Slient

Well I have sat quietly and taken time to raise the boys and have a job and all that. In my absents the world has been changing. I think it is time to start talking again or writing cause that is what I do here.

Let us catch up shall we,  the boys are 14, 12, and 11 now. They are amazing. At times I would like to choke them, this teenage attitude the oldest 2 have may be my demise, but I am hanging in there.   Someday are better than others.  We don't play hockey anymore as it just takes up to much time and D was having a hard time trying to play and do school.  It had to come down to one or the other and for legal reason we had to choose school.  He snowboards now, which is actually a whole lot cheaper than hockey.  I did not know we had a lot of money until we quit hockey.  I assumed we were poor, because our checking account said we were.  We can actually afford lots of stuff now.  Steve even got a new truck.  Cam loves sports and plays football and basketball, well except this year.  He broke 3 fingers and they wouldn't let him play.  He was bummed, but now he wants to learn to ski.  He tried snowboarding and didn't like it at all.  Chunk is a little geek.  He loves technology of any kind.  They have all left me and moved on to middle school.  Well enough about that.    

It doesn't seem like it's been 4 years since I have posted anything at all, but it has been.  I think the same reasons brought me here then that are drawing me back again this time.  I tend not to agree with the current regime in Washington and I'm not sure America can survive another 4 years... Anyone who has read my past blog posts know that I am a little bit opinionated especially when it comes to the government.  I need an outlet, a place to yell and scream, and this is my chosen forum.  So I will try to write everyday about something, not necessary political, but it seems that is what keeps me up at night.  When your 14 year old wants to know when the civil war is going to start it tends to always stay in the back of your mind.  I hope that day never comes, but with all the gun control talk I fear the worst.  I know we won't be giving up ours without a fight.

Dear Mr. Obama,

The oil field has provided for my family for generations. I am oil field trash and damn proud of it. Most people in my little state make a living from natural resources, gas, oil, and coal. We here in Wyoming have not suffered as badly as most of the nation from this recession, but you seem determined to make that happen. You are not satisfied with half the country living in their cars so you want to make sure we are all in the same back seat. When you start messing with oil companies imposing higher taxes, and taking away their tax breaks, those companies begin laying off workers, those workers then quit spending money at other businesses causing them to make cut backs and in the end no one is working. You have an agenda alright an agenda that will not create jobs, but make the working class people of my great state dependent on government handouts. We are not a socialist regime, this is America, and you dear sir are not the dictator. You are only the president, and you are suppose to be working for the people, but taking jobs away from the American people is not working for us. You need to think long and hard about the working class people instead of seeing only big business as a way to bail out this country. I do not believe that you have even thought that far ahead. Oil companies employ a great deal of Americans, especially in states like Wyoming. The oil companies have provided for me and my family for 3 generations.

My grandfather retired from an oil company, my father has worked oil field and mining jobs his entire life, and my husband puts food on our table working in the oil field. We are just one of many families who you intend to screw by taking jobs away. I understand that the economy needs a boost. I understand that the value of a dollar is not what it should be. I understand that you are looking for ways to get this country out of debt, but what price are you willing to make us the very people you are suppose to serve pay. There are several things that can be done before taking away more jobs.

I think the very first cut backs to be made should start right there on the hill with pay cuts for you and every congress member and house member, then move on down the line to welfare. Welfare in this country has become a way of life and a drain on our resources, and it was never intended to be that. I have a problem with paying my fair share of taxes when the welfare people down the block have paid nothing, taken everything, and still end up with a bigger tax refund than me. We could save billions right there, and jobs as well. So until you are willing to take a pay cut don't ask the working class people of America to give up their jobs, because that is what will happen when you try to make big business pay.

Sincerely,
Jennifer Schall
Wyoming Oil Field Trash

The end...

Well it seems like I have quit blogging! I don't know why it just seems I never have the time or the energy lately. Maybe it's been that I just have not felt I have anything to blog about until now...

Yes the election. Yesterday all I heard was about how historic it was that we have our first black president. I want to know who the hell this black guy is, because the guy who took office has a mother that is as white as me and a father he never even knew. The man who took office was raised by his white grandmother, so sure it was a historic day we got our first bi-racial president, but we did not get our first black president. I sat yesterday and thought that it is sad when we choose to make a big deal over the color of his skin. I fear for our country right now, because I do not agree with a lot of his policies. I think everyone forgets that if he passes bills that make it possible for everyone to receive medical care that someone is still going to have to pay for it, and the middle class people are the ones who get screwed. We are the ones who will have to pay higher taxes. If you don't know about "free medical" ask our neighbors in Canada. They pay higher taxes, can't pick and choose their doctors, and if they need a specialist it could take 6 or 8 months to get in. I don't know about you but if I had cancer that was caught early and could be cured I don't want to wait 6 or 8 months to see the cancer dr. only for him to tell me "well there isn't much we can do now." I don't want to pay for everyone else either, and if the taxes are not higher then who the hell is going to pay for it? I honestly don't think that our president is going to ask for a it to come out of his wages or the wages of his congress all of whom a tax increase or decrease doesn't affect, because they don't have to pay taxes. If I wanted to live in a socialist country I would move to one. I want to live in America, the land of the free and the home of the brave, but honestly we are becoming less free and less brave. I for one am scared to death.

St. Louis

We have arrived safely home from my sisters. We had an awesome time in St. Louis. We were there for the 4th and we went to her property that she and her man are building a house on. They have almost 7 acres with a creek running through it. So the boys got to put on their own fireworks show, and then we watched as the night sky light up in all directions around us.

Our night was cut short when about 10:30ish the D man light off something that took off like a rocket after him and proceeded to fly right up his butt. He dove trying to get out of it's way and landed his knee on a sharp rock leaving a gash that was about 4 inches long across his knee. He could have had about 10 or 12 stitches had I taken him to the hospital, but the mention of hospital and stitches started him freaking out. I had a lovely view of his shin bone and really wanted someone else to sew him up, but the only way to stop him from trying to hitchhike home with his wounded knee was to promise I'd glue him shut. We got him home and I got him in the shower so that I could clean his knee really good and he informs me his butt hurts and sure enough he has a quarter size burn on his cheek. His knee is healing really nicely now, but I'm a very good dr. who needs a degree?

The nice thing about St. Louis is everything is free except parking and that doesn't cost very much anywhere you go. You have the option of parking on the street for free, but I didn't really want to walk 2 miles to get to the place and then spend the rest of the day walking around just to walk another 2 miles when I'm hot and tired to get to the car. I'll post some picture later. I have to start summer school on Monday that will be for 3 weeks, so that isn't so bad. I'm off to do laundry.

Words

I have a compulsion to write, like someone with ocd has to turn the lights out 40 times before they can leave a room, I have to put words on paper to get them all out of my head. It's like a sickness really, especially since most of my words don't make much sense. Then there are the times the words don't come and I am left dazed trying to make some sort of normal out of my life. Sometimes I find myself writing the boys' names over and over and over just so that I can go through the motions. I prefer pen and paper. The way the ink glides over the smooth surface creating words is some what of a turn on for me. I've spent most of my writing time lately like that late at night laying in bed just me a notebook and a pencil, usually it's been a pencil because the boys have lots of them laying around, and I've thrown out most of the pens because they are harder to get off the walls. I think I write there because I can't say the things in those journals here. I can't write about the things that might upset other people here, because they don't understand. It's unfair, because this is where I like to put my thoughts and ideals and ranting and raving. I might start doing it again, or maybe I'll do it under an assumed name on a different blog.

I think there are those of us who write and those of us who don't. The people who don't will never understand those of us who do. Steve has never understood my need to write, he thinks it's crazy. I don't understand his need to be drunk, so I guess that makes us even. I need words on a page as much as I need the air that I breath it's what makes me whole.

In real news I am going to go see my baby sister the end of next week. It's going to be a long drive she lives in St. Louis and that is 1050 miles away from here. I might not make it back alive after 16 hours on the road with 3 children. It's long when we go the 6 hours to my grandparents house. I think my truly insane nature is shining out brightly and I may end up in my proper place a padded cell, before I make it home. Wish me luck I'm going to need it.

Oh and I've been taking pictures here's some http://picasaweb.google.com/jennifer.schall/UntitledAlbum

CHUNKY doesn"t always mean overweight

We are out of school and it's to cold and rainy to play outside today. The boys are playing monopoly and actually getting along, could be the threat of locking them in the closet if they fought today, but it's a blessing however it happened.

We were at Walmart the other day and this rather large lady kept getting in front of me and stopping. Well the youngest, who's nickname is Chunky Monkey, walked around her and headed towards the video games. I wanted him to wait up so I yelled "Chunk!" he didn't and he stepped out in front of another person so I yelled "Chunky watch out!" Well the large woman who keeps stopping in front of me and won't let me around looks at me and says "Well" and moves out of my way. I am pretty sure she thought I was talking to her, but oh well she finally got the hell out of my way. I have to admit his nickname doesn't really fit him anymore he can't even keep his pants up he is so thin, but when he was a baby he was huge!

I didn't plant a garden this year and I'm going to miss having tomatoes again, but I have been to busy trying to get the basement cleaned out so I can build a room down there. I have thrown more crap out in the last 2 weeks. It's amazing how much junk you keep and don't ever need or use. If I have not seen it in the last 2 years I'm throwing it out. Last weekend I was tossing stuff and Steve was digging it out of the trash faster then I could put it in. I finally asked him why the hell he was saving that stuff and he says, "We might need it sometime." I giggled and said "If we have not needed it by now we will never need it!" Thankfully he is out of town working this week and I can toss lots of stuff.

I must be sick... 2 posts in 2 days.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me lately. I can't seem to keep it together at all. If I don't write it down I forget it and half the time I write things down and still forget them... Oh well this too will soon pass I'm sure.

Colton turned 7 today, and that makes me want to cry. My baby is 7 and I don't know what the hell I'm going to do when they are all grown up and leave me. He had a good birthday, and got lots of gifts, money, and love. Everyone called him to wish him happy birthday and we spent half the night on the phone. Now he is all tucked up in bed. Tomorrow we are having a pizza party with his class for friday fun. They get the last hour of school to do something fun every friday and I told him I would bring the pizza.

I'm tired so I'm going to bed, but I doubt I'll sleep been having a lot of trouble with that lately as well could be most of my forgetfullness problem...

Kicked that habit...

I finally read the Heroin Diaries... and wow it's about several of my ex boyfriends... oh wait no it's about Nikki Sixx and his downward spiral of self destruction. It was a very thought provoking book, that brought up a lot of my own past and the stupid shit I use to do. I thankfully was never a heroin addict, and luckily I never met the right people to pick up that habit, because in all honesty back in the day there wasn't much I wouldn't try and I spent a lot of time high on something or other. Fuck I'm still self destructive in so many ways. I've just traded in my methods of choice, hence the weight struggle and the 3 pack a day cough. Man I gotta give them up someday.
I think we all are struggling with some kind of demons and we are looking for ways to kill the pain. We want to go to that comfortably numb place where we don't have to feel anything, because feeling just sucks so bad. I often wish that I was born without emotions life would be a lot less stressful without the pain of them. Steve says I can turn mine on and off like a light. If that where only true I could bottle it and make a million, but I guess Nikki wrote that book already... How not to feel and we all see he had to die in the end, and even then he couldn't escape it. He just had to learn to live with it and not let it kill him again.

We are talking about the book here and not me though so lets get back to it. As I was reading these journal entries I could feel Nikki's despair and loneliness, and then I could see that he created most of it himself. He held on to his anger and let it tormented him, and at times in the book I really didn't like him at all. There were passages that made me think "what a freaking prick." Then there where times that made me just want to reach out and tell him he wasn't alone in the world. Ironically nothing in the book surprised me, there wasn't anything I didn't expect, because well that was the Nikki that I would have wanted to know back when I was younger. That was the life sex, drugs, and rock n roll baby, and it would have disappointed me to find out he was some religious nut pretending to be a rock star, because back then we all wanted to be rock stars. I would like to sit down with the Nikki today and have coffee and talk about the future of rock and roll, and kids, and life. I think he has some very positive things to get across to the world, and I think the only way he can do that is sober. I find him more appealing today than I did as a teenager, and back then I thought he was it. Nikki graced my walls and ceiling and his words blasted my stereo. Today he doesn't live in my house so much, there are no wall to wall pictures, but his words still pour out of my speakers, and I can honestly say that I wouldn't mind my kids having him for a roll model, not that fucked up kid sticking needles in his arm, but the man who followed his dreams, took a few detour and keeps on rocking. Oh and he's sexier today than he ever was before, but hey I'm older and wiser now too.

Read the book it's a sad, disgraceful tale right up until the end when you get to see the new Nikki pearing out with clear eyes and a hopeful future.

Oh and the soundtrack to the book is amazing. All 3 of my boys love it and that doesn't happen very often in our house.

you can read about the book, the music, and other stuff.Here at Nikki Sixx's website

Whoo what happened?

I'd like to tell you that I was in a medical induced coma due to some rare condition, but that is not the case. I have just been lazy and uninspired to write anything here lately. Hockey is over so that will free up a major amount of my time, and what better way to spend free time than blogging now all I need is something to blog about.

We went to walmart last Sat. and on the way in Colton kept hitting Steve. Steve finally had enough and he asked; he didn't say knock it off before I knock you out or anything remotely like a statement he simply said "Colton will you quit." My sweet little baby looks at his dad and says "No mom thinks it's funny and it makes me happy too." I was laughing so hard I about got ran over in the parking lot. Colton 1 Dad 0 on that battle, but then I don't think Steve has ever won one when he is up against the youngest.

Honestly I'm out of topics now... life is just flying by and I am busy playing with the boys and working. I can't wait for summer when I can be lazy and stay in bed until 8:00!

Championship photo

Ahhh another year!

My boobs sag closer to my belly button and my ass lacks the firmness it once had and as if I needed farther reminders that another year has gone by I just finished filling 4 huge bags full of clothes that no longer fit my children. Time passes so quickly I can hardly keep up. I don't know why I try to keep up anymore I think that if I just sat back and watched the hours tick away I'd be less stressed and more at ease with life, but damn if I know how to sit still that long.

We had an awesome Christmas and the break has been fun we are off until the 9th so we still have a few more days. Tomorrow we are going snowboarding. I will not be strapping a board of death to my feet however. I am just not that brave and it's been almost 20 years since I have even skied. I think I can remember how to do that, and well if you don't ever hear from me again you will know it didn't go so well.

I actually read 4 books over the break and am working on a 5th, probably the reason this post is so incoherent huh! No not really that kind of 5th actually it would be book number 5. Cameron gave me His Dark Materials for Christmas and I read that, well it's actually 3 books in one so that really puts me at 7 working on the 8th. So between reading and playing rock band the break is going by to fast.

Rock Band is awesome, and I am a rock goddess, well unless I'm the drummer and then well I just freaking suck. I am the only one in the house who can read the words of the songs fast enough to sing them and more often than not I get stuck being the singer in our little house band, which as long as it's only the kids and Steve I don't mind, but no matter how awesome the game says I am I really don't see life as a rock star in my future.

David has a tourney next weekend and then we are on the road for Cam the weekend after that.

Well that's all the news here. Hope the New Year is fabulous for all 4 of you that still check up on me.

The Christmas Letter

I didn't even send Christmas cards this year! I've been a slacker. Today I'm going to brave the stores and finish my shopping. I normally procrastinate, but this year has been really bad. I just can't get into the spirit of Christmas. It's been awhile since I have had that Christmas joy. Really since Steve and I had a huge fight about 5 years ago my Christmas Spirit has been ruined, and I'll probably never get it back. That's just one of the joys of marriage, your spouse will eventually ruin something you hold dear, like Christmas. I figure if we can get along the other 11 months out of the year we're doing ok though.

The boys are still excited, and I try to enjoy their joy and happiness. We will be going to my mom's Christmas day for dinner, and we are going to try to be there by about 11:30, which is really going to be pushing it with the big guy in red making his appearance at our house. The boys will be busy checking out their goods. A lot of it will be a big disappoint for them until we get to my mom's. Santa is bringing several ps2 games, and their play station got broken. Aunt Jo got them a new one, but they are not going to know that until they get to granny's house. So it will be fun for me to say "Oh Santa must not have known yours was broken. I bet I can have him bring me the receipt and we can return this stuff when the stores open again." and then when they open the new one my sister got them I get to be excited and say "Aunt Jo must of talked to Santa!"

Thankfully David still believes in Santa, but it helps that even I still get stuff from the big guy, and working at the school I get to do a lot of damage control. We were at school the other day and some of the kids were saying that Santa wasn't real, and David brought a big group over to me on the play ground to prove that he is alive and well. They were all really surprised and impressed that I still believe in Santa and get stuff from him. I told some of them that is was sad they didn't believe, because once you stop believing that's when he stops showing up! Hopefully my boys believe for several more years!

Well that's it. You all have a Merry Christmas and the best New Year ever!

A mutts a mutt!

Wow I am amazed at people, and wondering about the survival of the human race! I was in the mall and saw these adorable little puppies and then I read the sign "Pugapoo's $800.00". I asked the lady what the hell a pugapoo was and she smiles at me and says "It's a cross between a pug and a poodle" I then giggled and said "SO it's a mutt." People if it's a cross bread it's a mutt. I don't care if they slap a fancy name on it like Labradooble or pugapoo it's a freaking mutt and your getting rip off if you are paying more than the spay and neuter costs for it that the local shelter would charge. A word of advice for those of you stupid enough to pay over 50 bucks for a cross bread dog WAKE UP and quit bending over and taking it from behind... There is nothing wrong with mutts they are good dogs, but there is something wrong if your actually paying pure bread prices for one!

It's a long the same lines as a person born in the United States saying they are Mexican American or Afro American... Ok your not Mexican or African if you were born in American your American. I can trace my roots back to the Netherlands, Sweden, Ireland, and several other countries and I don't walk around saying I'm a Neswirland American... NO I was born right here I'm just American.

And while I'm on my ranting rage what the hell is up with Parents! I swear we are doomed in our old age. I was reading the news and My Space won't be charged with negligence in the case of a girl who committed suicide because someone was mean to her. I applauded the fact that My space wouldn't be held responsible for something her mother should have been monitoring a little better! I am responsible for my boys it's my job to make sure I know what it going on in their lives. I am the one that is held accountable and trying to pawn my responsibility off on someone else would make me a bad parent. Wake up and start raising your own children people, don't use the Internet for a babysitter you need to know who your kids are talking to online and exactly what they are doing on and off line. That isn't being nosy or invading their space it's called being a responsible parent. No one ever said you have to be friends with your kids. They are not looking for a friend they are looking for you to guide them to adulthood. I love my kids and they love me, but we are not always friends because I have to be their mother above all and sometimes they are not going to like me, sometimes they even hate me, but it goes with the job.
Stop trying to make the government take responsibility for your children and their behavior if you wanted someone else to raise them you shouldn't have had them! I think it's horrible that the little girl killed herself over some mean neighbors, but come on it's the internet and if you don't know what kinds of freaks inhabit this little world then you might want to spend a little more time googling before you turn your children loose here!

I could go on and on and on about all the crap that I find insane, but I have to go to hockey now!

Time seems to be a problem.

Well I can't believe it's been so damn long since I blogged. I just don't seem to have the time to sit here and write anything. I just cleaned out my drafts and I had about 30 drafts all about a sentence long.

Let's see what has been going on? Hockey lots of hockey. Sick kids lots of sick kids, we have not been sick like this ever. We have spent a small fortune at the Dr. office this year already. Strep throat, ear infections, the crop, colds, and now D has missed the last 3 days of school with the sick stomach flu. I've never seen him lay around so much. He didn't even care he missed his last 2 hockey practices. Usually he pretends to be fine just so he doesn't miss hockey.

Now I'm just trying to get ready for Christmas, because it's coming way to fast and I have not gotten one gift, not even for my family that is out of town like my sister who's gifts have to be mailed before December 22 to make it on time. I was going to take a personal day so that I could go shopping without the kids, but that is out of the question now that I have missed 2 days of work staying home with David. Hopefully the other 2 don't get this crap! So far they have not shared any of their illnesses which is even weirder, and this is the first time D man has gotten sick. Colton didn't even give the strep to anyone else, so maybe I'll get lucky and this will be the end of the ickyness in our house. There are only 15 days until Christmas break, so maybe just maybe we can get back to school tomorrow and stay there until after the new year. Well I've got to go wash somemore blankets that got puked on.

Alzheimer's Convention

We had try outs for the D man, and he did not make the team. He was a little sad about it, but not too bad. I am thinking that it would be a really good thing if Cam didn't play travel and I wouldn't have to get up at the ass crack of dawn every Friday morning, but Cam is playing on the travel teams so I am getting up before the sun and any normal human on this planet!

I had a birthday last Wednesday, and my dearest husband got me Elton John tickets. The concert was last night. Well of course I have cramps from hell, the whole flu, throwing up, sore throat, headache, someone is trying to shred my insides and pull them out via my belly button, kind of cramps... yeah they are so much fun I long for Chinese water torture and bamboo under the fingernails, but enough with being a female. So it's Sunday and I feel like shit, and Steve is cranky as all get out, which is pretty normal for him lately, but that is another story as well. My mom comes to spend the night with the boys so Steve and I can go to the concert. So off we went. Usually at concerts I dance and sing and have fun, but last night I sat in my chair and just enjoyed the music. Elton John is amazing. I have been to over 1000 concerts in my life, my dad says that is why I am half deaf, and I can honestly say that he sounds exactly the same in person as he does on any of his albums. I enjoyed every minute of my time spent in his presences, and was glad that I choose to go rather than sell the tickets. He played for almost 3 hours none stop, and I could have sat and listened to him another 3 hours easily. When he sings it is as if he is giving you a glimpse into his soul, as he pours all of his emotions into every song he belts out, and he has a beautiful and sometimes tormented soul. I would not miss it if he came to town again. The real fun however was after the show in the parking lot.

Now Elton John has been around a very long time, and he draws a very diverse crowd ranging in age from tots to teens all the way to middle aged and well older people. It's the latter that caused me so much enjoyment. Steve and I are walking to the van, and the couple in front of us suddenly stopped. I'd say they were in their mid to late 50's. She puts her hands on her hips and looks at him and says "You don't have any idea where you parked the car!" I giggle, and he says "I know..." looks around dumbfound "exactly were I parked!" He is scanning the parking lot hoping for a familiar landmark but it is an ocean of vehicles. I am not stifling my giggles anymore I am damn near rolling on the sidewalk I'm laughing so hard and so is Steve. He had no clue where he parked his car and we all knew it, well everyone but him. Then we walk past another lady and she states to us "I'm so lost" all I can do is laugh some more as I open the van door and get inside. It was a sold out show and getting out of the parking lot took awhile so we sat and watched an old man, I'd say 65ish wander back and forth from one side of the lot we were in to the other for about 20 minutes. I'm pretty sure that he was in the wrong lot. There were 2 ladies standing by the light pole and we watched as the man they were with kept coming back to tell them he had not found the car yet, and then the 2 ladies that chased down the wrong truck where also pretty funny. So despite the cramps and wishing for death I had a really good time and it was a wonderful birthday present.

This morning I did not want to get out of bed because it was after midnight when we got home, and I quickly realized that I had been with the right crowd last night as I am getting to old to stay out past 10!

Waiting!

Wow what a week it's been already. David had travel team tryouts Sunday and Monday and I do not know how they are going to pick the kids this year. I'd say there are 2 or 3 that are diffidently not going to make it and 2 or 3 that diffidently are, and the rest of those kids are so evenly matched that it is almost impossible to pick one over the other. I'd just hate to have to be the guys put into that position, because it is going to be one tiny little thing that makes them pick this kid over that one. We will find out Friday weather D was one of the lucky ones or not. Friday is a long was away when you are 9 and waiting on a big decision like this! He has a really good attitude about it though, he says if he makes it great and if he doesn't then there is always next year! I'm proud of him for that attitude alone and he has nothing to be ashamed of if he doesn't make it, because he went out there and tried.

Well I am on my lunch break so I better get myself back to work or there will be wild kindergartners running lose with no adult!

What day is this?

Wow I can't believe that we have been in school almost a month already! I don't know what happened to the days, but they seemed to have gotten away from me. We are all back at school or in my case work. Hockey try outs for the D man are this coming weekend already, but there are so many kids trying out that we may not make the team this year, which isn't all that bad really. All that traveling gets old after awhile. Cam will be on the travel team so there goes my friday mornings it'll be up again and at the rink by 6:15! If D makes the travel team then it will be up and to the rink by 5:45 oh the joy of boys in sports!

Lets see nothing exciting has happened in our little part of the world at all which is honestly a good thing because when there is excitment that usually means something has gone wrong.

Colton is still trying to romance every woman from 6 to 60 within a 100 mile radius, and he still has smooth moves. I may have to beat the moves out of him if he keeps this up beyond 10! The boys are doing ok with school. David will never really enjoy it. I wish learning wasn't such a struggle for him. Cam tends to get it after awhile, but he is such a lazy learner hoping someone will just give him the answers and he doesn't have to figure them out on his own! Colton loves learning and soaks up new information like my dry skin soaks up lotion! Standing outside for 4 hours a day has really made my skin dry, and nothing seems to keep the moisture in!

Well that is about all I have left in me I have been drained every night this last month and 10 o'clock seems more like 2 in the morning!

It ain't that I'm wiser, it's just that I've spent more time with my back to the wall

So I did something I said I would never every do. I'm not proud of myself and it brings me no joy to admit it here. It just shows how inscere I really am, how totally in control of every situtation I need to be. I should feel shame and guilt, but I don't I feel much better now. Oh you want to know what it is that I have done? I bought the D man a cell phone. For the last few years I have seen these kids with cell phones and said "NOt my kids they don't need a freaking cell phone." I changed my way of thinking when all summer long the kids asked if they could ride their bikes to the park, which is like 4 blocks from our house. My answer was always "Not right now I'm doing laundry" or whatever else I was doing at that time. Well the other day I decided I had to start letting them grow up a little, it isn't right for me to be so over protective of them, they need to learn and grow, so I said to D "Take my cell phone and call me when you get to the park and then you call me every 15 minutes to let me know you are ok." He agreed to my terms and off the three of them went, and he followed the rules. He said to me "Mom I need my own phone so I can do stuff." Most of his frineds live in the area, but they are half a mile from our house, so it's always been a no you can't go over unless I take you. Now he has a cell phone and I talk to him all the time, I don't see him nearly as much this week, but he calls me when he gets there and every hour until he leaves. Then we usually talk until he is safely in my sight again. It has given my 9 year old the freedom that I took for granted as a child. I need for him to have that freedom it's important for him to know that I trust him, but I need the security of knowing that he is safe. He can call me if anything happens, he call call 911 if a stranger tried to grab him, and I can call him just to say "I love you baby!"

Roll me away

Can you tell I'm listen to a little Bob Seger tonight? I'm feeling a bit nostalgic for my youth, Night Moves seems to always take me back to my misspent teenage years. There are times when I think every mother longs for those days when she is only responsible for herself, and her every move doesn't reflect back on her children. I can't just get in the car and roll away now, and I don't know where I'd go if I could at this point in my life. I guess I'm older now, but still running against the wind and the time of working on my night moves has come and gone. God I love Bod Seger songs, it's all there wrapped up in his word, my life.

So I've been to Colorado to see my family. My baby sister got to come as well as my aunt, and my granny got sick, but I got to see them all and I love and miss them already.

There are only 19 days left of summer break for us, which sucks I wish that it were always summer break and the kids and I were always home together, but that's life they need an education, and I sure can't give them one!

Well I wanted a post and I can't think of anything to post so that's all for now!

Time passes so quickly.

I don't know where the hours seem to go. I'm not overly busy doing anything of importance, but yet finding the time to sit down in front of this little box and actually write seems so bothersome. I have been enjoying the sunshine and the outside world far to much, sleeping in far to late and trying to avoid anything that tastes good. The latter seems to be my only downfall, it's really hard to avoid such summer treats as ice cream and cotton candy at the fair, but I have managed to lose a whole 6 pounds this month. I could have probably eaten a whole bag of cotten candy at the fair and it wouldn't have done me in.

We left the house at 6 pm and after the first ride the Dman said "I'm not leaving til they cut this wrist band off!" He was pretty much telling the truth he rode every ride at the carnival at least twice, some of them more, and it was long after midnight before we got home. They had an awesome time, but they wore me out I bet I walked 12 miles that night!

This friday I am taking them to mom's for Wright days a big celebration they have there every year. They boys have gone since they were tiny and I'll come home friday night and they will stay til sunday. Hopefully Steve will be home this weekend, but I doubt it, seems like every time we can have a kid free run naked through the house and have living room sex weekend he ends up working, not to meantion that I'm getting old and living room sex just isn't all that great!

The following friday we are leaving to Grand Junction to see my grandparents! I am so excited to be going! I miss them something awful and wish that they were closer so that I could go whenever I wanted to.

I've been walking about 2 miles a day or I should say a night. I hate walking when it's hot and there are lots of people out and about to see me waddling around. I can't wait until this weight all comes off. In the time I started blogging I had gained 70 pounds! That is horrid and I am so ashamed of myself. I'm just glad I got out of that depressed little sit in front of the computer and do nothing stage I seemed to be in. I still have a long way to go, but at least I'm getting there. I'm tried of feeling sad and depressed and worthless all the damn time, and I'm the only one who can change that, all the pills in the world won't fix it you just have to get up and do it or the darkness closes in on you and you feel like giving up.

Ok lets see the boys are getting way to freaking big for their own good. D is only about a foot shorter than me, and I'm not exactly short either I am 5'9". We measured him the other day and he is a little over 4'9", and out growning clothes like you would not believe. He is wearing a size 14 jeans the size 12 look like those short pants women wear hitting him at midcalf. I wish they made clothes that actually fit children. The waist is way to loose or the legs are to long! NOthing every fits him properly. He has this thing where he starts looking like he's putting on weight and Steve told him about a month ago "you need to get out and play more bud your getting fat." Now he has grown about 3 inches and has that flat stomach again. I told his dad he was just jealous that he coudln't put on 10 pounds and make things get bigger!

The other 2 are doing well also, but it's late and I'm tried so I will have to save them for another day!