Candies dandy, but liquor's quicker!

I am sure that everyone has heard about Mel Gibson's drunken tirade by now. I laugh and shake my head, and thank the stars that my words don't mean anything to anyone other than me. I know that a lot of people would not like what I have to say if I were in the public eye, but that is beside the point. For those of you that don't pay attention Gibson got arrested on a DUI and started making anti jewish statements about the Jewish being responsible for all the wars in the world. He was drunk, and drunk people often say stupid things. To blame the Jews for all the wars in the world is just crazy and not a very well thought out statement, only an idiot or a drunk would make such a comment. I have seen Mel on several different talk shows promoting his movies and such and he has struck me as an intelligent person, a person that is smart enough to know that those kind of comments can ruin an acting career. I don't have an acting career, nor do I want one so I can say anything I want and it will not ruin me.

Let's turn his statement around just a little and say "Religion is responsible for most of the wars the world has seen." That would be a much truer statement in my view. I don't think one religion is anymore or less responsible for war, they have all had their fair share of starting wars in the name of their god or gods. Perhaps the wars didn't start as a religious war, but some smart person who knew people would fight for their religion turned it around to make them feel that is what they were fighting for. People like Hitler, who hated his father, a Jew, who abandoned him and his mother, turned that hatred around on all Jews. He was a master at making the people under his rule believe that the Jews were evil and making his followers believe that they were fighting more to preserve their own religious beliefs and ways of life. Bin Ladden works on the same principles he manipulates people into believing that they are killing the infidels in the name of religion. In both cases the people who are fighting and dyeing never really know the true reasons for their leaders hated of a certain race or country. They are blinded by their beliefs. People are like cows on a trail, one cow starts down the trail and other just seem to fall in behind them, not knowing where the leader is taking them or why and not smart enough on their own to question why they are walking away from the green grass towards a dirt field, and no matter how thirsty or hungry they get they still stay on the trail. So to say one specific religion is responsible for all the wars is ridicules, but who can really argue with the fact that religions have played a major part in many wars.

Now that I went off in a total different direction I shall get back to the topic at hand. The simple fact that we, as in the people of the world, put more stock in what some actor says than what our own children have to say to us is a sad truth. We have turned entertainers, actors, musicians, sports figures, into something they are not, they are worshiped like hero's. We follow their lives, and want to know everything about them, what they eat for breakfast, who they are sleeping with, what their kids look like. It is insane considering they are just people, they are no better or worse than any one of us average people, they just make more money. They were all born naked and will die one day just like the rest of us. The true hero's in our world are often overlooked, because we are to busy worrying about what Mel Gibson said or how much weight Oprah has lost or gained. I remember a few months ago when we were at the store and D man saw some of our national guardsmen, he says to me "Those guys are hero's mom!" I hope he always knows who the true hero's are and doesn't put to much faith in what some actor has to say. I guess that all ties into the religious views as well. I hope that they all grow up to use their own minds to know what is right and I hope they always question things, and choose to get off the trial if it is leading them in the wrong direction.

Nothing of importance

Over the past week we have been assulted by missionaries of every demonition trying to offer us a little salvation. I have politely told them I am not interested in what they have to say, and I'm not. If I want to talk religion there are several people I feel are more qualified on the subject than some stranger trying to convert me. Let's face it these people are not up for a debate on faith or my lack of it. They simply want to recute me into their folds, and honestly that is not going to happen. My own grandparents have not been able to make a believer out of me, so really some wacky people knocking at my door have little hope. Now I have nothing against religion. I think more people need the morals and values that religion teachs, but I don't think going door to door pedaling your views is the way to make it happen. I am a stong believer in my views are my own and yours are yours. I respect the fact that other people have different beliefs than I do, and I expect people to do the same.

I have been Colton's sole sorce of entertainment this past week. His brother's are at science camp. Colton was to young to go to the camp. Then after camp 3 on 3 hockey and Soccer for Colton starts. He was going to play hockey, but changed his mind, which is good really for me and cheaper too! I am not ready to start running here and there again and trying to be in more than one place at one time. I am not ready for summer to be over either and it is quickly winding to a close. I hate the boys having to be in school all day, and this year all 3 of them will be going all day long. I am going to find a part time job to keep myself busy or I will go insane.

The dog, the tooth, and other stuff

David turned 8 last Sat. It just doesn't seem like we have had him for 8 years already. Time just go by so fast the older I get. He had a great birthday, his granny came and took him to Red Lobster, his favorite place. Then he spend his birthday money that he got from Aunt Jo, Aunt P, and his great grandparents on a new pair of heely's shoes... he is like a little pro on them now. He got hockey gear that he needed and the star wars movies from us and granny got him new skates and hockey breezers. He finally lost his first tooth on tuesday.

It was lose and he kept nagging me to pull it, but he would chicken out the minute I got close enough to touch it. I was joking and I said well tie a string to it and Cam's bike and have Cam ride off really fast... they did and now he is minus one baby tooth.

Monday there was a dog wondering around the neighborhood. It was limping very badly and it got closer to D and I as we were standing in the yard. D all of a sudden says "What is that smell." and then it hit me. It was the smell of death, if you have ever been around something that is about to die or has just died you know that smell. It was awful and I knew he was in bad shape. He lives up the street and it was almost 5:30 so I am sure he was trying to make it home... I was very scared one of the kids was going to try to help it and end up getting bite. The nicest dogs in the world will often bite when they are scared and in a lot of pain, so I made all the kids in the neighborhood go to the back yard. When I went back out front to help him he was gone already. I hope he made it home and they took care of him.

Sunday we went to the air show it was part of D's birthday. We got to see the Thunderbirds, they put on an amazing show. D and Cam now want to join the air force and become pilots. I told them they better start getting the grades now! I wouldn't really mind if they went to the Air Force Academy it isn't that far away from me! Colton chated with everyone about everything. The Navy seals had a booth set up and they had their little dune buggy out.

Colton goes up to one of the kids and says "So how fast does it go?" "About 80 miles an hour." the kids replys. "Well how the hell does it fly?" Colton says. Which made perfect sense we were at an air show! Then we walked through the coast guards Hercules and Colton found the coast guard kids and says "So you know how to fly this baby?" "Yep I do" kid says. "Well let get her up in the air then" Colton says. There is never a dull moment when you take that one out in public!

Steve's fingers are doing much better, but if he doesn't get off light duty soon and start to do real work again he is going to drive me nuts. He isn't very good at doing nothing...

Wow an amazing thing!

I was clicking through my links this morning, and popped over to one I don't seem to get to as often I would like, This we will defend. Sgt. Hook is an awesome writer, and I was playing a little caught up on his posts, when I came across the link for 2996. This is an amazing effort that everyone should be promoting.

The idea is to get 2996 bloggers to post a tribute to a life lost on 911. So far he has 995, so there are still many names left. I am a little nervose about taking on such a great challenge. I don't know if I could do this project justice, but I am going to give it a shot. Please pass the word around even if you don't feel you can write a tribute at least pass the infor on to someone who might!

Take mine I'm not using them anymore!

If you have read for awhile then you know that I voted for Bush, and you also know why, but for anyone who just stumbled here accident's looking for naked jenn cam, which I seem to get a lot of hits from, I'll explain that decision. I would never vote for a traitor and I would not waste my vote so I was stuck voting for Bush. It was that simple really, but a lot more complex too.

I knew this 4 years would make me shake my head in disbelief, and make me wonder if maybe I should move to Canada. I knew that my life views were very different than the current administrations. For example I have no religious views. I think abortion is my choice not my governments or my neighbors choice in fact I don't even think it's anyone else's business.

So it's not really a big shocker that I support stem cell research. I think the possibilities could be great. I mean eventually they may figure out how to grow kidney's or hearts or liver and thousands of children on the transplant list facing death could go on to lead healthy, happy lives. Cures for cancer, MS, MD and millions of other things could be found. I wasn't really shocked that Bush vetoed the bill, but I was hopeful that he wouldn't. I would gladly donate my eggs for research, honestly I'm done with them. I don't really see it as a moral dilemma, maybe it's because I don't have any religious convictions, or perhaps I don't see embryo's in a Petri dish as babies, or maybe it's just the fact that I look at all the babies it could save and I think about my babies and if anything was wrong with them I would want every option under the sun explored in order to find a cure. I would give up my own life for theirs if that is what it took. I think it is my respect for life that really makes me in favor of stem cell research, and regret that as a nation we are stepping backwards.

Hotter than the core of the earth!

I am not one of those warm weather people. If I have the choice of fun in the sun or sitting under an air conditioner I will always choose the A/C. If I liked to be sweaty and sticky I'd excersize more, but I think it's pretty obivious that I don't enjoy being sweaty or sticky or excersizing for that matter. The last week has been miserable hot, the kind of hot that melts your brain just looking out the window. The downside to the hot is that this last week was fair and rodeo week. Well you know I love the rodeo, but I kept putting it off until last night, the last night. All week long it's been 100, 102 right in that range. Hopeful that it would cool off before long I waited and put it off, after promising the boys we would go. So there it was Sat. the final night and the tempture hovered around 112 degrees. I know that 12 degrees doesn't seem that much worse than 100, but it is. I have no other choice, I have promised these babies that I would take them. I try really hard never to break promises. Most of the time I tell them "we see" or "I'll do my best."

So we loaded them up and took them. Thankfully the fair buildings are all air conditioned. We wondered around in them until the rodeo started. Then we went over got some seats and proceeded to sweat until we all looked like we had been running through the sprinklers. I didn't see much of the rodeo between unsticking my clothes from my body, wiping my steamed up glasses off, and attempting to fan the air around me for some kind of cool breeze. I just kept thinking any time now this will be over! I made it though though and am alive today.

I am looking at moving somewhere cooler, like possibly sibera...

My heart stopped!

"Is this Steve's wife?"
"Yes it is."
"This is Bob from husbands company. Have you talked to Steve this afternoon?"
My heart stopped, "No, I have not."
"Well there was an accident at work... He's ok, but he is in the ER in Thermopolis. He injuried his hand."

Sometimes I forget that I really do love him. Sometimes I forget just how good he is to me. Sometimes I forget just how much he loves our boys. A lot of times I get mad because he drinks to much, and a lot of times I get mad because he does stupid man things. However, at that moment when the guy called to tell me there had been an accident I could hardly breath. My mind raced with thoughts of Steve laying there fighting for his life, and I was 230 miles away. I joke with Steve all the time that his life insurance is doubled if it happens at work, but in the real world I don't want anything to happen to him. I really do want to grow old with him. There are times that I need some space away from him, and there are times that I get so mad at him I could beat him to death, but if anything is going to happen to him I want it to be by my own hands damn it!

I was very relived when he told me it was only his hand. Steve got his hand smashed under a motor that runs the pumps. They weigh about 1500 lbs. I figured that he was going to come home minus a finger or two, but he got really freaking lucky. He only broke 2 fingers, and they had to sew one back on. It hurts like hell, but he is going to be right back to work in a week, more than likely on light duty cause I don't know how he is going to do a whole lot without the 2 middle fingers on his right hand. Why is it alway the hand you use most? He is all splinted up and the ER Doc said it won't come off for at least 2 weeks, maybe longer. For now I am trying my best to take care of him, but he is a crappy patient! If he would just shut up and do what I say we would do alright, but no he thinks he is a grow up or something! It's much easier taking care of injured children at least they do what I tell them to.

A glimpse of life without kids.

There is an awful silence in my house. A silence that won't go away no matter how much how loudly I turn the sound on the TV up or crank the music. I feel lost and alone without the boys. They are the reason I breath everyday, and since they have been gone it had been horrible. I have seen the future and it isn't to pretty either.

The kids are gone and Steve and I are alone, and yet I am feeling more empty then when he is off on a job. He mowed the yard and I cooked dinner. I ate dinner and he fixed the sprinkler head that was bad. I watched TV he sat outside on the back deck. He came in and ate dinner and watched Monk with me. He went to bed, and I am watching Psych. This is how it will be when our kids get older and move out on their own. We just seem to have less and less in common everyday. The boys are what binds us together and without them we are nothing, we have nothing. Maybe it is just because I miss the kids and I feel lost without them. I don't really know how to be without them. For the last 8 years that what I have done, cattier to my children. I don't do anything without them, and now I feel like just sitting in the house waiting for them to call me. Longing to here their little voices say they love me, now don't get me wrong I love the fact that they want to spend time with my mom and dad and vice versa. They all love each other a great deal, and I know they are being well taken care of. There isn't anyone in the world I would let them go with other than my mom and dad.

So anyway mom and dad are bringing the boys home Sunday and we are all going to go boating at the lake. Then David wants to go back to their house, but he may change his mind once I tell him we are going to the rodeo Tuesday night. Yes it is once again fair and rodeo season here. The boys all love going to watch the rodeo especially the bull riding. David is determined that in the winter he will be a pro hockey player and in the summer he will be a pro bull rider. I am determined that he will never get that close to a bull. I've been to enough rodeos in my day to know that it is way to dangerous for one of my boys. I don't care if it's calf roping or bull riding I really hope they outgrow their cowboy dreams.

Tomorrow is Steve's 43rd birthday, damn he is getting old. He will be 56 when Colton graduates from high school. I will only be 47, that is young enough to play with any grandbabies I might get. Steve will be to old to enjoy any grandkids!

Well that is my pathetic life in a nutshell.

Fireworks

Well last night we loaded up the family and went and listened to the bands at the event center and got a good spot to watch the fireworks. The only band we heard was not that good... perhaps it's just that I am not into the kind of music they were playing or maybe it was because every song the sang sounded like they ripped the music off from Jimi Hendrix songs and just changed the lyrics. Colton entertained the crowds with his awesome dance moves, he looked just like he was in the middle of the mosh pit doing his thing. He cracks me up that kid. We were sitting by some bushes and a tiny baby rabbit decided that we were pretty safe and he came out and nibbled some grass just inches away from us. It was all the boys could do to hold themselves back. Colton says "I just want to love it up."

After about 3 Hendrix songs with different lyrics we had had enough, so we start making our way back to the truck. It's getting dark and the parking lot was very busy so I said "give me your hand so I know where your at." more to Colton than the other 2. David looks and me and says "I'd rather step in horse shit than hold your hand!" It was on. I grabbed him up and started kissing his cheeks and telling him that I loved him. He ran all the back to the truck. A little while later he asked me if he hurt my feelings and of course I played it up and said yes. He jumped into my lap and said he was just kidding.

The boys are all off to spend some time with their grandparents tomorrow.

Kids are funny

The other day I was sitting in the living room flicking channels when Colton and his little girlfriend from up the street, who's also 5, came in. They stopped and talked to me for a minute, and as they were getting ready to leave she looked at the TV. I don't know what the show even was I stopped mid click when they came in to talk to them, but there was this teenage couple and he leaned in and kissed the girl.

"OH GROSS" little girl up the street says.

I am thinking she is grossed out because they are kissing and then...

"He has glasses! She kissed a boy with glasses."

I am not to sure I want Colton to be playing with her anymore!

I want to live!

That is the sickest I have ever been in my entire life! I went back to the dr. today and he said I need another round of antibodies, but I am on the mend. He had all the paperwork ready to admit me to the hospital today to take my tonsils out when I went in, but they are returning to there normal size now. My white cell count was still much higher than normal, but it has come down a lot. Thankfully I am not going to die, however last week I really didn't care if I lived or not. I just had a really bad strep infection that went into all the glands.

My granny is feeling much better, and they are getting her all fixed and better for the time being. It will be just a wait and see game, but she is getting up on her own now and walking. The confussion isn't happening as much now either. I am so thankful and hope that everything they are doing for her will fix her up.


The boys are already board and we are not even into summer break yet. I don't know what I will do with them all summer.

Steve goes back to work tomorrow, some vacation he had.

The dogs both still need a bath, they are filthy from camping.

Being sick really sucks!

I'm stable

I don't think I have ever been as sick as I have this week in my entire life. I am able to sit here now without falling out of the chair. Yesterday I couldn't even do that. So after 3 trips to the dr. and 3 different antibodies we finally got some that work! But wait lets go back to the beginning. Steve is on vacation this week, which was actually a good thing for the boys, so monday we are all packed up and ready for a camping trip. We go up the mountain set up camp, and have a lovely evening of roasting marshmallows and making smores. Finally we get 5 people and 2 big dogs settle into a tent that is barely big enough for just the 5 people and I lay there wishing I hadn't closed up the windows because it is sauna hot in there. I drifted off several time only to be awakened again but the shifting of a dog either across my leg or the one fighting for more matteress, then finally blessed sunrise! There is nothing like sunrise when your camping, because really you can't get up before the sun... you can see shit anyway. I got up a little sore and a whole lot stiff, and both dogs followed me out of that little sauna. Poor little Jakie dog was so stoved up he could hardly move. So I made my coffee as every made their way out of the tent. I told Steve that Jake needed to go home, because really I could have made it another night..., but thankfully Jake couldn't. I wouldn't know what a right choice that was until I got home. Steve and the boys all agreed that camping one night was all they wanted to do as well! We loaded up and came home. David drove for about 3 miles and he did a great job! I had been promising him I would take him out and work on his driving for the last 3 months. So anyway the boys stop to go shoot their guns, and I just decide to come home, because Buddy dogs would have pissed all over himself if he has seen the guns.

So I get home take my shower check myself for ticks, and start unloading the van. By the time the boys get home, which was a little over an hours later, I am feeling over tired and everything hurts. I am tough though so I make dinner eat about a fourth of mine and tell Steve I think I am getting sick, because by now I have a sore throat and am running a fever. Well as the night progressed my 2 already large tonsils merged into on huge tonsil making it impossible for me to breath or swallow or talk. I then went to bed and slept from 8 o'clock until the next morning at like 11. Steve had gotten me a dr. appointment and I went I don't remember much of the rest of the week really. I laid in bed for most of it. All I know is that friday Steve woke me up and said he was taking me back to the dr. Which was fine with me especially if they planed on giving me a leathial injection. So that is where I left you yesterday with the whole mono thing. About 15 minutes after I wrote that the dr. called back and said my mono test was negitive, but they did a CBC and it was off the charts so I needed to take these pills and the prednisone he had already given me. Steve went to pick up the pills later and they thought he was going to have to drive to my moms house to have it filled. No one in town had them except walmart thankfully, but the guy at walgreens called everyone on the list and my dr. twice to make sure it was this pill I had to have. So anyway I am on my way to recovery now. I am like a normal really sick person today. I have the sore throat, but I can breath and swallow, the achy body, the fever, and just plan ass tiredness. The only good thing to come of this was between wed. and friday I lost 8 lbs... I am sure it's up to about 12 now as I have only eatten about half a cup of soup. I go back to the dr. on tuesday to retest my blood and check me over. Wow that took forever to write. I am going back to lay down now. Goodnight.

Sorry

I'm sick sick sick... can everyone say MONO... this is twice now and I guess you can keep getting it. I'm back in bed I feel like shit.

Things are looking up

My granny has been really sick for a while now, and they don't really know what is wrong. Right now they are treating her for spurs in her neck at the c4 and c5 levels. They think that is the cause of the pain, weakness and confusion she has been experiencing. They have been through a range of different things it could possibly be the worse being lewys body a rapid advancing form of alzhimers. So far the treatment for her neck seems to be working. Hopefully things will keep improving. I am very close with my granny she has been a very important part of my life. I don't know what we would all do without her in our lives. I know that she won't live forever and I know that a lot of people in their 30's don't have grandparents still around so I have been very blessed to have mine as long as I have, but that doesn't mean I want to let her go anytime soon. We are just taking it one day at a time that is all we can do. Thanks for all the kind comments and the wonderful emails you guys, you know who you are, are the best and I love you!

Frustrated

I am frustrated and pissed off and heartbroken and life is so unfair on all fronts. I am pissed off because I married someone so selfish and uncaring and hurtful. I am frustrated because doctors have no answers and no cures. I am heartbroken because there is nothing I can do to help. There is never enough time with the ones you love and it isn't fair and I don't know if I should go or stay home and wait for news. I don't want to add unnecessary stress by going. I regret not having a big fight with Steve at Christmas when I wanted to go and chose to shut up and avoid a fight. I reget that I turned off my aol and yahoo messager when Steve was home to avoid a fight about how much time I spend online. I hate that I didn't go up there more. I hate that I am not close enough to be there everyday. I wish I could have 10 more years, just 10 that isn't very long 10 years is so short please just 10 more good years with her.

SPOILED

Need proof?

Well here it is.

Lazy summer days

There are only 3 hours of school left for the boys. I am so excited for the summer to be here. I miss them when they are at school all day. Cam missed friday because he was sick with the same crap David had, but we got him on antibodic and he is feeling much better today.

David and I sat down and had a really long talk about him staying in second grade next year. I was very impressed by him. He talked to me like he was a lot older than 7. I asked him what he thought about the whole idea. He could have moved on to 3rd grade, but I worry so much about him getting farther behind the older he gets. He told me that he wants to go to college and he doesn't want to end up working at McDonalds because he couldn't make it through school. He is very aware of how much he struggles, and very aware that if he wants to do something with his life he has to go to college. I told him that staying in 2nd grade again would be an oppurtunity for him to get ahead, he could use it to master the skills he is struggling with. We talked about it for about 2 hours or more. We talked about his friends moving on and how that kind of hurt his feeling, and he wondered if they would make fun of him. I told him that they might kids are mean like that, and he said they sometimes make fun of him because he has such a hard time reading. I didn't know that, because he never told me. We finished our talk and I told him to think about it and a few hours later he came and said he wanted to stay in 2nd grade. The funny thing about it was that he was so relaxed about the idea, like a weight had been lifed from him. I think it is very important for him to make these decisions on his own. I lay them out on the table and I guide him, but in the end the decision should be his. So he is all set to go back into the same class he was in this year. I am so happy with his decision, and I feel better that I didn't make it for him. I requested the same teachers he had this year, because they were very good. Not one time did I feel uninformed at what was going on with him. They called me, they made time for me anytime I went in and it was just really good to have them.

Cameron is going to first grade and I would like to keep him in Kindergarten, not because he is struggling with anything, just because I am not ready for him to grow up yet! Cam is doing well he left kindergarten reading at level 6, and knows everything he needs to know to go on to first grade. Colton is moving up to kindergarten. Colton is ready to move on. He talked to the kindergarten teacher on friday when we went in and he was very excited and told her that she would have to teach him next year and he was ready to learn.

fun and sun

I staggered out of bed to find all of the boys up watching TV, and I look at the clock, because the alarm had not gone off yet. I questioned why I was even out of bed until I saw the numbers staring back at me 8:45. What the hell! The boys had track day and we had 5 minutes to get me and 3 boys ready to roll. I ran to the bedroom started grabbing clothes not caring if they even fit much less matched, I threw them at the boys, wet my hair down brushed my teeth yelled at the boys to get their shoes on, and threw water bottles into the cooler. We ran out the door and halled ass to the school.

David's class was just loading on the buses so I told him to run and catch them, and I told Cam to stay in the van with Colton. I ran to the office told them David was on the bus and I would take Cam with me and meet his class at the high school where we always have our track day. I got back in the van and speed to the mini mart grabbed some sandwiches, because I was suppose to make us all lunches and didn't have time. We sped out of the parking lot and raced to the field. I was thinking we were going to be very late, and we pulled up right behind the buses the kids hadn't even unloaded yet. Damn I'm good!

We had a great track day, and we should have taken first in who can get a family of 4 ready in less than 5 minutes!

The joy's of parenthood

There are positive and negative things about having a husband who works out of town a lot. The best thing about it is we tend to appreciate the time we do see each other more. We as in the entire family. The boys don't take Steve for granted nearly as much as they do me, but I understand that. I am the constant in their lives. That would be where the negative starts. I am feeling a great deal of pressure to be all things to these boys, and there is one of me and 3 of them. With Steve being gone so much I am like a single mother a lot of the time.

Today for instance David is very sick, we have a Dr. appt at 1:15, and I am pretty sure he has scarlet fever. For anyone who doesn't know that is just strep with a rash. When D man gets sick he runs a really high fever that is hard to break, so there was no way I could send him to school. Well today is the day Cam's class gets to go to old town, which is a putt putt golf video game kind of place. Their class won the trip for collecting the most box tops for education, and I told him a long time ago that I would go with him.

Well I don't get to go with my Cambot, because D man is sick. Cam was very understanding, but as I watched him walk across the school yard I could see how sad he was and it broke my heart. He turned and waved and gave me a big smile, but his steps were slow and he hung his head as he walked off. It breaks my heart that I can't be in more than one place, and I know that if Steve had a job that didn't require him to be gone he could have stayed home with David for part of the day so I could fulfill my promise to Cam.

I know that Cam won't hold it against me, but that doesn't help the guilt I feel. I would be feeling the same guilt however if Steve was home and I did go with Cam and left a sick baby at home. Tomorrow is track day, and I hope that the antibodies kick in and David is feeling good enough to go.

Memorial Day

We were shopping yesterday and as usual on the weekend before Memorial day the Vet's were out distrubing those paper poppy flowers. The boys wanted to know what they meant. I had heard the history of the poppy before, but it slipped my memory at the time. I told them I couldn't really remember what the poppies stood for, but when we got home I would look it up for them and here is the link that best described it.

http://www.usmemorialday.org/backgrnd.html#1

In Flanders FieldsJohn McCrae, 1915.
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead.
Short days agoWe lived,
felt dawn,
saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved,
and now we lieIn Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep,
though poppies growIn Flanders fields.

The Joy Never Ends

Steve and I had our anniversary on Monday. He was out of town working, and I was here with the boys. To me our anniversary is nothing special, it's just another day. I was amazed that we have been married for 8 years. I never thought I would get married, much less be married for this long, but that was about all I thought about it. We really don't celebrate the day we got married; there isn't really any sense in it. We got married because I was 7 months pregnant, and everyone thought we should get married. I would have been perfectly fine just living together, and I really don't know what made me go through with it. I didn't want my child to go through life without a family that had a lot to do with it. I really can't say love played a big part in my decision to get married. I mean we had been together for a year can you really love someone after that short of time, well maybe some people can, but I don't think so honestly.

My sister today told me she was kind of sad because I didn't even invite her or tell her I was getting married. I think she was a little shocked when I told here that I didn't invite anyone. I didn't, we had a justice of the peace wedding, and my parents didn't even get invited. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Steve on the other hand invited the freaking world and I was a little upset by that. We had agreed it would be simple and quiet and the next thing I know his mom was planning a reception for us and half the town was showing up for our vows. I would have been perfectly fine going to the court house saying I do and coming home without anyone knowing about it until after the fact. I know that we wouldn't have gotten married if I hadn't been pregnant, or at least I wouldn't have. Steve says he got married because he loved me, and maybe that's true and maybe it's not. The whys and how of the situation really don't matter.

The things that matter are after the fact. We did get married, we did have 3 kids together, and we do have to try every day to make this marriage work, and marriage is a lot of work. I think too many people go into a marriage thinking that it will always be as easy as those first few years or months in some cases. You know, the sex is awesome; you get along great, you over look each other faults. Then one day you take a real look at the person you have vowed to spend the rest of your life with and you think "OH SHIT". It's a struggle to not kill Steve some days, and I am sure he feels the same way about me. I have learned that I have to choose the battles we have with care, because the little stuff is what will ruin our marriage. The way I look at it is we have to stay married, and we have to get along until these boys are grown and leave the nest. It is my responsibility to my children to provide them with the best home life possible, and that includes their father.

I am not saying that I am miserable living with Steve. Sure we have our differences anyone who tells you they get along all the time will tell you other lies as well, but for the most part we get along. I love him and he loves me, we tolerate each others faults now instead of over looking them. We have had to learn how to do that. We ignore the small things that piss us off now instead of fighting about them. We work out the big stuff that does matter, and mostly he lets me be in charge. I think if we have to start celebrating the fact that we made it another year is when we are doomed to fail. "Hey honey I actually didn't pack up my stuff and leave you this year..." So yeah our anniversary is just another day to me.

Things I've learned to make a marriage work:

1. Nod your head and smile like your listening when he is talking, even if you don't have a clue what he just said.


2. Tell him you love him a lot. Men like to feel loved.


3. Walk away when you want to hit him in the head with a shoe. It won't make you feel as good as hitting him in the head with a shoe, but he won't get all pissed off.


4. Don't say "I'll just take the kids and leave then." For some reason Steve still holds that one against me.


5. Sex Toys. If I have to explain that one you have not been married long enough.


6. Pretend he is right every once in awhile, but make sure you let the kids know later that you were just pretending.


7. Go to bed mad, if you don't no one will get any sleep at all, and it's to damn hard to fight when your lacking sleep!


8. Let him pout and don't worry about it, he'll either get over it or he won't and that is all on him.


9. Use your children as a go between. "David, go in there and tell your father..." It will save you from telling him what you really are thinking about that stupid idea he had.


10. Hold grudges. If you don't then you will have to spend a lot more time going to family functions. "Yeah you remember when you threw the Christmas tree down the stairs… We are not going anywhere this Christmas if anyone wants to see us they can come here."

Beetles suck

I was getting the boys ready for bed when I notice that we are out of milk. It seems it's always late at night when I notice things like that. So I tell the boys to quickly put their clothes back on so we can run up to the store and get some milk really fast. We go, we get back, and I am carry a sack of donuts and the milk. I approach the front door, that is when I see them, 4 or 5 huge red beetles and they fly. I can take snakes, rats, spiders, but those damn beetles send me into a full blow panic attack.

I run to the side walk, almost in tears. David yells "throw me your shoe mom" and I do. He is swinging that shoe right and left smacking them and crunching them against the cement. I am screaming from the sidewalk "kill them David kill them". I am surprised that every neighbor wasn't running out to see what the crazy woman was yelling about. I see the last one fly off and I scream "open the door baby open the damn door!" David flings the door open and I sprint inside. My heart was thumping, cold sweat was pouring off me, and I was close to tears as I slammed the door behind me. David hugged me and told me it was all going to be ok.

Those creepy damn beetles are going to be the death of me I'm sure of it. Thankfully I had a child to save me. The next day he went out front and swept them all off the steps so I could take them to school and wouldn't have to look at them. What a kid he is and I am damn lucky he loves me enough to save me. The other 2 just walked in the door like nothing was happening. If David hadn't of saved me I would have had to spend the night in the van.

My side hurts!

I love my internet friends they are some of the funniest people I have ever know. Angi as most of you know is one funny lady, but yesterday she about killed me she had me laughing so hard, and she didn't even mean to!

I left a comment on her blog, we were talking about learning disabilities, or more the lack of D getting any help for his reading disabilities that all the testing the school has done can't find... anyway that is another post. So Angi sends me this email:

Jenn, have they done a Woodcock Johnson test on him?

I about fell out of my chair. Who in the world came up with the WOOD COCK JOHNSON test? My first thought was "Well Angi I already know he has one of those, he was born with it." heeheeeheee. It's a real test Angi made me google it! I just don't know if I can ask for it without giggling, "Yeah I would like to get David a Woodcock Johnson please." heeheee I giggle like I'm a teenager again just typing it. Heeehee.

Tired

Colton has become a perment fixture in my bed the last couple of nights. I put him in his bed tuck them all up and a few hours later I go to get in my bed, and there he is stretched out in the middle. Now out of all 3 of the boys he is the worst to sleep with. If he gets hot he assumes everyone is hot and pushs the covers into the floor. If he is cold he thinks everyone is cold and piles lots of blanket on everyone. He never sleeps in one spot, he roams all over the bed like he is searching for something that has been lost for a long time. Then after hours of this he finally settles down. He gets sideways in the bed, props both legs in the middle of my back and begins to snore softly. I move his legs off me, scoot him back to Steve's side of the bed and try once again to go to sleep. It last about 3 minutes before he is right back in the same position. I love him, but he is going to have to go right back in with his brothers tonight, no matter how many times I have to move him there. I don't understand how they sleep with him, and manage to actually get any rest, because I sure don't.

I am glad school is almost out. Colton only has 4 more days and then he is mine for the summer! The 31st is track day for the other 2 so we will be doing that, and then June 2nd is their last day! I don't know how it went by so fast, but it seems the older I get the faster the days go by. I am ready for summer with the boys. I miss them when they are at school all day. I don't know what I am going to do when Colton goes to school all day next year. That is going to really suck. I am thinking I will be getting me a job to pass the time. I will go insane sitting here all day waiting for the boys to get home.

Steve has been working working and working some more. He got promoted to a tech so he doesn't have to drive the big trucks anymore. He is happier I think, but he will be gone just as much or more now. I am going to have to get a boyfriend to do all the stuff around this house that I need Steve to do. I'm pretty sure that Steve would enjoy coming home to everything being fixed that needs fixed and the lawn mowed, and all that.

Mommy

One thing I never in my life thought I would ever be called was mom. I never felt that I would be a good mom. Children require a lot of attention and a lot of care, and anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I barely take care of myself. The thought of being responsible for another life still terrifies me. It is my job to make sure I raise them to be productive memebers of society. I am responsible for everything they do, not to meantion their day to day care, and it's a big job. I still don't think I am a good mom, but I do the best I can do. I get them to school on time, I get them feed, I get them to their events on time. I try my best to teach them good manners, how to behave in public, and all that. Sometimes it works and other times I am tired and frustrated from having to tell them over and over again. It just comes with having 3 boys there will be times they make me feel like an utter failure. The one think I am excellent as a mother at, the one thing that I can never fail at or mess up is loving them. I never thought it was possible to love another human the way I love the boys. I like most moms would die or kill for my children. They are the only reason in this world worth getting out of bed everyday for. I often wonder what I did before I had children, what did I live for? My life really had no purpose before them, but now that I have them I am scared that my life will again have no purpose when they all grow up and leave me. I will be stuck all alone with no one to yell at, no one to say "pick that up" to a hundrend times. No one to tuck in at night and read stories to, and hold and hug and kiss and play with. I will once again be all alone with no purpose in life, and that thought terrifies me beyond belief, because although I never ever planned for kids in my life I got them and they changed the entire meaning of my life. The wonderful thing about that is they changed it for the better.

Happy Mother's day to all the mom's out there.

Headlines

Most days I don't even read the newpaper. There are just to many depressing things in there, but this morning I was browsing our local online news and a couple articles caught my attention.


First this one parents want to raise the drop out age to 18. Right now our current drop out age is 16, but a child can drop out and no one has to notify the parents. The parents are out of the loop totally. I am legally responsible for my children until they are 18 years old unless they are emacapated by the court, but yet they can drop out of school at 16 and they don't even have to tell me. I am all for changing the age to 18, and if a child wants to drop out before that I think that there needs to be a lot of parent involvement. What options do these kids have once they leave school without that diploma? A big happy future of flipping burgers at Micky D's is about where their lives are going. Our rule in our house is simple if you want to live here rent free then you will be in school or move the hell out and support yourself!


This one is a little more heated. There are many reasons this article gets me. This kid wants his gun rights back, because in his youth he had one domestic violence charge his gun rights were taken away. The great state of Wyoming looked at his record and he met all the demands for having it expongued. We are willing to give his gun rights back to him. It should be a done deal right there. Nope the federal government has to step in and say they will not recognize the Wyoming law. I have a problem with the whole domestic violence laws in the first place. I think the only time the cops should be called to my house for domestic violence is if I call them. That is not how it is the neighbors can over hear a fight Steve and I are having and they can call them, then I don't have to press charges that is left to the responding officers discreation. So I smack Steve in a heated arguement and there is a slap mark on his face and I go off to jail and lose my gun rights from that moment on. I understand why the law is that way, there were far to many domestic calls and to many women getting the crap knocked out of them and when the police got there the woman was the one screaming at the cops not to take their wonderful woman beating man to jail. She wouldn't press charges and 6 months later he beat her so badly she ended up in the hospital or worse dead. I am not saying that it is an unjust law, I'm just saying it doesn't fit all domestic calls. Anyway back to the topic.

The federal government needs to step off. It should not be their call when it is a state matter. It's that simple. Our state has decided that what happened in this boys youth should not follow him into his adult life, and they need to respect that.

DELETE

That is all I seem to be doing over the past week, deleting. I have started a dozen or more posts and nothing seemed to work. So just a general what's going on post will have to do.

Can everyone say over extended. Yep that is the story of my life with 3 boys who all want to be involved in something. Colton is in the middle of his soccer season. He loves it, or more he loves going. I don't think I will ever become a full fledge soccer mom. He is more interested in playing with the other kids. Last night he just wanted to get to the giving out treats because it was his turn to bring them. I had to run the other 2 to swim lessons, because they started 5 mintues before soccor was over. Steve stayed with Colton while I took D and Cam man to swimming. While I was getting Cam undressed I somehow managed to dislocate my pinky finger, yes it hurts like a son of a bitch... but I got them all in the water and in comes Colton and Steve and I quickly start yanking off Colton's cloths so he can swim. We were suppose to have swimming on monday and wednesday, but the classes were full so we got stuck in the tuesday and thursday class. Oh well such is life.

Steve has been gone a lot, but with the price of oil at $72.69 it is expected. The top five ways you can tell the price of oil is up when you live in wyoming:

5: Everywhere you look they are building something.
4: Everyone is driving new cars.
3: All the people you know are moving into a bigger house.
2: Milk is almost $3.00 a gallon.
1: Every other licensen plate you see is from Texas or Oklahoma.

Steve is making good money right now with tons of overtime. I don't think anyone remembers the end of the last oil boom however. I see all these brand new houses going up and they are sold as fast as they are built, and when this little boom is over it is going to leave a lot of people out of work and a lot of houses going back to the bank. That is the way things work in a boom or bust ecomony. We live on natural resources here, and that means either things or good or things are not so good. I hope that this boom last for a long while, it means money in our house, but I am not stupid enough to think it will last forever or even long enough for us to pay off a 200 thousand dollar home.


My granny has been ill lately and that really worries me. I think that my grandparents need to move here or at least to Wright with my mom. They are at the age where they need someone to look out for them. I can't move there, because Steve's got a good job here. Mom can't move there, because dad has a good job where he is at. They are retired so the smart thing would be to move them to mom's, but they won't go. They are to independent and set in their ways. I wish they would just listen and let someone take care of them. Mom has been reduced to tears several times, because she doesn't know what to do. I don't know what to tell her, because there is nothing she really can do.

I am off to finish the laundry and clean the guinea pig cage. Hopefully I'll have something worth while to post soon.

The abduction

I first hear these strange voices, they sound like squeeks and purrs. Then a warm light surrounds me as I am lifted from my bed and tranported into this room that looks a lot like my living room, but it's bigger, there is no tv or computer and the furniture is much newer so I know it isn't my living room. I am standing there trying to force my eyes to focus when I realieze that I am surrounded by some strange aliens. That is when I flip out. I start asking if anyone speaks english, and this thing floats over to me and tells me to settle down. I go off at that point, and I can still remember the words I said.

"Just settle down. What the hell, you take me from my bed and I'm suppose to settle down. I have 3 kids down there that are all alone now you transport me right back to where you got me or I'm going to knock the crap out of you." the whole room went silent and I said "NOW!"

"OK OK settle down."

Then I woke up and the guinea pigs where having a fight making a whole lot of noise. So I don't know if they ever transported me back or not damn aliens! I did not know that they make the same sounds as guinea pigs only louder.

Yesterday Colton came running into the house crying with his nose and forehead all skinned up.

"Oh baby what happened?" I say to him.
"I can't tell you, cause you'll be angry!" his little voice quivered.

At least he didn't lie to me! He was jumping off the neighbors porch and he had been in trouble 2 times already for it. He kind of gave it away when he said I'd be angry.

Well you know...

Yesterday was spent at school helping in the classrooms. If you have never taken the time to spend with 20 4 and 5 year olds you should it is great fun. I am sure I create more chaos then I actually help, because I'm all about the fun! I have found that if you want a child to respond all you really have to do is act interested, which isn't that big of job for me I am interested in what they are learning.

So I played a game with the kindergarteners. They all did very well and we had a good time. Then I ran next door to Colton's class. It was his birthday and we brought cupcakes for the class to share. Well Colton likes pretty things, pretty flowers, pretty pictures, and especially pretty girls. Him and the teachers daughter have had a very close relationship all year. They are best friends. So I get to Colton's class and she informs me that when her and Colton get big they are going to get married, live in a castle, and have 10 kids. Colton is just nodding his head, and then he says "yesterday we were kissing in the hall" very matter of factly.

Colton had decided a long time ago he would be marrying her up. He thinks she is great! I'm pretty fond of her myself, she is a little doll.

Spoiled Rotten

The alarm went off and I threw back the cover, and stumbled to the kitchen.

"What kind of cereal do you guys want." I asked that because I'm a good mom, and want to send them off with full bellys. Hey I didn't say I was a great mom who sent them off with a well balanced meal, but they were feed anyway.

I got three different orders, which is the nice thing about cereal it comes in many different flavors so everyone is happy. Well I get out the paper bowls, because I am tired of digging in the trash for the good bowl, yes Colton throws the bowl, spoon, and all away no matter what I try I can't get it across to him not to, but anyway I place the correct cerals in each bowl and stuff in the plastic spoons. I reach into the fridge and pull out the milk. I am still half asleep and have not had my coffee yet, and I pour the milk into the bowls. Seconds later I am hit with this awful smell. What the hell is it... on my god it is really gross I am thinking and I pick up the cereal think I need to get the boys fed so I can investageate the source. My stomachs lurches as the bowls get closer to me and it dawns on me that the source is the cereal or more exact the milk. I tossed all the bowls into the trash grabbed the milk out of the fridge where I had returned it and look at the date, Mar 29 it says. Well hell I just opened the damn thing yesterday, and I just bought it last week. How can you buy milk in the middle of april with a March experation date! I quickly check the other 2 gallons I bought and they were both good.

Needless to say I had to make breakfast twice this morning.

So I am all out of blog topics... got one? Leave me a comment and I'll try my best to fulfil your requests. I am desperate people I'll take just about anything.

5 days with the boys

The boys have been on Easter break. They are driving me insane with their fighting and bickering. It has been lovely weather so they have been getting to play outside. I got the pleasure of a knee injury playing football, and twisted my ankle slipping in the bubbles they spilled in the kitchen floor. I don't know if I'll make it through the summer.

Saturday night about midnight, the cops showed up at the neighbors house. I have no clue why. I just know that their little girl is more than welcome to play here, but the boys are not to set foot in their house! Anyway as they were leaving we hear bang bang bang. I thought shit they are having a shoot out next door and I went to the window to have a look and I see fireworks shooting off over the houses across the street. Then comes a knock on the door. Steve answers it and it is the cops wondering if we happened to hear the gun shots. How the heck did they miss the flashes of lights in the sky? There were about 12 of them that went off.

Colton started soccer and he loves it. He has his first game on Tuesday, and he is asking me everyday if it is Tuesday.

Why?

10 year old black lab female. Owners had to move and could not take her with them. House broke, affectionate, good with children and other pets.

Now how the hell do you move and leave your 10 year old dog behind? I would have given anything to have another year with Doc his healthy happy self. I mean lets face it I spent 1700 buck in 5 days trying to make that happen. I guess there are people who have dogs, and then there are people who love their dogs.

Steve works with this guy from another state. He just got out of the military and his wife is still in the old state. He came here for a job, and she stayed saying she was going to let the kids finish school there. He ends up sleeping in his car and not eating because he is sending all his money to the wife and kids, and they can't afford 2 rent payments.

My view is that if she truly loved him and wanted to make a life with him she would have packed up the kids and gone with her husband so that he could support her. If Steve got transfered somewhere else I'd be packing boxes right now there wouldn't be any I may come up later. She has not come up one weekend to see him and she is only about 5 hours away. How do you justify your husband, who is paying your way, sleeping in his car to make sure you still have a roof over your head. That is sad.

Their is a new little boy in Colton's class at school. He doesn't have any friends, because as Colton says "he is a whine bag and no one wants to play with a whine bag. He gives me a headache!" I have seen the child 2 times and the on both occassions he has been a whine bag. He gave me a headache too!

Why does his mother put up with such behavior? I wouldn't let my kids get away with that. Mine get in a whiny mood and they get sent to bed, because I am not going to listen to that crap. At least we know where Colton gets it!

Steve wanted to throw Doc's ashes in the back yard! What the hell is up with that? Doc never went outside unless he had to. He perfered to be in the house. It was always warmer or cooler in the house than outside. Not to meantion there are not any beds or couches to lay on outside.

Still I'd rather have his ashes sprinkled in the back yard than have had him stuffed and sitting in the living room. That is what David said we should have done with him. I think we are keeping him right where he is on top of the tv where I can talk to him whenever I want to.

I was reading some of those email meme things today and I got one with the question "your house is on fire what are the things you make sure you get out?"
My kids, the dogs, the guinea pigs, and doc's ashes. Those are the only things that really matter when it come right down to it. Everything else is replacable or not worth risking my life to save.

swimming against the current

It's been really difficult getting past the whole Doc experience. I have not wanted to do anything especially blog. I am behind on everyones lives! I am gonna try to get caught up on that as well as laundry today. Anyone who has children will laugh at that last bit there. It is simply impossible to keep the laundry done. It seems like I spend days washing and drying clothes only to find an even larger pile waiting for me the next morning. Then David has out grown all his pants, which baffles me because they fit him a month ago and now they are all to short and to tight. He looks like he is wearing Colton's pants. Cam use to share pants with Colton, but now he can wear the ones D is growning out of and I had to dig around in the hand me down boxes to find bigger ones for Colton. Which means I have even more laundry to mess with now, because I have to go through and sort all the ones that don't fit anybody anymore. It won't be long before they are all wearing Steve's jeans!

The boys started swimming lessons on Monday. Cam and Colton love it, but David isn't so keen on them. He wants to get in the water and play around, but he really doesn't care about learning to really swim.

Colton starts soccer the 18th of this month. He hates ice skating so I don't have to worry about dishing out the funds for him to play hockey! He is just kind of looking around to figure out what his sport is. That is what he told me anyway, so I hope he likes soccer. It is much cheaper than hockey or baseball.

I get my garden back this summer. Last summer they were working on the siding and I couldn't have it. I really missed walking out and picking some tomatoes for lunch. This year I am planking okra. I have no clue if it will even grow here, but I figured I'd give it a try. There is nothing like fried okra it's better than candy. So I got my little trays to start everything inside this year. Usually I just go buy starter plants, but I was over excited about actually having fresh veggies that I had to get them started now!

The guinea pigs have not left the house again. So I think the boys got the message not to take them outside. At least I hope they did! Buddy dog is still terrified of them. He is pretty sure that they could eat him up within seconds! Jake could careless about them one way or the other.

No one listens to me!

8:30 this morning they started in.

"Mom can we take the guinea pigs outside." they yelled.
"NO DO NOT TAKE THEM OUT!" I yell from my bed.

I lay there a few minutes thinking man why can't these children sleep in. Next I hear the front door open. I get out of bed, throw on some sweatpants, wonder in make my coffee, go pee, sit down and check my emails, go back in and get my cup of coffee. Then I open the window and see the boys are both under the car that is parked in the street.

"What are you boys doing?" I yell.
"Speedy is under the car and we can't get him."
"Jesus Fing christ! What the hell where you guys thinking? Did you not hear me tell you not to take them out?"
Silence.
"Well did you hear me say that or not?"
"Well Cameron said..."
"I don't care who said what. I care that neither one of you listened to me!"

Speedy heard me and he started to emerge from his hiding spot. David quickly grabbed him up and brought him into the house. As he is heading up the stairs I hear Cam yell "Fireball is gone!"

He comes running in "Fireball jumpped out of the wagon and he is gone!"

So I spent the next four hours trying to find the damn guinea pig. I finally called off the search and with all the cats in this neighborhood I seriously doubt he will make it through the night unless he can find a really good hiding spot, but I am sure even if the cats don't get him he won't be coming back to this house. If I didn't find him after 4 hours I don't think there is any hope. I put out some boxes with food in them hopeing that will entice him and he will come back.

I have not been a happy mom today!

UPDATE:
I was standing out talking to my neighbor about the new neighbors we just got. Apparently the man just got out of the pen and they are known crank heads! I may have a little on the side work for Jack!

Well anyway as I was standing there I notice her cat chasing something in the bushes. I yelled the guinea pig and both of us took off as fast as we could she snatched the little fur ball up and he is home safe and sound now!

Fancy talk

David had another IEP and I went for the meeting today. He still doesn't have any learning disabilities. The base scores are set at 90 and he scores above that on everything but fluency. I think the majority of D's problems are the same as mine. He just doesn't speak the same language as everyone else, but no one has discovered the language we do speak. It sounds the same as everyone else, and looks the same, but it is very different. Until someone can tell him in a way that will make it click in his brain he will have to learn it himself. I learned that early in my education. I had to teach myself in school, because I didn't have a clue what the teachers were trying to tell me half the time.

English was my worst subject, until 9th grade. In 9th grade I was lucky to have a teacher that knew how to teach. Mrs. McKenzie, she was a tiny little thing, maybe 5 feet tall on her tip toes. She always had a cup of tea on her desk. She would not stand for any crap in her classroom, and everyone knew it. She was very old school, even back then. I think most of the kids were intimidated by her, but I flourished in her class room. I actually learned things that I didn't think I was capable of learning when I went to English class. She would give me reasons why this was this way or that was that way. I loved turning my homework in to her, because it would come back with notes all over it. She would explain why something was wrong, and she would give me examples. For everything she found wrong she found something right, so I would have a page full of red ink with positive and negative feedback that I desperately needed. Up until that point I had just gone with what I did know, but she gave me the courage to try new things. She never made me feel like she was judging me, and that is the way I had felt through school. She was a very intuitive teacher. She understood how the learning process worked for me, and she used that to teach me. I was never lucky enough to have another teacher like her, one that could actually teach me in a way I could understand. I hope that one day D finds a teacher like her. One that makes things a lot clearer for him.

Dear Doc,

It has been a week since your passings, and I am still having trouble moving on. I miss you more than I have ever missed anything in my life. I cry at the drop of a hat, because something will remind me of you. I miss our snuggle ups in the afternoon. Dinner time is awful for me and your brothers, because it just doesn't feel right. I look at the little guinea pigs and think how you would have liked them. You like all small creatures, and thought you could befriend them all. I will never forget when you tried to adopt that kitten. My heart is just so broken and life is so unfair. You have always been a part of this life I have now, and I don't know how to go on without you here. I take the boys to school and you are not standing at the top of the stairs to greet me when I get back, and I get sad. The vet called and said your remains are ready to pick up and I just can't seem to get the courage to go and get you. I just can't go there yet. Cam wants you to come home, and they all three miss you so much. I miss kissing your head goodnight, and the way you would push your head against mine and hugged me and always had to make noise. I miss the little things I always took for granted like how you would alway help Jake find the dog dishes or you would take Buddy outside at night even if you didn't have to go. I miss you foot lickings, and your soft ears, and the way you listened to me like I was important. Mostly I miss your friendship big dog it was truly the kind you only find once in a life time. I know that time will help to heal my broken heart, but this isn't an easy road. I love you big dog and I hope you always knew that.

Can we all say Allgeries!

My eyes have itched since we got the fur creatures, but thankfully I have eye drops that helps keep that under control. My head is stuffy like it's springtime in an alfalfa field, but my allgery pills help for that. The problem seems to be the hay. Guinea Pigs and hay go together like milk and chocolate chip cookies. You really can't have one without the other. They eat it, they play in it, they walk in it and then they walk on me. I have developed a red bumpy rash every where their little feet have touched my skin, and their tiny furry bodies have rubbed against me. They all three like to get behind my hair against the back of my neck, and under my chin to snuggle in and get petted. I itch like a dog with fleas. So now what am I suppose to do? I can't really get rid of the little piggies. The boys would be crushed, so I guess I will just have to quit letting them crawl on me, which I don't know if I can really do, because they are so cute and snuggly. I think I am destine to go insane from itching!

soft and fuzzy

The little critters below are guinea pigs. They are all just babies or so the pet store told us. They are suppose to be all boys, because they will mate and mate and mate... I am pretty sure they didn't mess up sexing them, because I threatened bodily harm if we ended up with a cage full of babies!

David was very sad with the passing of big dog, and he wanted to get a new puppy. I can't do a new puppy. My heart just isn't in to getting a new puppy. Right now I don't ever want to get another dog. You just grow to attached to them, and it hurts to badly to lose them. So we started looking up pets on the internet and found guinea pigs. They are not suppose to bite, they are very social, and they are easy to take care of. So we sat down and gathered information on these little guys. They are orginally from South America where they are grown as a food source in some areas. They can be litter box trianed, and they are much cleaner than hamsters. They really don't have any smell to them. You can brush them and bath them. They eat lots of leafy greens and other veggies and fruits along with hay and pellets. We had to build them a special cage, because the pet store ones are really just to small from them. They like to have a lot of space to run and play and chase each other, and they also like to be held and petted, at least 2 of the 3 do. Speedy likes to explore, but when he gets tired he goes and crawls into Coltons lap. I thought he would be timid of Colton because he is just a little kid, but they have developed a bond. However him and I have no bond what so ever. He likes to bite me. It doesn't really hurt that much when he chomps down, but I don't think he likes me very much and all I have done is be gentle with him. Colton on the other hand squeals when he runs up his shirt and gets a little rough with him, not overly rough where he will hurt him, but he chases him around with his hand and it is just funny to watch the 2 of them. Now the other two they see me and they come running to me to snuggle up against my neck and purr at me. The more I talk to them and the more I pet them the louder and longer they purr at me. The boys will set still and watch tv and the little fur balls will stretch out against them and take little naps. I didn't think that I would get very attached to them, because we had hamsters when I was a kid and they just didn't bond with you. These things they really develop a bond. Tank eats from your hand and everything.

They have in no way taken the place that Doc held in our hearts and home, but I think that they have been great at taking everyones mind off of everything. I still have certian times during the day that I break down and bawl, but I am getting better every day.

and they talk

Meet Speedy



Here's Fireball


This is tank

In loving Memory

Doc was almost 2 when Steve and I started dating. I think he was probably the main reason I kept coming back over. We developed an instant bond, me and this four legged furry creature. He would whine at the top of the stairs when I had to leave for work. I would come over after work and Doc would leap from the top stair and I would have to catch him, which wasn't easy considering he was over 100 pounds. I often wonder how I managed to get pregnant with David in the first place, because Doc was always in the middle of Steve and I. I would get into bed and he would snuggle his back against me and we would drift off to sleep together. While I was pregnant with David I would prop my belly against him. I think Doc was the first one to feel David move. He stopped jumping off the stairs then too, and would just bound down them to great me. After David was born Doc got responsibility. I swear he thought we were horrible parents. D would go down for his nap and Big Dog would pace between the crib and me, or lay in the hall and moan and whine. He wasn't happy unless that baby was close to all of us. I would put David down in the bouncy chair and Doc would lay with his head on the baby. Sometimes he would just look at me and sigh, and I am pretty sure he was thinking "It's a damn good thing you have me around to raise this kid, because you just suck!" He grew more comfortable with my mothering skills with the next 2, but he was still protective of them.

Doc knew all my secrets, my fears, my hopes, and my dreams. I told him everything, because he was my best friend. He listened when I was sad, he hovered over me when I was sick. He was joyous when I was happy. Doc took a part of me with him today, a part of my heart that I freely gave him over the last 9 years. Thankfully he gave me a part of his heart to keep with me forever. I will miss you more than you know my big dog, and I will always love you.

It's been a long hard week

I am going to go get Doc tomorrow. I will be bringing him home to spend one last night with us. I can't stand the thought of his last night being spend away from everything he has ever known. They are leaning toward pancratic cancer, because he is just not doing any better. They have been through several different things and nothing is working for him. Well I shouldn't really say that he starts to get a little better and then just gets sick again. I need to step up and do what is best for my baby and it is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Doc

I loaded Doc in the van, bawling all the way to the vets office knowing that he was not coming home with me. We get there and they help me get him back to the room. I sit crying hesterically on the floor with Doc's head on my leg. Our normal vet was off yesterday and we saw one of the others in the office. She was a very nice lady, who I really like. She didn't just treat Doc she treated me as well. I told her I didn't think it was a pinched nerve or nerve damage making him not walk I told her I thought it was something internal. She knew that I had come into that office with ever intention of doing what was best for my baby. The more I talked to her the more she listened and then she said "Let me get a blood draw on him." She took blood, went back to have it tested, and I sat and waited with Doc. About 15 minutes later she comes back and says "I think this big guy has pancreitis." Everything seemed to point to that. So she got a bed ready in the hospital ward, and they hooked him to the IV's and I left him in their care. She called this morning and by no means is he completely out of the woods but everything is looking a whole lot better today. I am fixing him some chicken bites and rice to take down so that when he can eat again they will have something there that he likes to eat. I am very hopeful that he is going to get to come home next week! Thank you all for keeping him in your thoughts and prays!

Nine years

It isn't very much time when you think about it. Nine years goes by in the blink of an eye. I kept hoping that the pills they put Doc on would kick in and he would start getting better, but if anything he has gotten worse. I take him outside to pee and I have to hold him up so he doesn't fall down now. He doesn't even try to get up off the floor without my help now. I don't think there is much they can do for him honestly and I know that putting him down will be one of the only options I have when I take him back to the vet tomorrow. It's funny how a dog can become so important in our lives. Doc was 2 when I moved in with Steve, and it was love at first sight. That is how it is with Doc he just loves you with all he has. He is 11 which they say is pretty old for such a large dog. I know that this house is going to be very empty without him in it. I am looking for a mircle right now, in a place where no mircles exist.

Odds and ends

The hockey season is almost over, and I am overjoyed. With 2 of them playing this year seemed extra long. D man has one more game on tuesday and Cam has his awards night that same night. D will have his awards night on thursday and we are done for the year! Cam isn't ready for the season to be over and David is experiencing a little burn out. He said he isn't sure if he will play next year or not. I think part of that comes from his little brother playing and playing so well. David isn't the only star in the family anymore. I hope that he plays he has a passion for it, David plays with all his heart in the game most of the time. The only reason I would want him to quit playing is if he didn't love the game anymore.

Something is wrong with our oldest lab. He can hardly get up and walk. He is getting up there in age and I am worried that they won't be able to fix him. He has been getting stiffer and stiffer over the last year, but this isn't like stiffeness. It is almost like he has pinched a nerve in his back or something.

I have had a headache for about 3 weeks now, not one of those dull achey headaches this is a strange headache. I may go to the dr someday about it.

The boys start swimming lessons and soccer next month. I will have a whole 3 weeks between things going on. I think Colton is the only one playing soccer.

I am so ready for school to be out. The weather is slowly starting to get warmer and the days are getting longer and I would much rather be playing outside with them instead of making them go to school all day.

David is going through another round of IEP testing. He is doing a lot better this year, but he is still behind most of the kids in his class. The thing his teachers have noticed this year is that he trys harder than most of the kids in his class to get it. He puts a lot of stress on himself. I think that is part of his problem. I feel so sorry for him struggling with it.

back through the years

We were all sitting around watching animal planet the other night, when a picture of a goat popped up on the screen. One of the boys made a comment that we should get us a goat. Now my experience with goats is limited, and there is a reason why I enjoy keeping it that way. It all started when I was a young girl. We were attending a family reunion in Colorado Spring. We discover a little place called Santa's workshop or as I like to call it the place of the evil child eating goats. We got our tickets, which were very much like the lift tickets you get when sking.

So there we are wondering around this little place and we come upon this pen full of cute little goats. There must of been about 100 of these awful devil creatures lurking about the pen. Oh they knew the game all to well standing there looking all innocent and friendly. My Aunt, sister, mom, and I all wander in to feed and pet them. They were excellent hunters, stalking their prey, waiting for just the right moment to strike, my mom and sister left first followed closely by my aunt, and that is when it happened. The gate swung shut behind her and the goats made their move swarming around me, pushing and crowding. They began taking bites out of my ticket, my coat, my hair, and anything else they could put in their mouths. I struggled to get away from them, trying to push them away from me, but the more I pushed forward the more they pushed me back. Finally my aunt notices that I am no longer with the group and turns to see that I am about to be goat lunch. She yelled to my mother, and came charging in to rescue me from these deranged child eating goats. I will forever be greatful to her for saving my life that day! We quickly put the goat pen behind us and moved on to some rides. We get to the first one and I say I can't go they ate my ticket. So mom tells the guy what happened and he goes "yeah they do that all the time." My aunt and my mom were horrified that they let people in with man eating goats. All I could think was I wonder how many children they actually eat before someone noticed they are gone, cause at the rate they were chewing on me they could had me devoured bones and all in about 3 minutes!

Cold and flu

So the boys gave me their sick. Yesterday I layed on couch slatered in vicks, running a fever, coughing and miserable. I didn't really know how sick I was until Cam got home from school and said to me:
"You smell funny mom."
"What do I smell like honey?" thinking I hadn't done much of anything to smell to bad.
"You smell like minty dead people."
I was much worse than I thought! So later I told them I was going to go take a shower and then cook them dinner to which Cam replies "It's ok if our food stinks mom. I know you don't feel good."
I thought that was very kind of him considering I was knocking on deaths door!

What happened to the paddle?

When I was a child I never got sent to the principles office, not once. I was scared to death to do anything that might put me there. See when I was a child there were consequence for your actions, and the bigger the action the worse the consequence. Well a few weeks ago Mr. Colton was being an awful child. He was smart mouthing his teachers sticking his tongue out and just being horrible. His teacher, who is also a friend of mine, sent him to the office. When I went to pick him up she came out and told me what went on, and Colton knew he was in for it when he got home.

I told her the next time he does that to call me and I will handle it right then and there. Now at 4 he has already learned that being sent to the office means you sit on the bench for awhile. That is the punishment you get, a time out so to speak. I am not a big fan of the time out. It has never worked with any of my boys. I can tell you that not one of them enjoy a swat on the butt, and they have all gotten them. Spanking a child is an art that most parents have mastered I am sure, and there is a wide gaping hole between a spanking and abuse. I have never abused my boys. I have left them with a stinging butt check, just enough to get their attention.

So what did my 4 year old learn from his office trip? You don't have to worry about getting into trouble until mom finds out. Now if they had taken him into the principles office and that big wooden paddle was hanging on the wall, and they had explained that the next time he was going to get a spanking with it the chances of a next time get pretty slim.

Now I know that some parents are going to say "I don't want anyone spanking my kids" and that is all good and fine when your kids get into trouble the school should be calling you and you can leave work and go to the school and take care of it yourself that minute. The lessons children learn follow them through life, and if they learn at an early age there are no consequence that is exactly how they are going to live their lives.

Ice Ice Ice

The wind was howling like a banshee, piling the freshly fallen snow into 5 foot high drifts. The thermostate quivered at -15 factor in the wind and it dropped to -39 degrees. Between the wind and the cold my first thought was curl back up in my nice warm bed and lazily drift back off to my pleasant dreamworld, the only place where the cold couldn't touch me. "Mom? Mom it's time for my game." The little voice breaks through the barried my mind has tried to create witht he real world. I jump up look at the clock and we are running late, we have an hour to get to the rink, and the drive takes 20 of those. I scramble to my feet, grab some cloths, rush around like an idiot. Tell David to get his gear on, and notice he is almost back asleep on the couch. Steve goes over to him and starts to get him ready.
"Jenn he's burning up."
"What?"
"He has a fever." Steve says to me again as I walk over to my oldest baby. Sure as shit he is about 104.
That was how our Monday started out. The boys had their last big tournament this weekend, and the D man was sick through it all. He played in all the games except for the one that morning because there wasn't enough time to get his fever down. He wanted to play with the fever, but mom said NO WAY and it was a big maybe if he could play the afternoon game. So I gave him some meds and sent him back to bed, or rather dragged him back to bed. It took all of 5 minutes and he was out like a light. Cam had to be at the rink by 9:30am so we still had a few hours that D could rest.
In the end it all worked out well. Cam's team took the gold metal and David's team took 4th out of 6 teams. They were all disappointed that they didn't win, but they played well and I was proud of them all. Cam's team was stoked they took first! David was just mad at himself because he didn't play well, and mad at me for not letting him play in the morning game. I told him he has many more games to play in his little life and that one tournment was not the biggest thing that was ever going to happen in his life.
The crud that is going around here is nasty. It seems to last about 2 or 3 weeks, and everyone is getting it. It runs through the whole gamma of symptoms from the throwing up to sore throats and coughs it is like the stomach flu, regular flu, strep, and a cold all rolled into one and one day you think "oh good I am better today" only to be knocked back into bed the next. Tonight Cam started that seal bark after hockey practice. I am debating weather to even take them to the dr. Most of the people I know who have been get treated and nothing comes from it. I think this stuff just has to run it's course.

I am not sure if I will contuine to try to keep this blog up. It isn't fun anymore. It is something that has become almost a burden to keep up with. I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I just don't have anything to say lately. They boys are still just as crazy as they always have been and they offer a wealth of storied to choose from. The things the dogs do could fell novels. My marriage, my extended family, my in laws, are all topics that I could spend months writing about, but I just don't seem to have the ability to put it all together and write it down. I think I am having one of those leave everything behind and move on moods. I have them sometimes, lets just hope I don't pack up and leave Steve, the boys, and the dogs with no forwarding address...

So time will only tell if I plan to share my thoughts and stories here in the future or not.

email from my sister

This may solve many of my problems. I may have to get a bottle. This made me laugh so hard I had to share it!





Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.

Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.

Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Tequila®. Leave Shyness Behind.(tm)

Support?

I've been following the comments over here. There was a comment alluring to the fact that if someone doesn't support our troops that doesn't mean they think we should be spitting on them when they return. Figuritly that is exactly what these people are doing. Everytime one of our soliders hears negitive thoughts from these people it is no different than spitting on them. I had the honor of being in the checkout line behind a young man and his father at Christmas. I was buying camo pants for the boys, and the father said to the son, "I bet you never want to have to wear those again." and the young man smiled and said "not for awhile". I of course asked if he had just returned from Iraq and he nodded and said "yes ma'am". The guy behind them made some rude comment about the war. The young man lowered his eyes to the floor and hung his head in shame. I hugged his neck and I told him "thank you". The father smiled at me, he was proud of his son, and hurt by the words of the asshole behind them. We talked while my purchases were rung up, he was getting his mama a Christmas present that day. I told him I was very glad he made it home for Christmas and I left, but I left with tears in my eyes, because some idiot with his stupid anti war comment had made that kid feel ashamed. So anyone who thinks they are not spitting on these kids with their words is just plain wrong. I believe that old saying if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all!

You're giving me a headache!

We got up and went to hockey practice yesterday, then we went straight from there to walmart. We did our shopping and standing in the checkout line the lady in front of us decided she would pay with her income tax refund. Well they will only let you do that if you spend so much of the return. The lady didn't even come close to spending enough. Then she gets all shitty with the poor checker like it's her fault, and she says "I just paid this way last week with a refund check." I looked at the checker and she looked at me. We both found that very suspious, but the manager came over and let her do it beings she had 2 baskets full of crap she didn't need, half of which she paid for with food stamps. This all took about 30 minutes, but my stuff was on the counter already so I was stuck waiting. Well Colton was getting board and he started to whine and I told him to knock it off. He looks at me and says "Quit talking to me you're giving me a headache!" The man behind us and the checker started laughing. I don't have a clue where he gets this stuff from, I would never tell my kids to be quiet because all that noise is giving me a headache!

Conversation with my mom this morning:

"I talked to your aunt, and she told me she talked to Colton for awhile this weekend."
"Yeah David and him were downstairs with my cell phone and they called her. I didn't even get to talk."
"She said David got on the phone talked for a few minutes and then he told her he had to go get his brother out of that box and hung up."

I have no clue what box he was in. I thought they were down there playing air hockey.

The Visit

I was sitting here with the kids monday and I got a phone call from my uncle. He was in town. I don't see him much because we live on different sides of the state, so it was really good to get to spend some time with him. The boys think he is great, probably because he reminds them of their grandpa, which is funny because he is my mom's brother, not my dads. We did what all the Olree's do when they get together eat! It's a family tradition. We had a good visit, and I am so glad he called.

The boys are still playing hockey. Cam got 4 goals in his game the other day, only 3 counted in the game, but 4 counted for him! David still loves it that is all he thinks about really. After the season is done he wants to play 3 on 3, and he asked if he could be on the travel team next year. I may let him try out, but I don't know if we can afford all the out of town trips that gets a little spendy always having to stay in motels.

I watched Million Dollar Baby the other night. That is a really good movie. At first I thought "oh a woman boxer movie that is going to suck" but it isn't what I expected at all. If you have not seen it you should.

Words of advice.

We are driving along the road coming home from hockey the other day, and as we come along side this car parked on the side of the road the driver all of a sudden decides that he is going to pull out in front of us. Steve veered over into the other lane, and thankfully there was nothing coming. The car didn't stop, didn't slow down, in fact I don't think they ever even saw us. I look at the plates Texas. Well I don't know how you people do it there, but here the car in the road has the right of way, and the car that is parked must stay parked until the lane is clear. Ok I didn't really give much thought to the fact they where from Texas until this morning.

I am taking the boys to school and it snowed last night so the roads are covered with ice and snow. I just dropped the boys and turn down the side street to head back to the house. Coming right down the middle of the road is a truck, yep from Texas. He doesn't slow down, he doesn't move over, in fact I don't think he even saw me coming straight at him down the little road. I have driven past many cars and trucks on that very same road. I know there is room from 2 vehicles to pass each other. I see he is not going to go for that. I pull the van as close as I can get to the parked cars along the right side of the road. I watch hoping that I am over far enough he doesn't side swipe me, oh and did I mention the fact that there isn't one car parked on his side of the road so he has miles of room to move that damn truck over. As he drives past the mirror of his truck actually hit the mirror on my van.

Now I don't have anything against Texas. I have a lot of family from there, and I love my blogger friends who reside there. You have a beautiful state, with wonderful people, but it's apparent to me that you people have different traffic laws there than we have in the rest of this great nation. So please for the love of all that is good stay in Texas we will all be safer!

You say it's your birthday...

Because someone I know had a birthday yesterday, and as usual I forgot I wanted to say HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope you guys found a crab dinner last night! I love you girlie!

and speaking of birthdays today Elvis would have turned 71.

Cam's birthday is at the end of this month, and I have no idea what I am going to get him for his birthday. Not to meantion the fact that it depresses me beyond belief that he will be 6 in a few short weeks. He should still be a tiny baby!

Knowing is the hardest part!

I lead a dull life. I never really understood how dull my life was until I started blogging and in less than a year I had already told all my stories. I couldn't write a good post if my life depended upon it, and thankfully it doesn't! So another jumbled posts of thoughts and ideas is what you few people who actually read this are going to get.

My grandfather died in the sunshine silver mine in Idaho in the early 70's. My dad relived it watching those poor miners who were killed in the exploision in West Virginia this week. My thoughts go out to those families.

Why would anyone in their right mind live in Oaklahoma? It's hot, it's humid, and it's way to close to death by fire or tornado. I think if you live there you should just sell everything and move home! (I'm only kidding, but that was a little scary when mom told me how close the fire was to your house!)

I really want the new Martine Mcbride CD Timeless. She has remade a bunch of old classics like satin sheet, til I can make it on my own, and you ain't woman enough, and I never promised you a rose garden. She has a beautiful voice and I love those old country songs. I had hoped I would get it for christmas, but we all know how disappointing that was!


I am dieting again. It sucks. I have cut sugar, chocolate and anything good out of my diet. Now I just have to build up the whole excersize thing in my head!

our oldest lab had to have surgery on his eye monday. He had this awful looking tumor growing on his eyelid it was gross, but he is home and everything is well with him now.

and now I leave you with a picture of our silly none lab dog.
Buddy the baby

Showing my age

Well I am up on this cloudy New Years day, and I have been up for quite some time now. When I was younger I would have just been falling into bed about the time I got up this morning. It's funny how time and age can change a person so much. I use to celebrate the new year, and love to watch it come in, usually the party didn't stop until the sun was rising. The older I get the less exciting the prospect of a new year gets. The New year means the boys will be another year older, and that much closer to growing up, I will be another year older and that much closer to death, and everything stays pretty much the same. This year I have no resolutions. I refuse to set myself up for anymore failures. Life is to short and already has enough pitfalls without putting more in my way.