Well this is what my house is looking like now. See the lovely new windows. I put those in with dad, and our nice new front door, oh yeah and it isn't that ugly yellow house anymore! Woooohoooo for that! We still have to get the facia cover up and a few odds and ends, but it is so close to being done!

Remember thisfrom yesterdays post. Thank God I don't have to pull into the drive way and see this anymore! I am so happy I could dance, if I knew how to dance I would, oh hell I am dancing who am I trying to kid!

I am going to get some white shutters to put around the windows and mom and dad got us a really nifty thing that holds our house numbers, now as long as I can keep everyone who visits outside so they don't see the mess we have in here, and my ugly brown carpet, and the horrible linolem in the kitchen, and...

I have absolutely nothing...

Thankfully I don't have that ugly yellow house anymore.

Look I honestly did have a shiney house! You guys thought I was kidding huh!



Safety in motion... more like hell on wheels right there!

I couldn't get the pictures of the new gray house off the camera tonight. Damn dead batteries!

Mass murder.

The little bodies lined the highway, there must of been 500 mangled bloody masses in a mile stretch. I thought it must have been a cult much like that of Jim Jones, but instead of cyanide in the cool aid, these little creature choose running onto the highway as their form of suicide. The tires made an awful crunching sound as I drove over body after body, but I had no choice every inch was covered with blood, guts, and bones of the poor little bunny rabbits. I see dead animals along the road everytime I go somewhere, that is just how it is when more wildlife than people live in your state, but man I have never seen that many dead rabbits all at once in my life. They coated the whole road on both sides of the little two line for about a mile, and there were bodies on top of bodies, some smashed up flat others bloated and swelling. All you could see was blood and fur, no black top at all. It was almost like they were having a big gathering and choose to set up right in the middle of the road. It actually creeped me out having to drive over them and the sound it was making just added to my unease. I just keep thinking "please don't let me have a flat right here in the middle of all of this", because that is the kind of luck I have. I didn't thankfully!

It is getting colder at night and the animals go to the road to warm up, because the asphalt holds the heat. We saw 6 raccoons, 2 badgers, about 10 deer, and thousands of rabbits dead along the 90 miles stretch from my house to my moms. We saw a few live rabbits, lots of deer, and a live badger trucking down the road. If you have never tangled with a badger don't they will kick your ass. They are the meanest critters alive and they don't give up they will chase you for miles. One chased us down the middle of the highway I slowed way down so the boys could get a good look at him and Colton thought that he just wanted a ride. He really wanted to kill the van I am sure. He was still chasing us when I sped up and I could see him in the rear view mirror for quite sometime. I am sure his stupid ass is dead along the side of the road by now chasing cars will only lead to demise! We did manage to get to Wright in one piece and we made it to the fishing tourney.

We had a good day, I actually took a nap after we got done at the pond, and mom took the boys swimming. All the boys were sad because we had to leave granny. They all cried. I think they were scared to leave her there because of the tornado, they actually got to see all the damage. It looks like a bomb went off, you have to see it to understand it that is for sure. I know the boys were just scared if they left granny there another tornado would get her.

and now to quote Dr. Suess "Today was good, today was fun, tomorrow is another one." goodnight.

I love this song!

Me: "Party on Garth"
Cameron: "Party on Wayne."

He now calls me Wayne to be funny. "Hey Wayne what's for dinner?" He will say and laugh and laugh. I love giving my kids something for the past that is a part of the way things were when I was growing up. We watched that movie the other night, and Cam really liked it a lot. All my boys love Queen so they were quite impressed.


Because we were talking about Rob Thomas, and how excellent he is. I thought I would post the lyrics to what is quickly becoming one of my favorite songs.

Now Comes the Night

When the hour is upon us
And our beauty surely gone
No you will not be forgotten
No you will not be alone

And when the day has all but ended
And our echo starts to fade
No you will not be alone then
And you will not be afraid
No you will not be afraid

When the fog has finally lifted
From my cold and tired brow
No I will not leave you crying
And I will not let you down
No I will not let you down
I will not let you down

Now comes the night
Feel it fading away
And the soul underneath
Is it all that remains
So jus slide over here
Leave your fear in the fray
Let us hold to each other
Till the end of our days

Riddle me this.

I have questions that I am sure no one can answer for me... lots and lots of questions.

Why is my television plagued with infomercial? I pay good money for television and after midnight that is all they put on infomercial. I find the price of cable outrageous considering that they are getting paid by me to have it in my home, then companies actually pay to have their commercials viewed by millions during prime time, and now all freaking night with the infomercial that someone pays them to put on my TV. I should have free freaking cable if all that is the only crap I get to watch after midnight.

Is Rob Thomas awesome cool or what? Ok that isn't really a question that is more of a statement. He is, you can just take my word for it and go purchase his CD. I have liked Matchbox 20 for awhile. I mean really they sing my theme song, Unwell. I swear he wrote that one especially for me somedays, but his solo album is just way good.

Why are my children so selfish? D man abandoned me and went off with his grandparents. Oh no it isn't like mom isn't sitting here missing him or anything, he just goes off only thinking about his happiness... I was teasing him before he left and he looked at me and said "mom you should just be glad I have grandparents who love me enough to want to take me home with them." I really am glad, because mom and dad are important people in all 3 of the boys' lives. I am thankful they love them, because that is all the boys really want to be loved and spend time with those people that love them.

What makes naked swinging so great? Colton went out the other morning just before our short trip to Colorado, it was early morning. I could hear him outside and it woke me up. I crawled from the bed to the back door peered out and there he was naked as the day he was born swinging away. I was to tired to ask him what he was doing, so I made my coffee. He came in a short while later, stretched his arms above his head and said in a gruff voice, well as gruff as a 4 year old can get, "Oh yeah, just doin' a little naked swingin'." He was grinning from ear to ear like it was the best way to start the day. He is always happy, maybe I should try it out.

If my dog barks at the back door long enough is the deck going to magically rebuild itself? They have finally gotten to the back side of the house with the siding and we had to take the deck off the house. Doc stands at the door and barks and whines because he can't go out that way now. It is driving him insane, and he is playing with fire, because I am already over the edge. We may have Doc stew by the first of the week if he doesn't knock it off! Stupid spoiled dog anyway, if he didn't think he was in charge around here he might get it through his head that I can't put up a new deck until they get the siding done! I keep telling him and I know he understands me, he just wants it now now now... I would throw my shoe at him, but he ate them. I think he needs to go see a shrink and work out his issues, because if I don't have any shoes how does he expect me to build the deck?

Where do Cam and Colton expect me to sleep? They are taking up my whole bed. How can 2 little people require so much room in a bed anyway?

Just a few things I have pondered tonight, because I am a thinker. Yep always thinking I am... I think I will go to bed now, I might even sleep. I would go get in their bed, but they would just track me down.

Amazing

Mom came to town Tuesday night and we went to the Alison Krauss and Union Station concert. If you have ever heard her sing you know that she has one of the most beautiful voices ever. I have been to a lot of concerts, well over 100 probably closer to 200, but who is counting. I have never been to a concert where the singer sounds more polished and beautiful in person than on an album. Ms. Krauss has an angelic voice and that comes across beautifully on her recording, but in person it is just mesmerizing. If you ever have a chance to see her live, and you appreciate music, you will not regret her performance, or that of Union Station. They are a fun group of musicians. They know how to make an audience feel like they are part of the experience instead of just spectators.

My sister and my aunt make me laugh until my sides hurt!

THE LETTER FROM MOM:

Just a quick update this morning, the FEMA team is still here, they declared this a disaster area along with Barbara Cubin and Enzie then the declaration has to be signed off by the President. If he agrees, the people with insurance could get rent money and up to $5800, people without insurance could get rent money and up to $10800, the SBA will come in and people can apply for a low interest loan. They set up a fund at the Credit Union up here, guess people from all over the world are sending money!!! There was 91 total uninhabitable homes!! The state highway department is hauling debrie (mobile homes) out at no cost and Black Thunder Mine opened a pit to put the debrie in. The Red Cross, BLM, Fire Department, and EMTs are all still here too, people are finding other peoples personal property as far away as 5 miles!!! The town has set up a lost and found and I guess there are 5 tables full so far. Our damage feels small when you look at the others losses. Anyway we are doing ok and the town is pulling together. Of course there was one man at the town meeting last night that made a complete fool of himself!!! Screaming and cussing and wanting answers, like it was the fault of the officials that we has a tornado, always one in a crowd!!! The laws hauled him out about half way thru the meeting!!! Will check in later, love to all!!!!

THE REPLY FROM MY AUNT:

Hey there,

Well, at least it sounds like they are trying to do something – sounds like people are really trying to help each other out. Are you meeting with your insurance guy today?
The jerk at the meeting probably had minimal damage – usually the way it goes!
I saw that Barry was quoted in the Casper paper on Saturday – probably the first person in history with all his teeth to be interviewed after a tornado. In Oklahoma, when we have tornadoes, it always hits people who don’t have any teeth….at least those are the ones they always interview!!!

AND HERE IS WHAT MY SISTER HAD TO SAY:

That is what I told mom when she said that CNN and Good Morning America contacted her and she turned them down. You should have never turned them down because they will find some in- bred idiot with no teeth that does not speak proper English and that is how everyone will think people in Wyoming are half retarded. She would have at least combed her hair!!
Maybe it was for the best though because they would have asked her what did you do when you saw the tornado and she would have told them they just kept eating dinner that would have been worse than no teeth and curlers!!! People would then know they are half retarded.
Mom next time (hopefully there will not be one) takes shelter in the bathroom or an interior door. I know you thought better than that.

It's all good.

Mom and dad are doing well, and the rest of the town is holding it togethers. Fema came and assessed the damage and now all that needs done is for the President to sign it. There are 91 homes that are not livable, and in a town the size of Wright that is a lot of homes. The thing is there are not 91 other places for these people to live. Many of them will have to move out of town.

Mom and dad are coming tonight so mom and I can go see Alison Krauss tonight. Grandpa is going to watch the boys for me. I have great parents don't I! It always makes me happy to know that they love my kids so much!

This weekend we will go to Wright and celebrate Wright Day's. We go almost every year, this years it will be a little sad, but I am sure that everyone needs the break for all the worries.

We're not in Kansas anymore Toto!

This is where my mom lives.


About 5:30 I received a panic phone call. "Jenn are you guys all right there?" "Mom? Yeah we are fine what is going on?" "We just had a tornado." "Mom are you guys ok?" "We are, but it was bad really bad."

In the little town of Wright, Wyoming, where everyone knows everyone else and you can still depend on your neighbors to lend a helping hand disaster hit and it hit with a vengeance. Over 40 families lost their homes, 2 people are confirmed dead, 1 is still missing, and over a dozen were injured. The homes that were not completely destroyed are severally damaged, windows broken out, siding blown away, roofs damaged, landscaping gone, and the list of damage gones on. The alert system went off seconds before the twister struck and there was no time for people to evacuate their home before they were picked up and throw to the winds. The tornado ripped through a trailer park picking and choosing homes to take with it. Many people were left with nothing, no family photo's left, no little hand prints of their childrens school days, none of those important papers that everyone keeps, everything they owned is gone. These people will pick up the pieces and they will carry on, that is what they have to do, but no one will forget the wrath mother nature delivered them on that tragic August day.

Holy shit, fuck and god damn it!

If you know me then you will inevitably hear these word often in my presents. I never really knew I said them all that often until I had children. The boys know when they can say these words and when they can't. Like when we went to Grand Junction I coached them on not using any fowl language, and then I did a lot of "please don't say it" when I knew something was coming. I was pretty lucky they all held their tongues for the most part. I am not so hopeful with Colton going to school however. How can I expect the boys not to talk like little sailors when both of their parents do? David trips over something and the first thing out of his mouth is god damn it, he learned that from me because I do the same thing. Cam's favorite words are "Oh shit" when he is doing something and it doesn't seem to be working out his way. I am guilty of the same thing. Colton uses them all, but his favorite is dumb ass, he has called each of us a dumb ass at one point or another, and trust me if you do something he finds utterly stupid you will be a dumb ass in his eyes. I say that one a lot especially when we are driving somewhere the world is full of dumb asses! I never thought that David or Cam were dumb asses until the first time I witnessed them piss Colton off and he let go of his vocabulary and made it clear in no uncertain terms that they were being dumb asses! I highly doubt that this will fly in school. I can just hear it now.

"Mrs. Schall can you please come to get Colton."
"Oh shit what did he do now?"
"Well he call little Sara a dumb ass, because she wasn't holding the crayon the right way..."
"OK I'll be right there."

Then in the office the conversation between me, him, and the principle will go something like this.
C "Mom I didn't do anything."
M "Well honey you made Sara sad."
C "Well it was her own dumb ass fault."
P "Colton you can't be mean to people and you can't say those words at school, maybe you should stay home the rest of the week to think about this."
M "He's fucking 4 you think kicking him out of school sets a good example? God damn it this school is just full of dumb asses!" as I grab my baby and storm out the door.

Yeah him going to school scare the holy shit out of me!

The problem with that is...

I have been told that I am not the same person that I was 8 years ago. I will admit that I am not, in the last 8 years I have gone though so many changes that I can't even keep up myself. I came out of an abusive relationship and right into a brand new relationship, I was thrown into motherhood over night, not once but 3 times, I became a wife, I lost my independence, I have ups and downs with depression like I have never had in my life. I have changed a lot. I no longer have the option of being irresponsible and carefree. I lost my youth the minute I because a wife and a mother, and the boys are the only thing in life that I have. They are my only world and I am sorry that I am not fun anymore and I am sorry that I don't just take other peoples shit anymore, and I am sorry that I won't budge on my feelings toward people who have angered me. I am sorry that you feel like you have to share my attention with my boys and they get most of it. I am sorry that I am not what you expected me to be. I am sorry that we never really knew each other before we got married, and I am sorry that I let other people influence my decisions on what was right. I am sorry that we have nothing in common anymore. I am sorry for a lot of things that can't be changed now, but it is just as much your fault as it is mine, and if you don't know the person I have become maybe you should take a little time to get to know just who I am and figure out if you even like this one, because this is who I have really always been even if you never cared to take a close enough look before you married me.

Don't go off to College mom!!

To the men in my life;

I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, but under all of that I am a woman. I have desires and dreams and hopes. I want to fly off on grand adventures, and I want to live life and I want to breathe the ocean air, and I want to be loved for who I am not what I am. I want to be romanced and I need to feel special sometimes. There are things I want to accomplish in this life. I have so many things that I want to see and do before I am old and unable to see and do them. It gets a little tiring trying to be everything to everyone and nothing to myself.

I think sometimes you all overlook the fact that underneath this person you think I am, there is a woman. Each one of you thinks that I am simply your wife or your mom. I shouldn't want things and I shouldn't have dreams, after all if I were anything but a servant to your wishes and whims you might have to do things for yourselves. Perhaps you think that I may find some happiness outside of you and it would exclude you from a part of my life. Possibly you think that I will leave you behind, or maybe you think that I don't deserve a life outside of this world or that maybe I will stop loving you if I have a life beyond this one.

I will not stop loving you if I step outside these doors on my own, and I won't forget you, and I won't leave you behind. I do deserve to venture out on my own and live my own life, and I want you to be proud of the things I have done just like I am proud of each of you for every accomplishment you have made and will make. I am on this journey through life with you, and we might not share every adventure and we might not be there for every failure, but that is never going to change the fact that I will always be here for you when you need me. It doesn't mean that I won't drop everything I am doing at any given moment to hold your hand and get you over difficult times in your life; it doesn't mean that I am giving up on you or your dreams. I am your mom and that is what mom's do for their children. It just means that I can't live through you. You are all growing up and before long you will want to venture out and live your own lives and I just need to prepare myself for that time. I will always love you and you will always be the most important things in my life.

Educating the uneducatable

My baby will start school this year and I am so sad. I have decided that I to will go back to school. I have to go to the college next week and find out a bunch of stuff. I can take most of my classes online. I am going to get my teaching degree. This has been a very difficult decision for me to make. I tend to put things off and expect other people to take care of me, but I have made up my mind that I need something to do while my kids are in school, and I don't want to have a job that I can't spend my summers and holiday's with the boys that just won't work out for me. I am not really sure that teaching is something I want to do or will even like doing, but the hours work out just right for me. I need to be in a position to take care of me and my children without depending on Steve to do that all of the time. I hate being under his thumb, it drives me insane to not have my own money. I get so tired of him saying "it'll cost money" and well I am not even getting into all my complaints about it here. I just don't like anyone having that much control over me and I can't do it anymore.

Here it ends

Here it ends, just like it began.
Never knowing what could have been,
how I shined when you were around.

Here it ends, there is no middle ground.
You could never love me the way I loved you,
and I know that.

Here it ends, how it should.
my heart torn to pieces,
and skattered on the winds.

Here it end, there is no place for me.
there is no middle ground, this was as good as
it got for me.

Here it ends, and I will begin again.
without you.
Here it ends.

It's all relative

I had a nice trip. It was way to short, but I got to see a lot of my family. I wish that I lived closer to my grandparents. It would be nice to be able to see them everyday, but I couldn't live in Grand Junction everytime I am there it is just way to hot. I got to see my cousin and her baby. She is the cutest little thing, she wakes up smiling and falls asleep smiling. I wanted to just keep her, but her mom and dad wouldn't let me, and Colton wouldn't either. It was nice to just sit and visit with everyone, and it is always great to get to hug my granny and grandaddy. I miss them more now though.

Reflections of unspoken words

We are getting ready to go to Grand Junction, Colorado to see my grandparents. I didn't think I was going to be able to go, but I am going and I am happy.

David spent the week in hockey camp. He loves hockey so much. This year was his first year of all day camp, and they were on the ice for like 3 hours so by today he was dead tired. I didn't stay at the rink all day everyday like I normally do, it was just to long and the other 2 got bored after an hour, so today we watched them all day. They did some skills assements today and then they played a game, which was the highlight of Davids week, and then they watched themselves on video and he got to bring his video home with him. He is ready to start the season next year and we still have 2 months before it starts. The mites have a travel team and he wants to try out for it, but I think 7 is a little to young to be that competitive, not to mention the fact that all I hear from Steve is how expensive it is. I think next year will be better for the travel team, he will be a better skater and it the other 2 will be a little bigger and easier to travel with.

Jenn's very own quiz

The Relationship quiz

1. I am going to go see my grandparents, who live 6 hours away. You...?
A. Tell me to have a good time and you will see me when I get home.
B. Pout and throw a fit.
C. Make any excuse you can find to keep me from going ie. We canÂ’t afford it, the car might break down ect.

2. You drink...
A. To get drunk and you do it often.
B. When your having a good time and never so much that you can't stand up.
C. Once in awhile, but only if your not driving

3. You want a little sex, and I am tired. You...
A. Turn over and pout all night.
B. Storm out of bed and go through all my files on the computer, because I must have a boyfriend.
C. Understand and hope for the best tomorrow morning.

4. Tomorrow morning rolls around you...
A. Sweetly wake me up doing all those things you know are going to turn me on.
B. Nudge me and say "you wanna fool around?"
C. Take advantage of the fact that I am still mostly asleep and just go for it.

5. You sister and I have had a falling out. You...
A. Tell me I am childish because I don't want to spend time with someone who says I am a bitch and a bad mother.
B. Stay neutral it's not your battle.
C. Get sad because I "hate" your whole family.

6. I am chatting online with one of my girlfriends. You...
A. Do your own thing until I am done.
B. Keep asking me who I am talking to and keep walking over to look over my shoulder to see what we are saying.
C. Get mad and drink more beer.

7. We are sitting watching a movie I want to see, but your not really that interested in. You...
A. Sit quietly and watch with me, it might surprise you and be good.
B. Talk excessively through the entire movie.
C. Get on the phone and have a 2 hour long distance conversation 2 feet from me so I can't hear the movie.

8. It's a quiet night at home and you are watching TV. I am sitting at the computer writing. You are...
A. Glad I have something I enjoy doing.
B. Annoyed at the fact that I am not paying attention to you.
C. Thinking of the best way to get me into bed.

9. I need half an hour of quiet alone time. You are...
A. All for giving me some space.
B. Angry that I don't want to spend every free second with you.
C. Take the opportunityy to do something you enjoy.

10. Sex is
A. Always the same.
B. Fun and spontaneouss.
C. A little on the freaky deakey side.

Just some of the questions I should have asked before I made a commitmentt.


Sandman where are you?

Sleep is my elusive mistress, she stands there teasing me and taunting me like a wanton whore, but never getting close enough for me to touch. Just when I think I have seduced her into my bed she jumps up and runs from me so I have to chase her. I stumble around blinded from her beauty, but never knowing the sweet taste of her lips.

Sleep deprived and feeling Randy

I crept off to bed about 1ish in the am, and because I have not gotten my own bedroom as I have asked for many time, I have to slip into bed as quiet as I possible can. I start to get in and Steve is taking up the whole damn bed, and I don't need a whole lot of room a quarter of the bed works for me, but I don't even find an eighth. I wiggle in trying not to touch him just mentally willing him to move over, no luck he threw his leg on top on me and proceeded to snore in my ear for the next hour. I know what makes women go insane and kill their husbands and it has nothing to do with PMS! I lay there wishing he would stop snoring, because I was tired and we had to get up early. The next hour was spent praying for death his or mine I didn't care just so long as the snoring in my ear stopped. Then thank God his alarm went off, oh good he is going to get up and I can finally sleep and have some peace, oh no he hits the snooze, and whoever invented the snooze button needs to be kicking in the nuts, not once but twice he does this, and not even scooting over to do it.

So now it's almost 2:45 and he is finally getting out of bed. I stretch out and get all comfy and stuff, and fell asleep... for a whole 3 hours then I hear "mama" in a soft whisper then it gets a little louder "MAMA, mama, mom, mother, mom, mama until finally Jennifer this is your kid and I need you to get up now I have hockey camp!" I pry my eyelids apart look at him thinking there is no way I gave birth to this creature, glance toward the clock and see I have another hour and 15 minutes of sleep coming to me. I tell D that it isn't time yet and I think I said something like "go away or I will beat you." He did because he is a wise child, he gets that from me! So I lay there for about 15 minutes and think well I might as well get up. So I get out of bed and we get all ready for camp today. He had a great time, but got a little bored at times he said. They have video/lecture time and no 7 year old wants to sit that long!

So tonight I got the kids all snuggled into their beds and I cranked up the tunes, and I am attempting to blog on little sleep. I get the bed all to myself tonight WOOOHOOO sleep sweet sleep! I will probably crawl into bed and lay there wide awake!

Cleaning up a bit

I was going through all the stuff I have in drafts that I have never finished, but meant to get to soon. I have had a lot going on around here. I will share a few of the story, but I have no hope of ever finishing them so I will just share the best parts.

Granny panics.

Mom and dad where have been here working on the house with us, and they have to stay in a motel while they are here, because our house is to freaking small, but that is another story, for another time. Anyway mom and I decide call it a night and take the boys swimming at the motel pool. We get there and I am finishing a cigarette, funny thing about smoking they say the second hand smoke is what will kill your children. "They" would be so wrong in their thinking. I am standing at the gate and I look at mom, she is wide eye and saying something I can't make out, but I think she is talking to the boys. I look in the direction she is looking and I see Cam go under, surface, and go under again. OH SHIT I think. I drop my cigarette, kicked off my shoes, threw my purse, and in I went after him clothes and all. My mom works at a rec center, and is certified to save lives, but apparently they never tested her in a real situtation, because she fails miserablely at life saving skills! I grabbed Cam, and he was fine. He just didn't know it dropped off that quickly. He knows how to hold his breath, so I wasn't to worried.


Nice ride dude.

My neighbors got a new old car, and Colton walks past them the other day and says "Nice Ride Dude." He's four where the hell does he come up with this stuff?

Aluminim house.

You know those people who think that if they were tinfoil hats the aliens won't be able to read their thoughts, or something like that. Well I would bet that every UFO within 3000 miles has had thier radar thrown off by our house. It is a lovely shiny foil, and there is no hope of it ever getting siding on. This whole 19 days is going to be a big freaking waste of energy, but I am safe for any alien invasion so that does make me feel better.

There were more drafts, but I am tired and David has to be to hockey camp at an ungodly hour so I won't be posting those. I am off to bed, so we can get up at the butt crack of dawn, thank god I will have one child that is wore out at the end of the day. Maybe I will run the other 2 in front of the car on the way home so we can all get to bed earily. OH and no the siding is not up we still have a shiney house and I don't give a shit it isn't my house and I won't be here long enough to die here that is for sure!

Happy Birthday

I am sitting here sadly writing this post. My oldest baby turns 7 today. To him that means he is having a birthday and getting presents and having cake and all the fun stuff that goes with being a child and having a birthday. To me it means he is one step closer to leaving me, and there is nothing I can do to stop the fact that my kids will out grow me. They already need me less and less the older they get, but one day they will only call on me when they need something. They won't want to hang out and play with me, and they won't want to snuggle up on the couch and watch movies with me, and they won't want to go places with me, and, and, and... and then one day they will spread their wings and fly out in this world by themselves, leaving me behind with only memories of the times they were little and mom was their best friend.

I often wonder what I will do then without my children. What did I do before I had kids? All I can remember is them being in my life they are my soul purpose for living. I adjust around their needs, and nothing about me is important, there is no point where they stop and I begin. I will learn to let them go, because that is what a good parent does, they let them go so they can make their way in the world, and with any luck find love, happiness, achieve all their hearts desires. I am just at the starting point of letting go. I still have many skinned knees to kiss and hurt feeling to mend, but everyday they pull harder and harder at those strings just waiting for their chance to break free.

Happy birthday little man I love you so much.

I wanna talk about me

The sweetness that is Jack requested this, and how can I refuse him anything? Well I can't, and that is apparent because I am doing it, and it was harder than it looks!

Turn-offs:

1. Hatefullness
2. indecisiveness
3. piss poor attitudes
4. moodiness
5. stupidity (so agree on that!)
6. lack of humor
7. lack of trust
8. lies
9. people who talk to much
10. uncleanlyness

Turn-ons:

1. Honesty
2. foreplay
3. humor
4. smiles
5. trust
6. freedom
7. love
8. good sportsmanship
9. kisses on the back of my neck
10. self confidence (even though I lack that)

UPDATES

Just talked to Tricia girl. She said they are doing good so far! They got Zach all hooked up to the stuff he is suppose to be hooked up to and they are now proceeding to get his heart into the irregular rhythm so they can zap him with the laser!

Wow what a relief! Tricia called and said that Zach is heading to recoverary, and they will be heading home this evening! Everything went much smoother than it did last year.

Mending broken hearts

I know this post was suppose to be about rodoe's and cowboys and all that, but something much more important came up.

Most of you know my very good friend http://Tricia girl. If you have been reading awhile then you know that her baby boy Zack had to have surgery on his heart last year and it didn't work because his heart was to little. Well the 20th of this month they are going to try it all again. When you read Tricia's page she sounds like a rock, because that is what mom's do they are strong and supportive on the outside, but on the inside she is a wreak, and I wish I could be there for her. I know everything is going to work this time, and Zach won't ever have to do this again! I am asking all of you to keep Zach and his family in your thoughts and prayers this Wednesday


Tricia girl I am so sorry I have been so hard to get ahold of this past week when you have needed me, but know that I love you very much and am thinking of you. I wish that I could hop on a plane to be there with you. I know there isn't really anything I could do, but worry with you and I will be doing that from here.

8 seconds

It is fair and rodeo week, and with all the work going on around our house I didn't think we would get a chance to go this year. The boys were really disappointed when I told them we probably wouldn't make it this year, especially David, but he didn't whine or pout he cowboyed up and accepted the fact that he wouldn't get to ride that mechanical bull like he has talked about since last year. Last night I got them all showered and dressed and David put his boots on his little feet and it was off to the rodeo.

We arrived early so that we could touch every animal within a 20 mile radius, because the fair just isn't the fair unless my eyes swell darn near shut from algeries. Our first stop was the petting farm. They had goats, llamas, chickens, ducks, sheep, cows, pigs, but my very favorite was a little brauma bull. I say little cause it wasn't very old, but it was still huge compared to every other animal in there. He was so cute though. He followed me around licking me with his giraffe like tongue my arm was slobbered up from the elbow to the tips of my fingers and then he would rub his head against my leg, and ram into me if I tried to pet anyone else. I really wanted to bring him home with me, but I don't think I could pass him off as a large dog and city laws don't allow keeping a bull in your yard! The boys touched everything and Colton got to kiss a few goats and a couple of calves the calves kissed him right back. Cows are very licky animals, but they drool like mad.

Next we were off to the mechanical bull. I gave David his 5 bucks, signed the release, and off he went with the biggest smile I have even seen. He got on slipped his hand under the rope and held that little arm up in the air ready to ride. He rode for about a minute and then the guy increased the speed and he stayed with it for about 5 seconds before he got bucked off. He was still grinning from ear to ear when he jumped up, and on the way out he gave the guy a high five and told him "that was awesome dude!" the guy got a big kick out of him. David is now sure he is a real cowboy, and I wish I had the money for him to be, but horses cost to much to feed and board, and my god they are just so much work.

More rodeo adventures tomorrow. I have to go work now this stupid house sucks!

Windows, siding, and doors oh my!

I have brand spanking new windows and 2 new doors, and one whole strip of new siding! I am just so happy we are not going to have that ugly yellow house anymore! There will still be a lot of painting to do when all the siding is finished, and the windows will need stained on the inside, but that isn't a big deal I can do that without Steve. We are going to have to get busy really fast now cause there are only 8 more days of Steves vacation, and there is still a lot of work to do.

Sorry it took so long!

Ashley's questions

1. Is there some place that you want to travel to that you have not been yet?

2. After college are you planning on staying in your hometown to work or moving somewhere else?

3. What is one great thing you want to accomplish in your life time?

4. Would you rather have fame and fortune or love and happiness?

5. and David wants to know if you have any good hockey camps this summer? and he wants me to tell you he is going to hockey camp at the end of the month and he will be 7 then... he has a lot he wants to tell you.


Miss Vicki

1. How was the baseball game yesterday?

2. Why don't you have some 25 year old love slave? You are young, beautiful, and single you should!

3. What is the most embarassing moment so far in your life?

4. Do you ever wish you had kids?

5. How did you wind up in Oregan?

Man you guys are quick

Shara's Questions

1. Are you feeling like your normal self yet?

2. Where do you see yourself in 10 years.

3. Have you got all the glass cleaned up or are you still finding it in odd places?

4. How do you make web design look so easy? Everytime I go to your page or Dawn's you have added something else that is awesome cool.

5. What is your favorite place to eat out?



Jamie's Questions

1. Have you been sleeping much lately with a new baby in the house.

2. Do you workout to keep those great legs or are you one of those lucky people who are just naturally blessed with them?

3. Do you still ride motorcycles after your near death experience with them?

4. How did you and Mel meet and was it love at first sight?

5. Boxers or Briefs?

and on to our furture president.

1. When your elected president will you be letting the vice president make most of the major decisions like how things are in this adminastration? I don't know if I can handle all that pressure so I need to know now so I can prepare.

2. How did you sucker Jen into staying around all these years?

3. How is your mom doing?

4. In light of all your health issues have you been trying to take better care of yourself?

5. If you could change one thing that has happened in your past what would it be?

Steve needs me on the ladder now, so I will get back at this in a little while!

Jack has a lot of questions!

Wanna play a game? Volunteer have me ask you five questions. But you HAVE to answer them, blog them and make yourself available to ask five questions of other volunteers. And then they'll tell two friends, and they'll tell two friends, and they'll tell two friends...

1. If you could build your life from scratch, where would you be now?

If I knew then what I know now... I would have finished college and gotten a real job. This is a hard question, because everything I would change involves doing something that results in me not having the boys. If I would have stayed in Denver and finished college I wouldn't have met Steve, and I wouldn't have the boys, and the thought of not having them in my life is horrifying. If I didn't know now what I didn't know then... I would probably be right where I am now, because I wouldn't have the knowledge about the mistakes I have made, so I would more than likely make them again. Tough question Jack and one I often think about myself. I am not sure I am willing to change everything and not have my kids.

2. Is evil something one is, or something one does?

Oh boy there is no black and white answer to this question. I think it depends on what your idea of evil is. I think there are people who do evil things and have no remorse for their actions and that makes them just as evil as their actions. Then there are people who do evil things and suffer for the rest of their lifes with regrets over those actions so there act was evil, but they are not evil themselves.

3. Who's your favorite Bond?

Sean Connery is Bond. You mean there were others? I can watch Roger Moore, but even he doesn't compare to Sir Sean Connery. He was hot then and he is hotter now.

4. When are women going to unite and take over??

Women already rule it is our plan to make men think they are safe and secure, but every night while you men are sleeping we plant subconscious ideas in your heads, that's the reason we always get our way.

5. How do you read so incredibly fast? Have you always?

I had a lot of trouble learning to read when I was little, then when I finally got it there was no stopping me. I went from little kids books to grown up books almost over night. I guess I just wanted to hurry and get through one book so I could get to the next. I was reading my mom's romance novels by 4th grade, and by sixth grade I was reading Shakespeare, which probably isn't that big of a deal for someone who didn't struggle with reading, but to me it was. I am not sure that romance novels are the best material for a 10 year old, but I couldn't get enough, and books geared to my age level didn't hold my interest. If something is boring it takes me a long time to read it, but if it a good piece of work, like your book, I hate to walk away from it until I am finished with it.

Is it hot in here or is it just me?

Steve finally starts his vacation tomorrow, and the siding is going up and the windows are going to be installed. Hopefully anyway, there may be a killing before it's all done. I am not looking forward to this project. It will be hot out! When I get hot I get hateful.


More people should read Jamie's blog. He is funny, and has really nice legs! Go dig through his archives and find the pictures. He is a new daddy too.

Me and the boys rode our bikes to the park last night, and ran into our pre school teacher, and her family. She had David for kindergarten, and Cam for 2 years of preschool, and next year she will have Colton. Then her youngest son is in hockey with David. I am so lucky to have her, because she made the transition into school life so much easier. I know that she loves my kids, and they are in good motherly hands when they are in her class. She has 5 kids of her own and then fosters other kids a lot.

I actaully broke down and got a cell phone or as Colton calls it "technology". "Is that your technology mom?" he asks me. Lets just hope I don't become one of those women that anger me, you know the ones that drive around talking on the phone causing car accidents.

Baddest Boots

Toby Keith
Baddest Boots

I got the baddest boots on the boulevard
Yeah the baddest boots on the boulevard

They make a man proud walking through a crowd
Whoa nothin' else can stand beside em
When I pull em on I start singin' a song
Make me wanna tuck my britches' legs inside em






D man talked grandpa into getting these! He won't take them off his feet.


I had a quiet week without the boys around. Steve ended up going to Utah, came home at 2am friday, tore the sliding glass door out Sat, put plastic up so he could put the new door in today, and ended up having to go back to Utah this morning until wednesday. My horoscope said I would be more in tune with nature, but I didn't think they meant this freaking close.

Time for me to fly

I am going into hidding for awhile not sure when I will return.

googlie goo

I stole this from Wendy girl. It is amazing all the things you can borrow from other people when you are are just not posting orginal stuff! Thanks Wendy girl!

Googlism's for Jenn.
jenn is an atheist- yes I am kinda sorta I guess.

jenn is awesome dot com- who didn't know that one.

jenn is not here yet- but with any luck she will show up soon!

jenn is cooler- but cooler than what?

jenn is my ex- yeah get over it already I have.

jenn is a person who loves jesus deeply ? it's very apparent-- yeah real apparent especially since I just said I was an atheist.

jenn is singing-usually

jenn is listening- So you better watch out I am just like that Santa Clause guy or the federal government whichever.

jenn is not a doctor or nurse- and I don't play one on TV.

jenn is unashamedly flirting with bill- sadly I don't know Bill, but I am always game for flirting so give me a shout Bill!

jenn is the founder of auroramud- What the hell is auroramud?

jenn is older then glen they apparently didn't have colour photography at that point- I deny ever posing with glen in those pictures, you can't prove nothing!

jenn is the best thing

jenn is responsible for the project finances-well yes and no, I am an unvested signer on the loan, which means that is Steve dies they hold me responsible for paying it off, but if he divorces me it all on him!

jenn is a wonderful person

jenn is doing all of the hard work- well that is just a given.

jenn is waiting for a response-you people alway keep me waiting!

jenn is no help-stop making me wait for a response and I might be more helpful

jenn is going to put the hurt to them-I might

jenn is soft-yeah and fleshy and squishy

jenn is concerned that jack is slipping away from her- Sadly he is I find him lurking about every now and then, but he seldoms states his love for me anymore! I think he is cheating on me.

jenn is a reject 59- 59 what bottles of beer on the wall?

jenn is one of the few females on the boards that i like-Thanks I like you too!

jenn is up on the bridge- and if Jack slips away I may jump.

jenn is the glue of the operation-Well someone has to hold it all together

jenn is shy and contemplative-sometimes

jenn is a lifeguard and swim instructor-I did once have my lifeguard certificate, but I was never a lifeguard or swim instructor.

jenn is not responsible for any injury- this is ture it isn't my fault and I don't have enough for you to actually sue me so go hassle someone else.

jenn is a woman named rosario-No really I am Jenn, I don't even know anyone named Rosario

one of those days

Today I woke up and didn't have any coffee, I was out. I thought there was another canister on top of the cabinet, but it was empty! I have a caffine withdrawl headache something awful. Then my computer crashed, I really need to learn to say out of the registery files, but no I have to go and delete them making it impossible for my XP to run properly. The boys made a mud hole in the back yard and covered themselves in mud, and despite all of that I am in a relatively happy mood. I think I am learning how to hold the little things close to my heart and be happy with that, after all the little things are special. Little things like a hug from the boys, a phone call from someone I love, a few quiet moments in my day, time to myself at night to read a book or blog, the little things are what get me through. There are lots of little things that I treasure. Even with being in said really good mood I desperately want to rewind my day and relive about 15 minutes of it. There were so many things I should have said and didn't, and I am a dork! So now I am thinking what a total idiot I am. Can I get those few minutes back please, I am begging here! I want a redo damn it!! The momorns have been patroling the neighborhood today they are crazy people. I politly told them I was not interested, why do I feel the need to be so freaking nice to them? This is the second time this week! If I would have only told them off maybe they wouldn't come back! Something I am working on, maybe one day I will finish it.


Can you?

Can you touch my soul,
Make me believe in fairy tales with happy ending?
Can you show me who I am again?
And understand that’s just me?
Can you make it real,
Instead of just a fantasy?
Can you be everything to me,
Without taking away who you need to be?
Can you hold me
And let me fly?
Can you sit with me quietly
and know everything is ok?
Can you be my strength
when I am weak?
Can you believe in my
when I don't believe in myself?
Can you touch my soul
and love me?

Alone Again

I lay awake staring at the blackness surrounding me, the ceiling fan softly swirling round and round above me, and I know I will not sleep tonight. Like so many nights I lay here and wonder if you really love me or if it is just something you say to appease me. I want to be able to see it in your eyes when you say those words and know that you mean them. I desperately want to feel it when you touch me, and hear it in your voice when you say you love me. I yearn to be the first thought you have each morning, and the last thought you have each night before you drift off to peaceful slumber. I long to be your everything, your rain, your shine, the snow storm that keeps you inside, your days, your nights. I need to be wrapped up in your arms and feel safe from the world knowing you would protect me from myself. There are fleeting moments when I think maybe it is true, just maybe you really do love me, but in a blaze there gone, and I am left feeling alone again.

History

My mom got a copy of a letter written by my granddaddy's grandmother, Annie Devriee, after she got married she became Annie Olree, making her something like my great great grandmother. Granny Annie, that's just fun to say, has been dead for a long time now, and the letter was written in Oct. of 1907, almost 98 years ago. She was writing to one of her son's, she had 7 son's and one daughter. She wanted to get together at Christmas with all her kids. They hadn't sold the cotton yet so there wouldn't be any money for presents, but they sold the scrip so there should be enough for a nice dinner with everyone. Wow talk about poor, but I guess most people back then were poor, it was a different world, and money wasn't what make it go round.

Anyway the letter talked about how Granny Annie was worried about his soul and wanted to be sure he was following God's will. Her husband, my great great grandfather, was a preacher and they ended up in Texas. She also mentioned selling some books, which we don't know if she wrote books or was selling them for other people, but when her kids were small she would make them put on passion plays so we think she may have written books as well, probably religious books.

After her husband died at the rip old age of 45, Granny Annie moved all her kids back to Missouri, and that is where they all stayed except my great grandaddy who made his way back to Texas.

It's funny how one letter can bring on so many question. Like where are these books she was selling, what were they, how come great grandaddy went back to Texas, apparently he hoboed his way back there. What I am really wondering is how many shirt tail relations do I have out there wondering the same things!

Mom has a picture of them that I will post one of these days.

Swimming in a sea of rocks

Things I have been thinking about lately.

If I died could Steve raise my boys the way I think is best? I don't think he could so I better not die until they are raised.

Are we going to get the siding and windows up without killing each other? Doing any home improvement project will make you take a second look at your spouse!

Where am I going to put my tomatoes this year? I need to get them in the ground soon or it will be to late, but with all the work going on around here makes it hard to grow anything.


I think I need to get out of the house, I need a vacation.

This house is way to small! We need to get the basement finished!

Should I have a yard sale or should I just pack up all this junk and give it to good will? I think it would be much easier to just give it to good will.

I like Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks. Dreams is one of my favorite songs.

What would I be doing right now if I didn't have kids? My life would be pretty meaningless without them. I can live without a lot of things but not the boys they make me who I am.

When the boys grow up and move out what will Steve and I do? They are the one thing that we have together, will we even like each other after they are gone?

I will be 47 when the baby graduates from high school, Steve will be 55.

Will the boys go to college? I hope they do and I hope they finish.

more fun with numbers

There are 23 letters in your name.
Those 23 letters total to 113
There are 9 vowels and 14 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 5

The characteristics of #5 are: Expansiveness, visionary, adventure, the constructive use of freedom.

The expression or destiny for #5:
The number 5 Expression endows with the wonderful characteristic of multi-talents and versatility. You can do so many things well. The tone of the number 5 is constructive freedom, and in your drive to attain this freedom, you will likely be the master of adaptability and change. You are good at presenting ideas and knowing how to approach people to get what you want. Naturally, this gives you an edge in any sort of selling game and spells easy success when it comes to working with people in most jobs. Your popularity may lead you toward some form of entertainment or amusement. Whatever you do, you are clever, analytical, and a very quick thinker.

If there is too much of the 5 energy in your makeup, you may express some the negative attitudes of the number. Your restless and impatient attitude may keep you from staying with any project for too long. Sometimes you can be rather erratic and scatter yourself and your energies. You have a hard time keeping regular office hours and maintaining any sort of a routine. You tend to react strongly if you sense that your freedom of speech or action is being impaired or restricted in any way. As clever as you are, you may have a tendency to make the same mistakes over and over again because much of your response is glib reaction rather that thoughtful application. You are in a continuous state of flux brought by constantly changing interests.

Your Soul Urge number is: 11

A Soul Urge number of 11 means:
With the 11 Soul Urge, much of your thinking and interests relate to the abstract, the spiritual, and utopian dreams. You are motivated toward idealistic concepts, and the sharing of your ideas and concepts with humanity. This number is not one that is giving in a material or a practical sense, but rather one who desires to help mankind with a more abstract commodity such as religion, spiritualism, occult studies, or even psychic abilities.

If you possess the positive 11 Soul Urge traits, you have a dream of the perfect world; you are highly idealistic and inspirational. Your inner strength and devotion to your beliefs are extremely strong. You have a very good mind that is especially well equipped to handle the higher, more abstract forms of thought.

If there is an excess of 11 energy in your makeup, you may possess some the negative 11 traits. There is a tendency for the 11 to produce considerable amounts of nervous tension which is bought on by a very high level of awareness. You may be too sensitive and overly emotional. In some cases, these sensitivities and emotions are quite repressed, and this tends to add even more to the sense of nervousness in the makeup.

The strong 11 is not a very practical person because of the extreme idealism; often, there is a degree of self-deception present. There is usually a rather fixed idea of right and wrong held by those showing strong 11 traits, and with this very often is a resulting attitude of inflexibility.

Your Inner Dream number is: 4

An Inner Dream number of 4 means:
You dream of being a very solid citizen that people can depend upon. You strive for organization and predictable order. You want to be recognized as a person with a plan and the discipline to make that plan work like clockwork.

Sleeplessness

I was in bed over an hour ago,and look I am back up again. I hopped around some blog and found this site over at Jennifer's house and decided to steal it from her, because really I lack anything better to post!

You were born on a Sunday
under the astrological sign Libra.
Your Life path number is 8.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2441220.5.
The golden number for 1971 is 15.
The epact number for 1971 is 3.
The year 1971 was not a leap year.

As of 6/9/2005 4:18:52 AM CDT
You are 33 years old.
You are 405 months old.
You are 1,758 weeks old.
You are 12,310 days old.
You are 295,444 hours old.
You are 17,726,658 minutes old.
You are 1,063,599,532 seconds old.

There are 109 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 34 candles on it.

Those 34 candles produce 34 BTU's,
or 8,568 calories of heat (that's only 8.5680 food Calories!) .
You can boil 3.89 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birth tree is


Hazelnut Tree, the Extraordinary
Charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody and capricious lover, honest and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgement.



There are 199 days till Christmas 2005!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waxing crescent.

The baby wanted to look like his guys! 

Don't get to close to mom when she has the clippers out! 

another list

I filled out the list Tricia girl sent me and it got me thinking about all the things I want to do.

I want to visit my sister in St. Louis this summer.

I want to spend more time with my grandparents, before it's to late.

I want to skydive.

I want to take my boys to an AV's game and have tickets behind the bench.

I want to lose weight.

I want to meet some of my friends that live in this box.

I want to actually finish one of the many novels that I have started over the years.

I want to see the great wall of China, Tibet, and a few other far away places.

I want to experience the whole Florida adventure through the eyes of my boys, disney world, sea world, universal studios, all of that.

I want to fall in love again.

I want to see my boys grow up to be happy, and have all their dreams come true.

I want to be more than just content with my life. I want to reach that point where I can actually be happy.

I want to buy Colton an Alice snake for a pet, but he has to be old enough to take care of it. He is to little and would love it to death at this point.


I am sure there are other things, but that is all I can think of in the 10 minutes I has taken me to do this.

2 hours and counting

There are only 2 hours of school left for this year. I am so happy! I hate that they have to go off to school and leave me every fall.

It is getting closer to the time when we are going to start doing the siding on our house. My next husband is going to be wealthy so I don't ever get stuck doing remolding work. I hate it.

Colton asked the checker lady at the store yesterday if she was "The fancy dancer." I don't know where he came up with that, but then he suckered her out of balloons for him and his brothers.

OK Dammit but only because I love you!

Tricia girl got me!



Have you ever................


(x) snuck out of the house
( ) gotten lost in your city
(x) seen a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides Canada
(x ) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas
(x) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
(x) been in a fist fight
(x )been arrested
(x) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(x) swore at your parents
(x) been in love
(x) been close to love
(x) been to a casino
( ) been sky diving (It on my to do list)
(x) skinny dipped
(x) skipped school
(x) seen a therapist
(x) done the splits
(x) played spin the bottle
(x ) gotten stitches
( )drank a whole gallon of milk in an hour
(x) bitten someone
( ) been to Nigria falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
( ) crashed into a friends car
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
(x) been fired
(x) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated Mardi-Gras in new Orleans
( ) been to Europe
(x ) slept with a co worker
(x) been married
( ) gotten divorced
(x) had children
(x ) seen someone die
(x) had a close friend die
( ) been to Africa
(x) driven over 400 miles in one day
(x) been to US
(x ) been to Mexico
( ) been to India
(x) been on a plane
(x) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) thrown up in a bar
( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) eaten sushi
(x)been sking/snowboarding
( ) met someone in person from the internet
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college/university
( ) graduated college/university
(x) fired a gun
( ) purposely hurt yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) been intimate with someone of the same gender

Dead man running

I read this article this morning. I am a little distressed that anyone would try to turn over this man death sentence. He deserves much worse than a lethal injection.

I was 17 years old in 1988. I remember like it was yesterday. Lisa Marie Kimmell was an 18 year old girl driving from Colorado back to Montana, and she turned up missing. They found her body thrown off government bridge about 15 miles outside of Casper, but they never found her car, a Honda civic with personalized plates saying "lil miss". An autopsy reveled that she had been raped and tortured before her death. I don't think any of my friends ever went anywhere alone after that, and I know my and my sister didn't. We were scared, there was a viscous murderer in our town. It took them 16 years to find this sicko, and now they want to turn over his death sentences. NO FREAKING WAY. I honestly think that we should tie him to a pole and let everyone throw rocks at him for a few days before his death. He is an evil man who deserves the death penality. I wish the freaking do gooders would find some other cause besides this vile man!

Rainy season

I have been busy. Steve was off from 5 o'clock Thursday until this morning. I found that it takes less than 48 hours for him to get on my nerves, and by hour 49 we are ready to kill each other.
At the end of June he will be off for like 20 days, someone my not make it out alive!

Last Thursday was pre school graduation, so Colton and I went to Cam's class for that. The kids get to go up and get their cap and tell the class what they want to be when they grow up. One little girl is set on being a pony when she grows up, and Cam wants to be a judge. I am not even sure if he knows what a judge is, but that is what he wants to be. Friday his class went to Burger King for their last meal together, Colton and I went with them. So Cam is all done with school and all set to go off to Kindergarten next year.

D has until Friday, but I am wondering why I am even sending him this week. Today they are having a field trip, tomorrow is track day, me and the boys will go to the stadium for that, they have it at the high school I graduated from. Then Thursday the entire school is going to see a movie, then Friday is half a day and they are doing awards. It is crazy really. I will be glad when they are both home with me. This morning D looks sad going to the play ground all by himself, it broke my heart!

So I have another busy week around here. Today we have pre school screening for Colton, tomorrow we will be at track all day, and Friday we will be at awards day, but shortly after that I hope to get back to my regular posts.

The morning after

David woke up the day after his bike wreck, and he was all upset. I thought his eye was hurting so I gave him some children's motrin and an ice pack. He sat on the couch for awhile, got up and went in the bathroom, and came out all upset.
"Mom it still looks ugly."
"Well honey it will for awhile."
"but mom no one will play with me now."
"Honey, everyone will still play with you I promise."
"Yeah but the girls won't like me anymore."
"Why do you say that? They will like you just fine."
"No they won't they will think I'm ugly now."

I assured him that they would not think that he was ugly, but he didn't believe me. He decided to test the waters on his own. He put his clothes on, tucked in his shirt and everything, combed his hair, and off he went to play with the little girl across the street. He came in a little bit later and told me "You were right mom she still likes me."

He was still a little unsure of how school would go though, but he went anyway. At lunch time I went to check on him and there he was sitting at a table with a bunch of girls and they were all trying to help him and he was grinning from ear to ear! I think the idea of ever wearing a helmet just flew out the window, cause battle wounds are a sure fired way to get the attention of all the young ladies, and D has always like the attention from the girls!

more tag

Jenny aksed for this one.

1. Total number of film you own: way to many to count.

2. Last file you bought: Finding Neverland

3. The last film you watched: Star Wars Trilogy, and the boys loved it!

4. 5 films that you watch a lot or that mean a lot to you: We watch a lot of kid shows, and Jurasic Park all 3 of those movies, they don't mean much to me, but the boys love them.

5. I won't be tagging anyone. I think everyone has done this already.

AGGGGH!

David's injury was from a bike wreck! The minute you turn your head they take the helmets off, and the first thing I told him was it wouldn't have been so bad if you had a helmet on! Today he is out riding his bike, without the helmet! I give up!

I don't know what is up with my template? The place I host all my stuff for it has been down, so none of the template stuff would load, and then the page stopped loading. So after 3 phone calls and about 5 emails I set out to fix it last night, got frustrated because I couldn't get it to load either, and changed it back to the original. I back it all up so I can mess with it when I have some more time.

David yesterday 

David today 

Quiet is deafening

I am sitting here completely alone. I have 2 hours of by myself time today, and have no clue what I am going to do with them. This doesn't happen very often. Yesterday mom came to town and she kidnapped my baby! Well I guess it's hard to call it kidnapping when he just gets in her car and refuses to get out! Actually when she was heading home yesterday, he looked at her very sadly and said, "I have to go home now granny." I said something like "Well if you go home with granny you would miss me to much." to which he replies, "I'll be fine, really I will mom." and he proceeded to get in her car and he was happy! He would leave me for her, and be fine with it! I think he enjoys being the center of mom and dad's world when he is there. He gets all the attention and doesn't have to share with 2 brothers. Mom said he has already kept them laughing since they got home, but I miss him. He will come home tomorrow because grandpa is working nights and has to sleep in the day.

I get it now!

For the last few months everytime I turn on the TV I have been hearing these commercials, "It's all about the O." I guess I don't pay enough attention, because the O they were talking about and the O I thought they were taking about are 2 entirely different O's. I actually thought it was some product for women that helped them achieve an orgasm, and not needing such a product I just didn't give it all that much thought.

Well last night I was clicking through channels and there it was again. The lady says "It's all about the O." in this sexy kinda way. Then up pop's the text and I get it now it's a commercial for overstock.com. O can mean so many things!

Basketball

I was never into playing sports when I was growing up, well that isn't really true I was a swimmer for quite some time, but by junior high swimming just wasn't cool, and god forbid I do something that wasn't cool. At that age the only sport, if you can call it a sport, we played was hackey sack. Now raising 3 boys that is all we ever do sports, sports and more sports, and I love it!

Today at the school we had the end of year BBQ, they have to do it now because the last 2 weeks of school are jammed packed with stuff going on. Me and the younger 2 were of course late getting there so we missed the burgers, but we got to go outside and play with the kids, which was much more fun anyway. The D man decided we would play basketball. I think that a lot of parents are still in the being "cool" stage of life, because there were all these parents standing around watching their kids play. I have never been a stand around and watch kind of parents. I enjoy playing with my kids and I don't really care who sees me or how stupid I look it's all about fun and before I know it they will be all grown up and won't want to play with me anymore. I am glad I won't be one of those parent that looks back on life and thinks "I should have played with my kids more."

The force failed me

Last night they has the animated Star Wars on cartoon network, well we never just watch TV in our house, no we have to actively participate. I was minding my own business walking into the living room from the kitchen, when D jumped out at me, he drew his lightsaber, and in such an ambush situtation I had no choice but to draw mine. The battle was intense as we were fairly evenly matched in our skills, or at least I thought we were. I leapt backwards, landing on an upside down dog dish, twisting my ankle, and D chopped off my head while I was withering on the ground!

I woke up today with my whole foot swollen to a strut, but I learned to always look behind you before you leap, because no matter how strong the force is the dog is always more cunning and will help any child defeat you! I also discovered that my kids have never seen the original Star Wars, sure they have seen Empire Strikes back on cable, but what kind of mother would I be if they never saw Star Wars the place where it all started. I thought to myself "self your a bad mom", and not wanting to be a bad mom I was forced to actually join blockbuster online. I queued up Star Wars the whole freaking trilogy, ET because they have never seen that either, and a butt load of other movies that I have not seen in years. Hopefully I remember to send them back, I have a real problem with remember to do things.

You take my steak and I might bite you too.

I am watching animal planet's Animal Cops. I shouldn't watch it cause it just pisses me off really. How can someone let a rusty metal chain embed into the neck of a dog? Not to meantion the fact that he was half starved to death. I think we should take the owner and do the same things to it them. The dog in question is a sweet dog, but he is scared of other dog's and he gets pissed off when you try to take his food away. Hell I have never been starved in my entire life, but if you reached over and tried to take my dinner you may pull back a bloody stump! The ASPCA ended up putting this dog to sleep, because they felt he was just to aggressive to be put into a home. Wouldn't it be nice if we could put the owner to sleep for being as asshole. One thing I have learned in life is that any man who will beat his dog will beat his wife, his kids, and pretty much anyone else he feels gets in his way. You can learn a lot about a person by the way they treat their animals. I am not saying everyone should treat them the way I do, my 3 dogs are my other kids really. They sleep in my bed, they rule the house, they are spoiled rotten. I just think if you're going to take on the responsibility of having a dog you need care for it, and if you don't want to do that then just don't get one it's that simple!

This and That

Savannah isn't doing well.

Got an email from Angi last night and things are on a down hill slide. This is what she said: "I'm asking you all to pray for us all, but especially for Renee and Stan. They are as low as they can possibly go. Fact is, Vann isn't near as strong now as she was when she got the original transplant, she is a lot weaker physically,and even more weaker mentally. As we all are."
So please if you would keep them all in your thoughts right now. They can't even get Savannah on the transplant list until they find out if Medicare will pay for it or not. I had a whole post about this, but it just made me sadder and I scrapped it.

Moving on to happier new:

There are only 10 school days left for Cameron before summer break and only 14 school days left for David. I am so excited that it is almost summer break and they can just hang out at home with me all summer.

Stupid things I have done lately:

I cleaned off my desk yesterday and threw D's homework away. I also found a stack of envelopes, they are addressed and stamped and everything, that I forgot to send at Christmas. Paula your hockey picture and the boys school pictures are on the way, unless I forget again!

Projects in the works:
We are going to get new siding and windows this summer. The siding is actually falling off the house so we have no choice. I am excited about not living in the "big, ugly, yellow house." I am not excited about all the work it is going to take to get it done. We can hire someone to do it for us for about 10 grand or more. We can do it ourselves for half that or less. It's hell living on a budget. So needless to say we won't be getting the basement finished as I had hoped anytime soon.

Men can't shop

In a moment of stupidity on my part we actually went to walmart last Saturday. Now I can take 3 small children, and a husband to walmart and be in and out in less than an hour and get everything from shampoo and dog food to milk and bread and everything inbetween. Yes I know I work miracles, but that's another topic. I hate shopping, for groceries, clothes, gifts, if it involves actually going into a store I just don't enjoy it.

My boys know that once we get into the store we will be "power shopping" like power walking with a cart, and there will be no horsing around or mom is going to be bitchy the rest of the day, maybe for 2. So everything is going well, we are knocking little old ladies out of the way to get our wares as quickly as we can. We get pharmacy stuff, grab the toothpaste, get all the stuff we need on that side of the store, we making good time, I'm yelling off items boys are grabbing them and placing them in the basket.

and then we get to the food section. There is a man shopping alone, perhaps he got my female shopping gene, the one that I missed somehow but there seemed to be a lot of joy coming from him about the whole experience, he is freaking taking his sweetass time picking out a gallon of milk, for crying out loud dude it's milk grab one and go. From then on out he made it his goal to place his cart in front of me in every isle. I swear he ran from one place to the next just to get in my way and lollygag in front of me. After a few near death experiences, and the fact that I finally stated very loudly just how stupid people who park their basket in the middle of the isle and take 20 minutes to pick out toilet paper were in my opinion, he finally started moving his cart to the side of the lane and placed his body in front of my basket instead, it took all my strength not to run him down, and really I probably should have any man that gets that much pleasure out of shopping for food should be put out of his misery!

needless to say Colton's new favorite word this week is jackass. I wonder where he got that from?

Rage

We have issues at our house, and I may run away before it all gets settled. Cam is the typical middle child as long as he is getting all the attention he thinks he needs, which is pretty much all the attention I have to give, he is the most loving, caring, helpful child in the world. You turn you back on him for 2 minutes and he turns into a monster. Him and D have been going rounds lately. D doesn't like hurting his little brothers, and by no means am I implying that he doesn't antagonize them he does, but he doesn't get physical with them. Cameron believes that the best thing to do when you piss him off is to knock the shit out of you, especially if your his big brother. Here lately every time David upsets Cam's world Cam attacks him. Cam flies at D like a lion going in for the kill, claws protuding, fangs showing, and out for blood. He bits, kicks, punches, digs his fingernails as deep as he can into flesh. David has been lucky so far and has managed to escape with a black eye, scratch marks, teeth marks, just superficial wounds really. I just don't know what to do with them anymore. I am thinking about taking up drinking though, at least it will be easier to tune them out in a constant state of inebriation.

My Mother's Day

Friday when I picked Cam up from school he was being very sneaky when he approached the van, hiding something behind his back. I, being a good mom and knowing they would be bringing home stuff for mother's day they made at school, didn't question him. When we got home he told me, "Just go on in mom, I'll be there in a minute." And that is what I did. He came in headed out the back door, and about 15 minutes later he came in still hiding something behind his back.

"When is Mother's Day mom?"
"It's Sunday baby."
"Well I can't wait until Sunday." He says as he hands me his little cup of marigolds.
"I planted them myself for your mother's day present!" he says.
I grabbed him up and squeezed him as hard as I could without breaking him.
"Thanks Cam, they are beautiful. I just love you so much!"
"I love you, mom." He squeezed back as hard as he could.

That night David found out that Cam had already given me my mother's day stuff and he throws his backpack at me and says, "I have homework mom, you better look" with a sly little smile.

He gave me a card that was shaped like a tea up and inside there was a little green tea bag. He takes the backpack from me and begins rummaging through it, pulling out a green sheet of construction paper he hands it to me and starts to explain the drawing.

"It's you castle mom, and you're the Queen and I am your shiny Knight just like in our stories." I wanted to bawl at that point. You see ever since he could talk we have had a ritual of telling this story at bed time. I usually start if off
"Once upon a time there was a beautiful castle"
And then the boys start adding stuff to it, but David has always made me the queen of the castle and him and his brothers the shiny knights who save the day. It has even evolved into a game that we often play, where I am the Queen and I have to send them on their quests, sometimes they slay a dragon that has been eating the villagers, sometimes they have to save me from the evil King in the next village, we never know what will happen, but my shiny knights always save the day. I will treasure that card until I die, and it will always remind me how much he loves me!

Colton was sad because he didn't get to give me anything so his brothers got some paper and pens and helped him make me a whole bunch of stuff. He made our house and an Alien and a picture of the dogs. It was just sweet that D and Cam wanted to help him do something for me too. While Cam was helping Colton, David wrote me the sweetest letter I have ever gotten it said:

Der mom well I just wanted to tel you hape muders da love David.

Today Steve took them to the store with him to get his mom something, and they come home with thick juicy rib-eyes steaks and chocolate. So I really got a whole mother's weekend not just one day! Hope everyone else had a wonderful weekend as well.

In My own mind

Well I seemed to have turned yesterdays post into a poor me post and that isn't really what I meant to do. I sometimes am my own worst critic. I have posted crap for the last few months, and not even fun crap. I wouldn't want to read half the stuff I have put up lately, so I don't expect anyone else to read it either. I seem to have lost my passion. The words just don't seem to flow and mingle together like they use to.

When I first started this it was for me. I wasn't trying to entertain anyone, I wasn't worried that people would judge me heck I didn't think anyone would really read it, much less leave me comments. I think I just got overwhelmed by the fact that people were actually reading it and somewhere I thought I had to say the things that they wanted to read, but I have no clue what they want to read. I have actually been writing in my journal again, all the stuff I should have been writing here, and I read it last night and wondered why I hadn't posted that stuff here. It is all stuff like I use to post funny things the boys do, a little look in to my world, poems, stories, rants about things, it is all the things I am passionate about, all the things this blog started off as. Hopefully I can find that here again.

A special thank you to all the people who commented in my last post I love you guys, and thank you for helping me to see what I really want to do here.

Is there anything left to say?

Today is on of those days when I thought, "I may as well just stop blogging. I can't think of anything else to say. I am just not as entertaining as I use to be, and no one really wants to here what I have to say anyway."

Maybe I am just tired or over stressed. I'll let the idea stir around in my male brain for awhile and see what I decide.

Sunday is Mother's day. Hope all you mom's have a great day!

Oh god I have a man brain!

Well there it is out in the open. I have a man brain, how I got it I will never know, but I can tell you the rest of me is all girl I'd post pictures, but this is a family blog, so you will just have to take my word for it that I have an inny and not an outy!

Your Brain is 40.00% Female, 60.00% Male

You have a total boy brain Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts And while your emotions do sway you sometimes... You never like to get feelings too involved

What Gender Is Your Brain?

A trip to the Mall

I seldom set foot in the mall, my shopping experiences are limited to the once every 2 week trip to Wal-Mart because I can get everything I need all at once and I don't have to go to 3 different places to do it. I hate shopping, even at Christmas I try to do most of my shopping online so I don't have to actually go into a store! Ok now I am just paddling backward there, on to the point of this little post, and I may have one you will just have to read on and find out for yourself.

Colton likes to go to the food court in the mall and get his favorite pizza, so we picked up Cam from school and headed up there to get some lunch for them. We get Colton's pizza, then get Cam some sesame chicken and find a table. There was a young girl sitting next to us, maybe 16 and she had this little girl with her that was about 3. I assumed that this beautiful little child was her baby sister, and then to my shock and dismay I hear the little one say "mommy where's grandma?" the other child says to the little girl "she will be back in a few minutes to take you home. Mommy has to go back to school." My first thought was why didn't the "grandma" teach this child about birth control, but soon I would have the answer to that question. "Grandma" showed up, and grandma isn't really the word I would choose to describe this woman. She was maybe 32 and I am giving her a few years on that, she was dressed like, well pretty much like a hooker, short skirt, half a shirt, you know the kind of woman that "I am easy" just oozes out of every pore, that was "grandma".

I quickly understood why this little girl had a little girl, she didn't know any better. She didn't have a strong mother influence in her life, now I am not saying that good girls with good morals and values don't sometime find themselves in trouble because some boy coaxed them into the back seat with words like "If you love me you'll do it." and "I just love you so much..." We have all heard those lines, and youth is a great excuse. I am simply telling you what I saw and my opinion of what I saw. I have to wonder if the circle will continue once this baby reaches her teen years, or if maybe just maybe this young mother will teach her daughter about things like condoms and birth control and stop the cycle. Girls need to be empowered with knowledge, it is their body, they will have to bare the burden when when the father decided that he wants to still be a kid and not take on the responsibility of a child. I hope this young mother teaches her daughter about self respect, and she can say no, and that even if she chooses not to say no that is ok too as long as she opts for some birth control. I hope that she teacher her that being a mom at 14 isn't fun, and you miss out on being a kid, and I hope she tells her about STD's, and that no matter how much you think that you love someone at 14, by the time your 16 someone better will come along and by the time your 20 you will have totally forgotten about that little kid crush you had when you were 14 because you found someone you honestly love. I hope she teaches her that she can go to college, and she can be whatever she wants to be in life, and I hope she teaches her that there is no man in the world that can make her happy only she can make herself happy.

I in turn will try to teach my boys that once you choose to have sex you take on great responsibilities, if you happen to knock some girl up you will be held responsible for that child and being a father at the age of 16 pretty much dashes all your dreams of accomplishing all the great things you want to accomplish. I will teach them about condoms, and STD's, and self respect, and how to respect women, and how no means no. I will teach them that love and sex are to very different things. I will do my best to make sure that it isn't one of my boys coaxing your daughters into the back seats of cars and getting them knocked up. I am not so naive to think that my boys won't be out there trying to get a little, what teenage boy isn't, but they will know what condoms are, and they will know how to respect your daughters, and if you teach your daughters the same they will be all the more prepared.

I've been tagged!

The object of this exercise is simple. Pick five from the list and complete the phrase. Feel free to add additional occupations after you've done yours. Pass it on to others. Silly? Yeah. Fun? Of course! Thanks Dawn.

The List

If I could be a scientist
If I could be a farmer
If I could be a musician
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a painter
If I could be a gardener
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a chef
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a librarian
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be an innkeeper
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer
If I could be a llama-rider(by Ogre)
If I could be a bonnie pirate(By Teach)
If I could be a servicemember(By Jeremy)
If I could be a business owner(By Blue 944)
If I could be an actor(By Blue 944)
If I could be an agent(By KelBel)
If I could be video game designer(By KelBel)
If I could be a comic book artist(By Stoli)
If I could be a hooker(By Pollo Loco)
If I could be a crack addict(by Elizabeth)
If I could be a porn star(by Elizabeth)
If I could be a mime(by Garrison)
If I could be a domestic engineer(by Rick)
If I could be a chimney sweep(by laine)
If I could be a masseuse(by laine)
If I could be a taxi driver(by Brian)
If I could be a priest(by Brian)
If I could be the Sherrif Of Nottingham(Karen)
If I could be a dancer(Karen)
If I could be Santa Claus(Karen)
If I could be on a reality TV show(Dawn)
If I could be a magician(Dawn)

1. If I could be a magician I would make time stop for 15 minutes ever night so I could just sit and watch my kids sleep.

2. If I could be a porn star I wouldn't need to get implants.

3. If I could be a hooker I would be broke, because I am way to good for you to afford!

4. If I could be a psychologist I would put a lot of research into the whole ADD/ADHD debate and instead of trying to label these people in a geniric way I would work to find out what is really going on.

5. If I could be an actor I would want to do love sceens with Johnny Depp and Viggo Mortensen.

Ok now I have to tag 3 people. Walking around Jack, because he needs something to do. Tricia because maybe this will give her something to post and I can quit thinking about her abnormal body parts, and JP because the last one of these things I had to do was his fault.

The things I have learned

Men spend the first half of their lives telling us women they love us just so they can get in our pants, the 2nd half of their lives they tell us they love us because they don't want in our pants as much but they want to keep us around in case the need arises.

Children will wear you out.

It always seem like the grass is greener on the other side, even to the people on the other side.

Bra's were invented by men, no woman would invent a torture device and then expect all her friends to wear one too! and once you have one that fits perfect and it finally loose any abititly to actually hold the girls up, you will never find one that fits you like that one did again!

It can be beautiful outside, sunshine coming through the cloud, and it can still snow.

It is always good to flirt and be flirted with even if you have no intention of doing anything more than flirting. It makes you feel young.

I am scared of our mailman, he reminds me of Charles Manson. So when we don't get mail or we get the wrong mail I am always really nice about it, but I don't let the boys outside alone when he is coming down the street!

Everyone else sees you differently than you see yourself.

People that read my blog tend to know me better than people who don't and have know me for years.

I would love to be independent, but I lack the skills to take care of myself.

Just when you think everything is going wrong and there is nothing to smile about your kids will do something that makes you laugh until your sides hurt.

You can love someone one minute, hate them 2 minutes later, and love them again in ten minutes.

Sleeplessness tends to make me a little cranky after awhile.