more fun with numbers

There are 23 letters in your name.
Those 23 letters total to 113
There are 9 vowels and 14 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 5

The characteristics of #5 are: Expansiveness, visionary, adventure, the constructive use of freedom.

The expression or destiny for #5:
The number 5 Expression endows with the wonderful characteristic of multi-talents and versatility. You can do so many things well. The tone of the number 5 is constructive freedom, and in your drive to attain this freedom, you will likely be the master of adaptability and change. You are good at presenting ideas and knowing how to approach people to get what you want. Naturally, this gives you an edge in any sort of selling game and spells easy success when it comes to working with people in most jobs. Your popularity may lead you toward some form of entertainment or amusement. Whatever you do, you are clever, analytical, and a very quick thinker.

If there is too much of the 5 energy in your makeup, you may express some the negative attitudes of the number. Your restless and impatient attitude may keep you from staying with any project for too long. Sometimes you can be rather erratic and scatter yourself and your energies. You have a hard time keeping regular office hours and maintaining any sort of a routine. You tend to react strongly if you sense that your freedom of speech or action is being impaired or restricted in any way. As clever as you are, you may have a tendency to make the same mistakes over and over again because much of your response is glib reaction rather that thoughtful application. You are in a continuous state of flux brought by constantly changing interests.

Your Soul Urge number is: 11

A Soul Urge number of 11 means:
With the 11 Soul Urge, much of your thinking and interests relate to the abstract, the spiritual, and utopian dreams. You are motivated toward idealistic concepts, and the sharing of your ideas and concepts with humanity. This number is not one that is giving in a material or a practical sense, but rather one who desires to help mankind with a more abstract commodity such as religion, spiritualism, occult studies, or even psychic abilities.

If you possess the positive 11 Soul Urge traits, you have a dream of the perfect world; you are highly idealistic and inspirational. Your inner strength and devotion to your beliefs are extremely strong. You have a very good mind that is especially well equipped to handle the higher, more abstract forms of thought.

If there is an excess of 11 energy in your makeup, you may possess some the negative 11 traits. There is a tendency for the 11 to produce considerable amounts of nervous tension which is bought on by a very high level of awareness. You may be too sensitive and overly emotional. In some cases, these sensitivities and emotions are quite repressed, and this tends to add even more to the sense of nervousness in the makeup.

The strong 11 is not a very practical person because of the extreme idealism; often, there is a degree of self-deception present. There is usually a rather fixed idea of right and wrong held by those showing strong 11 traits, and with this very often is a resulting attitude of inflexibility.

Your Inner Dream number is: 4

An Inner Dream number of 4 means:
You dream of being a very solid citizen that people can depend upon. You strive for organization and predictable order. You want to be recognized as a person with a plan and the discipline to make that plan work like clockwork.

Sleeplessness

I was in bed over an hour ago,and look I am back up again. I hopped around some blog and found this site over at Jennifer's house and decided to steal it from her, because really I lack anything better to post!

You were born on a Sunday
under the astrological sign Libra.
Your Life path number is 8.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2441220.5.
The golden number for 1971 is 15.
The epact number for 1971 is 3.
The year 1971 was not a leap year.

As of 6/9/2005 4:18:52 AM CDT
You are 33 years old.
You are 405 months old.
You are 1,758 weeks old.
You are 12,310 days old.
You are 295,444 hours old.
You are 17,726,658 minutes old.
You are 1,063,599,532 seconds old.

There are 109 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 34 candles on it.

Those 34 candles produce 34 BTU's,
or 8,568 calories of heat (that's only 8.5680 food Calories!) .
You can boil 3.89 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birth tree is


Hazelnut Tree, the Extraordinary
Charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody and capricious lover, honest and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgement.



There are 199 days till Christmas 2005!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waxing crescent.

The baby wanted to look like his guys! 

Don't get to close to mom when she has the clippers out! 

another list

I filled out the list Tricia girl sent me and it got me thinking about all the things I want to do.

I want to visit my sister in St. Louis this summer.

I want to spend more time with my grandparents, before it's to late.

I want to skydive.

I want to take my boys to an AV's game and have tickets behind the bench.

I want to lose weight.

I want to meet some of my friends that live in this box.

I want to actually finish one of the many novels that I have started over the years.

I want to see the great wall of China, Tibet, and a few other far away places.

I want to experience the whole Florida adventure through the eyes of my boys, disney world, sea world, universal studios, all of that.

I want to fall in love again.

I want to see my boys grow up to be happy, and have all their dreams come true.

I want to be more than just content with my life. I want to reach that point where I can actually be happy.

I want to buy Colton an Alice snake for a pet, but he has to be old enough to take care of it. He is to little and would love it to death at this point.


I am sure there are other things, but that is all I can think of in the 10 minutes I has taken me to do this.

2 hours and counting

There are only 2 hours of school left for this year. I am so happy! I hate that they have to go off to school and leave me every fall.

It is getting closer to the time when we are going to start doing the siding on our house. My next husband is going to be wealthy so I don't ever get stuck doing remolding work. I hate it.

Colton asked the checker lady at the store yesterday if she was "The fancy dancer." I don't know where he came up with that, but then he suckered her out of balloons for him and his brothers.

OK Dammit but only because I love you!

Tricia girl got me!



Have you ever................


(x) snuck out of the house
( ) gotten lost in your city
(x) seen a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides Canada
(x ) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas
(x) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
(x) been in a fist fight
(x )been arrested
(x) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(x) swore at your parents
(x) been in love
(x) been close to love
(x) been to a casino
( ) been sky diving (It on my to do list)
(x) skinny dipped
(x) skipped school
(x) seen a therapist
(x) done the splits
(x) played spin the bottle
(x ) gotten stitches
( )drank a whole gallon of milk in an hour
(x) bitten someone
( ) been to Nigria falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
( ) crashed into a friends car
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
(x) been fired
(x) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated Mardi-Gras in new Orleans
( ) been to Europe
(x ) slept with a co worker
(x) been married
( ) gotten divorced
(x) had children
(x ) seen someone die
(x) had a close friend die
( ) been to Africa
(x) driven over 400 miles in one day
(x) been to US
(x ) been to Mexico
( ) been to India
(x) been on a plane
(x) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) thrown up in a bar
( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) eaten sushi
(x)been sking/snowboarding
( ) met someone in person from the internet
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college/university
( ) graduated college/university
(x) fired a gun
( ) purposely hurt yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) been intimate with someone of the same gender

Dead man running

I read this article this morning. I am a little distressed that anyone would try to turn over this man death sentence. He deserves much worse than a lethal injection.

I was 17 years old in 1988. I remember like it was yesterday. Lisa Marie Kimmell was an 18 year old girl driving from Colorado back to Montana, and she turned up missing. They found her body thrown off government bridge about 15 miles outside of Casper, but they never found her car, a Honda civic with personalized plates saying "lil miss". An autopsy reveled that she had been raped and tortured before her death. I don't think any of my friends ever went anywhere alone after that, and I know my and my sister didn't. We were scared, there was a viscous murderer in our town. It took them 16 years to find this sicko, and now they want to turn over his death sentences. NO FREAKING WAY. I honestly think that we should tie him to a pole and let everyone throw rocks at him for a few days before his death. He is an evil man who deserves the death penality. I wish the freaking do gooders would find some other cause besides this vile man!

Rainy season

I have been busy. Steve was off from 5 o'clock Thursday until this morning. I found that it takes less than 48 hours for him to get on my nerves, and by hour 49 we are ready to kill each other.
At the end of June he will be off for like 20 days, someone my not make it out alive!

Last Thursday was pre school graduation, so Colton and I went to Cam's class for that. The kids get to go up and get their cap and tell the class what they want to be when they grow up. One little girl is set on being a pony when she grows up, and Cam wants to be a judge. I am not even sure if he knows what a judge is, but that is what he wants to be. Friday his class went to Burger King for their last meal together, Colton and I went with them. So Cam is all done with school and all set to go off to Kindergarten next year.

D has until Friday, but I am wondering why I am even sending him this week. Today they are having a field trip, tomorrow is track day, me and the boys will go to the stadium for that, they have it at the high school I graduated from. Then Thursday the entire school is going to see a movie, then Friday is half a day and they are doing awards. It is crazy really. I will be glad when they are both home with me. This morning D looks sad going to the play ground all by himself, it broke my heart!

So I have another busy week around here. Today we have pre school screening for Colton, tomorrow we will be at track all day, and Friday we will be at awards day, but shortly after that I hope to get back to my regular posts.

The morning after

David woke up the day after his bike wreck, and he was all upset. I thought his eye was hurting so I gave him some children's motrin and an ice pack. He sat on the couch for awhile, got up and went in the bathroom, and came out all upset.
"Mom it still looks ugly."
"Well honey it will for awhile."
"but mom no one will play with me now."
"Honey, everyone will still play with you I promise."
"Yeah but the girls won't like me anymore."
"Why do you say that? They will like you just fine."
"No they won't they will think I'm ugly now."

I assured him that they would not think that he was ugly, but he didn't believe me. He decided to test the waters on his own. He put his clothes on, tucked in his shirt and everything, combed his hair, and off he went to play with the little girl across the street. He came in a little bit later and told me "You were right mom she still likes me."

He was still a little unsure of how school would go though, but he went anyway. At lunch time I went to check on him and there he was sitting at a table with a bunch of girls and they were all trying to help him and he was grinning from ear to ear! I think the idea of ever wearing a helmet just flew out the window, cause battle wounds are a sure fired way to get the attention of all the young ladies, and D has always like the attention from the girls!

more tag

Jenny aksed for this one.

1. Total number of film you own: way to many to count.

2. Last file you bought: Finding Neverland

3. The last film you watched: Star Wars Trilogy, and the boys loved it!

4. 5 films that you watch a lot or that mean a lot to you: We watch a lot of kid shows, and Jurasic Park all 3 of those movies, they don't mean much to me, but the boys love them.

5. I won't be tagging anyone. I think everyone has done this already.

AGGGGH!

David's injury was from a bike wreck! The minute you turn your head they take the helmets off, and the first thing I told him was it wouldn't have been so bad if you had a helmet on! Today he is out riding his bike, without the helmet! I give up!

I don't know what is up with my template? The place I host all my stuff for it has been down, so none of the template stuff would load, and then the page stopped loading. So after 3 phone calls and about 5 emails I set out to fix it last night, got frustrated because I couldn't get it to load either, and changed it back to the original. I back it all up so I can mess with it when I have some more time.

David yesterday 

David today 

Quiet is deafening

I am sitting here completely alone. I have 2 hours of by myself time today, and have no clue what I am going to do with them. This doesn't happen very often. Yesterday mom came to town and she kidnapped my baby! Well I guess it's hard to call it kidnapping when he just gets in her car and refuses to get out! Actually when she was heading home yesterday, he looked at her very sadly and said, "I have to go home now granny." I said something like "Well if you go home with granny you would miss me to much." to which he replies, "I'll be fine, really I will mom." and he proceeded to get in her car and he was happy! He would leave me for her, and be fine with it! I think he enjoys being the center of mom and dad's world when he is there. He gets all the attention and doesn't have to share with 2 brothers. Mom said he has already kept them laughing since they got home, but I miss him. He will come home tomorrow because grandpa is working nights and has to sleep in the day.

I get it now!

For the last few months everytime I turn on the TV I have been hearing these commercials, "It's all about the O." I guess I don't pay enough attention, because the O they were talking about and the O I thought they were taking about are 2 entirely different O's. I actually thought it was some product for women that helped them achieve an orgasm, and not needing such a product I just didn't give it all that much thought.

Well last night I was clicking through channels and there it was again. The lady says "It's all about the O." in this sexy kinda way. Then up pop's the text and I get it now it's a commercial for overstock.com. O can mean so many things!

Basketball

I was never into playing sports when I was growing up, well that isn't really true I was a swimmer for quite some time, but by junior high swimming just wasn't cool, and god forbid I do something that wasn't cool. At that age the only sport, if you can call it a sport, we played was hackey sack. Now raising 3 boys that is all we ever do sports, sports and more sports, and I love it!

Today at the school we had the end of year BBQ, they have to do it now because the last 2 weeks of school are jammed packed with stuff going on. Me and the younger 2 were of course late getting there so we missed the burgers, but we got to go outside and play with the kids, which was much more fun anyway. The D man decided we would play basketball. I think that a lot of parents are still in the being "cool" stage of life, because there were all these parents standing around watching their kids play. I have never been a stand around and watch kind of parents. I enjoy playing with my kids and I don't really care who sees me or how stupid I look it's all about fun and before I know it they will be all grown up and won't want to play with me anymore. I am glad I won't be one of those parent that looks back on life and thinks "I should have played with my kids more."

The force failed me

Last night they has the animated Star Wars on cartoon network, well we never just watch TV in our house, no we have to actively participate. I was minding my own business walking into the living room from the kitchen, when D jumped out at me, he drew his lightsaber, and in such an ambush situtation I had no choice but to draw mine. The battle was intense as we were fairly evenly matched in our skills, or at least I thought we were. I leapt backwards, landing on an upside down dog dish, twisting my ankle, and D chopped off my head while I was withering on the ground!

I woke up today with my whole foot swollen to a strut, but I learned to always look behind you before you leap, because no matter how strong the force is the dog is always more cunning and will help any child defeat you! I also discovered that my kids have never seen the original Star Wars, sure they have seen Empire Strikes back on cable, but what kind of mother would I be if they never saw Star Wars the place where it all started. I thought to myself "self your a bad mom", and not wanting to be a bad mom I was forced to actually join blockbuster online. I queued up Star Wars the whole freaking trilogy, ET because they have never seen that either, and a butt load of other movies that I have not seen in years. Hopefully I remember to send them back, I have a real problem with remember to do things.

You take my steak and I might bite you too.

I am watching animal planet's Animal Cops. I shouldn't watch it cause it just pisses me off really. How can someone let a rusty metal chain embed into the neck of a dog? Not to meantion the fact that he was half starved to death. I think we should take the owner and do the same things to it them. The dog in question is a sweet dog, but he is scared of other dog's and he gets pissed off when you try to take his food away. Hell I have never been starved in my entire life, but if you reached over and tried to take my dinner you may pull back a bloody stump! The ASPCA ended up putting this dog to sleep, because they felt he was just to aggressive to be put into a home. Wouldn't it be nice if we could put the owner to sleep for being as asshole. One thing I have learned in life is that any man who will beat his dog will beat his wife, his kids, and pretty much anyone else he feels gets in his way. You can learn a lot about a person by the way they treat their animals. I am not saying everyone should treat them the way I do, my 3 dogs are my other kids really. They sleep in my bed, they rule the house, they are spoiled rotten. I just think if you're going to take on the responsibility of having a dog you need care for it, and if you don't want to do that then just don't get one it's that simple!

This and That

Savannah isn't doing well.

Got an email from Angi last night and things are on a down hill slide. This is what she said: "I'm asking you all to pray for us all, but especially for Renee and Stan. They are as low as they can possibly go. Fact is, Vann isn't near as strong now as she was when she got the original transplant, she is a lot weaker physically,and even more weaker mentally. As we all are."
So please if you would keep them all in your thoughts right now. They can't even get Savannah on the transplant list until they find out if Medicare will pay for it or not. I had a whole post about this, but it just made me sadder and I scrapped it.

Moving on to happier new:

There are only 10 school days left for Cameron before summer break and only 14 school days left for David. I am so excited that it is almost summer break and they can just hang out at home with me all summer.

Stupid things I have done lately:

I cleaned off my desk yesterday and threw D's homework away. I also found a stack of envelopes, they are addressed and stamped and everything, that I forgot to send at Christmas. Paula your hockey picture and the boys school pictures are on the way, unless I forget again!

Projects in the works:
We are going to get new siding and windows this summer. The siding is actually falling off the house so we have no choice. I am excited about not living in the "big, ugly, yellow house." I am not excited about all the work it is going to take to get it done. We can hire someone to do it for us for about 10 grand or more. We can do it ourselves for half that or less. It's hell living on a budget. So needless to say we won't be getting the basement finished as I had hoped anytime soon.

Men can't shop

In a moment of stupidity on my part we actually went to walmart last Saturday. Now I can take 3 small children, and a husband to walmart and be in and out in less than an hour and get everything from shampoo and dog food to milk and bread and everything inbetween. Yes I know I work miracles, but that's another topic. I hate shopping, for groceries, clothes, gifts, if it involves actually going into a store I just don't enjoy it.

My boys know that once we get into the store we will be "power shopping" like power walking with a cart, and there will be no horsing around or mom is going to be bitchy the rest of the day, maybe for 2. So everything is going well, we are knocking little old ladies out of the way to get our wares as quickly as we can. We get pharmacy stuff, grab the toothpaste, get all the stuff we need on that side of the store, we making good time, I'm yelling off items boys are grabbing them and placing them in the basket.

and then we get to the food section. There is a man shopping alone, perhaps he got my female shopping gene, the one that I missed somehow but there seemed to be a lot of joy coming from him about the whole experience, he is freaking taking his sweetass time picking out a gallon of milk, for crying out loud dude it's milk grab one and go. From then on out he made it his goal to place his cart in front of me in every isle. I swear he ran from one place to the next just to get in my way and lollygag in front of me. After a few near death experiences, and the fact that I finally stated very loudly just how stupid people who park their basket in the middle of the isle and take 20 minutes to pick out toilet paper were in my opinion, he finally started moving his cart to the side of the lane and placed his body in front of my basket instead, it took all my strength not to run him down, and really I probably should have any man that gets that much pleasure out of shopping for food should be put out of his misery!

needless to say Colton's new favorite word this week is jackass. I wonder where he got that from?

Rage

We have issues at our house, and I may run away before it all gets settled. Cam is the typical middle child as long as he is getting all the attention he thinks he needs, which is pretty much all the attention I have to give, he is the most loving, caring, helpful child in the world. You turn you back on him for 2 minutes and he turns into a monster. Him and D have been going rounds lately. D doesn't like hurting his little brothers, and by no means am I implying that he doesn't antagonize them he does, but he doesn't get physical with them. Cameron believes that the best thing to do when you piss him off is to knock the shit out of you, especially if your his big brother. Here lately every time David upsets Cam's world Cam attacks him. Cam flies at D like a lion going in for the kill, claws protuding, fangs showing, and out for blood. He bits, kicks, punches, digs his fingernails as deep as he can into flesh. David has been lucky so far and has managed to escape with a black eye, scratch marks, teeth marks, just superficial wounds really. I just don't know what to do with them anymore. I am thinking about taking up drinking though, at least it will be easier to tune them out in a constant state of inebriation.

My Mother's Day

Friday when I picked Cam up from school he was being very sneaky when he approached the van, hiding something behind his back. I, being a good mom and knowing they would be bringing home stuff for mother's day they made at school, didn't question him. When we got home he told me, "Just go on in mom, I'll be there in a minute." And that is what I did. He came in headed out the back door, and about 15 minutes later he came in still hiding something behind his back.

"When is Mother's Day mom?"
"It's Sunday baby."
"Well I can't wait until Sunday." He says as he hands me his little cup of marigolds.
"I planted them myself for your mother's day present!" he says.
I grabbed him up and squeezed him as hard as I could without breaking him.
"Thanks Cam, they are beautiful. I just love you so much!"
"I love you, mom." He squeezed back as hard as he could.

That night David found out that Cam had already given me my mother's day stuff and he throws his backpack at me and says, "I have homework mom, you better look" with a sly little smile.

He gave me a card that was shaped like a tea up and inside there was a little green tea bag. He takes the backpack from me and begins rummaging through it, pulling out a green sheet of construction paper he hands it to me and starts to explain the drawing.

"It's you castle mom, and you're the Queen and I am your shiny Knight just like in our stories." I wanted to bawl at that point. You see ever since he could talk we have had a ritual of telling this story at bed time. I usually start if off
"Once upon a time there was a beautiful castle"
And then the boys start adding stuff to it, but David has always made me the queen of the castle and him and his brothers the shiny knights who save the day. It has even evolved into a game that we often play, where I am the Queen and I have to send them on their quests, sometimes they slay a dragon that has been eating the villagers, sometimes they have to save me from the evil King in the next village, we never know what will happen, but my shiny knights always save the day. I will treasure that card until I die, and it will always remind me how much he loves me!

Colton was sad because he didn't get to give me anything so his brothers got some paper and pens and helped him make me a whole bunch of stuff. He made our house and an Alien and a picture of the dogs. It was just sweet that D and Cam wanted to help him do something for me too. While Cam was helping Colton, David wrote me the sweetest letter I have ever gotten it said:

Der mom well I just wanted to tel you hape muders da love David.

Today Steve took them to the store with him to get his mom something, and they come home with thick juicy rib-eyes steaks and chocolate. So I really got a whole mother's weekend not just one day! Hope everyone else had a wonderful weekend as well.

In My own mind

Well I seemed to have turned yesterdays post into a poor me post and that isn't really what I meant to do. I sometimes am my own worst critic. I have posted crap for the last few months, and not even fun crap. I wouldn't want to read half the stuff I have put up lately, so I don't expect anyone else to read it either. I seem to have lost my passion. The words just don't seem to flow and mingle together like they use to.

When I first started this it was for me. I wasn't trying to entertain anyone, I wasn't worried that people would judge me heck I didn't think anyone would really read it, much less leave me comments. I think I just got overwhelmed by the fact that people were actually reading it and somewhere I thought I had to say the things that they wanted to read, but I have no clue what they want to read. I have actually been writing in my journal again, all the stuff I should have been writing here, and I read it last night and wondered why I hadn't posted that stuff here. It is all stuff like I use to post funny things the boys do, a little look in to my world, poems, stories, rants about things, it is all the things I am passionate about, all the things this blog started off as. Hopefully I can find that here again.

A special thank you to all the people who commented in my last post I love you guys, and thank you for helping me to see what I really want to do here.

Is there anything left to say?

Today is on of those days when I thought, "I may as well just stop blogging. I can't think of anything else to say. I am just not as entertaining as I use to be, and no one really wants to here what I have to say anyway."

Maybe I am just tired or over stressed. I'll let the idea stir around in my male brain for awhile and see what I decide.

Sunday is Mother's day. Hope all you mom's have a great day!

Oh god I have a man brain!

Well there it is out in the open. I have a man brain, how I got it I will never know, but I can tell you the rest of me is all girl I'd post pictures, but this is a family blog, so you will just have to take my word for it that I have an inny and not an outy!

Your Brain is 40.00% Female, 60.00% Male

You have a total boy brain Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts And while your emotions do sway you sometimes... You never like to get feelings too involved

What Gender Is Your Brain?

A trip to the Mall

I seldom set foot in the mall, my shopping experiences are limited to the once every 2 week trip to Wal-Mart because I can get everything I need all at once and I don't have to go to 3 different places to do it. I hate shopping, even at Christmas I try to do most of my shopping online so I don't have to actually go into a store! Ok now I am just paddling backward there, on to the point of this little post, and I may have one you will just have to read on and find out for yourself.

Colton likes to go to the food court in the mall and get his favorite pizza, so we picked up Cam from school and headed up there to get some lunch for them. We get Colton's pizza, then get Cam some sesame chicken and find a table. There was a young girl sitting next to us, maybe 16 and she had this little girl with her that was about 3. I assumed that this beautiful little child was her baby sister, and then to my shock and dismay I hear the little one say "mommy where's grandma?" the other child says to the little girl "she will be back in a few minutes to take you home. Mommy has to go back to school." My first thought was why didn't the "grandma" teach this child about birth control, but soon I would have the answer to that question. "Grandma" showed up, and grandma isn't really the word I would choose to describe this woman. She was maybe 32 and I am giving her a few years on that, she was dressed like, well pretty much like a hooker, short skirt, half a shirt, you know the kind of woman that "I am easy" just oozes out of every pore, that was "grandma".

I quickly understood why this little girl had a little girl, she didn't know any better. She didn't have a strong mother influence in her life, now I am not saying that good girls with good morals and values don't sometime find themselves in trouble because some boy coaxed them into the back seat with words like "If you love me you'll do it." and "I just love you so much..." We have all heard those lines, and youth is a great excuse. I am simply telling you what I saw and my opinion of what I saw. I have to wonder if the circle will continue once this baby reaches her teen years, or if maybe just maybe this young mother will teach her daughter about things like condoms and birth control and stop the cycle. Girls need to be empowered with knowledge, it is their body, they will have to bare the burden when when the father decided that he wants to still be a kid and not take on the responsibility of a child. I hope this young mother teaches her daughter about self respect, and she can say no, and that even if she chooses not to say no that is ok too as long as she opts for some birth control. I hope that she teacher her that being a mom at 14 isn't fun, and you miss out on being a kid, and I hope she tells her about STD's, and that no matter how much you think that you love someone at 14, by the time your 16 someone better will come along and by the time your 20 you will have totally forgotten about that little kid crush you had when you were 14 because you found someone you honestly love. I hope she teaches her that she can go to college, and she can be whatever she wants to be in life, and I hope she teaches her that there is no man in the world that can make her happy only she can make herself happy.

I in turn will try to teach my boys that once you choose to have sex you take on great responsibilities, if you happen to knock some girl up you will be held responsible for that child and being a father at the age of 16 pretty much dashes all your dreams of accomplishing all the great things you want to accomplish. I will teach them about condoms, and STD's, and self respect, and how to respect women, and how no means no. I will teach them that love and sex are to very different things. I will do my best to make sure that it isn't one of my boys coaxing your daughters into the back seats of cars and getting them knocked up. I am not so naive to think that my boys won't be out there trying to get a little, what teenage boy isn't, but they will know what condoms are, and they will know how to respect your daughters, and if you teach your daughters the same they will be all the more prepared.

I've been tagged!

The object of this exercise is simple. Pick five from the list and complete the phrase. Feel free to add additional occupations after you've done yours. Pass it on to others. Silly? Yeah. Fun? Of course! Thanks Dawn.

The List

If I could be a scientist
If I could be a farmer
If I could be a musician
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a painter
If I could be a gardener
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a chef
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a librarian
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be an innkeeper
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer
If I could be a llama-rider(by Ogre)
If I could be a bonnie pirate(By Teach)
If I could be a servicemember(By Jeremy)
If I could be a business owner(By Blue 944)
If I could be an actor(By Blue 944)
If I could be an agent(By KelBel)
If I could be video game designer(By KelBel)
If I could be a comic book artist(By Stoli)
If I could be a hooker(By Pollo Loco)
If I could be a crack addict(by Elizabeth)
If I could be a porn star(by Elizabeth)
If I could be a mime(by Garrison)
If I could be a domestic engineer(by Rick)
If I could be a chimney sweep(by laine)
If I could be a masseuse(by laine)
If I could be a taxi driver(by Brian)
If I could be a priest(by Brian)
If I could be the Sherrif Of Nottingham(Karen)
If I could be a dancer(Karen)
If I could be Santa Claus(Karen)
If I could be on a reality TV show(Dawn)
If I could be a magician(Dawn)

1. If I could be a magician I would make time stop for 15 minutes ever night so I could just sit and watch my kids sleep.

2. If I could be a porn star I wouldn't need to get implants.

3. If I could be a hooker I would be broke, because I am way to good for you to afford!

4. If I could be a psychologist I would put a lot of research into the whole ADD/ADHD debate and instead of trying to label these people in a geniric way I would work to find out what is really going on.

5. If I could be an actor I would want to do love sceens with Johnny Depp and Viggo Mortensen.

Ok now I have to tag 3 people. Walking around Jack, because he needs something to do. Tricia because maybe this will give her something to post and I can quit thinking about her abnormal body parts, and JP because the last one of these things I had to do was his fault.

The things I have learned

Men spend the first half of their lives telling us women they love us just so they can get in our pants, the 2nd half of their lives they tell us they love us because they don't want in our pants as much but they want to keep us around in case the need arises.

Children will wear you out.

It always seem like the grass is greener on the other side, even to the people on the other side.

Bra's were invented by men, no woman would invent a torture device and then expect all her friends to wear one too! and once you have one that fits perfect and it finally loose any abititly to actually hold the girls up, you will never find one that fits you like that one did again!

It can be beautiful outside, sunshine coming through the cloud, and it can still snow.

It is always good to flirt and be flirted with even if you have no intention of doing anything more than flirting. It makes you feel young.

I am scared of our mailman, he reminds me of Charles Manson. So when we don't get mail or we get the wrong mail I am always really nice about it, but I don't let the boys outside alone when he is coming down the street!

Everyone else sees you differently than you see yourself.

People that read my blog tend to know me better than people who don't and have know me for years.

I would love to be independent, but I lack the skills to take care of myself.

Just when you think everything is going wrong and there is nothing to smile about your kids will do something that makes you laugh until your sides hurt.

You can love someone one minute, hate them 2 minutes later, and love them again in ten minutes.

Sleeplessness tends to make me a little cranky after awhile.

Everything seems so minute

Well for those of you that have not heard by now Savannah is in the hospital again! She is going back on the donors list for another liver. I know Renee will really need everyone's support as she takes another long journey to pull her baby girl through this. There is an address at the site to send card, Miss Savannah likes to get mail it brights her day.

Request and dedications

Today I was listening to Music, as I so often do, and I heard a Motley Crue song "Kick Start My Heart" which made me think of Heather, no not in that way you crazy perverted people.

Anyway I got to thinking about songs that remind me of other bloggers, and for lack of anything better to post I thought I would share them with you, not all of them at once, and if I have not gotten to you and your on my link list don't worry I will, but the obivious first:

Jay is diffenently "I'm too sexy" by Right said Fred. Who could not think of Jay when this song is playing? Nope never gonna be able to listen to that song again without developing fits of giggling!

Then we have our future President Trashman. I don't think there would be a more fitting song than "Trashy Women" by Confederate Railroad. I don't know how many times I have left his site actually humming that song, but it has been many!

Tricia girl would have to be "Girls just wanna have fun" by Cyndi Luaper. Cause honestly I have had more fun with her than anyone!

Jack well one of the many I have here, is anything by Tim McGraw, because his love of Tim never fails to amaze me! Honestly "Nights I can't Remember, Friends I'll never Forget" by the man Toby Keith. Jack is one of the few people I know that has kept his friends close.

Celti girl is always "Changes" by tesla, everytime I hear that song I have to go and read her blog.

What songs remind you of the blogger you know? Go ahead don't be shy comment away.

this is my world! The white stuff is still coming down! 

Seasons change and kids are funny

Colton is such a funny child. The other night we were standing in the kitchen and Steve kissed me and Colton gives his dad a push and tells him "Get away from my wife". It's funny because he is four, now if he still wants to "marry me up" when he is 10 or 11 I may start to worry a bit, but coming from a four year old it is the sweetest thing a mom can hear.

Anyone who has read for awhile knows how I feel about video games, but between Christmas and birthday's we have quite a few of those damn plug and play games, I guess everyone thinks they don't qualify as video games! Now there seems to be games plugged into my TV all the time, which annoys me to no end, but what can a mom do? Last night Steve and David were playing NHL 95, and David was kicking his dad's butt. I watched my 41 year old husband turn into a 7 year old! After about the 6th goal in less than 5 minutes of play David informed his dad "You kind of suck at this dad!" to which his dad said "Yeah why don't you just shut up David!" Then 2 or 3 more goals from David and the D man asks "you want me to get you some goals dad?" "NO!" stammered his father. Steve finally had enough and they ended the game. D tells his dad "You can all my goals dad, and then I can be the sore loser." The things you learn from your children!

Cameron has decided that he wants his birthday in the summer when there isn't any snow on the ground, his is in January. He is sad because he doesn't get any good outside stuff for his birthday "like water guns and that kind of stuff." I think I will have to buy some extra ones this summer and put them away for his birthday, because that just made me a little sad!

I am off to watch the snow fall, yes it is snowing here!

it's the bread and pasta thing!

I stole this from Jack.

Your Inner European is Italian!

Passionate and colorful. You show the world what culture really is.

Who's Your Inner European?

WOW!

Look at all the changes! Isn't this neat! It's like I have a brand new home all special for me and the things I love! I am so lucky to have such a special friend. Martine put all this together for me, she worked it all up on her own, finding all the stuff she knows I love. Isn't she great!

A very big Thank You to you sweetie. I know you worked really hard on this and it was a pain in the butt! I love it and I love you Thanks with all my heart!

The baby

The youngest child often craves the spotlight. They'll often work hard to be the center of attention or break the rules.

Send in the clowns:

Often, youngest children love to make people laugh or take center stage. Many actors and comedians are the youngest children in their families.

Here are some personality traits that are common in youngest children:

Persistent: When it comes to a goal, many youngests just won't give up!

A Great Storyteller: Whether it's true or not, youngest kids can spin a mighty good yarn.

Affectionate: Youngest children often have plenty of hugs and kisses to give out.


The baby in our family is spoiled rotten, he is all of the above and more. He is always trying to be the center of attention, he will dance in front of the whole crowd at hockey, he will yell funny things in the walmart to see how many people will laugh at him. He is always trying to prove he is just as big as his big brothers, unless he wants something then he will remind you that he is the baby. He is never to busy to stop and give you a hug or scream "Mom I love you." from his bedroom for no reason at all. He is my baby, my last baby, and he isn't much of a baby anymore, he turns four the 24th, and that breaks my heart. For as much as I want him to grow up and be big and accomplish all his goals, I also want him to stay little a little while longer.

Happy Birthday Colton. I love you so much baby, and even when your lots of old like me, you will still be my baby.

Random thoughts

Airports are one of the saddest places in the world. Lots and lots of goodbyes are said in airports. They are also one of the happiest places lots of loved ones reunite in airports.

One day I will start something and finish it.

Sometimes all it takes to make me love you is to tell me you love me and meant it.

I like my dogs better than I like a lot of people I know.

My boys are my greatest accomplishment, and I hope I don't screw them up.

I need more sleep.

There is nothing better than when one of my boys crawls up into my lap and snuggles up with me.

"Bark" is actually a good movie, strange but good.

I miss my sister, and wish she would move home.

Nursing homes are places you go to die.

I really want a Harley, I have wanted one since I was a small child.

People really do live in dumpsters, even in places as cold as Denver, Co.

Fall is my favorite time of the year.

Morning people suck

I am sure I have said this before, but I'll say it again because it ties into this post, I am not a morning person. I don't understand morning people, I do not share their joy of waking up at the butt crack of dawn, before the sun is even up, and I don't know how anyone can actually be cheerful before 10 o'clock in the morning. Can anyone tell I had to get up early this morning? I did and I am still not very happy about it. I had to go in for the rest of my physical and I had to be there at 7:30, which mean I have to get me and 3 kids ready to leave the house at 7, who the hell really wants to leave the comfort of their homes at that hour?

We get to the office and low and behold there is not on soul moving about in there! We were about 5 minutes early, but when they say 7:30 they don't mean 7:28 they mean 7:30, so someone shows up and lets us in and we wait and wait and wait until almost 8, and I am thinking man we could have slept another half hour. Finally they take us back and the Dr. comes in looks in my ears, nose, throat, and eyes, tells me that I probably have sleep apneia, because my tonsils are so large, I think he was wondering how I get any air past them while I am awake much less while I am sleeping, and that he will write up his report and send it to the company that set all this up and they will send me a report. That was it, nothing else. I am not doing that again. I can go to my regular Dr. and have everything they did done, and not have to get up before the sun! I am telling my dear husband to take my name off of that part of the insurance, we only pay like 2 bucks a month for it, but still it is just not worth all the hassle we went through. I am off to take a nap hope ya'll had a good night sleep!

I have nothing

Nothing at all so I borrowed some of Celti girls list, not her answers just the list, and I mixed it up a little.

do you/have you....
like the taste of blood = That was just a wicked rumor, who have you been talking to?

believe in love = Love is just a lie made to make you blue. Name that tune baby!

believe in soul mates = how do souls mate is that some kind of voodoo stuff?

believe in love at first sight = I did until I put my glasses back on, boy was I wrong!

believe in god = God is Dog spelled backward, coincidence I think not.

ever cried over a boy = yes once when I was little the neighbor kid pushed me down. I got up and punched him, knocking him to the ground in doing so I hurt my hand and as I stood over him I may have shed a few tears, oh no that was insane laughter, sorry guess not.

ever lied to someone = Oh come on who hasn't I could be lying right now for all you know!

ever been arrested = More rumors it was self defense honestly.

ever dated anyone who's in your friends list/links = Who started this rumor, it was on honest mistake really just because my earring was caught in his zipper doesn't mean anything it could happen to anyone.

kissed anyone on your friends list/links = I see how this works trying to get me to admit to something huh!

ever considered dating anyone else on your friends list/links = Is that an offer?


ever been in a fist fight = you think you could take me? Bring it on!

you have a crush on someone = I'll never tell it will just lead to more rumors.

what...
are you scared of = that old woman on those "help I have fallen and I can't get up" commercials she is evil.

what are you like in relationships = On minute I will be dancing in the rain and laughing and as soon as I get you to join me I will tell you how stupid it is to be standing out in the rain and storm into the house, then when you follow me in I will ask you why you stopped dancing with me in the rain and accuse you of hating me. You hate me don't you?

you wish you could live somewhere else = heck no I live in my own little world. I know you wish you could visit to huh, but I don't let just anyone in you know.

others find you attractive = I doubt it, but maybe if I have all my teeth in I ain't so bad.

you smoke = way to much

you like roller coasters = My life is a roller coaster and some days I would really like to get off and ride the merry go round for awhile, but the latch on my safety seat is stuck.

you write in cursive or print = both sometimes even in the same sentence maybe even the same word.

for or against....
long distance relationships = I am all for them. The less I see of you the more I will like you when I do have to look at ya.

using someone =using them how? I mean I wouldn't use someone as a footrest or a chair that just isn't comfortable, but I think it is quite useful when the boys bring me the remote for the TV, or a Pepsi.

suicide = I think their are people who should give it a try. Oh my suicide diffanently against that

killing people = More rumors self defense I tell you!

doing drugs = I find myself taking more and more drugs the older I get, everytime I go to the Dr. for something he prescribes me something else for this ailment or that. As long as they work I am all for 'em. In fact I am rather annoyed they took my vioxx off the market stupid bastards!

premarital sex = I wouldn't buy a car without taking it for a test drive first, you can be sure I ain't gonna get hitched without testing that out!

I was talking to my mom this afternoon and she order something via the internet it was suppose to arrive on the 11th and still isn't here. She looked it up and asked me what POM meant, because it said shipped POM. I told her it must stand for Pissed Off Mailman or she would have gotten it by now.

Words

I have been on a blog journey today through the archives over at Paul's Place. He is an extremely talented poet, and he reminded me that I have missed poetry, writing it, reading it, just needing it. He now has a link on my sidebar and I will be visiting him often, well at least when I visit all my other favorite blogs. And although my talent as a poet fails in comparison to Paul I will leave you all with this:

Weak breathless exposed
Panting and hungry for more
You leave me wanting and needing
Barely breathing
Shivering and tingly
From head to toe
Complete and utter ecstasy
That is what you do to me
Exhausted inspired
My soul is on fire
Cool my desires
Please give me more
more and more words.

I am sitting here listening to Norah Jones I think she has an awesome voice, she reminds me a lot Billie Holiday. Then I thought everyone should go and buy her albums (CD's kids CD's). Her voice is haunting and filled with emotion, truly lovely. If you click on the link go and listen to her sing and tell me if you don't think she is everything I say she is, not that it will change my mind about her but we live in a free world, well mostly, your entitled to an opinion even if it's wrong!


"What Am I To You?"
Norah Jones
What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Fast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so

If my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you

Yeah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
Never wanna part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies

I will you love when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you
What am I to you
What am I to you

and I suck as usual

Well this was the latest thing I have written in the story contest, over there in my links fizzle and pop, please go and check it out. It is more of a blurb than an actual story, and the words were factoid, capricious, eclectic, extraneous,masturbate, wanderlust, and squishy.




Spring is in the air, spring the time of rebirth when the cold hibernating world becomes new once more. The birds sing, the flowers bloom, and the rain falls washing away the dust and dirt of a long winter. I love the rain, walking through the grass barefoot, coming to a puddle of mud, and jumping in. I love the way it is squishy between your toes, and the smell, like everything is clean again. I want to be clean again; I want my soul to be new and fresh, reborn, like the earth after a rainstorm in the spring. I look out the window longing to escape my prison, the prison I have created for myself, and all the extraneous sights blur my mind creating a fog around the world in which I live. I long to walk in the sun, see exotic places, taste forbidden fruits, and mostly just go anywhere but here. Wanderlust takes hold almost violently in the spring, not wanting to release me. I know I cannot be capricious and rise from my desk, grab my keys and just go where the world takes me that would be irresponsible of me. I don’t have the luxury of being irresponsible anymore, that time ended with the birth of my first child, but I still have the desires to be that way once again, and my dreams. My eclectic thoughts about how it would be to see Pairs or Italy, to make love to a stranger on the beach of some foreign land, to sit quietly on the rocky cliffs of Dover watching the wave’s crash against the rocks below. Like some people use their thoughts to masturbate I use mine to escape, to travel the world without ever leaving my boys. Spring is in the air again, oh how I hate spring.

Thoughts of the past

I seem to be spending a lot of time rummaging through my memories, mostly of my grandmother. She has been gone about 3 years now, and I regret that I didn't know her better. I mean I knew a lot of things about her, but I never sat down with her and really got to know her. Grandma and I had lost touch really, and that was my fault, when people leave me I tend to shut them out so they can never hurt me again, and that is what I did with my grandma. I shouldn't have, but I did, and nothing can change that now.
My grandma's mother and father came to Wyoming from Sweden, they homesteaded a Ranch on a beautiful piece of property. They had 3 daughters and were establishing a life as Americans, but by the time Grandma was 14 both of them had died, I don't even know how they died. There was an aunt and uncle in the picture and they sold off everything, handed all the girl about a hundred dollars and told them they didn't want to see them anymore. The girls moved to the closest town, got jobs, and did the best they could and grandma soon found herself knocked up, there are rumors that the baby's father paid my grandfather, John, to marry grandma because he was already married, but they are just rumors and I never asked grandma, my guess would be that there was some truth to them, ok a lot of truth. My grandma had the baby, my Aunt Sharon who we lost about a year after grandma. I never met John he died in the sunshine mine in Idaho when I was a tiny baby, and from the sounds of it I really didn't miss much by not knowing him. He was a drunk, a very mean abusive drunk. He beat my grandma up a lot, he seemed to be knocking her up or knocking her around most of the time. They had 6 kids all together, counting Sharon, 3 girls and 3 boys. When my dad got old enough John not only beat Grandma, but thought that it was ok to hit him to, I think mostly because he stood up for his mom and his sister, he thought it was better him getting beat than them even at a very young age. Daddy and the others pretty much had to raise themselves, because Grandma worked all the time to pay the bills and support 6 kids, herself, and when he came home a drunk husband, who took his disfunctions out on her and her kids. One day he just didn't come back, but they never got a divorce, even at the time of his death they were still married. Grandma worked as a cook and a baker at a truck stop, and in all the time she was going through all that abuse, and raising her kids she wasn't a drinker. When I can along we lived in the same town as her, and we lived with her for a little while. When we didn't live with her she was my babysitter, and I can still hear her telling me "You were such a good little girl, I would take my nap and you would sit on the bed and cut paper until I woke up, you would never leave the bed." Grandma had a bad heart, and she would get tired really easily. We were best friends, on the weekends she was the one I would have sleep overs with, sometimes at my house sometimes at hers. Then one day I must of been a 8 my uncle and my daddy were building on to grandma's house and getting it fixed up for her, when low and behold, the same man who we think paid John to marry grandma, shows up with this drunk bum who needs work and wants Daddy and my uncle to hire him to help, and they did. Next thing we know him and grandma have run off together, and my grandmother who was never a drunk became a hardcore alcoholic, living in gutters, begging for money, and who knows what else. In the years she spent with him she had a heart attack and open heart surgery, and we went to see her in the hospital. I thought she was going to die then, and I think she wanted to. When we got there no one could get her out of bed, they told her she had to get up and start walking, but she wouldn't. I took her hand and told her come on grandma lets just go for a walk so you can get better, and for me she got out of that bed and we walked the halls of the hospital in Denver, and I thought she would come home then, but she got out of the hospital and kept right on drinking and living her life like I didn't matter, but for a little while I did matter again, and I held on to that for a long time. Then when the drunk she ran off with finally died, daddy and I went to Nebraska and brought grandma home. We lived 2 hours from her house by then so there was no chance of ever picking up where we left off, by that time I was already a junior in high school, oh I went to visit her a time or two, and she came here a few times, but we had lost that connection we had had when I was a child and she was my best friend in the world. I never stopped loving her, and she got to met my boys before she left this world, and for that I am glad, but I do wish that I had decided to let her back into my life and really taken the time to get to know her. I want to know about her past and her family, and how she felt about it all not just some second hand story but from her heart, and why she ran off with Walt and why she started drinking, and mostly I want that chance to tell her I never stopped loving her, and I know in my heart she knew that. I am not a religious person, and I don't believe in ghosts, but she was at her own funeral and she spoke to me, my cousin and her family and me and mine were standing there and all of our kids were playing at our feet getting a little loud and the preacher was preaching and I looked down at the kids and said "Shhhhh" and she said to me "Honey, just leave those babies alone they are fine." I started giggling and everyone started looking at me and I told them "Grandma said to just let the kids play" and everyone said well that's the way she would have wanted it, so maybe I did know her better than I thought.

Come sail away

Yesterday I took the boys for a little bike ride down to the river, where we skipped some rocks, saw some ducks, and watched David's shoe drift down the current, I am pretty sure it is in Nebraska by now. The thing at school is to loosen your shoes and tie them so you can slip them on and off really easy. I think that age has addled my mind, because he didn't believe that I was truly smarter than a group of 6 and 7 year olds when I told him to tighten his laces. He'll think twice about my intelligence now I'm sure, well I hope anyway.

Ok we were at the river and David kicked a good sized rock into the water, the rock accomplished the big splash he was looking for, I think the extra push of the shoe following it into the air helped. The shoe flipped end over end, high into the sky and we all watched as gravity took hold and quickly diverted it to the middle of the river. He looks at me looks back at the shoe and says "GET IT MOM!" Well it was only about 60 degrees outside and that river water couldn't of been more than 25 degrees and we were about a mile from home on bikes, there ain't no way I was trudging ass deep into the swampy mud and cold water to save a damn shoe I don't care if the child had to ride home with only one, he should have tied them right in the first place and it would still be on his foot. That shoe rounded the bend and was gone within minutes, and David was traumatized. "Now I can't go anywhere I only have one shoe. I can't even go to school!" Nice try on his part mom took him to pay less today and he got him a new pair, one's that don't have laces nope these ones have that bungee stuff that keeps them tight all the time. We won't be losing anymore shoes to the great abyss, and David can continue his education in style!

The bonds of hockey

Ashley is now the hero of our house. For those of you that don't know her go and check out her blog, she is a very talented college girl, who happens to play hockey. David, my little hockey player, has found a common bond with her, and you would think that he knows her personally the way he talks about her. We were outside playing today and one of the little neighborhood boys said that girls couldn't play sports as good as boys, well my little man set to prove him wrong.
"Yes they can, my mom plays sports with us." he says.
"but she doesn't play real sports." the snotty little brat said.
"She plays football with us and lets us tackle her, and my college friend she's a girl and she lives in Canada and she just won a really huge trophy for playing hockey, because she is like the best player in the world Her name is Ashley and she could even take me in a hockey game and we have pictures on our computer to prove it! And I even have girls on my hockey team and we're like almost professionals. Do you know how to play hockey?" I don't think he took a breath, but he got his point across.
"No hockey is stupid." bad move on other boys part there.
"No it's not it's the best sport in the world, and it is harder than any sport you play. You have to know how to ice skate and everything. You have to be tough to play hockey you can't be some wimp, it is better than football and way harder" David snaps.
Then I chimed in "well what sports do you play honey" knowing full well that this chubby little boy had never participated in a team sport as long as he lived, but being a little bitter over the whole girl's can't play thing I guess I just wanted to egg it on a bit sometimes the girl in me pops out and leaves the mom behind.
"I don't play sports on a team it's stupid even my dad says it's stupid."
"Well see girls can play better than you then huh." David says.
Then I just felt sorry for him, because for whatever reason his parents have never given him the opportunity to actually understand what it is to play as a team. He will never understand team work, unity, or any of the thousands of other character building things a team sport does for children. The mother in me left the girl part behind and told him "well that's ok not everyone likes to play sports there is nothing wrong with that."
The look on David's face was of awe and wonder, he thinks everyone should play sports, football, baseball, basketball, and most of all hockey, but I understood that it wasn't this child's fault it was the fault of his parents, man don't they even know what they are missing watching their child score his first goal, or make his first basket or touchdown or homerun. Cheering him on, trying to make sure he hears your voice over all the other parents so he knows just how proud of him you are, bragging about his ability to anyone who will listen, those are just the things parents get out of it. I wish they knew the self esteem it builds in children when they play an organized team sport, and the way they learn to work together, there are just so many things this child is missing out on, and he knows he is missing out on it too, you could tell by the way he talked. He probably learned the whole girls can't play sports thing from his father too, boy did David sit him straight on that maybe he will take the lesson home to his dad and next year maybe just maybe they will let him play on a team.

Look at the big picture would ya?

Ok I wasn't going to blog about this, it's all been said and done and it should be over, but yet it goes on and on and on, and lets face it we will never see the end of it, but thanks to a certain extended family member, who shall remain nameless, basically because I don't want to admit I am actually related to him, even if it is only by marriage, has angered me you all get to read my views on the whole Terri Schirvo on goings.

I think that her parents are very selfish and can't see past losing their daughter, but they lost her 15 years ago, she was not the same person they knew before, and there was no hope of her ever being close to that person again. I think it was a waste of time and money to keep her living in the condition she was in for so long, not to mention they stripped her of any dignity she might have had if they would have just let her pass in peace. I hope that I am never faced with having to do that to one of my boys, but I can damn sure tell you that they would not want to live life confined to a bed in a hospice, they would want to live life. I would not want to live like that myself, who really would? All these people that were jumping on the band wagon to bring her food and water just didn't get it she couldn't swallow it she couldn't even put it in her mouth and chew it, she had to be feed through a tube inserted into her stomach, and not hamburgers and French fries, a liquid mix of vitamins and minerals to sustain her body. She didn't know if she was eating or not, and let me tell you if I don't know if I am eating then I sure wouldn't know anything else! Her parents were in such denial, and I pity them I really do, but mostly I feel sorry for Terri, because of what they did to her. We live in a society that cares enough about our pets to make sure that they don't have to suffer when the end comes, we let them leave this world with grace holding their heads high and saying our tearful goodbyes knowing that the pain for them will soon be over, but yet we make our own loved ones suffer unmercifully out of our desire to hold on to what we once had knowing full well that we will never have it again.

Then we move on to her husband, who seems to be getting attacked for loving his wife enough to know when to say "it's over". People seem to forget that he has given up 15 years of his life in this whole ordeal. He watched the woman he loved, the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with, slip away from him and become something else. Then for some 7 or 8 years he fought to find help for her, he never abandon her, he never divorced her, he held on hoping and wishing she would be the same person he vowed to love until death. He took her to the best doctors he could find, and when they all told him there was no hope he still stood by and when he finally said "the woman I married wouldn't want this" lets let her go, it became a fight. If this man didn't care about his wife, he would have signed all rights over to her parents would have gotten a lawyer and gotten out of any responsibility he once had to her a long time ago. He stuck around and he fought for what he knew his wife would have wanted, he never abandon her, and he was there when she finally did pass on.

I know everyone has their own opinions of this whole case. Some think the parents should have gotten their way some feel the same as I do, and some just don't care one way or another. What I find hardest about this whole case is the government involvement. I don't want someone I don't know or have never met deciding my fate, and I don't want to place my parents, husband, and children in the position of having to say "turn her off". I know that I am loved greatly and no one in my family would hold out for a miracle that long, but I know how hard it is to have to say those words that is why everyone should have a living will.

Don't forget to tell your friends

Greg is paying a special tribute to his wife today. Cheryl was only 31 when they found out she had breast cancer, and a year ago today they lost her. Greg however continues the fight against this life stealing disease and he is doing a commentathon and needs everyone's help. He needs to reach 1500 comments so please go over and help him out, because you never know when it might be you or someone you love faced with breast cancer. While your there take a few minutes to read their story, they are an amazing family with so much courage.

What? I can't hear out of that ear.

Blood Pressure 124/70
Heart rate good and steady
blood drawn and UA done sent to the lab for farther investigation
couldn't breath in the thing because of stupid chest cold that feels more like pneumonia
Hearing in the right ear is excellent
Hearing in the left ear is good in the high in and low end, but in the middle I can't hear nothing! The high end and low end really don't matter it is the middle where all the things you need to hear are at, things like people talking to you and that kind of thing. Oh I can hear a fire truck coming from 10 miles away, but if your standing on my left side talking to me I probably won't know your talking to me so please people stand in front of me or on my right side and speak up!

If you couldn't tell I had my yearly physical thing today, well I had the lab work and screenings, the Doctor wasn't in to do the rest of the crap so I have to go back so he can tell me to lose weight and quit smoking. I already know that is coming I hear it every time I set foot into a doctors office, "your lungs sound really good, but if you quit smoking now you won't get all those horrible things you die of when your a smoker." When in my mind, not my left ear, I hear you have the lungs of a non smoker that is great I couldn't even tell you were a smoker keep right on smoking because your lucky and it isn't effecting you yet and I nod and smile and when I get into the car to go home I light up, because I have the lungs of a non smoker. Althought this is the 3rd time this year I have gotten the chest cold crap and my allgeries get worse every year especially in my chest making spring the worst time of year for breathing. Maybe I will quit I know I should, but I just don't have the desire yet. I enjoy ever cigarette I light. Then there is the weight thing well lets face it I am just lazy and honestly the only time you should run is when something big and scary is chasing you. I tried the whole running thing oh sure I lost weight, but was it worth the sore ankle, the painful knees, the leg cramps that wake you up screaming in the middle of the night. I don't freaking think so and the thought of giving up chocolate again is frightening there is nothing worse than PMSing and not having chocolate it's like a drug a really really good drug that leads to happy happy thoughts! Chocolate should be on the food pyramid thing right at the top above fruits and veggies and you should have to eat 5 servings a day, everyone would be happier and the world would be a better place.

Children and Art

"Let's go into the sculpture gallery" the well dressed lady leading the group of pre schooler's said.

The children all in the most perfect single file line proceeded quietly behind her. She stopped in front of this mesh type contraption arranged on the floor.

"What does this remind you of?" she stated excitedly. That is when I knew I should grab Colton and wait in the car for Cam's class to finish up the tour. All was silent as these 3, 4, and barley 5 year olds studied the mass of "art" before them.

and that was the start Colton found his voice "It's junk." he says as loud as he could creating a echo for the rest of the gallery to here. The lady tried to ignore him but anyone who knows Colton understands that once he says something everyone will listen, and she went on to ask "does it remind you of a river?" "NO" states Colton. Well I was laughing so hard I couldn't even make my way to the front of the line to get him. A few children said yeah it kind of looked like a river, and she just kept on question them "What do you think these look like?" she said pointing to holes in the "art", and my logical little man say "They are holes." "Yeah they are holes she said, but if it was a river what would they look like?" "It's not a river it's junk." Well the thing was suppose to look like a river and the holes were suppose to look like rocks in the river. Then she asked "Would you put this in your house?" "No way" said Colton. I don't think he was very impressed with the "Art" and to be perfectly honest I hope the artist has a day job because I am not really sure myself who would want a big mesh river in their living room. I was just glad when the tour was over and we got to move on to the discovery zone. Colton got to finger paint and create some real art, the kind I love putting in my living room!

Nanny 911

I was clicking channels on the TV, something I very seldom get a chance to do as the kids seem to always be in control of the remote. Well I come across this show Nanny 911, anyone seem this?

First off it made me very thankful for the children I have. My kids get a little rowdy, they are rough and tumble boys, and sometimes it gets to wild in my house, which creates a me having to yell above their noise to get attention. Here is the deal once I have their attention they listen, they do what they are suppose to do. These kids on this show are over the edge wild and don't seem to listen to their parents at all. The lady was actually encouraging her 3 year old son to pee outside in the street. I was as shocked about that as the old bitty, I mean the nanny.

Ok that was about as far as I can go with agreeing. Apparently the mom, dad, and 3 kids all slept in the same bed. The nanny put a stop to that, which I can see her point to an extent. It is hard to sleep when there are 5 people in one bed. I have ended up moving to the bottom bunk of the boys' room many times, but the nanny acted like it was some crime for children to climb into bed with their parents. Children that young have nightmares or they get sick and they want to be close to their mom. What is unhealthy about that? As a mom I have climbed into bed with my kids more than once because they were sick, and it was the best way for all of us to get some rest. If one of them has the croup you can beat I am right next to them with my hand on their little chest making sure each breath is just right. So moving on the mom jumped onto the top bunk and was going to read the oldest a story the nanny had a fit telling the mom and dad just how "unhealthy" it is for a mom to do that. That is when I wanted a sit down with the nanny. The mom was fully dressed, the kids had PJ's on there was nothing sick or sexual or strange about it. She was just a mom wanting her child to know that she loved him. Most nights I prop the pillows up in the boys' bed the four of us snuggle in and we read a book together, then we talk awhile and I squeeze them a lot before I leave them to get their nights rest. I see nothing strange or unhealthy about loving my boys and wanting them to be aware of the fact that I love them. I see nothing "unhealthy" about reading to your kids either. The only thing I see as "unhealthy" is the fact that the nanny wanted a mother to let go of her babies, in a world where children already have to grow up to fast.


and just for the record if I am ever in the state that Terry Schiavo is in I do not want to be kept alive. I told David that tonight while we were watching the news together and he promised me that he would let me die, althought he did say "Well I won't shoot ya or anything, but I'll let the Drs. do it."

Your getting sleeeeeepy

Watch the swaying of the clock and listen to my voice, I am going to take you back way back in the past relax and close your eye. You only here the sound of my voice. Now let your mind take you back, a little farther, no still farther, no no stop oh you missed it!

The mid 80's, you remember them? Well I tried for years to forget, but then Heather goes and brings it all up again. I would have been about 11 just little girl. My best friend Trisha and I were always hanging out together, and she had an older sister who would let us borrow her records (that is old people talk for CD's kiddies). I remember the first time I heard Frankie goes to Hollywood with the Relax don't do it... they were awesome cool. Culture Club, with that girl singer who sounded like a guy, imagain my surprise. Cindy Lauper with her funky clothes and hair. Wham, that guy still has a nice ass even if he does play with the boys. She had them all and we would spend hours listening to them, and then one day she gives us Duran Duran. Oh how I feel head over heals in love with John Taylor from that moment on I couldn't get enough. I saved my money and bought every album, every magaizine, and every poster I could get my hands on. I had buttons on my jacket, tee shirts with his picture, and my bedroom was a shrine to Duran Duran, mostly John Taylor. Oh how beautiful he was gazing down on me as I looked loving up into is eyes. There was not a place on my walls or ceiling or door that wasn't graced by his presents. My love for him grew, but I had no where else to place his pictures so I started scrapbooking them, lay off I was only about 12 at that point. Then it happened the words moving into a new house well everything was going well I took down my shrine, I would have a bigger room with more space to put up more poster of the love of my preteen years. It wasn't so bad until my dad walked in and discovered that I had used thumb tacks to install every one of the pictures. Well damn straight I did I wasn't going to risk tape ripping them if they ever had to come down, and besides I didn't want to put any wholes in the pictures so I secured them with the plastic edge instead of stabbing them right through my beloved John. Needless to say 3 years of pinning up posters with thumb tacks makes quite a few tiny wholes in the walls of a rented house. Did I say quite a few, ok thousands of tiny wholes. Dad came unhinged and wanted to know why the hell I could do something so stupid, then he wanted to know why mom would let me do something so stupid. Then he felt bad for calling us stupid told me I was never allowed to touch thumb tacks as long as I lived with him and painted the bedroom. Over that summer Trisha moved to Colorado Springs with her family we wrote for many years, but I never saw her again. My love for Duran Duran and John Taylor faded as I grew older and was introducted to new bands like Nikki Sixx, I mean Motley Crue, yeah I had lots of posters of Nikki too, but I had to tape them up. After Heather meantioned Duran Duran I had to do a web search to see if John was still as hot, so Heather tell your mom he does not look like a nerd he is one sexy man!

Things that baffle me

Well I did this post and it got lost in bloggie land somewhere and all of a sudden it showed up out of no where. That has to be the new number 1 on my list of baffling things.


1. Low flow toilets. These damn things are suppose to save water, but on square of toilet paper has to be flushed 14 times before it disappears how is that saving water?

2. Laundry. The more I wash the more it seems to pile up in laundry baskets, on the floor in conners, on beds. Where does it all come from?

3. Dish. Same reason as laundry.

4. Peanut Butter. How can something that is suppose to be good for you be so fattening?

5. Men. need I say more?

6. The way the city chooses to fix streets in my town. The same ones are always under construction and the ones that need fixed are never fixed.

7. the whole spongebob is gay debate. What the hell is up with that? It is a freaking cartoon isn't there better things to be worried about?

8. The price of coffee. It just keeps going up and going up but why it isn't like the workers in 3rd world nations are actually seeing any of the profit I mean they work for like 3 cents an hour so why am I paying so much?

Well that's all I have right now. As you can tell there is absoultly nothing going on that I feel like writing about at this time. Happy St. Patty's Day everyone.

Another season comes to an end.

Yes David's hockey season is officially over. Last week we had his awards night, and now we have more pucks and trophies that I need to find a place for. He likes to display them for the world to see. He got a trophy for the season, they give every child who plays hockey one, and then he got his first goal puck and his hat trick puck, a USA hockey hat trick patch that I now have to find a "hockey jacket" for him to put it on, and an outstanding sportsmanship award. Now we are doing spring 3 on 3 hockey through our ice rink. He likes playing the 3 on 3 because it is more like having a game everytime you play.

I was discussing sports with one of my very good friends today, and discovered that there is nothing better than watching a group of kids play something they love to play. At David's age they really are not that interested in winning or losing, sure they love it when they win, but the one thing they really care about is playing, and having a great time. They quickly lose their innocents and winning becomes what is important after awhile, but right now watching them get out there and play for the sake of playing is awesome. I will miss watching hockey over the summer. I will miss cheering when David makes a goal, and I will miss when he comes off the ice saying "Did you see that goal mom it was awesome. I smacked that baby right in the net." or even the days when he didn't get a goal and says "man that was a fun game." These days won't last long, pretty soon it will be all about winning, but I am going to treasure these moments and remind him that once he played just because he loved the game win or lose.

It had been a very sad week.

I remember Sarah as a cute little girl, who was always smiling and happy. Her and her family sat with us at our AFHL hockey games, both their family and ours held season tickets. She must of been 8 or 9 back then. I have not seen that family in years, but I would read things in the paper about Sarah's fight to wrestle with the boys, not that kind of wrestling people! She was the first girl to become All American in Wyoming. Then Monday I log on to my homepage to read about her once more. She was 23 years old, just a baby, who went off to college to make something out of her life.

The sadness doesn't end there. One of my favorite singers
Chirs Ledoux passed away wednesday.

On the lighter side of things:

I went in all last week and helpped David with his reading. He said he likes me to help him. He wants me to always go to school with him. I am having to take Colton to Kid's works, and it is costing an arm and a leg to have him there, but I don't have anyone else that can watch him.

Ear infection, lost data, and the stomach flu!

Well we just returned from the Dr. Cam has double ear infections. He gets them quite often so I may have to get an appt. with the ears, nose, and throat Dr. to see what can be done for that. This morning I woke up with stomach cramps that would rival labor pains, not those beginning labor pains, no the ones you get just before the baby's head starts popping out, you know the ones you feel over your entire body. I thought I might be dyeing and then the throwing up and all the other stuff you do on the toilet started. That is when I started wishing I would die! I hope the boys don't get this stomach bug, because it comes with a headache and body aches, and lots of bathroom time.

On a happier side note I managed to lose everything on the computer this weekend. I was having a phaser error something on line something for about a week, and I tried every fix on ever message board to no avail, and then ran across about 1000 messages that the only way to fix it was a reformat and a reinstall of XP. So I did a quick backup of all my important stuff, address book, favorites, saved email with all my passwords, that kind of thing. I wasn't really worried I had my backup and I would be able to retrieve everything just fine. Well I got everything back up and running, hard drive all cleaned up, and slide in the back up CD. That is when I wanted to cry I got this nice little message "corrupt disk" so I lost it all after all. So I have not addresses, I can't write to anyone, but my mom because she is the only person I have memorized! If you actually like hearing from me every now and then send me an email so I can put you back in my address book!
We are off to pick up Cameron's meds for his ear. I forgot my purse so we had to come back for it.

Things about me you may not want to know

1. I am unorganize to a fault. I have great plans of getting organized and putting everything in it's place and half way through something else comes up and I forget all about getting organized.

2. I hate people telling me what to do, but I am really good at telling other people what they should do.

3. I have not kept in touch with any of my high school friends, not one of them. Most of my grown up friends are online and I have never met them.

4. I suffer from anxiety attacks sometimes and manic depression, but I think that I can control it on my own and I don't need to take medication for it. I try not to use it as an excuse for a lot of the things in my life, but it probably is. Examples: my unorganizedness, my weight, my credit, and the list could go on. I am responsible for it all and choose not to have the label placed on me and instead just say I make some really bad choices sometimes, but I am working on it. If you met me face to face and spent an hour or 2 with me even when I am at my lowest point you would never know I suffer from depression, because over time you learn to put on that happy smile and pretend the world is great even if you sometimes think it would be better off without you.

5. I don't believe in God. I don't believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa either, but I believe that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and I am always thankful that there are people out there who pray for me and my boys.

6. I let my kids rule me instead of ruling them.

7. I am really good at keeping my calm when someone pisses me off, but plotting my revenge while smiling to their face.

8. I don't think that ADD/ADHD is a true medical condition. I think it was made up to lump kids who just don't get it or in some cases over hyper, into a group because they felt they had to do something with them and that was the best they could come up with without really putting a lot of time and money into researching it.

9. I am terrified of being alone.

10. I watch to many crime show like cold case files and forensics file and sometimes I have to put all of the boys in bed with me when Steve is gone, because I am scared that some psychopath is going to sneak in and kill us all. I am still not sure how having the boys in with me is going to stop that, but I am sure if it came down to him or us I could take him!

Ok enough of my weirdness I just didn't have much to post. I have been drowning and I keep struggling to make it back to the surface, but just can't seem to get there yet. I can still see the light reflecting off the top of the water so I have not gone completely to the bottom yet, and hopefully I don't make it that far under.

I had a meeting with David's teacher today. I have struggled with the whole issue and I just can't have a Dr. Diagnosis him with something that I don't believe exists. So I am going to start going in every day for half an hour to an hour and I will teach my baby how to read. My biggest though is that things need to go back to the way they were 20 years ago when all the children were working on the same thing as everyone else and one teacher wasn't trying to teach 4 different groups of children 4 different subjects. Something is wrong in the thinking, but I suppose we can't live in the past and what they think is progress today will be scoffed at tomorrow. So I leave you with this cause it pretty will sums it up I guess.

The times they are a Changin'
Bob Dylan

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheels still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.

It may all fall apart around me.

Well it may have started with a day, but I think it will turn into one of those years! The pump went out on the wash machine half way through a load of clothes. Then while I was down trying to fix the washer I noticed that the hot water heater is leaking and making a lovely sizzling with every drip as it hits the pilot light! Now the computer is making an annoying noise coming from the fan motor, and I am not even attempting to fix it nothing good can come from that at this point, and as if things couldn’t get worse I had the meeting with David’s school today.

I met with the Occupational Therapist first and she had some visual motor control issues when she did her realm of testing. He is having some tracking things going on and she said it is almost like he is looking out of one eye and then the other and they don’t work together. I don’t really find that strange in the least as I, myself, have never had eyes that focus together, it only creates problems for me when I am watching a 3D movie or trying to do one of those poster that were so popular back in the 90’s, you know the ones that are suppose to become something if you stare at them long enough, never have been able to figure those out. So I need to take him to the eye Dr. specialist guy for that, and of course our insurance doesn’t cover that particular eye Dr. at least on the eye coverage, I may luck out and get it under medical. The bottom line of her tests were that David is average or low average and does not qualify for any special treatment from her. She was really a nice lady though, and gave David a pencil gripper and a neat little book marker that has a color strip on it and said to try other things like that to see if they help.

Then we get to the meat of the whole realm of tests that they put D through, and guess what he is to smart for their programs, but yet he isn’t keeping up with his class. The psychologist, a very nice man, said that if I get a Dr. to label him ADD that they can get him into some of the special medical needs programs they have going on. He did say I did not have to have him on any medication to qualify just have the diagnosis. Pretty much I could take my pick of any mental conditions really, but the bottom line is that if they can’t get the funding to put him into any of these programs then he can’t go to them and the only way for them to get the funding is from him to have a made up medical condition that they lump children into when there isn’t any other answer. They didn’t tell me that in so many words really, but I am smart enough to get to the bottom line all on my own.

I feel like I am left with two choices I either get him diagnosised with ADD so he can get the special attention he needs, the one on one stuff that he isn’t getting in class or do nothing and he struggles through the rest of his academic career. Basically I am no closer to an answer than I was before. I will keep reading some of the studies I have looked up on this box to see where other parents have turned. I have found some very interesting articles to ponder.

Oh and my little D scored a 100% on his math assessment today. He excels in math and hockey!