The baby

The youngest child often craves the spotlight. They'll often work hard to be the center of attention or break the rules.

Send in the clowns:

Often, youngest children love to make people laugh or take center stage. Many actors and comedians are the youngest children in their families.

Here are some personality traits that are common in youngest children:

Persistent: When it comes to a goal, many youngests just won't give up!

A Great Storyteller: Whether it's true or not, youngest kids can spin a mighty good yarn.

Affectionate: Youngest children often have plenty of hugs and kisses to give out.


The baby in our family is spoiled rotten, he is all of the above and more. He is always trying to be the center of attention, he will dance in front of the whole crowd at hockey, he will yell funny things in the walmart to see how many people will laugh at him. He is always trying to prove he is just as big as his big brothers, unless he wants something then he will remind you that he is the baby. He is never to busy to stop and give you a hug or scream "Mom I love you." from his bedroom for no reason at all. He is my baby, my last baby, and he isn't much of a baby anymore, he turns four the 24th, and that breaks my heart. For as much as I want him to grow up and be big and accomplish all his goals, I also want him to stay little a little while longer.

Happy Birthday Colton. I love you so much baby, and even when your lots of old like me, you will still be my baby.

Random thoughts

Airports are one of the saddest places in the world. Lots and lots of goodbyes are said in airports. They are also one of the happiest places lots of loved ones reunite in airports.

One day I will start something and finish it.

Sometimes all it takes to make me love you is to tell me you love me and meant it.

I like my dogs better than I like a lot of people I know.

My boys are my greatest accomplishment, and I hope I don't screw them up.

I need more sleep.

There is nothing better than when one of my boys crawls up into my lap and snuggles up with me.

"Bark" is actually a good movie, strange but good.

I miss my sister, and wish she would move home.

Nursing homes are places you go to die.

I really want a Harley, I have wanted one since I was a small child.

People really do live in dumpsters, even in places as cold as Denver, Co.

Fall is my favorite time of the year.

Morning people suck

I am sure I have said this before, but I'll say it again because it ties into this post, I am not a morning person. I don't understand morning people, I do not share their joy of waking up at the butt crack of dawn, before the sun is even up, and I don't know how anyone can actually be cheerful before 10 o'clock in the morning. Can anyone tell I had to get up early this morning? I did and I am still not very happy about it. I had to go in for the rest of my physical and I had to be there at 7:30, which mean I have to get me and 3 kids ready to leave the house at 7, who the hell really wants to leave the comfort of their homes at that hour?

We get to the office and low and behold there is not on soul moving about in there! We were about 5 minutes early, but when they say 7:30 they don't mean 7:28 they mean 7:30, so someone shows up and lets us in and we wait and wait and wait until almost 8, and I am thinking man we could have slept another half hour. Finally they take us back and the Dr. comes in looks in my ears, nose, throat, and eyes, tells me that I probably have sleep apneia, because my tonsils are so large, I think he was wondering how I get any air past them while I am awake much less while I am sleeping, and that he will write up his report and send it to the company that set all this up and they will send me a report. That was it, nothing else. I am not doing that again. I can go to my regular Dr. and have everything they did done, and not have to get up before the sun! I am telling my dear husband to take my name off of that part of the insurance, we only pay like 2 bucks a month for it, but still it is just not worth all the hassle we went through. I am off to take a nap hope ya'll had a good night sleep!

I have nothing

Nothing at all so I borrowed some of Celti girls list, not her answers just the list, and I mixed it up a little.

do you/have you....
like the taste of blood = That was just a wicked rumor, who have you been talking to?

believe in love = Love is just a lie made to make you blue. Name that tune baby!

believe in soul mates = how do souls mate is that some kind of voodoo stuff?

believe in love at first sight = I did until I put my glasses back on, boy was I wrong!

believe in god = God is Dog spelled backward, coincidence I think not.

ever cried over a boy = yes once when I was little the neighbor kid pushed me down. I got up and punched him, knocking him to the ground in doing so I hurt my hand and as I stood over him I may have shed a few tears, oh no that was insane laughter, sorry guess not.

ever lied to someone = Oh come on who hasn't I could be lying right now for all you know!

ever been arrested = More rumors it was self defense honestly.

ever dated anyone who's in your friends list/links = Who started this rumor, it was on honest mistake really just because my earring was caught in his zipper doesn't mean anything it could happen to anyone.

kissed anyone on your friends list/links = I see how this works trying to get me to admit to something huh!

ever considered dating anyone else on your friends list/links = Is that an offer?


ever been in a fist fight = you think you could take me? Bring it on!

you have a crush on someone = I'll never tell it will just lead to more rumors.

what...
are you scared of = that old woman on those "help I have fallen and I can't get up" commercials she is evil.

what are you like in relationships = On minute I will be dancing in the rain and laughing and as soon as I get you to join me I will tell you how stupid it is to be standing out in the rain and storm into the house, then when you follow me in I will ask you why you stopped dancing with me in the rain and accuse you of hating me. You hate me don't you?

you wish you could live somewhere else = heck no I live in my own little world. I know you wish you could visit to huh, but I don't let just anyone in you know.

others find you attractive = I doubt it, but maybe if I have all my teeth in I ain't so bad.

you smoke = way to much

you like roller coasters = My life is a roller coaster and some days I would really like to get off and ride the merry go round for awhile, but the latch on my safety seat is stuck.

you write in cursive or print = both sometimes even in the same sentence maybe even the same word.

for or against....
long distance relationships = I am all for them. The less I see of you the more I will like you when I do have to look at ya.

using someone =using them how? I mean I wouldn't use someone as a footrest or a chair that just isn't comfortable, but I think it is quite useful when the boys bring me the remote for the TV, or a Pepsi.

suicide = I think their are people who should give it a try. Oh my suicide diffanently against that

killing people = More rumors self defense I tell you!

doing drugs = I find myself taking more and more drugs the older I get, everytime I go to the Dr. for something he prescribes me something else for this ailment or that. As long as they work I am all for 'em. In fact I am rather annoyed they took my vioxx off the market stupid bastards!

premarital sex = I wouldn't buy a car without taking it for a test drive first, you can be sure I ain't gonna get hitched without testing that out!

I was talking to my mom this afternoon and she order something via the internet it was suppose to arrive on the 11th and still isn't here. She looked it up and asked me what POM meant, because it said shipped POM. I told her it must stand for Pissed Off Mailman or she would have gotten it by now.

Words

I have been on a blog journey today through the archives over at Paul's Place. He is an extremely talented poet, and he reminded me that I have missed poetry, writing it, reading it, just needing it. He now has a link on my sidebar and I will be visiting him often, well at least when I visit all my other favorite blogs. And although my talent as a poet fails in comparison to Paul I will leave you all with this:

Weak breathless exposed
Panting and hungry for more
You leave me wanting and needing
Barely breathing
Shivering and tingly
From head to toe
Complete and utter ecstasy
That is what you do to me
Exhausted inspired
My soul is on fire
Cool my desires
Please give me more
more and more words.

I am sitting here listening to Norah Jones I think she has an awesome voice, she reminds me a lot Billie Holiday. Then I thought everyone should go and buy her albums (CD's kids CD's). Her voice is haunting and filled with emotion, truly lovely. If you click on the link go and listen to her sing and tell me if you don't think she is everything I say she is, not that it will change my mind about her but we live in a free world, well mostly, your entitled to an opinion even if it's wrong!


"What Am I To You?"
Norah Jones
What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Fast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so

If my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you

Yeah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
Never wanna part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies

I will you love when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you
What am I to you
What am I to you

and I suck as usual

Well this was the latest thing I have written in the story contest, over there in my links fizzle and pop, please go and check it out. It is more of a blurb than an actual story, and the words were factoid, capricious, eclectic, extraneous,masturbate, wanderlust, and squishy.




Spring is in the air, spring the time of rebirth when the cold hibernating world becomes new once more. The birds sing, the flowers bloom, and the rain falls washing away the dust and dirt of a long winter. I love the rain, walking through the grass barefoot, coming to a puddle of mud, and jumping in. I love the way it is squishy between your toes, and the smell, like everything is clean again. I want to be clean again; I want my soul to be new and fresh, reborn, like the earth after a rainstorm in the spring. I look out the window longing to escape my prison, the prison I have created for myself, and all the extraneous sights blur my mind creating a fog around the world in which I live. I long to walk in the sun, see exotic places, taste forbidden fruits, and mostly just go anywhere but here. Wanderlust takes hold almost violently in the spring, not wanting to release me. I know I cannot be capricious and rise from my desk, grab my keys and just go where the world takes me that would be irresponsible of me. I don’t have the luxury of being irresponsible anymore, that time ended with the birth of my first child, but I still have the desires to be that way once again, and my dreams. My eclectic thoughts about how it would be to see Pairs or Italy, to make love to a stranger on the beach of some foreign land, to sit quietly on the rocky cliffs of Dover watching the wave’s crash against the rocks below. Like some people use their thoughts to masturbate I use mine to escape, to travel the world without ever leaving my boys. Spring is in the air again, oh how I hate spring.

Thoughts of the past

I seem to be spending a lot of time rummaging through my memories, mostly of my grandmother. She has been gone about 3 years now, and I regret that I didn't know her better. I mean I knew a lot of things about her, but I never sat down with her and really got to know her. Grandma and I had lost touch really, and that was my fault, when people leave me I tend to shut them out so they can never hurt me again, and that is what I did with my grandma. I shouldn't have, but I did, and nothing can change that now.
My grandma's mother and father came to Wyoming from Sweden, they homesteaded a Ranch on a beautiful piece of property. They had 3 daughters and were establishing a life as Americans, but by the time Grandma was 14 both of them had died, I don't even know how they died. There was an aunt and uncle in the picture and they sold off everything, handed all the girl about a hundred dollars and told them they didn't want to see them anymore. The girls moved to the closest town, got jobs, and did the best they could and grandma soon found herself knocked up, there are rumors that the baby's father paid my grandfather, John, to marry grandma because he was already married, but they are just rumors and I never asked grandma, my guess would be that there was some truth to them, ok a lot of truth. My grandma had the baby, my Aunt Sharon who we lost about a year after grandma. I never met John he died in the sunshine mine in Idaho when I was a tiny baby, and from the sounds of it I really didn't miss much by not knowing him. He was a drunk, a very mean abusive drunk. He beat my grandma up a lot, he seemed to be knocking her up or knocking her around most of the time. They had 6 kids all together, counting Sharon, 3 girls and 3 boys. When my dad got old enough John not only beat Grandma, but thought that it was ok to hit him to, I think mostly because he stood up for his mom and his sister, he thought it was better him getting beat than them even at a very young age. Daddy and the others pretty much had to raise themselves, because Grandma worked all the time to pay the bills and support 6 kids, herself, and when he came home a drunk husband, who took his disfunctions out on her and her kids. One day he just didn't come back, but they never got a divorce, even at the time of his death they were still married. Grandma worked as a cook and a baker at a truck stop, and in all the time she was going through all that abuse, and raising her kids she wasn't a drinker. When I can along we lived in the same town as her, and we lived with her for a little while. When we didn't live with her she was my babysitter, and I can still hear her telling me "You were such a good little girl, I would take my nap and you would sit on the bed and cut paper until I woke up, you would never leave the bed." Grandma had a bad heart, and she would get tired really easily. We were best friends, on the weekends she was the one I would have sleep overs with, sometimes at my house sometimes at hers. Then one day I must of been a 8 my uncle and my daddy were building on to grandma's house and getting it fixed up for her, when low and behold, the same man who we think paid John to marry grandma, shows up with this drunk bum who needs work and wants Daddy and my uncle to hire him to help, and they did. Next thing we know him and grandma have run off together, and my grandmother who was never a drunk became a hardcore alcoholic, living in gutters, begging for money, and who knows what else. In the years she spent with him she had a heart attack and open heart surgery, and we went to see her in the hospital. I thought she was going to die then, and I think she wanted to. When we got there no one could get her out of bed, they told her she had to get up and start walking, but she wouldn't. I took her hand and told her come on grandma lets just go for a walk so you can get better, and for me she got out of that bed and we walked the halls of the hospital in Denver, and I thought she would come home then, but she got out of the hospital and kept right on drinking and living her life like I didn't matter, but for a little while I did matter again, and I held on to that for a long time. Then when the drunk she ran off with finally died, daddy and I went to Nebraska and brought grandma home. We lived 2 hours from her house by then so there was no chance of ever picking up where we left off, by that time I was already a junior in high school, oh I went to visit her a time or two, and she came here a few times, but we had lost that connection we had had when I was a child and she was my best friend in the world. I never stopped loving her, and she got to met my boys before she left this world, and for that I am glad, but I do wish that I had decided to let her back into my life and really taken the time to get to know her. I want to know about her past and her family, and how she felt about it all not just some second hand story but from her heart, and why she ran off with Walt and why she started drinking, and mostly I want that chance to tell her I never stopped loving her, and I know in my heart she knew that. I am not a religious person, and I don't believe in ghosts, but she was at her own funeral and she spoke to me, my cousin and her family and me and mine were standing there and all of our kids were playing at our feet getting a little loud and the preacher was preaching and I looked down at the kids and said "Shhhhh" and she said to me "Honey, just leave those babies alone they are fine." I started giggling and everyone started looking at me and I told them "Grandma said to just let the kids play" and everyone said well that's the way she would have wanted it, so maybe I did know her better than I thought.

Come sail away

Yesterday I took the boys for a little bike ride down to the river, where we skipped some rocks, saw some ducks, and watched David's shoe drift down the current, I am pretty sure it is in Nebraska by now. The thing at school is to loosen your shoes and tie them so you can slip them on and off really easy. I think that age has addled my mind, because he didn't believe that I was truly smarter than a group of 6 and 7 year olds when I told him to tighten his laces. He'll think twice about my intelligence now I'm sure, well I hope anyway.

Ok we were at the river and David kicked a good sized rock into the water, the rock accomplished the big splash he was looking for, I think the extra push of the shoe following it into the air helped. The shoe flipped end over end, high into the sky and we all watched as gravity took hold and quickly diverted it to the middle of the river. He looks at me looks back at the shoe and says "GET IT MOM!" Well it was only about 60 degrees outside and that river water couldn't of been more than 25 degrees and we were about a mile from home on bikes, there ain't no way I was trudging ass deep into the swampy mud and cold water to save a damn shoe I don't care if the child had to ride home with only one, he should have tied them right in the first place and it would still be on his foot. That shoe rounded the bend and was gone within minutes, and David was traumatized. "Now I can't go anywhere I only have one shoe. I can't even go to school!" Nice try on his part mom took him to pay less today and he got him a new pair, one's that don't have laces nope these ones have that bungee stuff that keeps them tight all the time. We won't be losing anymore shoes to the great abyss, and David can continue his education in style!

The bonds of hockey

Ashley is now the hero of our house. For those of you that don't know her go and check out her blog, she is a very talented college girl, who happens to play hockey. David, my little hockey player, has found a common bond with her, and you would think that he knows her personally the way he talks about her. We were outside playing today and one of the little neighborhood boys said that girls couldn't play sports as good as boys, well my little man set to prove him wrong.
"Yes they can, my mom plays sports with us." he says.
"but she doesn't play real sports." the snotty little brat said.
"She plays football with us and lets us tackle her, and my college friend she's a girl and she lives in Canada and she just won a really huge trophy for playing hockey, because she is like the best player in the world Her name is Ashley and she could even take me in a hockey game and we have pictures on our computer to prove it! And I even have girls on my hockey team and we're like almost professionals. Do you know how to play hockey?" I don't think he took a breath, but he got his point across.
"No hockey is stupid." bad move on other boys part there.
"No it's not it's the best sport in the world, and it is harder than any sport you play. You have to know how to ice skate and everything. You have to be tough to play hockey you can't be some wimp, it is better than football and way harder" David snaps.
Then I chimed in "well what sports do you play honey" knowing full well that this chubby little boy had never participated in a team sport as long as he lived, but being a little bitter over the whole girl's can't play thing I guess I just wanted to egg it on a bit sometimes the girl in me pops out and leaves the mom behind.
"I don't play sports on a team it's stupid even my dad says it's stupid."
"Well see girls can play better than you then huh." David says.
Then I just felt sorry for him, because for whatever reason his parents have never given him the opportunity to actually understand what it is to play as a team. He will never understand team work, unity, or any of the thousands of other character building things a team sport does for children. The mother in me left the girl part behind and told him "well that's ok not everyone likes to play sports there is nothing wrong with that."
The look on David's face was of awe and wonder, he thinks everyone should play sports, football, baseball, basketball, and most of all hockey, but I understood that it wasn't this child's fault it was the fault of his parents, man don't they even know what they are missing watching their child score his first goal, or make his first basket or touchdown or homerun. Cheering him on, trying to make sure he hears your voice over all the other parents so he knows just how proud of him you are, bragging about his ability to anyone who will listen, those are just the things parents get out of it. I wish they knew the self esteem it builds in children when they play an organized team sport, and the way they learn to work together, there are just so many things this child is missing out on, and he knows he is missing out on it too, you could tell by the way he talked. He probably learned the whole girls can't play sports thing from his father too, boy did David sit him straight on that maybe he will take the lesson home to his dad and next year maybe just maybe they will let him play on a team.

Look at the big picture would ya?

Ok I wasn't going to blog about this, it's all been said and done and it should be over, but yet it goes on and on and on, and lets face it we will never see the end of it, but thanks to a certain extended family member, who shall remain nameless, basically because I don't want to admit I am actually related to him, even if it is only by marriage, has angered me you all get to read my views on the whole Terri Schirvo on goings.

I think that her parents are very selfish and can't see past losing their daughter, but they lost her 15 years ago, she was not the same person they knew before, and there was no hope of her ever being close to that person again. I think it was a waste of time and money to keep her living in the condition she was in for so long, not to mention they stripped her of any dignity she might have had if they would have just let her pass in peace. I hope that I am never faced with having to do that to one of my boys, but I can damn sure tell you that they would not want to live life confined to a bed in a hospice, they would want to live life. I would not want to live like that myself, who really would? All these people that were jumping on the band wagon to bring her food and water just didn't get it she couldn't swallow it she couldn't even put it in her mouth and chew it, she had to be feed through a tube inserted into her stomach, and not hamburgers and French fries, a liquid mix of vitamins and minerals to sustain her body. She didn't know if she was eating or not, and let me tell you if I don't know if I am eating then I sure wouldn't know anything else! Her parents were in such denial, and I pity them I really do, but mostly I feel sorry for Terri, because of what they did to her. We live in a society that cares enough about our pets to make sure that they don't have to suffer when the end comes, we let them leave this world with grace holding their heads high and saying our tearful goodbyes knowing that the pain for them will soon be over, but yet we make our own loved ones suffer unmercifully out of our desire to hold on to what we once had knowing full well that we will never have it again.

Then we move on to her husband, who seems to be getting attacked for loving his wife enough to know when to say "it's over". People seem to forget that he has given up 15 years of his life in this whole ordeal. He watched the woman he loved, the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with, slip away from him and become something else. Then for some 7 or 8 years he fought to find help for her, he never abandon her, he never divorced her, he held on hoping and wishing she would be the same person he vowed to love until death. He took her to the best doctors he could find, and when they all told him there was no hope he still stood by and when he finally said "the woman I married wouldn't want this" lets let her go, it became a fight. If this man didn't care about his wife, he would have signed all rights over to her parents would have gotten a lawyer and gotten out of any responsibility he once had to her a long time ago. He stuck around and he fought for what he knew his wife would have wanted, he never abandon her, and he was there when she finally did pass on.

I know everyone has their own opinions of this whole case. Some think the parents should have gotten their way some feel the same as I do, and some just don't care one way or another. What I find hardest about this whole case is the government involvement. I don't want someone I don't know or have never met deciding my fate, and I don't want to place my parents, husband, and children in the position of having to say "turn her off". I know that I am loved greatly and no one in my family would hold out for a miracle that long, but I know how hard it is to have to say those words that is why everyone should have a living will.

Don't forget to tell your friends

Greg is paying a special tribute to his wife today. Cheryl was only 31 when they found out she had breast cancer, and a year ago today they lost her. Greg however continues the fight against this life stealing disease and he is doing a commentathon and needs everyone's help. He needs to reach 1500 comments so please go over and help him out, because you never know when it might be you or someone you love faced with breast cancer. While your there take a few minutes to read their story, they are an amazing family with so much courage.

What? I can't hear out of that ear.

Blood Pressure 124/70
Heart rate good and steady
blood drawn and UA done sent to the lab for farther investigation
couldn't breath in the thing because of stupid chest cold that feels more like pneumonia
Hearing in the right ear is excellent
Hearing in the left ear is good in the high in and low end, but in the middle I can't hear nothing! The high end and low end really don't matter it is the middle where all the things you need to hear are at, things like people talking to you and that kind of thing. Oh I can hear a fire truck coming from 10 miles away, but if your standing on my left side talking to me I probably won't know your talking to me so please people stand in front of me or on my right side and speak up!

If you couldn't tell I had my yearly physical thing today, well I had the lab work and screenings, the Doctor wasn't in to do the rest of the crap so I have to go back so he can tell me to lose weight and quit smoking. I already know that is coming I hear it every time I set foot into a doctors office, "your lungs sound really good, but if you quit smoking now you won't get all those horrible things you die of when your a smoker." When in my mind, not my left ear, I hear you have the lungs of a non smoker that is great I couldn't even tell you were a smoker keep right on smoking because your lucky and it isn't effecting you yet and I nod and smile and when I get into the car to go home I light up, because I have the lungs of a non smoker. Althought this is the 3rd time this year I have gotten the chest cold crap and my allgeries get worse every year especially in my chest making spring the worst time of year for breathing. Maybe I will quit I know I should, but I just don't have the desire yet. I enjoy ever cigarette I light. Then there is the weight thing well lets face it I am just lazy and honestly the only time you should run is when something big and scary is chasing you. I tried the whole running thing oh sure I lost weight, but was it worth the sore ankle, the painful knees, the leg cramps that wake you up screaming in the middle of the night. I don't freaking think so and the thought of giving up chocolate again is frightening there is nothing worse than PMSing and not having chocolate it's like a drug a really really good drug that leads to happy happy thoughts! Chocolate should be on the food pyramid thing right at the top above fruits and veggies and you should have to eat 5 servings a day, everyone would be happier and the world would be a better place.

Children and Art

"Let's go into the sculpture gallery" the well dressed lady leading the group of pre schooler's said.

The children all in the most perfect single file line proceeded quietly behind her. She stopped in front of this mesh type contraption arranged on the floor.

"What does this remind you of?" she stated excitedly. That is when I knew I should grab Colton and wait in the car for Cam's class to finish up the tour. All was silent as these 3, 4, and barley 5 year olds studied the mass of "art" before them.

and that was the start Colton found his voice "It's junk." he says as loud as he could creating a echo for the rest of the gallery to here. The lady tried to ignore him but anyone who knows Colton understands that once he says something everyone will listen, and she went on to ask "does it remind you of a river?" "NO" states Colton. Well I was laughing so hard I couldn't even make my way to the front of the line to get him. A few children said yeah it kind of looked like a river, and she just kept on question them "What do you think these look like?" she said pointing to holes in the "art", and my logical little man say "They are holes." "Yeah they are holes she said, but if it was a river what would they look like?" "It's not a river it's junk." Well the thing was suppose to look like a river and the holes were suppose to look like rocks in the river. Then she asked "Would you put this in your house?" "No way" said Colton. I don't think he was very impressed with the "Art" and to be perfectly honest I hope the artist has a day job because I am not really sure myself who would want a big mesh river in their living room. I was just glad when the tour was over and we got to move on to the discovery zone. Colton got to finger paint and create some real art, the kind I love putting in my living room!

Nanny 911

I was clicking channels on the TV, something I very seldom get a chance to do as the kids seem to always be in control of the remote. Well I come across this show Nanny 911, anyone seem this?

First off it made me very thankful for the children I have. My kids get a little rowdy, they are rough and tumble boys, and sometimes it gets to wild in my house, which creates a me having to yell above their noise to get attention. Here is the deal once I have their attention they listen, they do what they are suppose to do. These kids on this show are over the edge wild and don't seem to listen to their parents at all. The lady was actually encouraging her 3 year old son to pee outside in the street. I was as shocked about that as the old bitty, I mean the nanny.

Ok that was about as far as I can go with agreeing. Apparently the mom, dad, and 3 kids all slept in the same bed. The nanny put a stop to that, which I can see her point to an extent. It is hard to sleep when there are 5 people in one bed. I have ended up moving to the bottom bunk of the boys' room many times, but the nanny acted like it was some crime for children to climb into bed with their parents. Children that young have nightmares or they get sick and they want to be close to their mom. What is unhealthy about that? As a mom I have climbed into bed with my kids more than once because they were sick, and it was the best way for all of us to get some rest. If one of them has the croup you can beat I am right next to them with my hand on their little chest making sure each breath is just right. So moving on the mom jumped onto the top bunk and was going to read the oldest a story the nanny had a fit telling the mom and dad just how "unhealthy" it is for a mom to do that. That is when I wanted a sit down with the nanny. The mom was fully dressed, the kids had PJ's on there was nothing sick or sexual or strange about it. She was just a mom wanting her child to know that she loved him. Most nights I prop the pillows up in the boys' bed the four of us snuggle in and we read a book together, then we talk awhile and I squeeze them a lot before I leave them to get their nights rest. I see nothing strange or unhealthy about loving my boys and wanting them to be aware of the fact that I love them. I see nothing "unhealthy" about reading to your kids either. The only thing I see as "unhealthy" is the fact that the nanny wanted a mother to let go of her babies, in a world where children already have to grow up to fast.


and just for the record if I am ever in the state that Terry Schiavo is in I do not want to be kept alive. I told David that tonight while we were watching the news together and he promised me that he would let me die, althought he did say "Well I won't shoot ya or anything, but I'll let the Drs. do it."

Your getting sleeeeeepy

Watch the swaying of the clock and listen to my voice, I am going to take you back way back in the past relax and close your eye. You only here the sound of my voice. Now let your mind take you back, a little farther, no still farther, no no stop oh you missed it!

The mid 80's, you remember them? Well I tried for years to forget, but then Heather goes and brings it all up again. I would have been about 11 just little girl. My best friend Trisha and I were always hanging out together, and she had an older sister who would let us borrow her records (that is old people talk for CD's kiddies). I remember the first time I heard Frankie goes to Hollywood with the Relax don't do it... they were awesome cool. Culture Club, with that girl singer who sounded like a guy, imagain my surprise. Cindy Lauper with her funky clothes and hair. Wham, that guy still has a nice ass even if he does play with the boys. She had them all and we would spend hours listening to them, and then one day she gives us Duran Duran. Oh how I feel head over heals in love with John Taylor from that moment on I couldn't get enough. I saved my money and bought every album, every magaizine, and every poster I could get my hands on. I had buttons on my jacket, tee shirts with his picture, and my bedroom was a shrine to Duran Duran, mostly John Taylor. Oh how beautiful he was gazing down on me as I looked loving up into is eyes. There was not a place on my walls or ceiling or door that wasn't graced by his presents. My love for him grew, but I had no where else to place his pictures so I started scrapbooking them, lay off I was only about 12 at that point. Then it happened the words moving into a new house well everything was going well I took down my shrine, I would have a bigger room with more space to put up more poster of the love of my preteen years. It wasn't so bad until my dad walked in and discovered that I had used thumb tacks to install every one of the pictures. Well damn straight I did I wasn't going to risk tape ripping them if they ever had to come down, and besides I didn't want to put any wholes in the pictures so I secured them with the plastic edge instead of stabbing them right through my beloved John. Needless to say 3 years of pinning up posters with thumb tacks makes quite a few tiny wholes in the walls of a rented house. Did I say quite a few, ok thousands of tiny wholes. Dad came unhinged and wanted to know why the hell I could do something so stupid, then he wanted to know why mom would let me do something so stupid. Then he felt bad for calling us stupid told me I was never allowed to touch thumb tacks as long as I lived with him and painted the bedroom. Over that summer Trisha moved to Colorado Springs with her family we wrote for many years, but I never saw her again. My love for Duran Duran and John Taylor faded as I grew older and was introducted to new bands like Nikki Sixx, I mean Motley Crue, yeah I had lots of posters of Nikki too, but I had to tape them up. After Heather meantioned Duran Duran I had to do a web search to see if John was still as hot, so Heather tell your mom he does not look like a nerd he is one sexy man!

Things that baffle me

Well I did this post and it got lost in bloggie land somewhere and all of a sudden it showed up out of no where. That has to be the new number 1 on my list of baffling things.


1. Low flow toilets. These damn things are suppose to save water, but on square of toilet paper has to be flushed 14 times before it disappears how is that saving water?

2. Laundry. The more I wash the more it seems to pile up in laundry baskets, on the floor in conners, on beds. Where does it all come from?

3. Dish. Same reason as laundry.

4. Peanut Butter. How can something that is suppose to be good for you be so fattening?

5. Men. need I say more?

6. The way the city chooses to fix streets in my town. The same ones are always under construction and the ones that need fixed are never fixed.

7. the whole spongebob is gay debate. What the hell is up with that? It is a freaking cartoon isn't there better things to be worried about?

8. The price of coffee. It just keeps going up and going up but why it isn't like the workers in 3rd world nations are actually seeing any of the profit I mean they work for like 3 cents an hour so why am I paying so much?

Well that's all I have right now. As you can tell there is absoultly nothing going on that I feel like writing about at this time. Happy St. Patty's Day everyone.

Another season comes to an end.

Yes David's hockey season is officially over. Last week we had his awards night, and now we have more pucks and trophies that I need to find a place for. He likes to display them for the world to see. He got a trophy for the season, they give every child who plays hockey one, and then he got his first goal puck and his hat trick puck, a USA hockey hat trick patch that I now have to find a "hockey jacket" for him to put it on, and an outstanding sportsmanship award. Now we are doing spring 3 on 3 hockey through our ice rink. He likes playing the 3 on 3 because it is more like having a game everytime you play.

I was discussing sports with one of my very good friends today, and discovered that there is nothing better than watching a group of kids play something they love to play. At David's age they really are not that interested in winning or losing, sure they love it when they win, but the one thing they really care about is playing, and having a great time. They quickly lose their innocents and winning becomes what is important after awhile, but right now watching them get out there and play for the sake of playing is awesome. I will miss watching hockey over the summer. I will miss cheering when David makes a goal, and I will miss when he comes off the ice saying "Did you see that goal mom it was awesome. I smacked that baby right in the net." or even the days when he didn't get a goal and says "man that was a fun game." These days won't last long, pretty soon it will be all about winning, but I am going to treasure these moments and remind him that once he played just because he loved the game win or lose.

It had been a very sad week.

I remember Sarah as a cute little girl, who was always smiling and happy. Her and her family sat with us at our AFHL hockey games, both their family and ours held season tickets. She must of been 8 or 9 back then. I have not seen that family in years, but I would read things in the paper about Sarah's fight to wrestle with the boys, not that kind of wrestling people! She was the first girl to become All American in Wyoming. Then Monday I log on to my homepage to read about her once more. She was 23 years old, just a baby, who went off to college to make something out of her life.

The sadness doesn't end there. One of my favorite singers
Chirs Ledoux passed away wednesday.

On the lighter side of things:

I went in all last week and helpped David with his reading. He said he likes me to help him. He wants me to always go to school with him. I am having to take Colton to Kid's works, and it is costing an arm and a leg to have him there, but I don't have anyone else that can watch him.

Ear infection, lost data, and the stomach flu!

Well we just returned from the Dr. Cam has double ear infections. He gets them quite often so I may have to get an appt. with the ears, nose, and throat Dr. to see what can be done for that. This morning I woke up with stomach cramps that would rival labor pains, not those beginning labor pains, no the ones you get just before the baby's head starts popping out, you know the ones you feel over your entire body. I thought I might be dyeing and then the throwing up and all the other stuff you do on the toilet started. That is when I started wishing I would die! I hope the boys don't get this stomach bug, because it comes with a headache and body aches, and lots of bathroom time.

On a happier side note I managed to lose everything on the computer this weekend. I was having a phaser error something on line something for about a week, and I tried every fix on ever message board to no avail, and then ran across about 1000 messages that the only way to fix it was a reformat and a reinstall of XP. So I did a quick backup of all my important stuff, address book, favorites, saved email with all my passwords, that kind of thing. I wasn't really worried I had my backup and I would be able to retrieve everything just fine. Well I got everything back up and running, hard drive all cleaned up, and slide in the back up CD. That is when I wanted to cry I got this nice little message "corrupt disk" so I lost it all after all. So I have not addresses, I can't write to anyone, but my mom because she is the only person I have memorized! If you actually like hearing from me every now and then send me an email so I can put you back in my address book!
We are off to pick up Cameron's meds for his ear. I forgot my purse so we had to come back for it.

Things about me you may not want to know

1. I am unorganize to a fault. I have great plans of getting organized and putting everything in it's place and half way through something else comes up and I forget all about getting organized.

2. I hate people telling me what to do, but I am really good at telling other people what they should do.

3. I have not kept in touch with any of my high school friends, not one of them. Most of my grown up friends are online and I have never met them.

4. I suffer from anxiety attacks sometimes and manic depression, but I think that I can control it on my own and I don't need to take medication for it. I try not to use it as an excuse for a lot of the things in my life, but it probably is. Examples: my unorganizedness, my weight, my credit, and the list could go on. I am responsible for it all and choose not to have the label placed on me and instead just say I make some really bad choices sometimes, but I am working on it. If you met me face to face and spent an hour or 2 with me even when I am at my lowest point you would never know I suffer from depression, because over time you learn to put on that happy smile and pretend the world is great even if you sometimes think it would be better off without you.

5. I don't believe in God. I don't believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa either, but I believe that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and I am always thankful that there are people out there who pray for me and my boys.

6. I let my kids rule me instead of ruling them.

7. I am really good at keeping my calm when someone pisses me off, but plotting my revenge while smiling to their face.

8. I don't think that ADD/ADHD is a true medical condition. I think it was made up to lump kids who just don't get it or in some cases over hyper, into a group because they felt they had to do something with them and that was the best they could come up with without really putting a lot of time and money into researching it.

9. I am terrified of being alone.

10. I watch to many crime show like cold case files and forensics file and sometimes I have to put all of the boys in bed with me when Steve is gone, because I am scared that some psychopath is going to sneak in and kill us all. I am still not sure how having the boys in with me is going to stop that, but I am sure if it came down to him or us I could take him!

Ok enough of my weirdness I just didn't have much to post. I have been drowning and I keep struggling to make it back to the surface, but just can't seem to get there yet. I can still see the light reflecting off the top of the water so I have not gone completely to the bottom yet, and hopefully I don't make it that far under.

I had a meeting with David's teacher today. I have struggled with the whole issue and I just can't have a Dr. Diagnosis him with something that I don't believe exists. So I am going to start going in every day for half an hour to an hour and I will teach my baby how to read. My biggest though is that things need to go back to the way they were 20 years ago when all the children were working on the same thing as everyone else and one teacher wasn't trying to teach 4 different groups of children 4 different subjects. Something is wrong in the thinking, but I suppose we can't live in the past and what they think is progress today will be scoffed at tomorrow. So I leave you with this cause it pretty will sums it up I guess.

The times they are a Changin'
Bob Dylan

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheels still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.

It may all fall apart around me.

Well it may have started with a day, but I think it will turn into one of those years! The pump went out on the wash machine half way through a load of clothes. Then while I was down trying to fix the washer I noticed that the hot water heater is leaking and making a lovely sizzling with every drip as it hits the pilot light! Now the computer is making an annoying noise coming from the fan motor, and I am not even attempting to fix it nothing good can come from that at this point, and as if things couldn’t get worse I had the meeting with David’s school today.

I met with the Occupational Therapist first and she had some visual motor control issues when she did her realm of testing. He is having some tracking things going on and she said it is almost like he is looking out of one eye and then the other and they don’t work together. I don’t really find that strange in the least as I, myself, have never had eyes that focus together, it only creates problems for me when I am watching a 3D movie or trying to do one of those poster that were so popular back in the 90’s, you know the ones that are suppose to become something if you stare at them long enough, never have been able to figure those out. So I need to take him to the eye Dr. specialist guy for that, and of course our insurance doesn’t cover that particular eye Dr. at least on the eye coverage, I may luck out and get it under medical. The bottom line of her tests were that David is average or low average and does not qualify for any special treatment from her. She was really a nice lady though, and gave David a pencil gripper and a neat little book marker that has a color strip on it and said to try other things like that to see if they help.

Then we get to the meat of the whole realm of tests that they put D through, and guess what he is to smart for their programs, but yet he isn’t keeping up with his class. The psychologist, a very nice man, said that if I get a Dr. to label him ADD that they can get him into some of the special medical needs programs they have going on. He did say I did not have to have him on any medication to qualify just have the diagnosis. Pretty much I could take my pick of any mental conditions really, but the bottom line is that if they can’t get the funding to put him into any of these programs then he can’t go to them and the only way for them to get the funding is from him to have a made up medical condition that they lump children into when there isn’t any other answer. They didn’t tell me that in so many words really, but I am smart enough to get to the bottom line all on my own.

I feel like I am left with two choices I either get him diagnosised with ADD so he can get the special attention he needs, the one on one stuff that he isn’t getting in class or do nothing and he struggles through the rest of his academic career. Basically I am no closer to an answer than I was before. I will keep reading some of the studies I have looked up on this box to see where other parents have turned. I have found some very interesting articles to ponder.

Oh and my little D scored a 100% on his math assessment today. He excels in math and hockey!

It's going to be one of those day.

You know the ones where nothing goes right and you shouldn't have even gotten out of bed. I woke up to the dog, the oldest one who is 10, chewing up a snow boot. I don't know what got into him he has chewed up my sandals before, when he was younger, but they were leather and I think they tasted like the rawhide chews we give them. So there he was biting little pieces of boot off and spitting them it a nice neat little pile, he looks up at me as if to say "Hey mom you should try this it's great!" and keep right on doing what he knows he shouldn't be doing in the first place. I took the boot away from him threw the bits and pieces from his stock pile away and told him "Doc you better straighten up. I am not against putting one of those boots right up your butt this morning." He just gave me a look like I don't have a clue what your saying, but I know he does, he understands everything else I say. So the boot has been dealt with and I make my way into the kitchen tripping over various items along the way, mostly toys and dog dishes, caught my little toe on something and darn near pulled it off my foot thinking the whole time "Please I just want some coffee!" I see the wonderful little machine sitting there on the counter calling to me and I give it a little pat and I am thankful that at least one thing this morning will go right. HA I make the coffee, go in and wake the boys up and go in to get their breakfast and the kitchen that was there a few minutes ago has turned into a pool of coffee. I grab a handful of paper towels and tell the boys to stay out of there, because the coffee pot must of broke. I get the mess on the floor cleaned up and retrace the trail up the counter, to the top and then to the machine it's self. Well nothing is broken, the pot is completely full sitting there waiting for me like nothing was wrong. I am baffled at this point and then David says "I didn't break the coffee pot mom" I told him I knew he didn't. He says "I just wanted to get your coffee ready for you. I'm sorry I made a mess mom" OH CRAP! He made my coffee and set the switch to auto, which went off at 4:30 this morning, because I never set it and Colton plays with it. So I didn't even think to check the pot for coffee as I knew I rinsed it out yesterday after my last cup. So there was his pot of coffee and my pot of coffee all in the same pot! "David you didn't make this mess baby mom did it because she just wasn't paying attention this morning. What do you want for breakfast?" But wait there is more, while cooking, does throwing something in the microwave count as cooking, Cam's oatmeal I hit the start button which if no one has played with the buttons should go off in one minute. I got David and Colton their cereal, got me a cup of twice made coffee, ran downstairs and got the boys jeans out of the dryer, came back up and the oatmeal is still cooking. I go check on it the timer says 88:54 I have no idea how long that bowl of oatmeal cooked, but there wasn't much left of it and what was left was a hard lump in the bottom of the bowl. I got fresh oatmeal and set the timer for the correct amount of time and got him fed. I did manage to get D and Cam to school on time, but I am waiting to see what will go wrong next, as I have only been up for an hour and a half.

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, well almost

The past four days are still a blur, we were up early and down late. Well actually we had a practice on Friday, and then the games started on Sunday. This is our big tournament of the season, the kids usually play in house teams, but this past weekend was the Cowboy State Games. Teams from Rock Springs, Gillette, Douglas, and we had 2 teams for Casper this year the yellow, and of course the orange, David's team. I was really happy with the match up this year all the teams were pretty equal and evenly matched. Last year we had one team that ranged in age from 6 all the way to 9, which was really unfair considering our oldest kids were 6 and youngest were 4. Our first game was against Rock Springs, last year they played their little hearts our and took last place, they beat us by one point this year and went on to beat everyone else by a lot more. Then we played our own yellow team which is made up of kids David has played hockey with for the last 2 years. It was an early morning game and David just didn't skate very hard, he wasn't awake and just did not even try hard. So when he got off the ice I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. So mom gave him a little pep talk that went something like this "David you need to try your best out there. I am not going to fork out all this money for you to play hockey if your not going to work hard and play your very best every game." Which seemed to work really well he played the next two games and he was all over the puck, and he just skated well, he didn't manage to score any goals, but he played awesome defense and stopped the other team from scoring everything he was out there. When he came off the ice after the 2nd games I told him I was proud of him for skating hard and trying his best, he said but I didn't score a goal mom. I felt like a mean mom at that point, because he didn't get what I was trying to tell him earlier. So I took him in my arms and squeezed him up and explained to him that I didn't care if he scored any goals as long as he was out there playing hockey and not visiting his buddies and spinning circles and laying on the ice like he had been doing in the first game that morning. He played even harder the next game. They managed to come away with the 2nd place metal this year, which is one place better than last years metal. All in all it was a good weekend of hockey, and by the time we got home last night I was wore out it takes a lot out of you to cheer your team on 3 times in one day! David was so tired he could barely move and was in bed by 7:45 without a fight! Now it is off to school, and if I don't get them moving we are gonna be late!

Wow it's already Wednesday

I don't know what happened to Monday and Tuesday, they have gone missing. Actually I know what happened to them, but they are just a blur. Monday morning we woke up and David and Cameron were both excited because they had valentine day parties. It is at this point, 15 minutes before school started that I remember I forgot to buy them the valentines day cards for their classmates. So I get them to school, come home jump in the shower, throw some clothes on me and Colton and we speed to the store to get some, we grab 2 boxes off the clearance table and pay for them. We then rush back to the school, sign in at the office run to the parent work room, and franticly begin filling out cards. I had about 2 minutes to spare until Cam class started handing them out. I threw his at him ran across the hall and gave David his, and then I went and helped Cam's class with their little party. They had ice cream Sundays and I got to spray the ready whip on the top. I managed to get more on me and the kids than in the bowls, so the kids thought I was great.
Yesterday I spent the day looking at trucks with mom. We test drove one with heated seats, and I now want a truck with heated seats, man that was a nice truck. We did our usually Wal-mart trip, and I found a new coat for Cameron that was 5 bucks. It is really ugly, but for 5 dollars who cares what it looks like. Then we had to rush to the school to get David. When we got home my sister called, she calls me on her way home for work so I can drive home with her. She called while I was in the middle of trying to fix the DVD player, the boys got Shark Tales for their V-day present and then the damn DVD player went to hell so they can't watch it. So I managed to fix the VCR part of it, which has not worked in about a year, but the DVD's still won't play. Steve walked in about 5:45 and said "why didn't you guys go to hockey?" I forgot David had hockey, plan just spaced it out. He has 4 days of tournament this weekend though so that will make up for it! Then Steve hands me his checkbook for his work stuff, he keeps it separate, his travel expenses and that kind of stuff, and it is 200 short. I looked and looked for about 2 hours and finally found a deposit that the bank didn't show, and now Steve can actually get a room and something to eat tonight.
So today I am getting caught up on my blog reading, maybe it will be a quiet day.
David had a hockey game last Sunday, he played awesome and scored 4 goals, he was stoked about that. Cameron will get his stitches out on Friday.

Oh I just got a call from the people who did the assessment on David and they have set up a meeting for next wednesday! I am curious as to what they are going to say. Hopefully they don't irritate me to badly or I may yank them all out of school right then and there!

HI HO HI HO off to the emergency room we go.

I was sitting at my desk, just minding my own business, and the 2 oldest were out playing. They were getting along, no fighting, no yelling at each other, just playing together well. When all of a sudden I hear a loud KUTHUD and a blood curdling scream. I bound from my chair leaping over dogs and toys, to the back door. David is running up the stairs yelling "WEEWOO WEEWOO alert alert WEEWOO WEEWOO" I push him out of my way as I am focused on Cam. He is staggering out form under the deck telling me "I fell off the deck." I grab him up and we run into the bathroom so I can get a good look at him asking him on the way "where does it hurt?" "MY HEAD" he bellows. I look at his tiny little head and see the blood pouring from it, get a rag and wipe it up and see the gash. "Oh baby we are going to have to go get stitches" I sat him on the toilet, with the washrag, run to the kitchen grab a bag of frozen squash, put that on his head, run back to my desk, call Steve and say "You have to come home right now Cameron just split his head wide open." I don't even think I listened for a response I just threw the phone down and ran back to the bathroom. Cameron had stopped crying by then. Steve made it home in under 5 minutes and off we went to the Emergency Room. This is the 3rd time Cam has had to go to the emergency room for stitches, the other 2 have never had to go, but poor little Cameron is accident prone, it is a good thing he is hard headed and just manages to do surface damage. He just amazes me once the shock of the fall wore off he never even whimpered, when they stuck him in his head with the huge needle he just sat there, when they started sewing him up he just sat there. The Doctors were amazed, the nurses were amazed, and Steve and I were amazed at just how tough this kid is. He required 5 stitches on the back of his head. Thankfully our emergency room staff here tries to get you in and out in a hurry. We were only there for about an hour and a half, then we had to stop off for ice cream on the way home. Then I am getting him ready for bed and take off his shirt and he is bruised all down his spine from the fall. He says his head is the only thing that hurts, but I am watching him to make sure. David took us out to show us what happened and they were looking off the side of the steps and Cam fell about 4 feet and landed in the wagon. Hopefully this well be his last ER trip, but knowing Cam and his accident proneness we will make several more trips before I get him raised!

tired of strep throat

Tuesday night we went to hockey practice, then we had to rush from there to get David to his school program. It was so cute his little group sang a song "Mousie in the snow". David wouldn't look at me while he was on stage. He just stood up there and pretended he didn't even know who I was! Could be because I was teasing him, making faces and sticking out my tongue at him, he didn't even crack a smile! So we got home from all of that and ate dinner then I got the boys to bed. At about 1 in the morning Colton woke up crying and having terrible pain in his stomach. He finally went felt a little better and went back to sleep about 3 and I laid with him to keep an eye out for fevers or anything. He woke up again about 6 and he said his throat hurt, so I knew it was strep, strep causes stomach pain in some children. So I took him to the Dr. and got him some meds. Now I am waiting for the other 2 to come down with it again. This will be like the 4th time this winter and I am so tired of it. I m trying to think who we have been around everytime we get it, but I can't remember what happened yesterday much less what happened a month ago!

Can't they stay little until their carters wear out

Last night I was sorting through cloth that the boys have out grown, and boxing them up to give to someone who can actually use them. Steve walked in and I held up a little shirt with dinosaurs on it and said "remember this" and then I said words to my husband I never thought I would say. I actually told him "I want another baby." I am barley able to raise the ones I have, I am an unorganized mess most of the time. I would have to say that being a mom is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in my entire life. I looked at my husband and said "why did we decide not to have anymore babies?" he said "well you decided that not me." Then it dawned on me that if I had not gotten fixed we would be on number 6 now at the rate we were going. I don't think that I really want another baby, I wouldn't mind having one, but I think it is just the fact that mine are growing up so fast. Cameron just turned 5, Colton will be 4 in April and David is 6 and a half. David is already telling me "there is only ten more years until I can drive mom." I am faced with the fact that no matter how much I want them to stay little and need me forever they are going to grow up. There is nothing I can do to prevent that fact. I wonder what I am going to do when they grow up and leave me? I have no life outside my kids, well besides this box, they are the very reason that I breath. I look back and try to remember what is was like before I had them, and I can't remember what I did before they were around. Every dream I have is for them, every step I take is for them. I live for my boys, and I like it that way. They are my foundation, they are what I have built my life on, and they are growing up to damn fast for me. I can't have anymore babies, and to be really honest I don't want to have more, I just want the ones I have to stay little for awhile longer!

oh my what a mess


Ok angi you asked for it so there it is my mess. I have not cleaned off my desk since christmas. I think it is time I got busy and did that. Notice I have the essentials my cigs, ash tray and coffee and water right in the cleared off spot.

Random thoughts

Yesterday was groundhog day. This little "holiday" has always baffled and confused me, because no matter if he sees his shadow or not we are still going to have 6 more weeks of winter and then it will officially be spring. Whatever the weather is like, it could be 75 degrees from now until July, but from Feb. 2 until March 20 it is always winter. So why groundhog day?

Billy Dean's song Let them be little makes me cry everytime I here it. I don't want my babies to grow up and yet I have no control over it.

I don't know what I am going to fix for dinner. Steve is gone and I think we may have grill cheese and soup.

Tomorrow is this thing for David's class called math morning and I really wanted to go, but I don't have anyone to watch Colton and Cameron that early. It is at 8 in the morning, and everyone I know that gets up that early is heading to work.

My cousin got a brand new baby girl today and I got pictures she is beautiful. I wonder if they would give her to me? naw I doubt they would, they look pretty proud of her!

I told Angi I would post a pic of my blog space as soon as I empty my ash tray, and I have yet to do that so I can take a picture of my mess!

Jake gets more blind everyday, damn cateracs, damn diabetes. I hate that my little dog, 102 lbs, has to deal with it everyday. I love the fact that he loves me even though I have to give him shots twice a day. Dogs are so much easier then children sometimes.

I am so happy that I can brush my teeth in the bathroom again.
I stained the door today, it matches really well damn I am good!

I sometimes wish that my boys spoke the same language that I do. They make communication difficult sometimes when I ask them to do something and they stare at me with that look that says "we have no idea what your saying lady." I know they can speak English because they have no problems understanding me when I say things like "dinner is ready" or "Yes you can have a candy".

I love that Burger King commercial where the boss walks in and say "this is our last meal together, I have to fire one of you. I am thinking of a number between one and ten." that is funny.

and now a link for you to share some of the wonders of my beautiful state:

This little link pretty well sums up my beautiful, wonderful state. I love it here!

OH the joy

Every mother needs a place to go for 15 minutes of quiet time, a place to regroup and get herself together. Well my place is the bathroom, it is the only room with a lock on the door in our house. I enjoy waiting until Steve gets home from work going in locking the door and taking my shower. I have missed a closed door between me and the world while I am in the shower, our downstairs bathroom is not finished yet either, and there are no walls up yet, so the boys sit on the stairs and talk to me while I am in there unless I wait until late at night, and by that time it is just to freaking cold down there to enjoy the quiet time. Well I can brush my teeth in our new bathroom now instead of standing at the kitchen sink, for those of you that have never brushed your teeth in the kitchen try it, it is strange! I will be able to shower in there as soon as the caulking dries, 48 hours, the tube said, and I will be able to get up in the middle of the night and use the toilet without having to find my glasses to trudge down the stair into the cold basement, by the time I get back into bed it takes 30 minutes to warm back up! We would have put the toilet in last night, but we didn't have the wax ring and the hardware stores were closed when we got to that point! Soon very very soon I will feel like a normal human again and I am so happy!

This is what it use to look like. I hated those ugly yellow walls, but keep putting off painting them because Steve keep telling me he wanted to remodel it.

Woohoo I almost have a bathroom again!

the medicine cabinet and light

The new sink!

Five years, where does the time go?

My middle one is five today. I still can't believe that I have had him for five whole years. Cam is a daddy's boy, most of the time he would rather hang out with dad than me, but that is ok because the other 2 both are mama's boys. He would never tell me that he likes dad better though, because it isn't in Cameron's nature to hurt anybodys feelings. He will tell us "I love you all the same" and he means it. Cam is a very head strong child however, and he demands that things be his way. Him and I go around and around, out of all 3 of my boys I fight with him the most. He is the middle child and everything they say about the middle child is true. Most of the time he is ready to please you, he will bend over backwards to please you, but then he expects the same out of you. He is more demanding with my time than David or Colton. He just doesn't know how to play by himself, he has never had to he always has one of his brothers to play with him. He is the best at helping around the house. He helps me do the dishes, and pick up and do laundry as long as he is the center of attention things are fine!
Colton and I took cupcakes for the class today and Cam got to hand them out to all his friends, and they sang happy birthday to him, then he asked to open his presents because he didn't want to open them with David because David always hog them! So we let him open them up and then tonight we will go to McDonalds with Steve's family. Yesterday granny came and took him to birthday lunch and got him a new pair of shoes and a cap gun, cause that is what he told her he wanted so she let him pick it out. I am off to play with the new toys!

High as a kite!

Yes we are all walking around in our own little loopy worlds. We finished putting up the tile board in the bathroom yesterday and my house has the lovely smell of tile glue. Mom and dad came on Wednesday and dad and I got 2 sheets of the tile board up, and then mom and I went shopping. Colton went home with his granny, and she will bring him home tomorrow. We went to home depot last night and I got to pick out a new vanity, sink, and medicine cabinet. They don't have them online or I would link it up, but I will get the camera out after we get the faucet hooked up and the medicine cabinet up. We will put that all up today and go get the finishing touches, a door, the trim, and a hook the toilet back up and we will have a brand new bathroom! It will end up costing about $2,000 which isn't to bad really, unless your like us and don't really have that kind of money to be throwing around, thank goodness we have a gold card!

Yesterday I went on a field trip with Cam to kids works, it is an indoor playground, we had a great time. I am a little leary of enclosed spaces so there was no way I was getting in that cage thing they play in. Well I have to go back to work Steve is calling.

got this joke from mom and had to share it:
Hate needles?


A man walks into the dentist's office with a toothache, and after the
dentist examines him, he says, "That tooth has to come out. I'm going to
give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes." The man
grabs the dentist's arm, "No way. I hate needles. I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "Okay, we'll go with the gas." The man replies,
"Absolutely not. It makes me sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."
So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "Here"; he
says. "Take this pill." The man asks, "What is it?" The doc replies,
"Viagra". The man looks surprised, "Will that kill the pain?"

No." replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to
while I pull your tooth."

I'm melting I melting

I was in the shower and Steve was still in bed. It was a weekend, and I had gotten the boys up and gave David his breakfast and Cam his bottle. David must have been almost 2 and Cam was just a tiny baby, and we didn't have Colton yet. While I was in the shower I hear "got ocean mama" "Ok baby" I said thinking great we will have lotion all over everything. I hurried with my wash and rinse jumped out, grabbed a towel and scurried out to get the "ocean" away from the boy. There was David sitting in the hallway, his skin looked like it was melting off his face, my first thought was "Oh my god he got into something really bad." and I screamed for Steve he came running out just as I got to D. David held up an empty jar of vaseoline smiled and said "Ocean good ocean". He was completely coated in vaseoline, his head, his face, his arms, his legs, every part of him was thick with the stuff. I quickly wiped his eyes and mouth and nose off with the towel that I had wrapped around me, and then I started laughing. It was that moment that I knew kids were tricky and you have to watch them every minute of the day like a hawk. The vaseoline was on the top shelf of the closet, how he got up there I still don't know to this day, but I do know that all the dawn dishwashing soap in the world doesn't take vaseoline out of your hair. We washed him and washed him to no avail. He was greasy for weeks afterward. That was the day I stopped showering unless I put the boys in the tub with me, at one point I would shower with Colton in my arms and David and Cameron sitting on the floor of the tub at my feet. I had learned my lesson: never ever under any circumstances leave small children alone in a room and expect them to actually sit and watch TV or play with a toy it isn't going to happen.

Spring has sprung

It has been beautiful here the last few days. It has actually been in the mid 50's, which is almost perfect. The snow has all melted and the sun is shining. We have been playing outside the boys sleep better when they get outside. Woohoo for nice spring weather in the middle of winter!

They have started Davids assessments, and no one informed me until yesterday when I got an email from the teacher saying that they were almost done with them. I swear the school district has a real lack of communication skills. I wonder if anyone has taught them to pick up a phone or write a note and send it home with my boys, no wonder they have such trouble teaching children when it is apparent they can't read or write either! As soon as I can send Colton home with mom for a few day I will be going to sit with the class. Mom has had to work for the last 2 weeks. D scored a 98% on is last reading test so he moved up a level. He is now reading level 10's at school and about level 14 at home. I have noticed that if I hand him something and make him read it and tell him you can read it, he will read it. I think at school when they give him something he thinks is to hard he will just tell them it is to hard and they don't make him do it. He does everything better for me than he does for the teachers, because he knows I expect him to do it better. I have seriously been looking into home schooling him next year. I hate to take him away from all his buddies, but I am just getting madder and madder at the school district. We will see how the rest of this year goes before I do anything that drastic.
Colton has decided that he doesn't have to go to school after all, because they don't know nothing, I think his mom has made him cynical, can you tell that I don't have a very high opinion of the public school system!

Forming a sentence

It seems so easy doesn't it? I can't seem to write anything worth reading. There is nothing that seems to inspire me to write lately. I sit here thinking I need to blog, and get nothing. The last few months I have lost any humor that I once had. I can't seem to tell a story or even get my posts to come out with a hint of intelligence. Everything is jumbled in my brain and longing for escape, but somewhere between my mind and my fingers everything gets lost. My stories on the forum have sucked lately also. I just throw them together and post them without even proof reading them or giving them a second look. I am wandering in a fog that seems to get thicker the harder I try! Oh well here goes the details of my day.

I am not a morning person. I don't honestly believe that the day should actually start until around 11am. That way I can get up slowly and have my pot of coffee, and stare at the wall for an hour or so before I have to move to much. This morning I had an appointment with the school nurse to have D's health assessment that is the start of all the other assessments they plan to do, but have still not set a date for, or maybe they have just forgotten to inform me, either way they have until Monday to contact me or I am going to go right back to the school and throw another tantrum. I had to get up early so that started the day off wrong to begin with. Colton and I met with the nurse and filled out 15 pages of paperwork all with no, except for the one question "did you smoke with your pregency?" which was a yes, but not as much as I smoked with the last one, and that was even mild compared to the 2 and a half packs I have been smoking lately, but that is another story. We finished up with the nurse and I am behind on my volunteer time so I went down to Cam's class and signed in to do some time. That really turned into what was more like "run around like a chicken with my head cut off" because I couldn't remember a thing. I was making copies and ended up having to go back 3 time and ask how many of each page do they need, the scary part was I wrote it down twice! I got 3 hours today and still need 4 to get caught up, so I need to get in again this week to fix that before I get so far behind I can't get caught up. We have hockey tonight and I am attempting to cook a prime rib that I was suppose to cook when dad was here, but we got busy and I forgot. I am gonna go watch cartoons with the boys now, I need mindless entertainment!

Remodeling, shopping, and kids

Friday I went to pick up David from school, and Colton stayed home with dad. When I got home Colton was sitting on the stairs with his coat over his head screaming "I just wanna be the baby." and Steve was laughing so hard I thought he might wet himself. He said Colton was sitting there since I left going "whaaa whaaa I just wanna be a baby again and drink from a bottle and pee my pants." He was angry I had left him, but he wouldn't get his shoes on so I left him.

Mom and dad came this weekend so Daddy and Steve could work on the bathroom. If something could go wrong it did, but they managed to get the bathtub, the tub surround, and most of the sheetrock up. So now I have a floor and new linoleum, a bathtub, and some walls! We are actually just going to glue up tile board instead of taping and painting. It will be a lot easier and quicker. Steve has to go out of town to work this week so I may end up putting up the rest of the sheet rock and starting on the tile board. We are so close to having it done it is amazing!

Mom and I took the boy and we went grocery shopping. My boys are usually pretty good in the store, but the last few times I have taken them they have been little monsters. All three of them start running around and being wild. I think it is do to the fact that we have been below zero all last week and they had to have indoor recess. They were bouncing off the walls though and driving me insane. It is 40 today and they have been outside cause they have the day off of school. Tomorrow I have to go to the school and we will start David's assessment.

My mom

Ever since I had kids my mom has been looking for ways to make us all healthy. Really she doesn't even let me buy over the counter cleaning products anymore, because she read somewhere that they attrubite to cancer and all kinds of other health issues. She has now decided to get her own blog to tell the world about all the hazzards of living in a chemical world. Go ahead and check her out! I am always suprised at what information she finds. Mom's blog

JP said and lack of anything better to post

3 names you go by:
Jenn
Jennifer
Mom

3 screen names you have:
jennschall
jennschall1971
I forgot my msn screen name

3 things you like about yourself:
I can't think of one much less 3

3 things you hate/dislike about yourself.
My weight
My lack of organization.
that I am not great at anything.

3 parts of your heritage:
Swedish
Irish
Dutch

3 things that scare you:
Not being a good enough mom to my boys.
Someone hurting my boys.
My boys growing up and leaving me all alone.

3 of your everyday essentials:
David
Cameron
Colton

3 things you're wearing right now:
A big soft sweatshirt
my ugly pink sweatpant
my glasses

3 of your favorite bands/artists:
Tesla
Los lonely boys
Toby Keith

3 of your favorite songs at present:
Heaven by Los Lonely Boys
Rock Me by Steppenwolf
The way it is by Tesla

3 new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
Sky diving (doubt that will happen)
be a better mother
lose weight

3 things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
communcitation
a best friend
trust

2 truths and a lie:(no particular order to keep ya guessing)
I am happily married
I smoke to much
I once owned a 1971 mustange.

3 Physical things about a love interest that appeal:
eye
smile
attitude

3 things you just can't do:
say the words specific and linolium
chin ups
walk without triping at least once a day

3 of your favorite hobbies:
Blogging
Watching hockey
Playing with my kids.

3 things you want to do really badly right now:
go back to bed
choke someone and bury them in the back yard
get more coffee

3 careers you're considering:
I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, been trying to figure this one out for years.


3 places you want to go on vacation:
Hawaii
Alaska
Disney World

3 kids names (either boy or girl):
David
Cameron
Colton


3 things you want to do before you die:
Sky dive
Go to Alaska
learn to like myself

3 people who have to take this quiz now:
Angi
Tricia
Ren

My baby sister and her boyfriend

Some sneaky people!

I got a urgent phone call tonight the voice on the other end saids "Did you know it was Tricia's birthday?" Me: "No it isn't her birthday isn't until June." "No it isn't it is now!" At least someone remembers that I am an idiot and suffer from CRS (can't remember shit).



Why I thought her birthday was in June I will never know, but then I have a hard time keeping the boys' birthdays straight! So Miss Tricia I wrote it down so next year I will not forget.

Famous people who share the Tricia's birthweek:
January 3
JRR Tolkien
Mel Gibson
January 5
Marilyn Manson
Diane Keaton
January 6
Joan of Arc
January 7
Nicolas Cage
Kenny Loggins
January 8
Elvis Aaron Presley

Tricia girl you have pulled me out of some very down times, you have been my friend when I didn't think I had any. I feel like I have known you my whole life, and I have yet to hug you! You are the sweetest, kindest person I know. I miss our late night IM's, and tag comment games! I know that we have both gotten busy with life as it just seem to happen no matter what, but I want you to know that I love you Trica girl, and I will always been here if you need me for anything! I am so sorry that I forgot your birthday! Maybe it was because Steve was yelling at me all day about the remodeling job! YES that is it we will blame it on Steve!

remodeling is work!

So Steve is trying to get the floor out of the bathroom now, there were parts of it that had water damage and he side he is just going to pull it all up. He had to go to work though so I don't know if I will ever get a new bathroom or if I should just turn that one into storage.

If anyone is looking for a charity to donate to please seriously think about Savannah. They are quickly running out of funds and her hospital stay and all the testing they are having to do is costing a lot of money.Savannah's page at the caring bridge has a donation button. They accept credit cards, and pay pal so please do what you can. Savannah has been through so much in her four short years, and Renee has managed to keep her faith through everything they have gone through. I don't think I would have held up so well under all the pressure!

Angi

You were my 10,000 visitor!

We are suffering from middle child syndrome!

Last night was a night from hell. The last few weeks Cameron, the middle one, has decided that he does not have to listen to. He has told me several time that I am not his boss. Well normally I try not to let him bring me to his level. I try very hard to maintain my adult statis, and not argue with him like I am an almost 5 year old too. Last night this child managed to not only drag me down to acting like a 5 year old, he had me crying like I was 2!

The 3 of them were running through the house and being their normal boy selfs, when I asked them to pick up their toys out of the living room floor before the got broken with all the running around. David and Colton acted like they didn't hear me, which is normal. Cameron however looked me in the eye and said "NO" and then he spat at me. I spanked him and told him to go to his room. He told me "I don't have to. Your not my boss." to which I replied "Oh yes I am until you don't live in this house anymore I am." he kept smart mouthing, and I had to walk away from him. I have never been that close to smacking one of my kids in the mouth. I got my wits about me again and took him screaming and kicking to his room. He stayed there until bedtime, which was about half an hour. Then I got his brothers into bed, and he went and got into my bed, but could he keep his mouth shut? Nope, he started again with the " I don't have to do anything you say. I just hate you." Well I know he doesn't hate me, but it can still rip out my heart whenever one of my kids say it. So I did my best to ignore him and he kept at in. I was in the bathroom cleaning up so when Steve gets home everything will be ready to just put back together, and I dropped a large piece of sheet rock on the top of my foot. Still hurts today! Cameron is still going on and on about how much he hates me and I lost it. I told him "I don't even know if I like you anymore, so you better shut up and go to sleep, because I am seriously thinking about giving you away." Well that must of hurt his feeling as bad as he had hurt mine, because I didn't here another word out of him. Then I sat down in the living room and I cried, not because of the hurt foot, I cried because I had talked that way to one of my babies. I cried because I was stressed out and didn't control my anger at him, I cried because at the moment those words left my lips I had meant them. Afterwards I limped into my bedroom snuggled him up into my arms and said "I don't hate you Cam." he says "I know mom, I just make you so damn mad sometimes! I love you mom." "I love you baby with all my heart and soul." and he went to sleep in my arms.

I know that he was just feeling like he needed my attention, and missing his dad, and he has been stuck in the house all week, and I should not have let him get to me, but it happens they learn how to push those buttons and they are young and have lots of stamina. I am old and wore out it is like a wolf pack, they will always go after the sick or injured, kids are the same way they will always go after you at your weakest moments. I think they thrive on it.

The weather outside is frightful.

The snow is piling up and the thermostat is hovering at 3 degrees, when you factor in the wind chill it is -19 F. For those of you that are outside the US using that Celsius system, that would be -16 and -28 with the wind chill. I much prefer our way it doesn't seem so cold that way. I still don't understand Celsius, or metrics for that matter. I guess it is just because I am old and set in my ways. We are expecting 8 to 12 inches of new snow, which is good. They are offering a special this month at our ski hill. For $35 you get snow board lessons, all day lift tickets, and all day rental of your boots and boards. That is what I am getting Cameron for his birthday, both him and David want to learn to snowboard. I was going to take the boys sledding this weekend, but we have to finish the bathroom before we can do anything fun. It is to damn cold downstairs to have to shower down there much longer, and I am looking forward to a bathroom with a door and walls again! So maybe I will just let them skip school one day next week and we will go sledding!

Running behind today!

Well I got the boys to school on time this morning! I was impressed with myself! I cried when I left them, but I knew I would. Then I spent the rest of my morning talking to Angi. She is just as sweet on the phone as she is in this little box. I use to email her with all my raising little boys questions, now I am just gonna call her up! Don't change that number either Angi, I will just hunt you down!

Ok after having this minimized in the task bar at the bottom of this screen for the better part of the day, I guess I will get on with it!

I was late getting Cam from school, not to late though and his teacher is one of my friends so it isn't that big a thang! Angi and Wendy are both doing the lose weight thing, and that is one of my resolutions this year so I am depending on them to set a good example for me to follow! Last summer I lost about 30 pounds and I have gained it all back plus some! Oh god that is just scary! I have no idea where I was going with this earlier so I am just aimlessly typing away at this point so I will wrap it up.

Oh and Tim McGraw is hot, cowboy or not! Just checking to see who is listening! I do know your out there even if you do ignore me!

oh and Angi or anyone for that matter my AIM is jennschall1971 and my yahoo is jennschall.

I get a new bathroom!

Well yesterday Steve went in to fix the wall in the bathroom for me. He was going to fix a 2x2 section of the wall. Next thing I know the wall is completely gone. Then the more he got to working in there the more the walls seemed to come down. The only thing in the bathroom now is the rest of the flooring that is coming up and the sink so I have a place to brush my teeth, because I really enjoy brushing my teeth on a daily basis! We have a half finished bathroom downstairs, it has a toliet and a shower, but no sink yet. The plan was to finish that one then start this one up here. I don't have any walls where the stairs come down so you can actually sit on the stairs and have a conversation with the person in the shower, I know this because I have to sit on the stiars and talk to the boys when they are in the shower. They don't want to be down there by themselves. I think I can spend a couple of weeks like that to get me a brand new bathroom though! Steve had to go out of town to work all week and he took the credit card with him so I can't even fisish it up until he comes home to purchase supplies, oh darn it anyway!

this

this turned into.....

I just have to always stir the pot.

You may not like or agree with the things I am going to bring up today, but hopefully we are all adult enough to understand this is just the opinion of one woman and some logical thinking.

Last night Steve and I were watching VH1's I love the 90's, it was fun to remember all the stuff that went on. The one thing that caused a heated discussion in our house was of course the Waco, Tx. Incident, which brought up Rudy Ridge also. First off I think that David Koresh or however you spell it, was just a freaking loon, but that isn't where I am going with this. Where I am going is that if the ATF or the police or any form of the US government shows up at your house with a warrant for your arrest, the best thing to do it raise your hands above your head and walk out your front door and drop to your knees. If you decided to have a stand off people are going to die and the only person at fault is the person who's name appears on the warrant! People are so quick to blame the government, but what it comes down to is that there was a warrant, in both cases. In both cases the person named on the warrant chose to hold up in their home, to avoid arrest. I am not say that the government acted in the best possible manner, there is room for major improvement there, but it would have all been avoided if Weaver and Keresh had simply walked out and surrendered. The Weaver's claimed something like they didn't know who was out there shooting at them. Oh please come on your a white supremacist who has been selling sod off shot guns to an undercover ATF agent, either they were truly ignorant, which I highly doubt, or they knew exactly who was out there. I mean the jackets that said "US Marshals" and "FBI" pretty much gave it away! The branch dividens well we will give them ignorance, because I mean they actually believed that Keresh was some sort of profit in the first place, and well my views there are a little slanted. I think any woman who wants to let her 12 year old daughter have sex with her husband, a husband she shares with 20ish other women, is more sick than the man having sex with the 12 year old. I would kill anyone who tried that with my boys, you are suppose to protect your children from predators like that not throw them in harms way! So in closing if your every in a situation where the SWAT team surrounds your home, walk out waving a white freaking flag, it will spare your family possible death.

Happy New Year.