chair. Yesterday I couldn't even do that. So after 3 trips to the dr. and 3 different antibodies we finally got some that work! But wait lets go back to the beginning. Steve is on vacation this week, which was actually a good thing for the boys, so monday we are all packed up and ready for a camping trip. We go up the mountain set up camp, and have a lovely evening of roasting marshmallows and making smores. Finally we get 5 people and 2 big dogs settle into a tent that is barely big enough for just the 5 people and I lay there wishing I hadn't closed up the windows because it is sauna hot in there. I drifted off several time only to be awakened again but the shifting of a dog either across my leg or the one fighting for more matteress, then finally blessed sunrise! There is nothing like sunrise when your camping, because really you can't get up before the sun... you can see shit anyway. I got up a little sore and a whole lot stiff, and both dogs followed me out of that little sauna. Poor little Jakie dog was so stoved up he could hardly move. So I made my coffee as every made their way out of the tent. I told Steve that Jake needed to go home, because really I could have made it another night..., but thankfully Jake couldn't. I wouldn't know what a right choice that was until I got home. Steve and the boys all agreed that camping one night was all they wanted to do as well! We loaded up and came home. David drove for about 3 miles and he did a great job! I had been promising him I would take him out and work on his driving for the last 3 months. So anyway the boys stop to go shoot their guns, and I just decide to come home, because Buddy dogs would have pissed all over himself if he has seen the guns.

So I get home take my shower check myself for ticks, and start unloading the van. By the time the boys get home, which was a little over an hours later, I am feeling over tired and everything hurts. I am tough though so I make dinner eat about a fourth of mine and tell Steve I think I am getting sick, because by now I have a sore throat and am running a fever. Well as the night progressed my 2 already large tonsils merged into on huge tonsil making it impossible for me to breath or swallow or talk. I then went to bed and slept from 8 o'clock until the next morning at like 11. Steve had gotten me a dr. appointment and I went I don't remember much of the rest of the week really. I laid in bed for most of it. All I know is that friday Steve woke me up and said he was taking me back to the dr. Which was fine with me especially if they planed on giving me a leathial injection. So that is where I left you yesterday with the whole mono thing. About 15 minutes after I wrote that the dr. called back and said my mono test was negitive, but they did a CBC and it was off the charts so I needed to take these pills and the prednisone he had already given me. Steve went to pick up the pills later and they thought he was going to have to drive to my moms house to have it filled. No one in town had them except walmart thankfully, but the guy at walgreens called everyone on the list and my dr. twice to make sure it was this pill I had to have. So anyway I am on my way to recovery now. I am like a normal really sick person today. I have the sore throat, but I can breath and swallow, the achy body, the fever, and just plan ass tiredness. The only good thing to come of this was between wed. and friday I lost 8 lbs... I am sure it's up to about 12 now as I have only eatten about half a cup of soup. I go back to the dr. on tuesday to retest my blood and check me over. Wow that took forever to write. I am going back to lay down now. Goodnight.

Sorry

I'm sick sick sick... can everyone say MONO... this is twice now and I guess you can keep getting it. I'm back in bed I feel like shit.

Things are looking up

My granny has been really sick for a while now, and they don't really know what is wrong. Right now they are treating her for spurs in her neck at the c4 and c5 levels. They think that is the cause of the pain, weakness and confusion she has been experiencing. They have been through a range of different things it could possibly be the worse being lewys body a rapid advancing form of alzhimers. So far the treatment for her neck seems to be working. Hopefully things will keep improving. I am very close with my granny she has been a very important part of my life. I don't know what we would all do without her in our lives. I know that she won't live forever and I know that a lot of people in their 30's don't have grandparents still around so I have been very blessed to have mine as long as I have, but that doesn't mean I want to let her go anytime soon. We are just taking it one day at a time that is all we can do. Thanks for all the kind comments and the wonderful emails you guys, you know who you are, are the best and I love you!

Frustrated

I am frustrated and pissed off and heartbroken and life is so unfair on all fronts. I am pissed off because I married someone so selfish and uncaring and hurtful. I am frustrated because doctors have no answers and no cures. I am heartbroken because there is nothing I can do to help. There is never enough time with the ones you love and it isn't fair and I don't know if I should go or stay home and wait for news. I don't want to add unnecessary stress by going. I regret not having a big fight with Steve at Christmas when I wanted to go and chose to shut up and avoid a fight. I reget that I turned off my aol and yahoo messager when Steve was home to avoid a fight about how much time I spend online. I hate that I didn't go up there more. I hate that I am not close enough to be there everyday. I wish I could have 10 more years, just 10 that isn't very long 10 years is so short please just 10 more good years with her.

SPOILED

Need proof?

Well here it is.

Lazy summer days

There are only 3 hours of school left for the boys. I am so excited for the summer to be here. I miss them when they are at school all day. Cam missed friday because he was sick with the same crap David had, but we got him on antibodic and he is feeling much better today.

David and I sat down and had a really long talk about him staying in second grade next year. I was very impressed by him. He talked to me like he was a lot older than 7. I asked him what he thought about the whole idea. He could have moved on to 3rd grade, but I worry so much about him getting farther behind the older he gets. He told me that he wants to go to college and he doesn't want to end up working at McDonalds because he couldn't make it through school. He is very aware of how much he struggles, and very aware that if he wants to do something with his life he has to go to college. I told him that staying in 2nd grade again would be an oppurtunity for him to get ahead, he could use it to master the skills he is struggling with. We talked about it for about 2 hours or more. We talked about his friends moving on and how that kind of hurt his feeling, and he wondered if they would make fun of him. I told him that they might kids are mean like that, and he said they sometimes make fun of him because he has such a hard time reading. I didn't know that, because he never told me. We finished our talk and I told him to think about it and a few hours later he came and said he wanted to stay in 2nd grade. The funny thing about it was that he was so relaxed about the idea, like a weight had been lifed from him. I think it is very important for him to make these decisions on his own. I lay them out on the table and I guide him, but in the end the decision should be his. So he is all set to go back into the same class he was in this year. I am so happy with his decision, and I feel better that I didn't make it for him. I requested the same teachers he had this year, because they were very good. Not one time did I feel uninformed at what was going on with him. They called me, they made time for me anytime I went in and it was just really good to have them.

Cameron is going to first grade and I would like to keep him in Kindergarten, not because he is struggling with anything, just because I am not ready for him to grow up yet! Cam is doing well he left kindergarten reading at level 6, and knows everything he needs to know to go on to first grade. Colton is moving up to kindergarten. Colton is ready to move on. He talked to the kindergarten teacher on friday when we went in and he was very excited and told her that she would have to teach him next year and he was ready to learn.

fun and sun

I staggered out of bed to find all of the boys up watching TV, and I look at the clock, because the alarm had not gone off yet. I questioned why I was even out of bed until I saw the numbers staring back at me 8:45. What the hell! The boys had track day and we had 5 minutes to get me and 3 boys ready to roll. I ran to the bedroom started grabbing clothes not caring if they even fit much less matched, I threw them at the boys, wet my hair down brushed my teeth yelled at the boys to get their shoes on, and threw water bottles into the cooler. We ran out the door and halled ass to the school.

David's class was just loading on the buses so I told him to run and catch them, and I told Cam to stay in the van with Colton. I ran to the office told them David was on the bus and I would take Cam with me and meet his class at the high school where we always have our track day. I got back in the van and speed to the mini mart grabbed some sandwiches, because I was suppose to make us all lunches and didn't have time. We sped out of the parking lot and raced to the field. I was thinking we were going to be very late, and we pulled up right behind the buses the kids hadn't even unloaded yet. Damn I'm good!

We had a great track day, and we should have taken first in who can get a family of 4 ready in less than 5 minutes!

The joy's of parenthood

There are positive and negative things about having a husband who works out of town a lot. The best thing about it is we tend to appreciate the time we do see each other more. We as in the entire family. The boys don't take Steve for granted nearly as much as they do me, but I understand that. I am the constant in their lives. That would be where the negative starts. I am feeling a great deal of pressure to be all things to these boys, and there is one of me and 3 of them. With Steve being gone so much I am like a single mother a lot of the time.

Today for instance David is very sick, we have a Dr. appt at 1:15, and I am pretty sure he has scarlet fever. For anyone who doesn't know that is just strep with a rash. When D man gets sick he runs a really high fever that is hard to break, so there was no way I could send him to school. Well today is the day Cam's class gets to go to old town, which is a putt putt golf video game kind of place. Their class won the trip for collecting the most box tops for education, and I told him a long time ago that I would go with him.

Well I don't get to go with my Cambot, because D man is sick. Cam was very understanding, but as I watched him walk across the school yard I could see how sad he was and it broke my heart. He turned and waved and gave me a big smile, but his steps were slow and he hung his head as he walked off. It breaks my heart that I can't be in more than one place, and I know that if Steve had a job that didn't require him to be gone he could have stayed home with David for part of the day so I could fulfill my promise to Cam.

I know that Cam won't hold it against me, but that doesn't help the guilt I feel. I would be feeling the same guilt however if Steve was home and I did go with Cam and left a sick baby at home. Tomorrow is track day, and I hope that the antibodies kick in and David is feeling good enough to go.

Memorial Day

We were shopping yesterday and as usual on the weekend before Memorial day the Vet's were out distrubing those paper poppy flowers. The boys wanted to know what they meant. I had heard the history of the poppy before, but it slipped my memory at the time. I told them I couldn't really remember what the poppies stood for, but when we got home I would look it up for them and here is the link that best described it.

http://www.usmemorialday.org/backgrnd.html#1

In Flanders FieldsJohn McCrae, 1915.
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead.
Short days agoWe lived,
felt dawn,
saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved,
and now we lieIn Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep,
though poppies growIn Flanders fields.

The Joy Never Ends

Steve and I had our anniversary on Monday. He was out of town working, and I was here with the boys. To me our anniversary is nothing special, it's just another day. I was amazed that we have been married for 8 years. I never thought I would get married, much less be married for this long, but that was about all I thought about it. We really don't celebrate the day we got married; there isn't really any sense in it. We got married because I was 7 months pregnant, and everyone thought we should get married. I would have been perfectly fine just living together, and I really don't know what made me go through with it. I didn't want my child to go through life without a family that had a lot to do with it. I really can't say love played a big part in my decision to get married. I mean we had been together for a year can you really love someone after that short of time, well maybe some people can, but I don't think so honestly.

My sister today told me she was kind of sad because I didn't even invite her or tell her I was getting married. I think she was a little shocked when I told here that I didn't invite anyone. I didn't, we had a justice of the peace wedding, and my parents didn't even get invited. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Steve on the other hand invited the freaking world and I was a little upset by that. We had agreed it would be simple and quiet and the next thing I know his mom was planning a reception for us and half the town was showing up for our vows. I would have been perfectly fine going to the court house saying I do and coming home without anyone knowing about it until after the fact. I know that we wouldn't have gotten married if I hadn't been pregnant, or at least I wouldn't have. Steve says he got married because he loved me, and maybe that's true and maybe it's not. The whys and how of the situation really don't matter.

The things that matter are after the fact. We did get married, we did have 3 kids together, and we do have to try every day to make this marriage work, and marriage is a lot of work. I think too many people go into a marriage thinking that it will always be as easy as those first few years or months in some cases. You know, the sex is awesome; you get along great, you over look each other faults. Then one day you take a real look at the person you have vowed to spend the rest of your life with and you think "OH SHIT". It's a struggle to not kill Steve some days, and I am sure he feels the same way about me. I have learned that I have to choose the battles we have with care, because the little stuff is what will ruin our marriage. The way I look at it is we have to stay married, and we have to get along until these boys are grown and leave the nest. It is my responsibility to my children to provide them with the best home life possible, and that includes their father.

I am not saying that I am miserable living with Steve. Sure we have our differences anyone who tells you they get along all the time will tell you other lies as well, but for the most part we get along. I love him and he loves me, we tolerate each others faults now instead of over looking them. We have had to learn how to do that. We ignore the small things that piss us off now instead of fighting about them. We work out the big stuff that does matter, and mostly he lets me be in charge. I think if we have to start celebrating the fact that we made it another year is when we are doomed to fail. "Hey honey I actually didn't pack up my stuff and leave you this year..." So yeah our anniversary is just another day to me.

Things I've learned to make a marriage work:

1. Nod your head and smile like your listening when he is talking, even if you don't have a clue what he just said.


2. Tell him you love him a lot. Men like to feel loved.


3. Walk away when you want to hit him in the head with a shoe. It won't make you feel as good as hitting him in the head with a shoe, but he won't get all pissed off.


4. Don't say "I'll just take the kids and leave then." For some reason Steve still holds that one against me.


5. Sex Toys. If I have to explain that one you have not been married long enough.


6. Pretend he is right every once in awhile, but make sure you let the kids know later that you were just pretending.


7. Go to bed mad, if you don't no one will get any sleep at all, and it's to damn hard to fight when your lacking sleep!


8. Let him pout and don't worry about it, he'll either get over it or he won't and that is all on him.


9. Use your children as a go between. "David, go in there and tell your father..." It will save you from telling him what you really are thinking about that stupid idea he had.


10. Hold grudges. If you don't then you will have to spend a lot more time going to family functions. "Yeah you remember when you threw the Christmas tree down the stairs… We are not going anywhere this Christmas if anyone wants to see us they can come here."

Beetles suck

I was getting the boys ready for bed when I notice that we are out of milk. It seems it's always late at night when I notice things like that. So I tell the boys to quickly put their clothes back on so we can run up to the store and get some milk really fast. We go, we get back, and I am carry a sack of donuts and the milk. I approach the front door, that is when I see them, 4 or 5 huge red beetles and they fly. I can take snakes, rats, spiders, but those damn beetles send me into a full blow panic attack.

I run to the side walk, almost in tears. David yells "throw me your shoe mom" and I do. He is swinging that shoe right and left smacking them and crunching them against the cement. I am screaming from the sidewalk "kill them David kill them". I am surprised that every neighbor wasn't running out to see what the crazy woman was yelling about. I see the last one fly off and I scream "open the door baby open the damn door!" David flings the door open and I sprint inside. My heart was thumping, cold sweat was pouring off me, and I was close to tears as I slammed the door behind me. David hugged me and told me it was all going to be ok.

Those creepy damn beetles are going to be the death of me I'm sure of it. Thankfully I had a child to save me. The next day he went out front and swept them all off the steps so I could take them to school and wouldn't have to look at them. What a kid he is and I am damn lucky he loves me enough to save me. The other 2 just walked in the door like nothing was happening. If David hadn't of saved me I would have had to spend the night in the van.

My side hurts!

I love my internet friends they are some of the funniest people I have ever know. Angi as most of you know is one funny lady, but yesterday she about killed me she had me laughing so hard, and she didn't even mean to!

I left a comment on her blog, we were talking about learning disabilities, or more the lack of D getting any help for his reading disabilities that all the testing the school has done can't find... anyway that is another post. So Angi sends me this email:

Jenn, have they done a Woodcock Johnson test on him?

I about fell out of my chair. Who in the world came up with the WOOD COCK JOHNSON test? My first thought was "Well Angi I already know he has one of those, he was born with it." heeheeeheee. It's a real test Angi made me google it! I just don't know if I can ask for it without giggling, "Yeah I would like to get David a Woodcock Johnson please." heeheee I giggle like I'm a teenager again just typing it. Heeehee.

Tired

Colton has become a perment fixture in my bed the last couple of nights. I put him in his bed tuck them all up and a few hours later I go to get in my bed, and there he is stretched out in the middle. Now out of all 3 of the boys he is the worst to sleep with. If he gets hot he assumes everyone is hot and pushs the covers into the floor. If he is cold he thinks everyone is cold and piles lots of blanket on everyone. He never sleeps in one spot, he roams all over the bed like he is searching for something that has been lost for a long time. Then after hours of this he finally settles down. He gets sideways in the bed, props both legs in the middle of my back and begins to snore softly. I move his legs off me, scoot him back to Steve's side of the bed and try once again to go to sleep. It last about 3 minutes before he is right back in the same position. I love him, but he is going to have to go right back in with his brothers tonight, no matter how many times I have to move him there. I don't understand how they sleep with him, and manage to actually get any rest, because I sure don't.

I am glad school is almost out. Colton only has 4 more days and then he is mine for the summer! The 31st is track day for the other 2 so we will be doing that, and then June 2nd is their last day! I don't know how it went by so fast, but it seems the older I get the faster the days go by. I am ready for summer with the boys. I miss them when they are at school all day. I don't know what I am going to do when Colton goes to school all day next year. That is going to really suck. I am thinking I will be getting me a job to pass the time. I will go insane sitting here all day waiting for the boys to get home.

Steve has been working working and working some more. He got promoted to a tech so he doesn't have to drive the big trucks anymore. He is happier I think, but he will be gone just as much or more now. I am going to have to get a boyfriend to do all the stuff around this house that I need Steve to do. I'm pretty sure that Steve would enjoy coming home to everything being fixed that needs fixed and the lawn mowed, and all that.

Mommy

One thing I never in my life thought I would ever be called was mom. I never felt that I would be a good mom. Children require a lot of attention and a lot of care, and anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I barely take care of myself. The thought of being responsible for another life still terrifies me. It is my job to make sure I raise them to be productive memebers of society. I am responsible for everything they do, not to meantion their day to day care, and it's a big job. I still don't think I am a good mom, but I do the best I can do. I get them to school on time, I get them feed, I get them to their events on time. I try my best to teach them good manners, how to behave in public, and all that. Sometimes it works and other times I am tired and frustrated from having to tell them over and over again. It just comes with having 3 boys there will be times they make me feel like an utter failure. The one think I am excellent as a mother at, the one thing that I can never fail at or mess up is loving them. I never thought it was possible to love another human the way I love the boys. I like most moms would die or kill for my children. They are the only reason in this world worth getting out of bed everyday for. I often wonder what I did before I had children, what did I live for? My life really had no purpose before them, but now that I have them I am scared that my life will again have no purpose when they all grow up and leave me. I will be stuck all alone with no one to yell at, no one to say "pick that up" to a hundrend times. No one to tuck in at night and read stories to, and hold and hug and kiss and play with. I will once again be all alone with no purpose in life, and that thought terrifies me beyond belief, because although I never ever planned for kids in my life I got them and they changed the entire meaning of my life. The wonderful thing about that is they changed it for the better.

Happy Mother's day to all the mom's out there.

Headlines

Most days I don't even read the newpaper. There are just to many depressing things in there, but this morning I was browsing our local online news and a couple articles caught my attention.


First this one parents want to raise the drop out age to 18. Right now our current drop out age is 16, but a child can drop out and no one has to notify the parents. The parents are out of the loop totally. I am legally responsible for my children until they are 18 years old unless they are emacapated by the court, but yet they can drop out of school at 16 and they don't even have to tell me. I am all for changing the age to 18, and if a child wants to drop out before that I think that there needs to be a lot of parent involvement. What options do these kids have once they leave school without that diploma? A big happy future of flipping burgers at Micky D's is about where their lives are going. Our rule in our house is simple if you want to live here rent free then you will be in school or move the hell out and support yourself!


This one is a little more heated. There are many reasons this article gets me. This kid wants his gun rights back, because in his youth he had one domestic violence charge his gun rights were taken away. The great state of Wyoming looked at his record and he met all the demands for having it expongued. We are willing to give his gun rights back to him. It should be a done deal right there. Nope the federal government has to step in and say they will not recognize the Wyoming law. I have a problem with the whole domestic violence laws in the first place. I think the only time the cops should be called to my house for domestic violence is if I call them. That is not how it is the neighbors can over hear a fight Steve and I are having and they can call them, then I don't have to press charges that is left to the responding officers discreation. So I smack Steve in a heated arguement and there is a slap mark on his face and I go off to jail and lose my gun rights from that moment on. I understand why the law is that way, there were far to many domestic calls and to many women getting the crap knocked out of them and when the police got there the woman was the one screaming at the cops not to take their wonderful woman beating man to jail. She wouldn't press charges and 6 months later he beat her so badly she ended up in the hospital or worse dead. I am not saying that it is an unjust law, I'm just saying it doesn't fit all domestic calls. Anyway back to the topic.

The federal government needs to step off. It should not be their call when it is a state matter. It's that simple. Our state has decided that what happened in this boys youth should not follow him into his adult life, and they need to respect that.

DELETE

That is all I seem to be doing over the past week, deleting. I have started a dozen or more posts and nothing seemed to work. So just a general what's going on post will have to do.

Can everyone say over extended. Yep that is the story of my life with 3 boys who all want to be involved in something. Colton is in the middle of his soccer season. He loves it, or more he loves going. I don't think I will ever become a full fledge soccer mom. He is more interested in playing with the other kids. Last night he just wanted to get to the giving out treats because it was his turn to bring them. I had to run the other 2 to swim lessons, because they started 5 mintues before soccor was over. Steve stayed with Colton while I took D and Cam man to swimming. While I was getting Cam undressed I somehow managed to dislocate my pinky finger, yes it hurts like a son of a bitch... but I got them all in the water and in comes Colton and Steve and I quickly start yanking off Colton's cloths so he can swim. We were suppose to have swimming on monday and wednesday, but the classes were full so we got stuck in the tuesday and thursday class. Oh well such is life.

Steve has been gone a lot, but with the price of oil at $72.69 it is expected. The top five ways you can tell the price of oil is up when you live in wyoming:

5: Everywhere you look they are building something.
4: Everyone is driving new cars.
3: All the people you know are moving into a bigger house.
2: Milk is almost $3.00 a gallon.
1: Every other licensen plate you see is from Texas or Oklahoma.

Steve is making good money right now with tons of overtime. I don't think anyone remembers the end of the last oil boom however. I see all these brand new houses going up and they are sold as fast as they are built, and when this little boom is over it is going to leave a lot of people out of work and a lot of houses going back to the bank. That is the way things work in a boom or bust ecomony. We live on natural resources here, and that means either things or good or things are not so good. I hope that this boom last for a long while, it means money in our house, but I am not stupid enough to think it will last forever or even long enough for us to pay off a 200 thousand dollar home.


My granny has been ill lately and that really worries me. I think that my grandparents need to move here or at least to Wright with my mom. They are at the age where they need someone to look out for them. I can't move there, because Steve's got a good job here. Mom can't move there, because dad has a good job where he is at. They are retired so the smart thing would be to move them to mom's, but they won't go. They are to independent and set in their ways. I wish they would just listen and let someone take care of them. Mom has been reduced to tears several times, because she doesn't know what to do. I don't know what to tell her, because there is nothing she really can do.

I am off to finish the laundry and clean the guinea pig cage. Hopefully I'll have something worth while to post soon.

The abduction

I first hear these strange voices, they sound like squeeks and purrs. Then a warm light surrounds me as I am lifted from my bed and tranported into this room that looks a lot like my living room, but it's bigger, there is no tv or computer and the furniture is much newer so I know it isn't my living room. I am standing there trying to force my eyes to focus when I realieze that I am surrounded by some strange aliens. That is when I flip out. I start asking if anyone speaks english, and this thing floats over to me and tells me to settle down. I go off at that point, and I can still remember the words I said.

"Just settle down. What the hell, you take me from my bed and I'm suppose to settle down. I have 3 kids down there that are all alone now you transport me right back to where you got me or I'm going to knock the crap out of you." the whole room went silent and I said "NOW!"

"OK OK settle down."

Then I woke up and the guinea pigs where having a fight making a whole lot of noise. So I don't know if they ever transported me back or not damn aliens! I did not know that they make the same sounds as guinea pigs only louder.

Yesterday Colton came running into the house crying with his nose and forehead all skinned up.

"Oh baby what happened?" I say to him.
"I can't tell you, cause you'll be angry!" his little voice quivered.

At least he didn't lie to me! He was jumping off the neighbors porch and he had been in trouble 2 times already for it. He kind of gave it away when he said I'd be angry.

Well you know...

Yesterday was spent at school helping in the classrooms. If you have never taken the time to spend with 20 4 and 5 year olds you should it is great fun. I am sure I create more chaos then I actually help, because I'm all about the fun! I have found that if you want a child to respond all you really have to do is act interested, which isn't that big of job for me I am interested in what they are learning.

So I played a game with the kindergarteners. They all did very well and we had a good time. Then I ran next door to Colton's class. It was his birthday and we brought cupcakes for the class to share. Well Colton likes pretty things, pretty flowers, pretty pictures, and especially pretty girls. Him and the teachers daughter have had a very close relationship all year. They are best friends. So I get to Colton's class and she informs me that when her and Colton get big they are going to get married, live in a castle, and have 10 kids. Colton is just nodding his head, and then he says "yesterday we were kissing in the hall" very matter of factly.

Colton had decided a long time ago he would be marrying her up. He thinks she is great! I'm pretty fond of her myself, she is a little doll.

Spoiled Rotten

The alarm went off and I threw back the cover, and stumbled to the kitchen.

"What kind of cereal do you guys want." I asked that because I'm a good mom, and want to send them off with full bellys. Hey I didn't say I was a great mom who sent them off with a well balanced meal, but they were feed anyway.

I got three different orders, which is the nice thing about cereal it comes in many different flavors so everyone is happy. Well I get out the paper bowls, because I am tired of digging in the trash for the good bowl, yes Colton throws the bowl, spoon, and all away no matter what I try I can't get it across to him not to, but anyway I place the correct cerals in each bowl and stuff in the plastic spoons. I reach into the fridge and pull out the milk. I am still half asleep and have not had my coffee yet, and I pour the milk into the bowls. Seconds later I am hit with this awful smell. What the hell is it... on my god it is really gross I am thinking and I pick up the cereal think I need to get the boys fed so I can investageate the source. My stomachs lurches as the bowls get closer to me and it dawns on me that the source is the cereal or more exact the milk. I tossed all the bowls into the trash grabbed the milk out of the fridge where I had returned it and look at the date, Mar 29 it says. Well hell I just opened the damn thing yesterday, and I just bought it last week. How can you buy milk in the middle of april with a March experation date! I quickly check the other 2 gallons I bought and they were both good.

Needless to say I had to make breakfast twice this morning.

So I am all out of blog topics... got one? Leave me a comment and I'll try my best to fulfil your requests. I am desperate people I'll take just about anything.

5 days with the boys

The boys have been on Easter break. They are driving me insane with their fighting and bickering. It has been lovely weather so they have been getting to play outside. I got the pleasure of a knee injury playing football, and twisted my ankle slipping in the bubbles they spilled in the kitchen floor. I don't know if I'll make it through the summer.

Saturday night about midnight, the cops showed up at the neighbors house. I have no clue why. I just know that their little girl is more than welcome to play here, but the boys are not to set foot in their house! Anyway as they were leaving we hear bang bang bang. I thought shit they are having a shoot out next door and I went to the window to have a look and I see fireworks shooting off over the houses across the street. Then comes a knock on the door. Steve answers it and it is the cops wondering if we happened to hear the gun shots. How the heck did they miss the flashes of lights in the sky? There were about 12 of them that went off.

Colton started soccer and he loves it. He has his first game on Tuesday, and he is asking me everyday if it is Tuesday.

Why?

10 year old black lab female. Owners had to move and could not take her with them. House broke, affectionate, good with children and other pets.

Now how the hell do you move and leave your 10 year old dog behind? I would have given anything to have another year with Doc his healthy happy self. I mean lets face it I spent 1700 buck in 5 days trying to make that happen. I guess there are people who have dogs, and then there are people who love their dogs.

Steve works with this guy from another state. He just got out of the military and his wife is still in the old state. He came here for a job, and she stayed saying she was going to let the kids finish school there. He ends up sleeping in his car and not eating because he is sending all his money to the wife and kids, and they can't afford 2 rent payments.

My view is that if she truly loved him and wanted to make a life with him she would have packed up the kids and gone with her husband so that he could support her. If Steve got transfered somewhere else I'd be packing boxes right now there wouldn't be any I may come up later. She has not come up one weekend to see him and she is only about 5 hours away. How do you justify your husband, who is paying your way, sleeping in his car to make sure you still have a roof over your head. That is sad.

Their is a new little boy in Colton's class at school. He doesn't have any friends, because as Colton says "he is a whine bag and no one wants to play with a whine bag. He gives me a headache!" I have seen the child 2 times and the on both occassions he has been a whine bag. He gave me a headache too!

Why does his mother put up with such behavior? I wouldn't let my kids get away with that. Mine get in a whiny mood and they get sent to bed, because I am not going to listen to that crap. At least we know where Colton gets it!

Steve wanted to throw Doc's ashes in the back yard! What the hell is up with that? Doc never went outside unless he had to. He perfered to be in the house. It was always warmer or cooler in the house than outside. Not to meantion there are not any beds or couches to lay on outside.

Still I'd rather have his ashes sprinkled in the back yard than have had him stuffed and sitting in the living room. That is what David said we should have done with him. I think we are keeping him right where he is on top of the tv where I can talk to him whenever I want to.

I was reading some of those email meme things today and I got one with the question "your house is on fire what are the things you make sure you get out?"
My kids, the dogs, the guinea pigs, and doc's ashes. Those are the only things that really matter when it come right down to it. Everything else is replacable or not worth risking my life to save.

swimming against the current

It's been really difficult getting past the whole Doc experience. I have not wanted to do anything especially blog. I am behind on everyones lives! I am gonna try to get caught up on that as well as laundry today. Anyone who has children will laugh at that last bit there. It is simply impossible to keep the laundry done. It seems like I spend days washing and drying clothes only to find an even larger pile waiting for me the next morning. Then David has out grown all his pants, which baffles me because they fit him a month ago and now they are all to short and to tight. He looks like he is wearing Colton's pants. Cam use to share pants with Colton, but now he can wear the ones D is growning out of and I had to dig around in the hand me down boxes to find bigger ones for Colton. Which means I have even more laundry to mess with now, because I have to go through and sort all the ones that don't fit anybody anymore. It won't be long before they are all wearing Steve's jeans!

The boys started swimming lessons on Monday. Cam and Colton love it, but David isn't so keen on them. He wants to get in the water and play around, but he really doesn't care about learning to really swim.

Colton starts soccer the 18th of this month. He hates ice skating so I don't have to worry about dishing out the funds for him to play hockey! He is just kind of looking around to figure out what his sport is. That is what he told me anyway, so I hope he likes soccer. It is much cheaper than hockey or baseball.

I get my garden back this summer. Last summer they were working on the siding and I couldn't have it. I really missed walking out and picking some tomatoes for lunch. This year I am planking okra. I have no clue if it will even grow here, but I figured I'd give it a try. There is nothing like fried okra it's better than candy. So I got my little trays to start everything inside this year. Usually I just go buy starter plants, but I was over excited about actually having fresh veggies that I had to get them started now!

The guinea pigs have not left the house again. So I think the boys got the message not to take them outside. At least I hope they did! Buddy dog is still terrified of them. He is pretty sure that they could eat him up within seconds! Jake could careless about them one way or the other.

No one listens to me!

8:30 this morning they started in.

"Mom can we take the guinea pigs outside." they yelled.
"NO DO NOT TAKE THEM OUT!" I yell from my bed.

I lay there a few minutes thinking man why can't these children sleep in. Next I hear the front door open. I get out of bed, throw on some sweatpants, wonder in make my coffee, go pee, sit down and check my emails, go back in and get my cup of coffee. Then I open the window and see the boys are both under the car that is parked in the street.

"What are you boys doing?" I yell.
"Speedy is under the car and we can't get him."
"Jesus Fing christ! What the hell where you guys thinking? Did you not hear me tell you not to take them out?"
Silence.
"Well did you hear me say that or not?"
"Well Cameron said..."
"I don't care who said what. I care that neither one of you listened to me!"

Speedy heard me and he started to emerge from his hiding spot. David quickly grabbed him up and brought him into the house. As he is heading up the stairs I hear Cam yell "Fireball is gone!"

He comes running in "Fireball jumpped out of the wagon and he is gone!"

So I spent the next four hours trying to find the damn guinea pig. I finally called off the search and with all the cats in this neighborhood I seriously doubt he will make it through the night unless he can find a really good hiding spot, but I am sure even if the cats don't get him he won't be coming back to this house. If I didn't find him after 4 hours I don't think there is any hope. I put out some boxes with food in them hopeing that will entice him and he will come back.

I have not been a happy mom today!

UPDATE:
I was standing out talking to my neighbor about the new neighbors we just got. Apparently the man just got out of the pen and they are known crank heads! I may have a little on the side work for Jack!

Well anyway as I was standing there I notice her cat chasing something in the bushes. I yelled the guinea pig and both of us took off as fast as we could she snatched the little fur ball up and he is home safe and sound now!

Fancy talk

David had another IEP and I went for the meeting today. He still doesn't have any learning disabilities. The base scores are set at 90 and he scores above that on everything but fluency. I think the majority of D's problems are the same as mine. He just doesn't speak the same language as everyone else, but no one has discovered the language we do speak. It sounds the same as everyone else, and looks the same, but it is very different. Until someone can tell him in a way that will make it click in his brain he will have to learn it himself. I learned that early in my education. I had to teach myself in school, because I didn't have a clue what the teachers were trying to tell me half the time.

English was my worst subject, until 9th grade. In 9th grade I was lucky to have a teacher that knew how to teach. Mrs. McKenzie, she was a tiny little thing, maybe 5 feet tall on her tip toes. She always had a cup of tea on her desk. She would not stand for any crap in her classroom, and everyone knew it. She was very old school, even back then. I think most of the kids were intimidated by her, but I flourished in her class room. I actually learned things that I didn't think I was capable of learning when I went to English class. She would give me reasons why this was this way or that was that way. I loved turning my homework in to her, because it would come back with notes all over it. She would explain why something was wrong, and she would give me examples. For everything she found wrong she found something right, so I would have a page full of red ink with positive and negative feedback that I desperately needed. Up until that point I had just gone with what I did know, but she gave me the courage to try new things. She never made me feel like she was judging me, and that is the way I had felt through school. She was a very intuitive teacher. She understood how the learning process worked for me, and she used that to teach me. I was never lucky enough to have another teacher like her, one that could actually teach me in a way I could understand. I hope that one day D finds a teacher like her. One that makes things a lot clearer for him.

Dear Doc,

It has been a week since your passings, and I am still having trouble moving on. I miss you more than I have ever missed anything in my life. I cry at the drop of a hat, because something will remind me of you. I miss our snuggle ups in the afternoon. Dinner time is awful for me and your brothers, because it just doesn't feel right. I look at the little guinea pigs and think how you would have liked them. You like all small creatures, and thought you could befriend them all. I will never forget when you tried to adopt that kitten. My heart is just so broken and life is so unfair. You have always been a part of this life I have now, and I don't know how to go on without you here. I take the boys to school and you are not standing at the top of the stairs to greet me when I get back, and I get sad. The vet called and said your remains are ready to pick up and I just can't seem to get the courage to go and get you. I just can't go there yet. Cam wants you to come home, and they all three miss you so much. I miss kissing your head goodnight, and the way you would push your head against mine and hugged me and always had to make noise. I miss the little things I always took for granted like how you would alway help Jake find the dog dishes or you would take Buddy outside at night even if you didn't have to go. I miss you foot lickings, and your soft ears, and the way you listened to me like I was important. Mostly I miss your friendship big dog it was truly the kind you only find once in a life time. I know that time will help to heal my broken heart, but this isn't an easy road. I love you big dog and I hope you always knew that.

Can we all say Allgeries!

My eyes have itched since we got the fur creatures, but thankfully I have eye drops that helps keep that under control. My head is stuffy like it's springtime in an alfalfa field, but my allgery pills help for that. The problem seems to be the hay. Guinea Pigs and hay go together like milk and chocolate chip cookies. You really can't have one without the other. They eat it, they play in it, they walk in it and then they walk on me. I have developed a red bumpy rash every where their little feet have touched my skin, and their tiny furry bodies have rubbed against me. They all three like to get behind my hair against the back of my neck, and under my chin to snuggle in and get petted. I itch like a dog with fleas. So now what am I suppose to do? I can't really get rid of the little piggies. The boys would be crushed, so I guess I will just have to quit letting them crawl on me, which I don't know if I can really do, because they are so cute and snuggly. I think I am destine to go insane from itching!

soft and fuzzy

The little critters below are guinea pigs. They are all just babies or so the pet store told us. They are suppose to be all boys, because they will mate and mate and mate... I am pretty sure they didn't mess up sexing them, because I threatened bodily harm if we ended up with a cage full of babies!

David was very sad with the passing of big dog, and he wanted to get a new puppy. I can't do a new puppy. My heart just isn't in to getting a new puppy. Right now I don't ever want to get another dog. You just grow to attached to them, and it hurts to badly to lose them. So we started looking up pets on the internet and found guinea pigs. They are not suppose to bite, they are very social, and they are easy to take care of. So we sat down and gathered information on these little guys. They are orginally from South America where they are grown as a food source in some areas. They can be litter box trianed, and they are much cleaner than hamsters. They really don't have any smell to them. You can brush them and bath them. They eat lots of leafy greens and other veggies and fruits along with hay and pellets. We had to build them a special cage, because the pet store ones are really just to small from them. They like to have a lot of space to run and play and chase each other, and they also like to be held and petted, at least 2 of the 3 do. Speedy likes to explore, but when he gets tired he goes and crawls into Coltons lap. I thought he would be timid of Colton because he is just a little kid, but they have developed a bond. However him and I have no bond what so ever. He likes to bite me. It doesn't really hurt that much when he chomps down, but I don't think he likes me very much and all I have done is be gentle with him. Colton on the other hand squeals when he runs up his shirt and gets a little rough with him, not overly rough where he will hurt him, but he chases him around with his hand and it is just funny to watch the 2 of them. Now the other two they see me and they come running to me to snuggle up against my neck and purr at me. The more I talk to them and the more I pet them the louder and longer they purr at me. The boys will set still and watch tv and the little fur balls will stretch out against them and take little naps. I didn't think that I would get very attached to them, because we had hamsters when I was a kid and they just didn't bond with you. These things they really develop a bond. Tank eats from your hand and everything.

They have in no way taken the place that Doc held in our hearts and home, but I think that they have been great at taking everyones mind off of everything. I still have certian times during the day that I break down and bawl, but I am getting better every day.

and they talk

Meet Speedy



Here's Fireball


This is tank

In loving Memory

Doc was almost 2 when Steve and I started dating. I think he was probably the main reason I kept coming back over. We developed an instant bond, me and this four legged furry creature. He would whine at the top of the stairs when I had to leave for work. I would come over after work and Doc would leap from the top stair and I would have to catch him, which wasn't easy considering he was over 100 pounds. I often wonder how I managed to get pregnant with David in the first place, because Doc was always in the middle of Steve and I. I would get into bed and he would snuggle his back against me and we would drift off to sleep together. While I was pregnant with David I would prop my belly against him. I think Doc was the first one to feel David move. He stopped jumping off the stairs then too, and would just bound down them to great me. After David was born Doc got responsibility. I swear he thought we were horrible parents. D would go down for his nap and Big Dog would pace between the crib and me, or lay in the hall and moan and whine. He wasn't happy unless that baby was close to all of us. I would put David down in the bouncy chair and Doc would lay with his head on the baby. Sometimes he would just look at me and sigh, and I am pretty sure he was thinking "It's a damn good thing you have me around to raise this kid, because you just suck!" He grew more comfortable with my mothering skills with the next 2, but he was still protective of them.

Doc knew all my secrets, my fears, my hopes, and my dreams. I told him everything, because he was my best friend. He listened when I was sad, he hovered over me when I was sick. He was joyous when I was happy. Doc took a part of me with him today, a part of my heart that I freely gave him over the last 9 years. Thankfully he gave me a part of his heart to keep with me forever. I will miss you more than you know my big dog, and I will always love you.

It's been a long hard week

I am going to go get Doc tomorrow. I will be bringing him home to spend one last night with us. I can't stand the thought of his last night being spend away from everything he has ever known. They are leaning toward pancratic cancer, because he is just not doing any better. They have been through several different things and nothing is working for him. Well I shouldn't really say that he starts to get a little better and then just gets sick again. I need to step up and do what is best for my baby and it is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Doc

I loaded Doc in the van, bawling all the way to the vets office knowing that he was not coming home with me. We get there and they help me get him back to the room. I sit crying hesterically on the floor with Doc's head on my leg. Our normal vet was off yesterday and we saw one of the others in the office. She was a very nice lady, who I really like. She didn't just treat Doc she treated me as well. I told her I didn't think it was a pinched nerve or nerve damage making him not walk I told her I thought it was something internal. She knew that I had come into that office with ever intention of doing what was best for my baby. The more I talked to her the more she listened and then she said "Let me get a blood draw on him." She took blood, went back to have it tested, and I sat and waited with Doc. About 15 minutes later she comes back and says "I think this big guy has pancreitis." Everything seemed to point to that. So she got a bed ready in the hospital ward, and they hooked him to the IV's and I left him in their care. She called this morning and by no means is he completely out of the woods but everything is looking a whole lot better today. I am fixing him some chicken bites and rice to take down so that when he can eat again they will have something there that he likes to eat. I am very hopeful that he is going to get to come home next week! Thank you all for keeping him in your thoughts and prays!

Nine years

It isn't very much time when you think about it. Nine years goes by in the blink of an eye. I kept hoping that the pills they put Doc on would kick in and he would start getting better, but if anything he has gotten worse. I take him outside to pee and I have to hold him up so he doesn't fall down now. He doesn't even try to get up off the floor without my help now. I don't think there is much they can do for him honestly and I know that putting him down will be one of the only options I have when I take him back to the vet tomorrow. It's funny how a dog can become so important in our lives. Doc was 2 when I moved in with Steve, and it was love at first sight. That is how it is with Doc he just loves you with all he has. He is 11 which they say is pretty old for such a large dog. I know that this house is going to be very empty without him in it. I am looking for a mircle right now, in a place where no mircles exist.

Odds and ends

The hockey season is almost over, and I am overjoyed. With 2 of them playing this year seemed extra long. D man has one more game on tuesday and Cam has his awards night that same night. D will have his awards night on thursday and we are done for the year! Cam isn't ready for the season to be over and David is experiencing a little burn out. He said he isn't sure if he will play next year or not. I think part of that comes from his little brother playing and playing so well. David isn't the only star in the family anymore. I hope that he plays he has a passion for it, David plays with all his heart in the game most of the time. The only reason I would want him to quit playing is if he didn't love the game anymore.

Something is wrong with our oldest lab. He can hardly get up and walk. He is getting up there in age and I am worried that they won't be able to fix him. He has been getting stiffer and stiffer over the last year, but this isn't like stiffeness. It is almost like he has pinched a nerve in his back or something.

I have had a headache for about 3 weeks now, not one of those dull achey headaches this is a strange headache. I may go to the dr someday about it.

The boys start swimming lessons and soccer next month. I will have a whole 3 weeks between things going on. I think Colton is the only one playing soccer.

I am so ready for school to be out. The weather is slowly starting to get warmer and the days are getting longer and I would much rather be playing outside with them instead of making them go to school all day.

David is going through another round of IEP testing. He is doing a lot better this year, but he is still behind most of the kids in his class. The thing his teachers have noticed this year is that he trys harder than most of the kids in his class to get it. He puts a lot of stress on himself. I think that is part of his problem. I feel so sorry for him struggling with it.